


End of Time

by JessicaKurr



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Aftermath of Violence, Alien Biology, Alien Character(s), Alien Invasion, Alien Technology, Alien/Human Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Genre Twist, Alternate Universe - Romance Novel, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anti-Hero, Apocalypse, Danger, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Emotionally Repressed, End of the World, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Foreshadowing, Friendship, Government Conspiracy, Grief/Mourning, Head Injury, Hybrids, Internal Conflict, Love Triangles, Love/Hate, Magic, Magical Pregnancy, Major Character Undeath, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage Proposal, Medical Procedures, Minor Original Character(s), Near Death Experiences, Nostalgia, Novel, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, POV Alex Krycek, POV Dana Scully, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Personal Growth, Planet Destruction, Plot Twists, Possible Character Death, Post-Colonization (X-Files), Post-Magic Reveal, Prophetic Dreams, Relationship Problems, Rescue, Resolved Sexual Tension, Saving the World, Science Fiction, Sexual Tension, Spiritual, Supernatural Elements, Supply Runs, Survival, Survival Horror, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, Team Bonding, Team Feels, Team as Family, Teambuilding, Teamwork, To Be Continued, Tragedy, Truth, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Visions in dreams, Wilderness Survival, Work In Progress, World Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2018-10-08 05:48:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 144,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10379832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaKurr/pseuds/JessicaKurr
Summary: *post-colonization* Scully gets separated from Mulder and her surviving group, and is forced to survive on her own, in a now nearly empty world. But when she is put in danger by a gang with bad intentions, a familiar face unexpectedly comes to her rescue. Will she join her old enemy Krycek, or continue to search for her friends alone?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Give it a chance. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: TAGS DO CONTAIN SPOILERS BECAUSE I CONSTANTLY ADD NEW ONES ALONG THE WAY.

  **A/N: I’m sorry, but I just HAD to do ONE MORE Krycek/Scully story, before completely turning back to my MSR. I mean, I DID write a MSR towards the end of “Gasoline”, a month ago, but I need to get this Krycek phase out of my system. I’m just not finished with him yet, I guess! I still have ideas, and I need to get them out in the open, so that I can move on, and go back to my original characters. Therefore, here is ONE more Alex/Dana goodie. And I hope you all like it as much as my last one (which ended up being my longest and most popular story yet, surprisingly). PLUS, I have had several readers beg me to do one more, so I just had to!**

**P.S. This is my first post-colonization AND first person POV story. It also goes back and forth between past and present a few times (one year/three months in the past, and then present day), and then eventually remains in present, in case anyone gets confused. And I already have some ideas for a new MSR as well, so keep your eyes peeled for a new story to emerge right after this one. : D**

**…also…Nicholas Lea (Alex Krycek) is adorable...admit it! You know you want to. ; ) ; )**

**Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own anything pertaining to The X-Files, and am only borrowing the characters to satisfy my own personal fantasies and obsessions. It’s my drug of choice. : )**

**Prologue**

Mulder had been right, about everything. And of course, he wouldn’t be here to even rub it in my face, after dedicating six years of our partnership, trying to get to this very moment. I don’t even know where Mulder is, exactly. A little over a year ago, we were separated from everyone.  And a little over two months ago, we were separated from each other. It had all happened quite slow, at first. With the first separation, that is. It took several months for the world to realize what exactly was happening. The strange lights in the sky began to multiply every few nights. And at the time, my scientific explanations made sense. But then one night, they didn’t. The lights got closer, and the eerie sounds got louder. The public didn’t panic at first, no. But Mulder did. Mulder always did. Because he knew. He was right, and I was wrong. And if he was here right now, I would gladly admit that to him.

But Mulder isn’t here, and I am all alone, fending for myself. Everything isn’t as bad as it was at first, but it’s still bad. For some reason, it seems worse, being all alone. Worse than the actual alien-colonization. That part didn’t actually last that long. Six months at most. And those sonsofbitches quickly discovered that they could not survive on our planet for longer than a few months. They couldn’t breathe our air, or touch our water. And they quickly began to die off. Serves them right. Little fuckers.

But it was too late. They had managed to destroy a significant portion of the population, and earth. I don’t even know if any of my family survived, or any of my friends. Friends. I didn’t really have any friends, actually. Just Mulder. And Mulder is either dead, or alive somewhere, looking for me. Probably thousands of miles away. But I have to stay positive. I have to believe that Mulder is still alive, and that he will find me soon.

Oh, Mulder. Where are you? I need to see another human being soon, or I will go mad. If I’m not already.

XXX

 “Scully! In here!” Mulder shouts, firmly grabbing me by the arm, and shoving me inside the dark building.

I skid across the dirty floor, landing on my hands and knees. I soon hear the door slam shut behind me, followed by Mulder’s hands grabbing a hold of me again, and pulling me up on my feet.

“Are you alright?” Mulder asks, shining his flashlight in my face.

“Yes.” I squint, holding my hand up over my eyes.

“Sorry.” Mulder breathlessly replies, shining the flashlight up at the ceiling.

I wordlessly nod, looking around the dim drafty building. I doubt there has been any life in this place for many months. There are papers scattered across the floor, and thick cobwebs in every corner of the ceiling. I try hard to imagine what this place had looked like before the attack on earth. In my head, I can see people entering the building, briefcases and coffee in their hands, with the sound of phones ringing, and keyboards typing in the background. Just a normal work building, with cubicles, filing cabinets, and computers. It keeps my mind in a better place, imagining these now abandoned places the way they were before. Before earth changed, and people changed.

It boggles my mind that people still betray each other, instead of trying to help each other in this crisis. This was why Mulder and I are hiding in a dark empty building. Because we ran across a group of people that wanted our supplies, which we didn’t even have with us. Skinner had sent us out looking for more supplies, like we did at the end of every week. And an hour later, we bumped into a bunch of men in black, with big guns. How ironic. Mulder had offered to split them up, but no, the bastards wanted them all, and demanded that we take them back to where we came from. Survival of the fittest, I suppose. Kill and steal, to survive. Eat, or be eaten. Disappointing, really. The aliens were gone, but we were all still fighting over food and water.

Mulder had created a distraction, and we both took off running on foot, with the sound of bullets blazing past us. Eventually, we got further and further away, and found shelter. And here we are now, just waiting for something, or nothing to happen.

“I don’t hear them now.” I softly speak.

Mulder presses his ear to the door, and we both silently listen for a moment. Sure enough, there are no voices, no footsteps, no vehicles…nothing.

“Should we— “

“No, not yet. Let’s wait a minute.” Mulder shakes his head, pacing the dirty floor.

So, we wait several more minutes. But no one enters the building. Just the sound of rain can be heard, lightly hitting the roof.

“I think they’re gone now.” Mulder finally speaks, slowly opening the door and peeking out. “You wait here, and I’ll go check. I’ll be right back.” He assures me.

“No, Mulder, wait.” I plead, grabbing his arm.

Mulder looks back at me, his eyes soft and sad. It took me a month later to figure out what his eyes had been telling me that day. That they had been telling me that he might not be back. That he knew that we might get separated. And if I would have known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have let him go out there alone.

I watch him slowly open and close the door.  And then I stand there in silence, with his flashlight, anxiously waiting for something, anything. But a good three minutes’ pass, and I begin to worry. There wasn’t much else out there, so I don’t know why it is taking him so long to inspect the area. And just as I made up my mind to go out there and check myself, I hear Mulder’s yelling from a distance.

“Scully! Stay where you are! Don’t come out!” Mulder yells with intense desperation.

And then I hear gunshots, and I begin to panic.

_Mulder, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t leave me here._

And then I hear some shouting, and some vehicles driving off. It takes me a good five minutes to move from the very spot I have been crouching in, and look out the dirty window. And what I see is…nothing. No Mulder. No men in black with big guns. No vehicles. Nothing.

And it is right then, that I realize that I am now alone.

XXX

Dana Scully has never been a damsel in distress, and I will not start now. I can fend for myself, and I refuse to admit that I need anyone’s help with anything. But I will admit, that it gets lonely being by myself. I have yet to find any sign of Mulder, or Skinner, or even any other human beings. Although, I stopped going from place to place as frequently. It was just too hard to travel every day, with my current stock of supplies. So, I resorted to once a week at the least. Leaving me with a total of 8 different places so far. I have no idea if I am even close to wherever Mulder and Skinner are being held, but I have to believe that they are both still alive. Mulder is too stubborn to die, and Skinner had excellent survival skills. He was the one that kept our little “community” running smoothly this whole time. Until almost three months ago. And as much as I want to walk on foot 24/7, I know that my body cannot handle it.

I wipe at my brow, shielding my eyes from the blazing sun. There is nothing but dirt road ahead of me, and I think to myself, how did I end up so far from the city? A lot of the road signs have been spray painted or torn down the past hundred miles or so, and I have absolutely no idea where I am headed. So, I keep walking, praying to God that the sunblock in my pack will last me another week.

After another hour or so of walking, I find myself feeling a little dizzy from the heat, and sit down under a shady tree. It’s amazing how buildings were torn down, and a lot of people were wiped out, but the nature remains, lively as ever. Trees, flowers, animals…a lot of it all is still here. Why is that? Actually, I know exactly why. The earth is better off without humans and toxic waste. The buildings that do remain, will soon be overgrown with weeds and plants. And eventually, there will be nothing but nature left, with hollowed out cement. And when I look around at it all, it’s kind of beautiful, in an eerie way. It’s peaceful. But it’s also lonely. So lonely. And I’m not even sure I would know how to effectively communicate with another human being anymore, if I came across one. That’s how long I’ve been by myself, it seems.

I pull my pack off my back and dig for my water container in there. Taking a big gulp, I realize that I am going to have to find more water within the next 10 hours or so. After another moment of rest, I get back up and continue walking. It feels like that’s all I ever do anymore. Walk.

XXX

Once I finally leave the dark building, I see nothing but storm clouds and hear nothing but the rain and wind slapping against me. I frantically run around the building, but do not see any sign of Mulder. No one is here. They must have taken him. And I can only hope that he is still alive. After another several minutes of desperate searching, I realize that those bastards probably made Mulder take them back to our site.

_Dammit. God dammit._

I briefly run back into the building to retrieve the flashlight that I had carelessly tossed across the floor, and then head back to the site on foot. It takes me two hours to get there without the car we had been using, and before the area is even in my view, I know that everything is gone. That everyone is gone. And once I reach the entrance, I wonder how I hadn’t smelled the smoke sooner. I fall to my knees, wheezing, as I look around at the thick dark smoke slowly emanating from the charred buildings. Nothing is left. Skinner is gone. Mulder is gone. The men in black are gone. And I can only hope that the men took them as prisoners. I have to believe that they are still alive. I have to. And I will find them.

XXX

Today is hot. So hot, that I find myself taking off my shirt and wrapping it around my waist. I still have my bra on, and I haven’t run into anyone in what seems like ages, so I’m sure that it’s not really considered public nudity. Not like those rules even apply to anyone anymore. There are no rules. Just survive. That’s about it. And that terrifies me.

As I keep walking, I soon hear the faint sounds of a creek or some source of flowing water. I begin to sprint, until I reach a dip in the side of the road. I carefully make my way down the steep hill, until a small trail of water can be seen slowly trickling over a bed of rocks. I follow the trail, until the path of water thickens and expands into a larger area of water. I waste no time pulling my pack off my back and bend over the lukewarm water, bringing handfuls of cupped water to my cracked lips, splashing the remainder on my face.

After I’ve had a stomach full of water, I carefully survey the area, and begin to slowly peel off all of my clothing. First comes the shirt wrapped around my waist, then the bra, the shoes and socks, the jean shorts, and the underwear last. I throw all of the stained clothing onto the grass, giving myself a quick reminder to wash those clothes while I’m here, and slowly submerge myself into the water, immediately closing my eyes at the sensation. It has been three days since I last bathed, and the sun is setting soon, so I know that I need to hurry and find some shelter before nightfall.

I quickly wash myself up and start on my clothes, gently scrubbing them between my hands with the bar of soap in my pack. The sound behind me doesn’t register at first, until I hear it a second time. And before I even have time to react, it’s too late.

XXX

**ONE YEAR EARLIER**

Things have been “strange” the past two weeks, to say the least. Okay, let me rephrase that. ‘Mulder’ has been strange the past two weeks. And that’s putting it mildly. It all started two Friday’s ago. As usual, Mulder and I were leaving the office a half an hour later than we were supposed to, and I was inwardly hoping that we wouldn’t bump into Skinner again on the way out. Because then he would chew us both out for working overtime so much lately, and we needed at least the weekend for him to cool down, so that come Monday morning, he hopefully wouldn’t be as pissed off. It usually worked, as long as we didn’t see him on the way out. And luckily, we didn’t. Thank the lord god almighty. And it wasn’t even my fault. Mulder just has a really hard time following directions, and I have a really hard time saying no to him. Which is why I “agreed” to him coming over later that night for pizza and a movie. But in reality, I just wanted to be alone with my book, bubble bath, and glass of wine. I can’t even remember the last time I got a weekend all to myself. Not since Mulder started acting weird, telling me that he had this bad feeling that something big was about to happen, and that he didn’t think it was a good idea to leave me alone.

So here I am, carpooling with Mulder the past two weeks, because of his “strange feeling”, and stopping by his place so he can change his clothes, and then go back to my place. Since when did I become such a pushover? This is going to change, starting Monday. I am going to start putting my foot down, and say NO more often. As long as I don’t look directly at that pathetic little puppy dog faced partner of mine, I should be perfectly capable of doing so.

So, we stop at his place, pick up the pizza and movie, and then finally make it to my place at freaking 7:00 pm. And now all I want to do is sleep. I would be completely fine with skipping the wine, bubble bath, and book…and head straight to bed. But here I sit on the couch, yawning profusely, as Mulder hands me a paper plate, and slips the video cassette into the VCR. I don’t know why he is always so adamant on video cassettes, when DVD’s now exist. But apparently, he says it takes him back to a better place and time, before his innocence was stripped away, and before technology began to transform continuously.

Ten minutes into the movie, I find myself dosing off with a half-eaten slice of greasy pizza in my lap. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not even sure what movie Mulder picked out…but I’m pretty sure it’s NOT a chick-flick, or anything that would obtain my interest, even if I was fully awake right now.

A few minutes later, I find myself jolted awake by Mulder’s loud gasping, and rough hand on my shoulder, as he shakes me firmly.

“Scully, it’s happening again!” He huffs, leaping up from the couch, and reaching the window in two long strides.

I blink my eyes a few times, and slowly get up to follow him. I pull back the other side of the curtain and look out the window, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Mulder, what are you talking about? I don’t see---“I suddenly stop talking, as my gaze locks onto the odd lights dancing around in the sky. “Wha----?”

Mulder stares up at the sky with me, both of us transfixed by the strange lights floating in the darkened sky. My first thought is airplanes, but I can’t honestly say that I have ever seen a plane move that fast before. My second thought is shooting stars, but they are moving in every direction. And my third and final thought escapes me, as I try to process what else they possibly could be.

“I’ve been seeing them for several nights now.” Mulder replies calmly, finally looking over at me.

I stare back, mouth slightly agape. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

He shrugs. “I didn’t want to scare you. I needed to make sure that they were what I think they are.” He explains.

“Mulder, what are they? I—I’ve never seen anything like it before. I mean, I’m sure there’s a plausible explanation---“

Mulder guffaws and shakes his head. “Come on, Scully. Can you honestly say that that is some new military experimental plane? Moving that fast? In all directions?”

He stands there and waits for me to answer, as I rack my brain for any reasonable scientific explanation for what we are looking at. But each time I look out the window, the lights seem to multiply. And a few moments later, there are dozens of them.

“I—then you tell me, what do ‘you’ think they are, Mulder? UFO’s?” I smirk, crossing my arms.

Mulder only nods, and looks back out the window.

A few moments later, every single light disappears as fast as they appeared, and I wonder if this is all just a dream. But Mulder continues to stand there for another moment at the window, until he is sure that the lights aren’t coming back, and then returns to the couch with me. He slowly plops down onto the couch, and leans forward, placing his face in his hands for a moment.

“Something’s happening, Scully. I can feel it.” He says, rubbing the sides of his face with his hands, before looking at me.

I tuck one leg underneath the other, and pluck at a string on my sweater. “How do you know, Mulder?” I ask, completely shocked that I am even somewhat considering his ridiculous theory.

Mulder heavily sighs and leans back into the couch, propping his feet up on the table. “Because those lights we just saw---they’ve been coming every single night.” He pauses, looking me directly in the eyes. “And because two Friday’s ago, there was only one. There are a lot more of them now, and they seem to be getting closer and closer each night, Scully.” His voice lowers dramatically to almost a whisper.

That night, I did not sleep very well. And the few hours I did sleep, I did so on the living room floor with Mulder a few feet away. Because that night, I began to realize that I had a bad feeling now, too. And it only took another week for Mulder’s theory to be proven correct.

XXX

I don’t know why it takes me so long to eventually turn around and investigate the sound behind me, but when I finally do, it only takes me two seconds to put my wet shirt back on me and start on my shorts. But before I can even finish, I’m looking up at four men on the top of the hill, quickly making their way down towards me. And they look even more threatening than the men who ambushed Mulder and I three months ago. And I’m pretty sure that they have the same intentions in mind, if not more vile ones.

The smallest man, still a lot bigger than myself, makes his way down first, pointing his gun at me. The other three pick up my pack and begin to pull things out of it, as the panic begins to set in, and my whole body begins to shake. I know that there is absolutely no way for me to fight them off, and that I am going to lose all my supplies, and may even die today. But I still have to try. Mulder would never forgive me if I didn’t at least try to survive. But when I said that I was lonely, ‘this’ is NOT what I had in mind when I said that I needed to see another human being soon. This was not good. This was bad. _Oh, God._

“That’s mine.” I manage to croak out, as I watch the men dig into my pack and snigger.

“Not anymore.” The smallest man cackles, and the other three follow suit, cackling away like hyenas.

I swallow hard and attempt to finish clothing myself, but the smallest man shakes his head.

“My, oh, my, aren’t you a pretty little thing? Definitely the prettiest woman we’ve run into yet. Ain’t that right, boys?” The smallest man smirks, looking back at his three stooges.

The three blind mice nod enthusiastically, and are soon standing right next to what I’m guessing is their “leader”.  And in that moment, I know that death would be much better than what I know is going to happen next. And I pray that they decide to only kill me, or better yet, just leave me alone. But I know that without my supplies, I will not last very long anyways.

_God, please send me a guardian angel. It doesn’t even have to be Mulder. Just send the next best thing, and I will be eternally grateful._

“Get out of the water…slowly.” The leader hisses, and I do as I’m told, with only my underwear and shirt on, and my shorts still crumpled in my hands.

Once I’m out of the water, and a few feet away, I stop and wait. The four men look me up and down, and it makes my skin crawl. I knew I shouldn’t have stopped. I should have just kept going, and stayed sticky and dirty another few days. It wouldn’t have mattered anyways. Why did I have to stop and wash up? I should have just got some more water and kept moving. I guess I just didn’t expect to even run into anyone. In fact, I don’t even know where these guys came from. I didn’t hear any vehicles pull up, and I know that no one had been following me.

The leader steps closer and slowly lifts up the bottom of my shirt with the butt of his gun, until my whole stomach is exposed. He slowly makes his way higher, as I hold my breath and close my eyes. I just can’t even believe this is happening right now. Why do bad things keep happening? Can I just have a do-over with this whole fucking year?

“Please---“I beg in a small voice, and the men laugh at me again.

“What’s that?” The leader strains to hear, and my eyes begin to burn.

“Please---don’t. Just---just take all my supplies. Take them and go.” I plead in a shaky voice.

But the leader shakes his head and begins to run the barrel of the gun down my stomach, quicker this time, until he reaches the top of my panties. I hold my breath again, as the man steps closer, until I can feel his hot breath on my face. It takes me a moment to realize that a fifth man has shown up over the top of the hill, and is shouting down at the other four.

“What the hell is taking so long down there?” The fifth man shouts, and I begin to wonder if this man is the leader, and not the smallest man.

For some reason, the fifth man’s voice sounds really familiar. Where have I heard that voice before? With the first man standing in front of me, and the other three men surrounding me on both sides, I can only hear the fifth man, as his footsteps get closer and closer.

“We found some goodies down here.” The smallest man cackles again, and slowly moves to the side, as the fifth man comes into view from several feet away.

And in that moment, I am not sure who looks more shocked, as our eyes lock, and recognition sets in.

_Krycek._

XXX

**_TO BE CONTINUED…_ **

**A/N: I hope you have given this a chance so far, and that you will continue to read the rest. Things always get better after the first chapter. ; )**


	2. Past and Present

**A/N: Sorry for the almost week delay. My daughter and I both got the stomach flu, and I had some intense training this whole week for my new job as an online English teacher for Chinese children. Things should calm down now, hopefully. Now to the better stuff. : )**

Mulder has been extremely calm the past few days. And as I had previously mentioned weeks ago, those odd lights in the sky kept coming each night, until two nights ago. A few nights ago, they just stopped coming. Or so we all thought. Well, I thought. But Mulder just kept telling me that something was happening. And I didn’t listen to him. Skinner didn’t listen to him either. But then one night, on a clear calm night, I was getting ready for bed, and I heard this odd humming sound coming from outside. At first, I thought that it was some type of military airplane, most likely surveying the area because of the recent night light sightings. So, I briefly looked out the window, and saw nothing but a sky full of stars, and brushed it off as Mulder’s overreactive imagination rubbing off on me lately.

I brushed my teeth, cleaned my face, and slipped into my favorite silk pajamas. I was determined to actually get a full 8 or 9 hours of sleep that night, or Mulder was going to deal with a very irritable red head in the morning. I made my chamomile tea, and slid under my thick cool covers for the night. But for some odd reason, I kept fighting sleep every single time I dosed off. I cursed Mulder under my breath a few times, because it was ‘obviously’ his fault. My sleeping habits were just fine a few months ago, before he started spewing all this alien mumbo-jumbo at me. I don’t even know why it was even slightly bothering me. It was all just science fiction. My eyes nor my hands had ever come into contact with any irrefutable evidence of this unexplained phenomenon that my partner has dedicated his whole life on finding the existence of. And just as I was finishing that very thought, a very unpleasant noise pierced my eardrums, causing me to squint in discomfort. The only way I could describe it was the combination of a Tornado siren and a train. It seemed to get louder and louder, and I eventually got out of bed and looked out the window again.

My cup of tea shattered to the floor, and the lukewarm liquid splashed the bottom of my pajama pants, as I looked up at the sky in horror. _Oh. My. God. Mulder was right._ I was wrong. I was so wrong. And as I looked up at a few dozen hovering lights in the sky, hovering closer than they ever had before, my phone rang.

XXX

Dana Fucking Scully. Standing right in front of me. What are the odds of that? I haven’t seen or heard about her since several months before the attack on earth, and here she is, alive, but… _alone_? I can’t help but laugh to myself at the irony of it all. My best guess from the looks of it, is that Mulder is not with her, and hasn’t been for a while. It frickin figures that that sonofabitch would die when he finally gets the proof he had been searching for his whole life. But as I step a little closer, I begin to wonder if maybe he is still alive somewhere. The life is not completely gone from Scully’s eyes, so I am now guessing that she has probably been actively looking for Mulder. Or maybe she just got tired of his shit, and left him. But for some reason, I highly doubt the last option.

I can tell by the way that she is looking at me, that she hasn’t quite figured out how she feels about seeing me yet. My first thought, is that she thinks I’m here to “rescue her”. Ha. Mrs. Spooky wasn’t worth my time then, and she most certainly isn’t now. I have absolutely no use for her. But as I continue to observe the tiny redhead, I see her facial expressions changing from relief, to disgust. Yep. She must have just now figured out that I’m with these four idiots who are still looking at her like a piece of meat. But what she doesn’t know, is that I’m just using them for their supplies. Well, I guess now is a good distraction to finally get rid of these assholes…so I guess I have Scully to thank for that. They were really starting to get on my nerves the past few months, and I was starting to get the impression that they were having their suspicions about me lately, so I guess it was time. Which, their suspicions would be correct. Alex Krycek doesn’t work for anyone, nor do I trust anyone. Never have, never will.

But then I think to myself, Scully being here could cause another problem. These guys are either going to rape her, kill her, or both. They’ve probably already done it before, but not with me around. And I may be an asshole, but I’m not that completely heartless. Scully and I may have never exactly liked each other, but one thing I have never really had a tolerance for is rape. Or even unjustified murder. Anyone I have ever killed had it coming, and I have never had any problems getting a woman in my bed by choice.

_Dammit, Scully. What the fuck are you doing here? And Jesus Christ, where are your clothes?_

For some reason, it took me longer than it should have to realize that she isn’t wearing any pants, or bra. Just some tank top thingy, and her panties. Why had I never realized how stunning she was before this? Hmm…and I may or may not have let my eyes briefly skim her petite little body before finally speaking up. I have to clear my throat before opening my mouth, too. Must be the heat.

“Back off, guys. She’s mine.” I finally speak up, leering.

I can tell that she wants to slap me, but quickly thinks better of it. But what the hell else am I supposed to do? If I let these guys know that I know her, it could make things worse for the both of us.

“I am no one’s goddamn property.” She speaks lowly through gritted teeth.

Oh, I see. Now that I’m here, the woman has the courage to fight back. Does she not remember who I am? Maybe I should remind her. I take a step closer and bend forward, so that we are almost touching noses. I ignore the cackling hyenas in the background, and intensely glower back at her. And damn, if looks could kill. She almost pulls off the “death stare” better than I do, as those icy blue eyes glare back. Her confidence and bravery begins to slightly piss me off, until I get close enough to see her whole body visibly shaking. And it’s not from anger. It’s from fear. I’m not even sure that it’s me she’s afraid of, or the four musketeers behind me.

“No one’s property, huh? What about Mr. Spooky?” I whisper into her ear, inaudible to the guys behind me.

I then pull back to make intense eye contact again, but Scully is now looking down. And I know that I have hit a nerve. But for some reason, it does not satisfy me like it used to. Maybe because the world is a very different place now. And maybe, because I am a different person now. Not that I will ever let her nor anyone else see it. All I need is me. That’s all I’ve ever needed. And that’s all I’ll ever need. No familiar face from my old life is going to change that.

XXX

It takes me longer than necessary to reach the phone, as I avoid stepping on broken pieces of glass on the way. I shakily pick up the phone, already knowing who it is.

“Scully, pack some things. Only necessities. And wait for me to come get you. I will be there in fifteen minutes.” Mulder hisses through the phone.

“M-Mulder? What’s happening?” I ask with desperation, as the noises outside begin to get louder.

“This is it, Scully. It’s what I’ve been afraid of all along. And we need to get to the underground shelter with Skinner within the next hour. Do you hear me? Don’t waste any time.” Mulder barks.

“Okay----okay.” Is all I can say, as I begin to search my apartment for things that I might need.

Mulder shows up exactly 15 minutes later, and we both quickly jump into his car and drive well over the speed limit to the location that Skinner gave us over the phone.

My eyes are constantly torn to the sky the whole way there, as I watch the world around me fall apart, as the ships get closer, and the public begins to panic. Mulder has to swerve around cars, as people stop and get out to get a better look. Don’t they understand what’s happening? Why aren’t they finding shelter? I want to stop and yell at them to find safety, but I know that we have to keep going. We can’t stop. We can’t. “We have to keep going. We can’t stop.” Mulder keeps repeating, until we eventually reach some type of weird looking dome hidden in the side of a hill.

Everything around me blurs and seems to move in slow motion, as I feel Mulder pulling me out of the car and yanking me towards the strange building. Mulder pounds on the big metallic doors, and they quickly swing open, as Skinner ushers us inside. And then we are running down a long tunnel, further and further into the darkness, with only our flashlights and the packs on our backs.

And all I can keep thinking is, _Mulder was right. My god…Mulder was right._

XXX

At first, I thought that maybe Krycek was there to help me out. But then I quickly realized that it’s Krycek, and he is an asshole.  He never did one damn good thing for me in the past, so why would he start now? For all I know, he could be even worse now. It also didn’t take me long to realize that he was ‘with’ these four other assholes, and that he most likely wasn’t going to help me. Surprisingly, I hadn’t expected him to even still be alive. But that’s a rodent for you. Just when you think you’ve got rid of them, they pop back up. And the only difference between Krycek and a rat, is that he is better looking. And why hadn’t I ever realized how green his eyes were before? But that’s beside the point. The point is, the closer he gets, the more I want to slap him.

I still seem to hide my fear, for the most part, as Krycek eyes me like he just found a hidden treasure chest. But it’s a different look from what the other idiots are giving me. For some reason, as threatened as I feel right now, I get this strange feeling that his intentions aren’t matching up with his other buddy’s plans. A girl can only hope. I mean, the Grinch grew a heart…so it’s possible, right?

God, who am I kidding? He’s going to kill me. I don’t think he’ll rape me, but he’ll probably let the other guys do it. None of this was what I had meant by “guardian angel” and “needing to see a familiar face”. Maybe I should be more specific with my prayers next time. If I even have a next time.

I can’t bring myself to say anything else, and it’s bugging me that Krycek isn’t saying anything else either. The guys behind him are still cackling, and Krycek and I are basically having a stare down. That is, until he makes the “Mr. Spooky” comment, and then I can no longer look at him. Damn him.

“Alright, Alex, you can have her first. But I get her next, ay?” The “leader” speaks up.

Krycek doesn’t turn around, but let’s out a low chuckle. I can’t tell if it was a sarcastic one or not. I finally look back up at him, and his eyes are completely different now. It makes me anxious, and I find myself fidgeting with my shorts, realizing that they are still in my hands and not on my body. I can feel my face turning hot and red, and I wish that we would both just stop standing here staring at each other, while those creeps laugh at me. Minutes pass, and I can still see the wheels turning in Krycek’s head. He finally leans back in toward me, and winks. For some reason, it leaves me feeling even more confused, as I watch him slowly turn around and walk over towards the other men.

I silently stand there, straining to hear what Krycek is saying to them, but I can’t quite make all of it out. All I manage to catch is “capture” and “later”. My best guess is that he has talked them into taking me back to their site. And I’m not exactly sure that that’s a good thing or not.

_Damn you, Krycek. What are you planning?_

XXX

A week passed before Skinner even got the courage to send some men out to check for survivors. The men never returned. Another week passed, and another, until we began to run out of food and supplies. Eventually, the world around us became eerily silent, and the smell of charred things dissipated. Skinner took that as a good sign, and he finally went out there himself. He returned, thank god.

But the moment we all stepped outside, we all instantly fell silent. Mulder dropped to his knees at the sight, and I openly cried into my hands. Almost everything in our area was gone. Some buildings were destroyed. Thousands of cars were left empty in the streets. And a lot of the people were dead. But so were the invaders…the sonsofbitches that tried to take over our planet. Yes, they were dead too. Our atmosphere was uninhabitable for their kind. And when I finally stopped crying, and Mulder rose back up onto his feet, we both looked at each other, and we knew. We knew that it was up to us to find other survivors, and keep the living alive. Keep the planet remaining habitable for the people still alive. The invader’s plans had failed, but the destruction had already been done. And it was up to us to keep everything from getting worse.

That day, I had a new outlook on the world. A new perspective on my own life. And a new purpose. It was a devastating disaster, but we survived. My family probably hadn’t. But I had to keep going. For Mulder. For Skinner. For everyone who didn’t make it.

God help us all.

XXX

**PRESENT DAY**

Thank god, I was right. Krycek had convinced the men to take me back to their site. But as I sat in the back between two burly men, tied up by my hands…I was still unsure of Krycek’s intentions. I wasn’t even sure how much power he really had over these men, but they seemed to look up to him somewhat. Even the smallest man that I thought was the leader seemed to follow his suggestions. I just wish that I knew what Krycek was up to, because he hadn’t looked back at me from the passenger’s seat not once yet, and we had been driving for a good twenty minutes now. At least they let me put the rest of my clothes back on.

A few more minutes later, the two cars pulled onto a long dirt road, and another minute later we were stopping in front of a big white house. A very old house from the looks of it. Probably abandoned before the attack on earth.

I waited anxiously, as the two men on each side of me got out, and the two men in the front got out. Krycek sat there for a good thirty-seconds, before he got out also. He must have talked the guys into letting him handle me, because it was his hands that pulled me out of the car, as the other guys walked ahead into the house. I felt Krycek’s grip tighten around my arm, as we slowed down a bit, and stood on the front porch for a moment. Finally, he leaned in and spoke up when we were alone for a brief moment.

“You do everything I say, understand?” He whispered, and I couldn’t tell if it was a threatening demand, or a helping one. Just what the hell was he up to?

I nodded, but when I tried to respond, he firmly yanked me into the house. I still couldn’t tell if it was for show or if he really was getting a thrill out of shoving me around. Either way, it was starting to get on my nerves, and my arm was starting to get sore.

One of the bigger men came back into the kitchen with a beer in his hand, leaning up against the doorway. “So, what’re we gonna do with her?” He asked, snickering.

Krycek sniggered and shoved me forward down the hall. “I told you. I get her first. Tonight. Then you guys can have her tomorrow.” He smirked, but avoided eye contact when I looked over at him. I wanted him to see how pissed off I was, but he refused to look directly at me. Why was that?

The man shrugged and left the room, and I couldn’t believe how easily they all trusted this lying, manipulative, murderous, thief. But then again, Krycek was always really good at fooling everyone, and playing sides. Damn him.

Krycek shoved me forward again and then to the left into a bedroom. The other men didn’t say a word, as Krycek slammed the door shut behind us, and shoved me onto the bed.

“Stop doing that!” I hissed under my breath.

Krycek finally looked at me and smiled. He fucking smiled. That smug bastard.

“Or what?” He smirked, biting his bottom lip. I momentarily watched in slow motioned fury, as his teeth released the moist pink flesh.

“What are you doing? Are you really with THEM?” I quietly asked, as my nostrils flared.

Krycek leaned up against the door and clenched his jaw. I couldn’t tell if he was in deep thought, or just purposely avoiding my question.

“Answer me, Krycek!”

I was then slightly caught off guard when Krycek lunged at me and covered my mouth with his hand.

“Shut the hell up!” He hissed under his breath. “God, Scully, do you know how much worse it could get for you if they find out I know you? Or for me?” He whispered into my ear with slight agitation.

I waited until Krycek slowly pulled his hand away before answering him. “Come on, Krycek. We both know you’re only worried about yourself. You just don’t want your cover blown. Same old Alex Krycek I see.” I growled under my breath.

That seemed to hit a nerve, as Krycek straightened back up and silently tied one of my hands to the bedpost. I watched him angrily, but he avoided eye contact again. When he was finished, he walked over to the door, but then turned back around.

“You don’t know ANYTHING about me.” He angrily replied, pointing a finger at me. It wasn’t until then that I realized and remembered that only one of his hands was real.

“Don’t I?” I spat back.

“Things have changed, Scully.” He paused for a moment, staring at an imaginary spot on the wall next to me. “The world has changed.” He finished, and quickly left the room, slamming the door shut behind me.

I didn’t know how long he would be gone, or when he would be back. I still wasn’t even sure what was going to happen next. But I hoped that God would send that guardian angel now.

XXX

**A/N: Thanks for your patience, and reviews after each chapter are always greatly appreciated! Xoxo**

**P.S. There will start being less descriptions and more dialogue from here on out. ; )**


	3. Last Minute Decisions

**A/N: This chapter has a little bit more Krycek POV than Scully. Just a bit.**

Just who the hell does she think she is talking to anyway? Scully doesn’t know me. No one knows the real Alex Krycek, and I have kept it like that for a reason. A reason, that I am not even sure is a good enough reason anymore. Not this past year, at least. Things have changed, and I think I always knew they would. I knew what was going to happen, and I got lucky. My betrayal to Mulder actually saved me in the long run. That black lunged bastard spared me, even after I betrayed him as well. I don’t even know if that sonofabitch is still alive, but he very well could be. I eventually discovered how hard it really is to kill him off. Just like myself, I suppose. I’m a survivalist. And I guess, in a way, he was too. I learned at a very young age, that if I wanted to survive this cruel world, it would have to be me against everyone. No one could really be trusted, and everyone is capable of betrayal. Do I regret some of the things I have done? Yes. Even the darkest of villain’s occasionally do. It’s only human nature. Even I have my human moments…desires, wants, needs, what have you. But I rarely let these feelings fully creep in. I give in for a short while, and then I quickly squelch that fire. That’s how it has to be. And I can’t afford to get soft just because of someone I ran into, that I used to know, but not really.

I find myself pacing in my room, obviously avoiding going back into Scully’s room. It’s been over an hour, and I know that the other guys will soon notice my hesitation, and begin to either question my motives, or just take over themselves. And even though the thought of just letting them do what they want with Scully briefly crossed my mind…this stupid ass “conscience” that I have somehow developed today, is stopping me from letting that happen for some reason. Goddammit, why did we have to run into her? Things are so much more fucking complicated now, and now I have to do things a few weeks sooner than I had originally planned.

A few more minutes later, I make a quick run into the kitchen to get Scully a bottle of water and some food, and just barely dodge the guys on my way back into the room. When I quietly open the door, Scully is asleep, laying in an odd position. I suppose it’s the only position she can really attempt with her hands tied to the railing. But I know that if I untie her, she will run, and that could be bad for the both of us. So, she’s just going to have to deal with it a little while longer, until I figure out my next move. My earlier annoyance has somewhat dissipated for the night, but I know that if she wakes up, it will surely come back. She has always managed to bring out the asshole in me, every time I have ever been around her. I suppose it’s not as bad as Mulder, because God, Mulder can be an annoying little prick. But I can’t really say that I have ever really enjoyed her company. But then again, we don’t really know each other that well. I’ve only ever known her as “Mulder’s partner”.

I make my way over to the bedside table and place the water and can of pears down onto it. I figured it’s better than nothing, and the can has an easy open tab at the top. I know that I’m probably going to have to stay in this room tonight, and I really don’t want to. I sit in the chair in the corner, and stare out the window at the moon. I know that if I don’t start making some sort of noise soon, the guys are bound to come in and investigate. And I know that I have not really thought out this plan well enough, because as I sit there in the semi-darkness, I begin to realize that I have no frickin idea what I’m going to do in the morning.

Just as I start to make my mind up about just trying to leave tonight, Scully softly sighs and sits up in the bed. It doesn’t take me long to realize that she hadn’t really been sleeping this whole time, as she silently stares at me. We sit there in silence for a long moment, before she speaks up first.

“What are you going to do with me?” She asks, and I did not expect that to be her first question for some reason.

 I suppose a part of her still thinks I’m going to go through with what I told the guys, and I guess I never really gave her any indication of my true intentions. It all may very well be for the best right now anyways. She can hate me for it later.

Of course, I avoid answering her question, just like the last. And that seems to flare that temper of hers again. Oh boy. She yanks on the restraints and heavily sighs, but I do not flinch.

“Krycek, just let me go. You don’t have to do this.” She slightly raises her voice, and I wish that she would stop doing that, before someone hears her.

I lean forward in the chair and shake my head. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why not?” She asks, exasperated.

I sarcastically chuckle and scrub my facial stubble with my good hand. “Scully, you don’t know who you’re dealing with out there.” My voice comes out breathy and slightly high-pitched.

That seems to shut her up for a moment, as she closes her mouth and looks out the window. I can see the wheels turning in her head, and I don’t even know why I’m wondering what she’s thinking right now. In fact, I don’t care. I don’t. Nope. Not gonna fall into that trap. All women are the same in my book. Manipulative, and confusing…and whiny. She better not even try to change my mind, because I will shut that shit down real quick.

She finally looks over at me again, with her lips pursed, and I can tell she is angry. “Damn you. How the hell did you even get involved with these guys anyway? I thought that Krycek follows no one.” She says through gritted teeth, and I can tell she is mocking me.

I can feel my temper rising again as well, and right now I wish that I was in my own damn room by my own damn self. I don’t need this shit right now. I roll my eyes, but decide to strike back anyways.

“I don’t. They follow me, unfortunately.” I grin wickedly, and she grunts in frustration.

“God, you are so condescending. I can see why Mulder loved beating the crap out of you so much.” She spats, and I find myself getting up and lunging over her, with our noses only inches apart.

“Watch it, Red. You’re nothing that I can’t easily get rid of. I’m doing you a favor right now, okay?” I bark, and she rolls her eyes at me. What fucking nerve. This bitch. I swear.

“Then why haven’t you “gotten rid” of me already? What’s stopping you, huh? Do it, Krycek. Do something…besides fucking avoiding all of my questions.” She growls, and I can visibly see her face reddening in the dim room.

I tightly grab ahold of her arm, and she winces. “Fuck you! I don’t owe you any explanation, and you will just have to sit here and wait for me to do whatever the hell I damn please. Do you understand me?” I hiss.

 I can feel the veins popping out on the side of my neck, and I’m pretty close to raising my hand to a woman for the first time ever. Yeah, you heard me…I’ve never hit a woman before. That was just something I could never add to my list. Believe it or not, I was close with my mother, and I respected her. But goddammit, this redheaded fireball sitting in front of me is getting on my damn nerves. To hell with her.

“Let go of me!” She screeches, and spits in my face.

But before I can even react, we both are interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by some cackling on the other side.

“Damn spitfire, ain’t she, Alex?” Chuck hoots and hollers in the hallway, and I immediately go over to the door and make sure it’s locked, just in case.

“Yeah, now will you leave me to it, man?” I holler back, and I hear Chuck’s laughter drift farther away, as he walks into his own room and shuts the door.  

When I am sure that no one else is outside of the door listening, I wipe at my face and lunge at Scully again, firmly pinning her against the headboard with my good hand. It’s not that hard, but it’s enough to keep her from squirming. She tries to squirm anyways though, and I am surprised at her sudden strength, as she tries to kick at me.

“Now you listen here! If you ever do that fucking ever again, I will hand you off to Chuck. And trust me, you are better off in here with me than him.” I growl, as I punch at the headboard.

Scully stops squirming for a moment, and we make intense eye contact. It slightly surprises me that I do not see any fear in her eyes, but it also slightly pisses me off. Because she should be afraid of me.

“Don’t you dare lay your hands on me, Krycek. You will regret it. And if you think I’m going to sit here and be quiet why you do whatever you please with me, you can forget it. I will fight you till my death.” She speaks lowly, as her eyes begin to water. But she’s not crying. She’s pissed. Good.

It takes me a moment to realize just what she is implying, and I have to admit, I’m slightly surprised, and slightly amused. “You----I----you really think I’m going to touch you!” I laugh, standing up. And I can’t tell if she looks slightly offended, or just shocked.

“I don’t know anything, because you won’t answer any of my questions!” She spats.

I briefly pace the floor, until my laughter dies down, and I stare down at an extremely bewildered redhead. “See, Scully…you think you know me, but you really don’t. I may be your former partner’s enemy, but I am no rapist. I may have done a lot of things, but I don’t do that shit.” I wave her off with my good hand.

Scully looks up at me, as if she is unsure of my honesty. But after a long moment, her body relaxes a bit, and I’m thinking she believes me. I almost wish I would have just let her think what she wants, but that is one thing I don’t want to be thought of as. Like I said before, I usually don’t have any trouble getting the ladies into my bed. It’s been a while, but if I came across one, I could easily prove my point.

For some reason, several moments of silence go by, as I sit back in my chair and stare out the window. We both seem to calm down a bit, and I’m thinking that every time we are in the same room with each other, that silence is probably the best option.

XXX

It has been ten minutes, and Krycek and I still have yet to say anything else to each other. I can’t deny that I almost thought he was actually going to go through with his “buddies” plan. But now that I’m glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, I just can’t see it. Krycek may be a manipulative, lying, thieving, contract killer…but I honestly can’t see him being a rapist. Not anymore. But, it still pisses me off that he laughed at me, and made it sound like I was a disease that he wouldn’t even touch with a ten-foot pole. I don’t know why that slightly bothered me, but it was just the way he said it. And I guess I overreacted a bit when I spit in his face, but this situation isn’t exactly what I call a good time. And if Krycek doesn’t let me in on whatever he has planned soon, things might end badly. This is not my year. It really isn’t. It’s times like these, that I would usually have Mulder to help me with. But Mulder is not here. And Skinner is not here. It’s just me and Krycek, in a room together. And this certainly will not end well after a few more hours of this.

I am slightly startled when Krycek finally speaks up. “Alright, here’s what we’re going to do…” He begins, and I nod, patiently waiting. I am somewhat relieved that he actually has a plan now, and I can only hope that it works, whatever it is. “Chuck and the others usually pass out around this time, and are all pretty sound sleepers. I figure, if we slip down the hall and out the kitchen door, that is our best chance.”

“Why not the bedroom window?” I furrow my brows.

“No.” He shakes his head. “Charlie’s room is next to this one, and he always keeps his window open. His bed is right next to it. The kitchen door is our only option.” He whispers, leaning forward.

I nod again. “Okay.”

Suddenly, my heart is racing, and I just now realize that my hands are starting to fall asleep from lack of circulation. I wince, and shift my position on the bed, and Krycek looks over at me.

“Alright, I will untie you, if you promise to stay put, and do exactly as I say. Okay?”

“Okay.” I nod once more, and Krycek leans over me to untie my restraints.

I don’t know why I hold my breath when he reaches over me, but I suddenly feel lightheaded and slightly flustered. I guess I’ve just never been this up close and personal to Krycek before, and I have to admit that it’s an odd feeling. It takes everything I have in me to push aside the memory of my sister Missy, and I have to try really hard to forget that he was a part of her death. I can hate him later for that. But right now, we need to work together.

“Okay, you stay here. I’m going to go get a few things, and make sure they are all sleeping, and I’ll be right back.”

“What?” I furrow my brows in confusion. And then it occurs to me that we will need some supplies. I guess I didn’t realize that if we didn’t steal some supplies, that we would be walking in the dark with absolutely nothing to survive with. Now I know why Krycek was so hesitant about this.

“We have a whole new box of supplies in the truck. But unfortunately, Chuck has the keys, so we will have to walk on foot, and just grab some things from the back.” He explains.

I want to speak up and ask him why the hell they would leave their new supplies in the back of the truck, in the middle of night, but then I think better of it. This is not the time nor place to continue pissing each other off right now. Krycek hands me a gun, and pulls another one out of the back of his jeans. I should have known that he would carry more the one gun, especially around those guys.

“Don’t use that thing unless you absolutely have to. And keep it pointed away from me, will you?” He swats at my hand, and I realize that I am pointing it at him. I nod and watch Krycek quietly creep out of the room, leaving the door slightly cracked open. I sit on the bed and wait.

Several minutes’ pass, and I begin to worry a little. I keep thinking I’m hearing things, but my nerves are so rattled right now, that it just might be my imagination. There are a few times where I think that I hear Krycek coming back into the room, but then nothing happens.

Another minute later, I DO hear someone walking towards the room, and the door creaks open. But it is NOT Krycek. I’m guessing this guy is Charlie, since his room is the closest, and he is looking at me with this bewildered look on his face, scratching his head.

“How the fuck did you get untied? And where is Alex?” Charlie says with exasperation, and I immediately begin to panic.

I know that if I shoot him, that it will alert the other guys, but if I try to escape through the window, he’s still going to alert the other guys anyways. A part of me considers Krycek, but then I think to myself, he can just tell them that he went to the bathroom and I somehow escaped. I know he’ll be pissed, but that’s my best option right now. He has a better chance at surviving these guys than I do. So, I head for the window, and attempt to open it and crawl out of it. But Charlie lunges at me and grabs onto my waist. I try my best to struggle quietly, but Charlie begins to holler for Chuck, and I begin to panic even more. Where the hell are you, Krycek?

Charlie drags me away from the window and slaps me across the face, as I fly back onto the bed. He straightens himself up, and then charges at me again. And then I fire the gun at him.

XXX

I am outside near the back of the truck when I hear a gunshot, and I instantly grab for my gun and bolt into the house.

“Shit!” I hiss, and before I even make it back into the bedroom, I already know exactly what has happened.

I point my gun into the kitchen, and fire, as I see Joe and Benny with their guns, charging towards the bedroom that Scully was in. My best guess, is that Charlie discovered Scully, and I know that things are about to get even worse when Chuck makes his way out as well. Chuck is worse than me, worse than my old boss even. He doesn’t give anyone any mercy, even me. He will kill anyone in his path if he is in a bad mood. He’s definitely not someone that I myself would dare mess with, and that’s saying a lot. I can only get away with so much. But overall, I managed to quickly gain his trust and respect in the first month, and I know that that’s all about to change. I was hoping to not have to kill any more people, but it seems that my old life will never completely leave me.

I manage to hit Benny in the arm with a bullet, but he’s still shooting at me with his other hand gun, and Joe has already made it inside the bedroom.

“Scully! Shoot! NOW!” I growl, and I can only hope that she had already successfully shot Charlie.

I hear another gun shot, and see Joe fly back into the hall, blood splattering from his chest. Benny keeps his attention diverted on me, rather than Scully, and I’m seriously starting to worry about Chuck’s absence. He’s probably getting his bigger guns at the moment.

I dodge another flying bullet from Benny, and aim for his head. It takes me two shots to hit my target, and Benny goes down next to Joe. I leap over their bodies and charge into the room, seeing Charlie on the floor, and Scully sitting on the bed aiming her gun at me.

“Woah, hey, it’s me. We need to go, Scully. RIGHT NOW!” I bark, and I grab her by the arm and yank her out of the room.

We make it into the kitchen, where Chuck angrily greets us with a gun in my face. His eyes are wild, and I can tell that he is not going to show either of us any mercy. I guess that at least four people are going to have to die today, and I can only hope that Scully and I are not one of them, making it five. I have come too far to let it end like this.

“What the fuck, Alex?” Chuck speaks calmly, clenching his jaw, and cocking his gun at my head.

He looks over at Scully, who is still clinging to my arm, and then back at me. And I can almost see the lightbulb click on in his head.

“You know her?” He hisses.

I don’t say anything, and Chuck nods. “I should have known. Rats are always rats.” He shakes his head.

We stare hard at each other for a long moment, and then I finally speak up. “This is not how I wanted this to go down.” I swallow, as my forehead begins to perspire.

“Yeah?” Chuck laughs sarcastically. He stares at Scully and then me again, and shakes his head again. “All of this, for an old girlfriend? Is she really worth it?”

“First of all, it’s not like that. She was the partner of an enemy of mine.” I can feel Scully’s nails digging into my arm, but I ignore it. “And second of all, it’s not about her, Chuck.”

Chuck nods and heavily sighs. “Is it not, Alex? Are you telling me that you weren’t just trying to smuggle this bitch out of the house?” He hisses, and I blink.

I know that anything I say is worthless. I can’t fool Chuck, and he can’t fool me.

“Listen, let her go. This is between you and me. Joe, Benny, and Charlie were self-defense. I didn’t want to kill them, but I had to.” I calmly explain, and Chuck seems to calm down somewhat. But it’s really unnerving at the same time, because I have never seen him like this before. So calm and collected. This can’t be good.

Chuck thinks about my words for a moment, and finally nods. “Alright, fine. She won’t survive out there for long anyways. I’ll let her go, but not you. You’re staying, and you’re going to meet your fate.”

I nod, and motion for Scully to make her way back towards the back of the house, where she can slip out the back door. She seems to catch on, and I keep my gun trained at Chuck, as we both watch her slowly turn around to leave. She turns back around for a moment and looks at me, and I can see the hesitation in her eyes. I already know that she had planned to leave without me and probably tried to sneak out the window. But I’ll yell at her for it later, if I even ever see her again after this. Overall, I kind of deserved it. Right now, it’s harder to keep myself focused on Chuck with her in the house.

I nod, and Scully turns back around and disappears from our view. I cock my gun at Chuck, and we have an intense stare down, with our guns in each-other’s faces. This is the moment of truth, and I know that I need to calm Chuck down more, and find a distraction.

XXX

I’m not going to lie…a large part of me had planned to just leave that house and not look back. But as I made my way out of the back of the house, I realized that Krycek was in there right now risking his life for me. I can’t even really comprehend why at the current moment, but I can’t seem to leave past the back yard. I find myself grunting and turning back around, quietly walking around the side of the house. If I can somehow sneak up behind Chuck in the kitchen, I can create a distraction for Krycek. Then after this, we can both be even and go our separate ways.

I manage to crawl up onto the front porch from the side, and it suddenly hits me that Chuck actually let me go, with my gun still in my hand. For a villain, he and his buddies weren’t all that smart. Unless he is just still somewhat intoxicated from his earlier beers. I guess maybe he was also just too pissed off to realize that I could easily sneak around the house. I do notice from the porch, that Chuck had slashed all of the tires on both vehicles, and I realize that that was the reason for his earlier absence. He was making sure that we couldn’t take off with all of his supplies. Maybe he isn’t as dumb as I had originally thought. But that creates another problem, because it’s extremely challenging to find a working car with fuel, since last year. And Krycek can keep the house for himself after this, but I’m not staying. I have to continue to search for Mulder and Skinner. I can’t give up.

I can hear Chuck’s voice, but I still can’t quite see him from this angle. I know that if I get too close, he will hear and see me. But he finally moves a bit, and I get a perfect shot from the side of the porch. I take a deep breath, aim my gun, and fire.

XXX

I guess it didn’t occur to me in the moment that Scully would even attempt to go around the house and sneak up on Chuck from the back. I look at him slightly confused for a moment, as he grunts and slumps forward. I then realize that Scully has taken a shot at him from the side of the porch, and blood begins to pool near his stomach. He slowly falls to the floor, wincing and gasping. I stand over him, until his eyes slip shut, and then Scully walks up the steps and greets me in the doorway as I step over Chuck’s lifeless body.

I stare back at Chuck for another moment, and then punch my hand through the wall, startling Scully. It doesn’t take me long to realize how slightly stupid her actions were today, even though we managed to live another day. I am angry, and I’m not even exactly sure why. But I am. I know that it’s not really her fault, but I’m livid. My nerves are just frayed at the moment.

“Why did you do that?” I spat, and Scully’s face reddens.

“Well, you’re welcome, for I don’t know, saving your life!” She spats back with exasperation, flailing her arms all about.

“I saved YOUR life, thank you very much!” I find myself lunging at her for the third time that day, and corner her against the door.

“I had no other choice, with both circumstances.” She glares up at me, nostrils flaring.

I stare down at her for a long moment, and then back away, rubbing the side of my jaw. I sigh, and look back at her. “I’m not mad about you trying to escape out the window. After all, I kind of deserved that. You are right, you had no choice with that. But you took a great risk with that last little stunt.” I firmly explain.

Scully’s icy stare pierces into me for a moment, and then her eyes soften. She knows I’m right. Although, the little redhead has an impressive aim, we both still know that she was basically taking a shot in the dark at a very angry moving target, who had a gun aimed at my head. He could have still had time to pull the trigger, and I am very lucky that he didn’t.

Even though we have both calmed down somewhat, I can’t figure out why I am still feeling weird, and then I finally notice the sharp pain in my side. I wince and grab at the apparent wound, as blood seeps through my shirt and onto my hand, and the room begins to spin and blur.

XXX

**A/N: Well, this chapter ended up being a lot longer than I had originally planned, hehe. And I know that this chapter wasn’t as great as the others, but things will change a bit after this scene. ; )**


	4. Having An Off Day

**A/N: Two people have contacted me via PM to tell me that it wouldn’t let them favorite, follow, or review after Chapter 3 on ff.net. So, if anyone else has had this issue, I have already reported the glitch, and it should be fixed soon. Also, weird that AO3 was down for a whole day right after that.  *shrug***

On my tenth birthday, my mother invited a bunch of kids over for my birthday party. Two of those kids included my brother Bill’s friends, who I absolutely hated. They used to always chase me down the street with their bikes, and place toads in my bedsheets. That day, the oldest boy, Joshua, decided to stick gum in my hair, and I came running into the house, tears streaming down my face, as my mother sat me down and helped me cut it out of my hair. Even though it was only a small chunk of hair from the bottom, it still upset me. After my mother had finished fixing my hair, she wiped the moisture from my cheeks, and told me that at that age, it usually meant a boy liked a girl when he picked on her. It didn’t make me feel any better that day, but I did end up dating that very boy four years later in High School. I guess she had been right. That very boy ended up being my first kiss and very first boyfriend. We dated for two years, and I considered him my very first love. And the day that he broke up with me, a week before prom, was the day that I realized that no matter how much you love a bad boy, and no matter how much he may love you, he will still disappoint you in the end. And I ended up proving this theory two more times before I even graduated college. It was after that, that I decided to stick to the nice shy guys. But look where that got me as well…in unfulfilling short-term “relationships”. That was several years ago, and I can’t really say that I have dated much since then. I don’t even feel comfortable saying how long it has been since I’ve even been with a man, passionately. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve only experienced one mind-blowing passionate relationship, and that was my first boyfriend, Joshua. Now that I look back on it, I’m not even sure I knew what true love really was either. I was young, and naïve, and desperate for a taste of those first love jitters. But once I experienced it, I wasn’t sure that it was everything that my mother said it should and would be. Something always seemed to be missing. Even with my platonic relationship with Mulder, that I will absolutely not delve into right now. Maybe I became too picky, or too bitter, maybe even just too busy. But I never felt that way ever again. I don’t even know if there is any moral to the story, but I just found myself thinking about it for some reason, while I waited for Krycek to wake up.

After attending to Krycek’s wounds, I quickly came to the conclusion that the adrenaline was the only thing that had kept him going for several minutes before he collapsed. He may come off as this tough guy, but he’s definitely not going to feel like that when he wakes up with a second wound on his head from where he passed out, along with a gunshot wound to his right flank. I’m not even sure I have ever seen him look like this before, serene and innocent. I guess I always pictured him as being the type of guy that was so tightly wound up all the time, that he probably even slept in fits. But Krycek doesn’t sleep like that, surprisingly. Ironically, he hasn’t moved at all in 9 hours. I mean, I know that it’s probably from the loss of blood, and medicine that I administered to him during a brief moment of consciousness, but it’s still strange to see every muscle in his body so slack. It kind of made me forget about the things he had done to me and Mulder, until now. Now, I am thinking about it, and I want to slap him awake. Stupid, beautiful bastard. I mean, it really is a shame, that someone that smart and that attractive has to be such a prick. God, now I want to dig my fingers into his bleeding wound. But I won’t, because it took me over an hour to remove the bullet and patch it up. And then another hour of cleaning up and moving the four dead bodies in the house. But, I did kind of enjoy being able to be a doctor again. Even just being somewhat useful again was better than anything else at the moment. And Krycek may not even be in my top 100 preferred people to share time and space with, but it’s just going to have to do until he wakes up. And once he’s awake, and able to take care of himself, then I’ll be back on my way, continuing my search for Mulder and Skinner. By myself.

I end that thought with a stifled yawn, and find myself drifting back off into a fitful sleep in the chair next to the bed.

XXX

I wake up with a violent jerk, as I try to comprehend my surroundings. It takes me a moment to realize that I’m lying in a bed, and that my right side hurts, and the back of my head. I manage to pull myself up into an awkward sitting position, and then I also realize that I am not wearing a shirt, but that my prosthetic arm is still attached. It gives me a brief feeling of self-consciousness, but I quickly squelch it and focus on something else. I notice that I am still wearing my pants, and that my head and stomach are bandaged up. I even feel the slight head buzz of some sort of weak narcotic, but the pain is still quite uncomfortable. My best guess is that Scully found Chuck’s secret opiate stash, and I find it somewhat alarming that she even took care of me.

And just as I begin to doubt that it really was Scully that took care of me, I turn my head and see her slouched in the chair in the corner of the room. I don’t know how long I have been out, but I’m guessing that it’s been longer than 8 hours. The sun is high in the sky, and Scully is softly snoring in an uncomfortable position. And I don’t know why, but it suddenly hits me that when she is asleep, and not spitting in my face, that she really is a very beautiful woman. I mean, I always thought that from day one. But that thought was always quickly squashed with that icy blue glare of hers.

I shake the thought from my head, and focus my attention on trying to stand up and make it to the bathroom. But I am slightly aggravated to discover that I’m not going to be able to walk there myself. And that is one thing that I have never been very good at, is letting other people help me. I guess that I have just done things on my own for so long, that I don’t really know how to let someone else in. The only person that was ever there for me, was my mother. And she died when I was 8. That was also the year that my life completely changed…that I completely changed. With my father leaving as a baby, and not having any siblings, I was a very lonely child. It was just me and my mother. The only woman I have ever loved. She was the wisest woman in the world, and so beautiful. She could light up a room with just her smile alone. And the only thing she was ever really wrong about, was that I was a good boy, and that I would make some woman very happy one day. And I know that if she was still alive right now, that she would probably not be able to even look at me right now. But she’s gone, and it’s been that way for a very long time now. And I’ve done just fine by myself. Except for this very fucking moment, when I have to piss like a race horse, and the only person available to help me, probably hates my guts, and is also probably plotting her revenge without me even realizing it. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past Scully to bandage me up, and then dig her fingers into my open wound. I wouldn’t even really blame her for doing so. I’d probably be extremely pissed off, but I would expect it nonetheless.

I finally make it up onto my feet, but just as I try to take a step towards the door, I feel a searing hot pain in my side, and fall back onto the bed.

“Goddammit!” I hiss, wincing and gasping.

Scully jerks awake and is up on her feet so quickly, that you almost can’t tell she was even asleep five seconds ago. That must be a doctor thing.

“What are you doing?” She scolds, and I roll my eyes at her.

“I’ve got it. I—shit, fuck, damn!” I spat, clenching my good hand into a tight fist on the bed, as Scully tries to push me back down onto the pillow.

“Yeah, I can tell. You ‘obviously’ have it all under control.” She rolls her eyes at me and takes a look at my wound.

Scully’s intense eyes skim my body from my head to my stomach, which is making me slightly uncomfortable for some reason, and I try to push her away, but her hands are persistent.

“Stop moving, Krycek. Let me----let me look at your bandages.” She swats at my hands, and I finally pull them away so that she can take a look.

“It’s not that bad.” I lie, grimacing, as she pulls back the bandage.

Scully shoots me a look, and tapes the bandage back up. I watch her walk over to the bedside table and grab a bottle of pills from it. She takes two out of the unmarked bottle, and shoves them in my face, along with a bottle of water. I shake my head reluctantly, because I would rather feel the pain right now, than feel like my brain is all groggy and fuzzy. My motto has always been, that you just never know when something is going to happen, so you should always be alert and ready. And I can’t do that if my mind is clouded from opiates. But Scully is tenacious, and shoots me that death glare of hers, and I give in just this once and take the pills. At least one of us is alert, I persuade myself.

“What did you need?” She firmly asks me, crossing her arms.

I’m not sure I like the doctor side of Scully. Too bossy, but a little more reasonable than the short-tempered, redheaded version of her. I’m not even sure if the whole “redheaded temper” thing is really a thing, but it sure feels like it when I’m around Scully.

“I have to urinate…profusely.” I grumble, and Scully’s face pinkens for a brief moment, before she regains her professional composure.

I guess she really didn’t think about that part, that she would have to help me to the bathroom. I mean, it irritates me too, but I can tell that it flusters her more. And this pleases me for some reason. I have recently discovered, that I find this weird pleasure in getting her flustered, and I also find myself grinning wickedly at the thought.

“Okay, umm---“She paces the floor for a moment, running her fingers through her hair, before facing me again. “Let’s go.” She grabs onto my prosthetic arm, and instantly realizes her mistake.

It doesn’t bother me, but I can tell she feels slightly embarrassed at forgetting that I only have one real arm. She mumbles an apology, and grabs my other arm, helping me up onto my feet. I sway slightly, and she steadies me as best as she can without pressing on my wound. It feels slightly ridiculous, having a woman that is probably no more than 115 pounds and 5’2”, try to hold me up. But I quickly realize that Scully has some impressive strength. Although, I can tell that she is trying really hard to not touch too much of me for too long, and then I feel like walking my own damn self to the bathroom. But I know that I can’t. In fact, if Scully weren’t here right now, I would be screwed. So, I inwardly make a quick mental note to thank her for her hospitality later, that she is no doubt having to continuously convince herself to go through with.

We finally make it to the bathroom, and things quickly become extremely awkward from there on out. Scully eyes me for a moment, and heavily sighs, as we both realize that I can do this part by myself.

“I’ve got it from here.” I assure her with slight agitation, and she nods, planting herself on the other side of the bathroom door.

I take an extremely long, relieving pee, and pull myself along the sink to wash my hands. Yes, I got really lucky when I found a farm house with running water. It’s always cold tap water, but at least we have it. For now, at least.

“Done.” I holler at the door, clearing my throat, and leaning up against the sink.

Scully shuffles back into the bathroom, heavily sighs again, as if I’m the biggest nuisance ever, and helps me back into the bedroom. She helps me back onto the bed, but I have to grab at her hand for a moment as I’m making my way back down, and as soon I’m sitting up against the headboard, she yanks her hand away and takes a sip from the other water bottle next to mine.

“Need anything else?” She asks, with less agitation than before. I think we’re beginning to grasp this civility thing, somewhat. For now, at least.

I think about it for a moment, and shrug. “I could eat, maybe. If you’re willing to---“

“Alright. Be right back.” She interrupts, and quickly leaves the room.

I’m not exactly sure why Scully is being so weird with me right now, but I’ll try to pry it out of her later. Believe it or not, I’m actually curious to know what she is thinking right now. Could be the opiates talking…but hey, I just don’t care right now. I know that the medicine just kicked in, and now that the pain has subsided somewhat, I could actually eat a horse, and then a pig, chicken, cow…maybe a third world country…not really, but it sure feels like it all of a sudden. Damn, what the hell did Scully give me, and where the fuck did Chuck get these pills from? All I know is, everything seems slightly better right now. And that earlier fear of not being fully alert and ready for something bad, has completely melted away. Fancy that.

XXX

I immediately found an excuse to leave that room as soon as I realized that I was being too nice to Krycek. Nicer than he deserves. And as much as I want to serve him cold mush on a paper plate, I can’t bring myself to do so at the moment. So, I manage to whip up some canned beef stew, with canned pears. It’s really the best I can do right now, and something tells me that Krycek isn’t really going to care, once those meds kick in. I decided to double up his meds, to see if I could maybe get him to tell me some things later that I wanted to know…about my sister, and Mulder’s father, and my abduction. But now that I’m standing in the kitchen, looking down at a blood stain from where Chuck bled out on the purple tiles…I’m not sure that I can bring myself to even ask Krycek about all the truths that I have so desperately wanted the answers to for so long.

I find some gross warm beer in the cupboards, but decide to grab the half full bottle of vodka instead, tucking it aside for myself, for maybe later. I can’t even remember the last time I even had an alcoholic beverage, and since the recent occupants of this big farm house are now out of the picture, I might as well make good use of the supplies in here…before I continue my long journey in a few days.

I manage to balance both servings of food on a TV dinner tray, and make my way back into the room. I don’t know why, but I find myself holding my breath as I walk into the room…as if I’m waiting for something big to happen. And sure enough, as I open the door, I see Krycek looking up at me with this goofy grin on his face. Maybe this whole ‘heavily medicating him for truth serum’ thing might just work. I set the tray down across his lap, and he digs right in. But I take my time eating mine, as I wait for him to say something, anything.

A few long moments pass, as Krycek finishes the last of his food, and pushes the tray aside. I take another bite of my stew, and clear my throat, as I feel his eyes on me, watching me.

“God, you’re beautiful.” He blurts, instantly regretting it, from the looks of it.

I can feel my face getting hot, and I’m pretty sure I’m about to vomit. ‘Beautiful’ is the last thing I ever wanted to hear my partner’s former arch nemesis call me, and I’m beginning to regret that extra pain pill I gave him.

“I’m sorry. I—I shouldn’t have said that.” He closes his eyes and hangs his head for a moment. “It’s the medicine.” He assures me, and I nod, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m sorry” is also another thing that I have never expected to hear come out of Krycek’s mouth either, and I know that I’m about to be sick. This is too much. Way too fucking much right now.

“I—uh—I need to step outside for a moment.” I set my food down on my chair, and scurry out of the room, as if I’m being chased by a swarm of killer bees.

And as I make my way out the kitchen door, I regurgitate the beef stew I just ate over the railings of the front porch.

XXX

The side effects of that stupid ass medication have proven my point on why I hate taking that type of shit. It makes me say and do things that I don’t actually mean, and now I’m regretting letting Scully give it to me. No matter how great I feel right now. I’m pretty sure I could hear her hurling up her food outside, and that makes me feel like shit. I don’t even know why I’m upset about it, but I guess it’s just because I don’t want her thinking that I’m like Mulder. Mulder obviously had the hots for Scully, whether he chose to act on it or not…he still followed her around like a pathetic little puppy dog. And that’s not even close to what I was doing earlier. I mean, yes, Scully is gorgeous, and everyone who has ever met her knows that. But that doesn’t mean that she needs to hear it from me. I mean, I don’t even know why I’m getting so bent out of shape over this. Now I feel like I need to insult her, just to even it out.

It’s been over an hour, and Scully has yet to come back into the room. I know that the sun will be setting in a few hours, and I feel that I need to explain myself, before she gets the wrong idea about my true intentions. I figured, if she didn’t come back into the room in another few minutes, I would just have to go out there. And when a few more minute’s pass, I heavily sigh, and pull myself off the bed, with great difficulty. I make it a few steps towards the door, carrying the tray in my hand, when my head suddenly begins to pound, and my vision goes blurry. I wince and grab at my head, completely forgetting that I have the tray in my hand, and the empty dishes go crashing to the floor, as I fall back on the bed.

It takes all of 10 seconds before Scully is running into the room, and rushing to my side. “Are you alright?” She asks, sitting down onto the bed next to me.

I nod, shake my head, and then nod again, as I rub at the side of my temple. I am slightly caught off guard, when she begins running her fingers through my hair, as she checks the previous wound on my head. The way she is touching me and treating me right now, is the way that I have seen her treat Mulder in the past. And I have absolutely no idea why she is doing it, and when I look over at her, I can tell that she doesn’t know why either. But as soon as she’s done checking everything, she quickly rises to her feet, and hands me the bottle of water from the nightstand. This time, I don’t argue, and chug half the bottle, before handing it back.

After another silent moment, I open my mouth to speak, but Scully raises her hand to dismiss me.

“No, don’t. It’s alright. Really.” She assures me, and I nod.

I look out the window for a moment, and look back at her, sighing. “You can sleep in my room tonight, or in here, and I can go back to my old room.” I offer, and she nods.

“You stay in here. I’ll take your old room.” She answers, and I nod again.

After another moment, Scully sighs and takes a seat in the chair. I can feel her watching me, but when I look up at her, she looks away. We go back and forth like this a few times, and I know that if I don’t say something else soon, that we will be ending the night on awkward terms. And Alex Krycek doesn’t do awkward. I have always known what to say and do. So, why don’t I now?

I finally make eye contact, and feel like I should probably explain myself now, because I absolutely hate feeling like this. Since when did I get a conscience? No more pain medication for me.

Scully breaks the eye contact, and stares at her lap, and I can tell that she is deeply thinking about something. I have just now figured out that she gave me extra medication, to see if she can get me to answer some of her questions, and I feel that maybe I at least owe her that much, before we eventually part our separate ways. This world is a very different place now, and so are the people left on it. That’s the only excuse I really have right now.

“Dana---” I breathe, and Scully’s head snaps up immediately. Her eyes are cold, and her lips pursed.

“Don’t call me that.” She shakes her head, and I nod.

I watch her quickly get up and leave the room, and just when I think that maybe she has left for the evening, she comes back in with a liquor bottle. She offers me some, but I shake my head, knowing that that’s the last thing I need to mix with this medication. She shrugs, and sits back down in the chair, taking a swig from the bottle. And I have to admit, I’m slightly taken aback that she even came back into the room, and drinking vodka at that. Maybe she’s just trying to get the courage to ask me about her sister. I know that it’s been on her mind. And I’m ready to answer that question. Like I said before, the circumstances are very different these days. Things will never be like they used to be, and I have begun to accept that.

But after several more swigs from that bottle, the question still hasn’t been asked. So, I speak up first, trying to break the ice. Although, the question that I chose to ask, may have not been all that appropriate. But regardless of that, I am extremely shocked when she answers me.

 “Do you love Mulder?” I guess it is something that everyone has always wondered about. Even me, honestly. But I am surprised with her answer.

Scully thinks it over for a moment, and heavily sighs. “I do. But not the way that everyone thinks.” She pauses, thinking it over some more. “Mulder and I---we both have an extreme respect for one another. We trust each other, more than anyone else. We are best friends.” She pauses again.

“But?” I find myself asking.

Scully sighs again. “But, it’s strictly platonic.” She smiles thinly, and I believe her. “Even now, after the world has changed…Mulder will still always make his search for the truth his number one priority. And I accept that. Our relationship cannot be fully explained, nor understood, even by us. We are just---we are two very different parts of the same plant, figuratively speaking.” She pauses to take another swig. “We---I am the flower, and he is the leaves…or maybe even the roots. Does that make sense?” She asks, furrowing her brows.

I nod. And it’s true. It makes perfect sense to me, surprisingly. They love each other, in the purest of forms. Spiritual love. Can’t say I’ve ever had that, but I get it.

Another long moment of silence passes, and I can see the alcohol taking its effect, as Scully begins to loosen up a bit. She gives me my next dose of medication, but just one pill this time, and we sit there in comfortable silence, watching the sun set out the window. I can’t say I’ve ever done this before with a woman, just sitting here and looking at the sunset. And I’m not even sure if I like it or not. It’s only been two days since I bumped into Scully, and things have already begun to dramatically change. I almost feel like I’m losing control of the situation. And I need to get a grip, before I become too comfortable with this new lifestyle. And since when did I become ‘comfortable’ with anything? Jesus Christ. It has GOT to be this medication.

“I need you to tell me everything you know.” Scully finally blurts out, and I know exactly what she is implying.

I nod and sharply inhale, and then slowly exhale. “Okay.” I pause, and Scully leans forward in her chair, anxiously waiting for me to continue. “Why don’t you ask me what you want to know first, and we can go from there.” I offer, and she slowly nods.

“Missy.” She simply says, and I sigh, hanging my head for a moment.

“I didn’t kill her. Luis Cardinal did.” I offer lamely, and make eye contact.

Scully’s eyes instantly glaze over, and she nods, swallowing. “But you were there.” She states, and I nod.

“Yes, I was. As you already knew, it was meant for you. But I honestly expected the job to be dismissed right before. I didn’t think that bastard was serious about it. His orders were just to remove the problem. I figured we were just going to threaten you. And then Luis pulled the trigger before I could even react. I’m sorry, Scully.” I explain, and I’m honestly telling the complete truth.

Scully intensely eyes me for a moment, as if she’s scanning my very soul for the truth, and then she finally nods.

“Mulder’s father?” She quietly asks.

“Yes, I did that one. But my only excuse for that, is that Mr. Mulder was not who either of you thought he was. I was new to the job, and I honestly thought I was removing a major threat. I was played, and I made a mistake.” I hang my head, and Scully sets the vodka bottle down on the floor.

“My abduction?” She chokes out, and I can tell that she is on the verge of tears now.

“I provided your address, but the rest I had nothing to do with. I honestly did not know that you were going to be experimented on. Once again, I was new to the job, and I thought I was doing the right thing. I even tried to find out your whereabouts, when I found out what they had planned for you.” I know that if I say any more than that, that I will just be rambling and repeating myself, so I end it with that.

I didn’t even realize how pathetic my past mistakes really looked, until now. I was so naïve, and I was batting for the wrong team, so to speak. And seeing the disappointment in Scully’s eyes, makes me feel like complete shit. Maybe this whole Q and A thing was a bad idea. Things are changing too fast, and too much. If I can’t control it, I don’t want any part of it.

Another long moment of silence passes, and I’m guessing that Scully is done with her questionnaire for now. She finally stands up and begins to pace the floor, as if she is extremely anxious about something. And I can’t figure out what else could be bothering her.

“I think I’m going to go to bed now.” She finally speaks up, and I nod. After all, I am getting pretty tired, and this has been the weirdest day of my life.

I sit there, waiting for her to get up and leave, but it doesn’t happen. I’m beginning to wonder if she is expecting me to ask another question now. But I really don’t want to. I really don’t. But I do anyways.

“What happened to Mulder?” I guess I might be a little curious, just a little.

Scully instantly deflates, as she looks up at me for a moment, before looking back down at her hands.

“We---uh---we got separated. We had this little community, that Skinner was running, and he sent us out for more supplies one day.” She pauses, and I patiently wait. “And uh---we ran into these guys, kind of like Chuck, and they chased us. They took Mulder, and when I made it back to our site, everything was gone…charred to a crisp.” She pauses again, and sniffles, but there are no fresh tears, thank god. I just don’t think I could handle that right now. I’ve already asked and answered too much. And just as I think we are done for the night, Scully continues. “So yeah, uh---I’ve been looking for Mulder and Skinner, for a while now.” She finishes.

“How long?” I find myself asking, for some reason.

“Three months.” She quietly replies, as her lip quivers, and I’m not really sure that I heard her correctly. She’s been alone, looking for them, for THREE MONTHS? I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Does she not realize what happened?

“Scully---“I begin, heavily sighing.

“What?” She looks up at me, and I find myself eyeing her sympathetically. I don’t even know why, but I feel bad, that she is in a very pathetic state of denial right now.

“Scully----they might be----they probable are---“

“NO!” She suddenly flies up out of her chair, pointing her finger at me. “Don’t you dare, Krycek. They aren’t. They AREN’T!” She shakes her head, rubbing the sides of her arms.

I sigh again, and she covers her mouth, stifling a sob. And I suddenly don’t know what else to do right now. I feel like I said too much, and I feel like I’ve heard too much for the day. I’m tired, and irritated again, because I’m not feeling like myself right now, and I’m vowing to never take those pills ever again.

I open and close my mouth, but nothing else comes out. And then Scully is rushing out of the room, and I hear doors slam, and then silence. I really want to go to bed, and hope that I wake up feeling like myself again. But there’s this strong pull, tugging at my newfound conscience, and I find myself pulling myself out of bed, taking a few swigs of that cheap ass vodka, and limping out of the bedroom. Surprisingly, I’m not having as much difficulty walking as I was earlier, and after dragging myself down the hall with the help of some close furniture, I finally make it outside on the porch, and find Scully standing at the bottom steps, facing away from me.

I stand there awkwardly, knowing that there is no way I can make it down the stairs, and just wait.

“Scully, I’m sorry.” I offer lamely, and Scully nods, still facing away from me.

And then she collapses to the ground, screaming, while yanking handfuls of grass out of the ground. And I honestly can’t say that I have ever seen such a display in my life, but I have felt what she is feeling right now. When my mother died, I was where she is at right now. And that may have been a very long time ago, but I think that I still remember that feeling. At least a little bit.

And then she finally speaks up, still facing away from me. “I lost my family, my friends, everything valuable in my life, that day. Mulder tried to tell me that it was going to happen, and I didn’t believe him. But he was right, and I was wrong. And I never told him that. Even after it happened, I didn’t say it. He and Skinner were the only friends I had left in this whole world. And then in the blink of an eye, they were gone. And I was alone. For…Three. Fucking. Months. I was scared, and lost, and I didn’t run into one single person, for three months, Krycek. I traveled many miles, with only my faith to cling on to. A faith, that I’m not even sure that I still have now. So many people died that day. But I survived. Why me? Why? Why you? Why us? What makes us so special? Huh?” She’s screaming again.

And then she is crying. Well, sobbing, actually, while rocking back and forth on her knees. I stand there for a moment, not really knowing what else to do. But after a minute of this, I force myself to make it down the stairs, and I finally make it to where Scully is clutching at the grass, with her face in the dirt. And I ignore the pain, and slowly make it down onto my knees. She seems completely oblivious to my close proximity, and I reach out for her. I lift up her face and scoot closer, pulling her to my chest.

“Come here.” I softly demand, and she doesn’t fight me.

I’ve never done this before either. I’ve never comforted a woman, or anyone for that matter, besides my mother. But for some reason, I want to. But I’m not sure I know how.

I just go with it, and wrap my arms around her tiny frame, and she nuzzles her face into my shoulder. It doesn’t even occur to me that I am still shirtless, until I feel the moisture from her face on my bare skin. Not that that matters right now, because it really doesn’t. But this feeling that is suddenly overwhelming me, is a dangerous one. I know that much. It’s something that needs to be squelched immediately. That’s my motto. My number one rule. Don’t let people in. But I figure, one time isn’t going to damage my lifestyle too much, right?

And I find myself rocking back and forth with Scully, shushing and cooing into her hair, as her cries become softer.

“Stop crying. Shhh. Calm down.” I say into her hair, and then my lips are on her forehead. And on her cheek. And as they lightly brush the corner of her mouth, I come to my senses, around the same exact time that she does. But it’s too late.

What was I thinking? What the fuck am I doing? This isn’t me. I don’t do shit like this. This has to stop… RIGHT. NOW.

I pull back, just as she pushes at my chest. And next thing I know, she is whipping a gun out, and it’s in my face, and I am fumbling over my words. Shit.

“Don’t. You. Fucking. Do. That. Ever. Again. Do you understand me?” She growls, and I nod, mouth slightly agape. And I think I’m just as in shock as she is, except way less pissed off.

I watch her get back up onto her feet, and stomp back into the house. And it quickly occurs to me, that I am stuck on the ground, in the dark.

**_TO BE CONTINUED…_ **

**A/N: Yes, another long chapter. And a little more Krycek POV than Scully again, but that will change as I delve further into things. Send me love? ; )**


	5. It's Only the Beginning

**A/N: Soo very sorry for the 18-day delay! I usually try to post each new chapter within a 2-day minimum period, and a 5-day maximum. But my new job has kept me super busy (until I get used to it), and my daughter had her 4th birthday, got a bad cold, Easter, Thunder over Louisville, guitar lessons, spring cleaning, and I helped my sister pack up all her stuff to move 5 hours away.** **But at least all of the chapters were longer than usual so far, by almost double (10 pages/6k). 6 out of 8 things are done, so it should calm down now…hopefully. ; )**

**_CONTINUED…_ **

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Krycek and I have barely said more than a few words to each other since that night that I had an embarrassing unexpected meltdown in the front lawn. It hasn’t really been all that awkward, but more of an intense annoying silence. We basically have just been staying in our own separate rooms, and when we do pass each other, it’s very briefly. I think I have said, “yes”, “no”, “here”, and have given him a few head nods and shakes, and that’s about it. The only good thing that has come from having to share a house together for the past week, is that we have somewhat effectively learned how to live under the same roof without the world coming to an end. See what I did there? The world has already come to an end. So, what else could possibly happen, that I haven’t already dealt with this past fucking year?

Anyways, what happened that night completely caught me off guard. I can’t even figure out why Krycek would even try to comfort or kiss me, unless there was an interior motive behind it. I was really pissed off at first, and had to force myself to not pull the trigger. But I think I have calmed down a lot now. I think what bothered me the most, was the fact that I almost gave in. For a few seconds, I completely forgot whose hands and mouth were on me, and it felt nice to be touched and comforted again. But Krycek was definitely not the person I wanted it from. And I will not give in even once, just to get rid of a few moments of long-term loneliness.

I plan to leave in the morning, since Krycek no longer needs my assistance. He stopped taking the pain meds after that night, and has seemed to be able to take care of himself now, THANK GOD. And I’d like to say that I left him kneeling on that grass in the dark that night, but I would be lying. After about five minutes, I stomped back outside and made him promise that he would never pull that little stunt again. Of course, he nodded and said “sorry” over and over again. So, I helped him back inside to his room, and we haven’t spoken much since then. I did get up to check on him two nights in a row, when I heard him groaning in pain during the night. But he refused to take any more of that medicine, and I applaud him for that. I definitely don’t need him acting all weird on me again.

I sleep in fits that night, and come morning, I’m sort of dreading walking for miles and miles in this heat. But I have to find Mulder and Skinner. I have to. And I will. Even if I have to do it alone. But I’m not going to lie, it’s been better having someone around, even if it’s Krycek the backstabber.

When I walk out of my room, I am startled to see Krycek standing there, blankly staring at me. I think he knows that I’m planning to leave today. But I can’t tell what he’s thinking, and I’m not sure that I even want to know. In fact, no, I don’t want to know. I try to pass him, but he doesn’t move out of my way. And after a few more attempts, I heavily sigh and force myself to make eye contact.

“May I please pass?” I speak up, and Krycek looks at me as if I just gave him the worst news of his life.

“You’re leaving.” He states, and I nod.

“Why?” He asks, with a hint of interrogation in his voice. And I hate this side of him.

“You know why.” I reply, and try to move past him again. This time, he moves aside and lets me.

I make my way into the kitchen, and begin to put some supplies into my pack. After about a minute, I hear Krycek enter the kitchen as well. He stands there and silently watches me for another minute, and it’s starting to make me uncomfortable.

“You’re not going to get very far by yourself, without a car and that little pack, in this heat.” He speaks low, leaning up against the doorway.

I briefly turn to look at him. “I did it for three months. I’ll be fine.” Then I turn back to my pack, and stuff a few more things into it.

“Scully…what if---what if they---“

“No.” I whip around and shake my head. “Don’t start, Krycek.”

“Okay.” He replies, clenching his jaw, and looking away.

Another moment of uncomfortable silence passes, and I finally finish packing up. I know that he’s right, that I will not last long out there. But I have no other choice. I can’t give up. I won’t. I walk past Krycek a few times, as he continues to watch me. When I finally finish, I put the pack on my back, and turn to look at him.

“I appreciate what you did for me last week. I do. But I need to do this. I couldn’t live with myself if—if I didn’t at least try. I mean, what else is there to do?” I pause, clearing my throat. “Umm, well, that’s it I guess. I should be heading off now.”

Krycek nods. “Good luck.” But he doesn’t sound genuine. He’s mocking me. But I don’t care. This will probably be the last time I see him.

“You too.” I quietly reply, and head for the door.

I make it to the door, and open it, but then Krycek speaks up again.

“You’re not the only one who’s lost a lot, you know.”

Where the heck did that come from? I slowly turn around and make eye contact with Krycek, but I don’t respond. He slowly walks up to me, and stares down at me.

“You think that just because I’ve done some bad things, that I couldn’t possibly know what it’s like to care about things, or to mourn the loss of someone close. Or to be alone.” He bitterly speaks.

I heavily sigh. “I don’t doubt it. I’m sure that a lot of your past experiences have played a huge part in your life choices.”

“Don’t play psychiatrist with me, Scully.” He spats. “You’ve been alone for three months? I’ve been alone my whole life. My mother died when I was just a little boy. I lost all of my family and friends many years before this alien invasion shit. I wasn’t even surprised when it all happened. I expected it. And I didn’t have a “Mulder” or a “Skinner” around. I traveled by myself for several months, until I ran into those four jackasses. So, if you think I don’t understand, think again.”

I’m not even sure if I’m feeling pissed off, or slightly sympathetic now. I guess it never occurred to me that Krycek is a human being with feelings too. He has just always done a good job with hiding everything and being a jackass himself. But I most certainly do not want to stand here sharing our bad life experiences with each other right now.

“I don’t think that.” I sigh.

Krycek stares long and hard at me for a moment, and finally nods his head. “Goodbye, Scully.”

And then he is walking down the hall, and firmly shutting his bedroom door. I stand there for a moment, suddenly feeling a slight twinge of guilt. But I shouldn’t be feeling that. Krycek’s a big boy, and I’m a big girl. We did fine without each other’s company before, and we will be fine now. I don’t even know why he’s acting upset over me leaving. Isn’t that what he wanted?

I stand there for another long moment, and finally leave the house. I sharply inhale and exhale, as I make my way onto the long dirt road.

XXX

I don’t know why I reacted that way just now. I was absolutely fine with Scully packing up and leaving. But when I stood there watching her begin her pathetic search for two people that are most likely dead, it began to slightly piss me off. How stupid can that woman be, to leave a house with running water and a huge supply of food? Of course, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with her being here at first, but the moment I woke up this morning, I felt annoyed about her decision.

And as I stood there, pacing my bedroom floor, I began to become even angrier. And before I could even stop and rationalize things more, I was packing up the supplies, and throwing them into the truck. What Scully didn’t know, was that Chuck had had an extra set of tires in the mini barn behind the house. I had replaced them two days prior, but hadn’t really had the chance to bring it up to Scully. I could have just given her the truck, but there were only enough tires for one vehicle. And I’m pretty sure that she would have refused anyways, because she’s a stubborn ass woman.

I take my time packing everything up, knowing that I can easily catch up to Scully, since she is on foot. And as I drive out of the driveway, I can honestly say that I’m not going to miss that stupid house. But I can’t honestly say that I know what I’m doing right now. Why am I doing this? Since when has loneliness bothered me? Since I met someone that was lonelier than me, that’s when. And she has to at least give me some credit for trying to be civil with her. I have never really had any close friends, and even though the past week was spent ignoring each other, it was the closest “friendship” I have ever had. Because she cared enough to take care of me, even after all of the shit I’ve done to her. I figure, the world is a different place now. When you run into someone else on this almost empty planet, you might as well make the best of it and stick together, for a little while.

XXX

I manage to make it about a mile down the road, when I hear a vehicle coming up behind me. I feel a brief moment of relief, and a brief moment of panic. The person could give me a ride, or they could be another Chuck. But when the vehicle pulls up alongside me, and I turn my head, I only feel a long moment of annoyance. Of fricking course. There are many things that I could be pissed about right now. One thing being that Krycek is following me in the truck. And two being that he had some spare tires, and didn’t tell me. Typical. Prick.

I heavily sigh, and walk faster, trying to ignore Krycek’s shouting from the truck.

“Scully…Scully!”

_Keep walking, Dana. Just ignore it, and maybe he will go away._

“Stop for a second.” I keep walking. “Will you just---DANA!” That gets my attention.

I stop, and the vehicle screeches to a halt right next to me. “I told you not to call me that.”

“Well, you stopped, right?” He briefly smirks.

“WHAT, Krycek? What are you doing?” I cross my arms, impatiently waiting for an answer.

“Get in.” He firmly demands, and I shake my head.

“No.”

“Goddammit, Scully, get in!” He slams on the horn, but I begin walking again.

I huff in frustration when Krycek pulls the truck further up and parks it in front of my path. I heavily sigh and simply walk around it.

“Stop it.” I huff.

“Just get in, and I will explain.” He shouts out the window, still driving alongside me.

I stop walking again, and stick my head into the passenger seat window. “Explain what?”

Krycek heavily sighs and stops the truck. “I hate that stupid ass house. And I—I was planning to leave it soon anyways. So, I figured, I might as well give you a ride, since I’m heading this way.” I stare at him questionably, and he raises his hands in defense. “Just for a little while, until you make it to the next big town, and then we can part our ways.”

“Why are you doing this, Krycek? What’s in it for you?” I ask suspiciously.

Krycek groans and rolls his eyes. “Good company?” He sarcastically replies.

I roll my eyes back and start walking again. But Krycek doesn’t follow for a good thirty seconds. And just as I turn my head to look back, the truck is revving past me, and then it stops about 10 yards ahead. I heavily sigh and slowly walk up to the truck. I silently open the door and get in.

“Under one condition.” I lift a finger, and point it at him, and he nods. “Keep all parts of your body to yourself.”

“My pleasure.” He glowers, and begins to drive.

I don’t know why I’m agreeing to this, but I figured, I could really use the ride to the next big town. That would be a few hours tops. No big deal, right?

XXX

A few hours later, we have yet to pass any big towns with any valuable supplies, or even any sign of human life. I mean, as tempting as the thought of dumping Scully on the side of the road is right now, this newfound conscience is telling me not to. I most likely would have been better off driving alone, since Scully and I haven’t said more than a few words to each other the whole car ride. She hasn’t even glanced my way once, and continues to just stare out the window. But when I look over at her again, about twenty minutes later, she is sleeping…rather loudly. My god, I have never heard or seen a woman snore like that, with her mouth wide open. I’m sure Mulder soaked that shit up, staring at her with googly eyes. But all I can do is grimace and heavily sigh. _Close your damn mouth, woman._

But just as I attempt to flick at Scully’s arm and wake her up, the truck starts sputtering and slows down, eventually coming to a halt. I guess I was so distracted with Scully’s snoring, that I didn’t realize the gas tank was empty.

“Damn.” I huff, opening the door and slamming it shut.

Scully jolts awake and furrows her brows. “What’s wrong?” She asks, dazed and confused.

“Stay here. I just have to put more gas in the tank.” I huff, walking around to the back of the truck.

I rummage through the supplies, and find the gas container. But just as I begin to pour the gas into the tank, I realize that something is wrong. I can’t even smell any gasoline. So, I lift up the container and poor it into my hand. It’s. Fucking. Water.

“Motherfucker!” I growl, slamming the gasoline container against the truck. I run my fingers through my hair and begin to pace. It figures that Chuck would still mess with me, even from hell. I should have expected it.

Scully quickly gets out and walks over to me with her arms folded. “What’s the matter?” She asks calmly. How can she be so damn calm right now?

“It’s water!” I shout, clenching and unclenching my jaw, still pacing around the truck.

Scully picks up the container and sniffs it. But she doesn’t flip her lid like I did. She just hangs her head for a moment and heavily sighs.

I guess this means we are stuck together for a little while longer…on foot. I look over at Scully, and she’s just watching me pace back and forth. Why is she so goddamn calm?! I don’t even know why that’s bothering me right now, but it is. And I feel like intentionally pissing her off, because I feel like we should both be angry right now. I mean, she can’t possibly want to spend another few days with me. I’m an ass. I’ll admit it. But she isn’t a walk in the park herself. At least not around me.

“Okay…” She finally speaks up. “We’ll just have to proceed on foot.” She sighs again.

“No shit!” I throw my ‘hand’ up in the air.

“Alex, calm down.” She softly replies, and I have to admit, I am slightly caught off guard. I don’t think I have ever heard Scully call me by my first name. And I don’t think she even realized that she did it. But, I choose to ignore it.

“I am calm!” I bark, and Scully snorts through her nose, rolling her eyes.

“Gee, I’d hate to see you angry.” She deadpans, and that almost gets a smirk from me. Almost.

I sharply inhale and exhale a few times before replying. “Well, miss smart ass…I guess you are stuck with me for a little while longer.” I glower, and she returns the look.

“I’ll manage.” She replies, and I’m also kind of shocked that she doesn’t seem too upset about it right now.

Dana Scully is just full of surprises today. Maybe this friendship thing might just work. For a little while at least. Until she realizes what a horrible mistake she has made, and tries to shoot me with my own gun.

“Yeah, but I may not.” I smirk, and she smirks back.

Did we just have a…’look’? I thought she only shared those moments with Mulder, but I’m pretty sure we just exchanged a genuine smile with each other. But I could be wrong. I don’t really smile that much, and something tells me that she hasn’t in a long time. All I know is, my anger has significantly dissipated, and I can see why Mulder liked having her around sometimes. She kept him calm and rational. But it’s not something I could deal with on a daily basis. And I’m pretty sure we will be biting each other’s heads off again later on.

I heavily sigh, and walk to the back of the truck, rummaging through what supplies we would absolutely need to carry with us. Scully’s pack falls to my feet, and some things come spilling out of it, including a pair of red panties. I immediately look up at Scully, and am stunned to see that neither of us is really all that embarrassed by me holding up a pair of her underwear. Instead of awkwardly clearing my throat, I smirk and wave them in the air. Scully rolls her eyes at me and shakes her head.

“I don’t think red is your color, Krycek. But I do have a blue pair in there that might suit you better.” She teases.

“Touché.” I reply, tossing the red undies at her face, and we both chuckle.

Another first I have witnessed today, is Scully giggling. I don’t even think I have even genuinely laughed in years, and here we are chuckling and staring at each other, as if we can’t decide if it’s even funny or not. After a moment, the giggling subsides, and she breaks eye contact first. She tosses the panties back, and I stuff them back in her pack, and begin to rummage through the rest of the supplies. And now I can’t help but feel this weird sensation in my chest. I’ve never felt it before. It’s a like a mixture of fear and slight arousal. But not exactly sexually. It’s more like, all of my senses have been heightened, but I am not aware of my other surroundings. Kind of like a mixture of ecstasy and marijuana. I mean, I’m just guessing here. I barely dabbled in drugs during my teen years. Was never really my thing.

We both finish picking out the most important supplies, and stuff them in our packs. At least Chuck had all this hiking and camping gear that we can use. But it’s already really hot outside, and it will be dark in a few more hours, so we need to find somewhere to camp for the night, soon. And the area that the truck stalled at, is not exactly a safe secluded area to stay the night in. About fifteen minutes later, we begin to walk on foot, and the silence sets in between us once again.

XXX

I’m not exactly sure what happened about two hours ago, but it’s definitely bothering me, the more that I think about it. For starters, I can’t quite figure out why I wasn’t all that upset about the truck breaking down…or Krycek touching my unmentionables earlier. And I most certainly don’t know how he got me to laugh, or how I got him to laugh. I’ve never seen Krycek laugh before. And I think the last time that I even genuinely smiled, was before the attack on earth. Mulder and I didn’t exactly cut up like the old days, when we were struggling to survive. And here we are, walking side by side, in silence again. Except now we keep glancing at each other every few minutes. But it’s not really an uncomfortable silence. It’s more of me inwardly trying to figure out what the hell is happening here, and him probably doing the same. I mean, I guess that it’s possible for Krycek and I to develop some sort of temporary friendship, regarding the current circumstances. It’s only human nature, to feel the need to bond with another being when alone for so long. But Krycek? He’s honestly the last person I would see myself being friends with. But hey, I guess that anything is possible now on this earth. Well, almost anything. I can most definitely think of some things that I would absolutely not even consider…ever. But something tells me that Krycek would. And that sort of gives me chest pains. Or maybe it’s this heat.

I look over at Krycek again, and he catches my eye. “Maybe we should stop right here for the night.” I finally speak up, pointing towards some open woods on the side of the road.

Krycek looks up at the darkening sky, and nods. “Yeah.”

We make our way into the wooded area, deep enough that we are not visible from the road, and begin to set up camp for the night. Krycek works on a fire, while I put up the tent. It’s starting to cool down a bit, but it’s still warm enough to sleep without a blanket. And I have to admit, it takes me several moments to realize that there is only one tent. And I’m tempted to volunteer to sleep outside, but I’m sure Krycek will speak up first, hopefully.

“You can take the tent.” Krycek speaks up, and I sigh in relief.

“Uh, thanks.” I reply, as I finish up.

It doesn’t take long for the sun to begin to set, and Krycek and I get out some food and sit down on opposite sides of the fire. I try not to sit too close, because the fire is more for night light than anything else, since it isn’t exactly cold outside right now. I seem to catch Krycek’s eye several times, and can’t quite figure out why he’s been staring at me so much for the past few hours. And now I can’t finish my food, because I feel like something is on my face or something.

“What?” I finally speak up, furrowing my brows.

Krycek looks at me for a long moment, mouth agape, and finally shakes his head and closes his mouth.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head, and looks back down at his food.

I usually don’t want to know what he is thinking about most of the time, but I have to admit, I’m somewhat curious at the moment. But I don’t dare ask. I’m not THAT curious. But I figured, I could at least strike up some conversation, because the silence right now is deafening.

“Where do you plan to go…after this?” I ask, setting the food down in my lap.

Krycek swallows and shrugs. “Not really sure.”

I nod and take another bite. Another moment passes, and I catch him staring at me again. I completely abandon my food and avoid eye contact.

“What?” I quietly ask again.

Krycek shakes his head. “Nothing.” But he doesn’t look away this time. Why is he looking at me like that?

“I see.” I reply, feeling my face suddenly flush. I don’t think I’ve had a man stare at me like that in a few years now. Not even Mulder. He was always too distracted near the end.

Krycek abandons his food as well and wipes the crumbs off his pants, still staring at me.

“I just don’t get it.” He says, cocking his head to the side.

“Get what?” I ask, anxiously tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Why you and Mulder have never….” His voice trails off for a moment. “I mean, I always figured that he was trying to…but he wasn’t…” He shakes his head in confusion and looks away for a moment.

I already know exactly what he is implying. And I honestly have to admit, I didn’t get it either. I guess it was just never meant to happen with me and Mulder. And I also have to admit, the more Krycek eyes me, the more my stomach begins to tighten up. I mean, I’m not going to lie, Krycek is a very attractive man. And he has shown a few surprises over the past week. But I would never let anything happen…even if it was just once…no matter how lonely I’ve been.

“Yeah...” Is all I can manage to get out at the moment.

I finally allow myself to make eye contact, and I hear us both sharply inhale. I think it’s almost time for me to go to bed now, and let this feeling pass. It’s normal to feel like this in my current situation, and it will pass, as always.

“Well, I always thought you were gay.” I blurt, and Krycek’s eyes widen in surprise. I don’t know why I just said that, but it’s kind of true. The way Krycek followed Mulder around at first, that was just my first impression, honestly.

“WHAT?! Seriously?!” Krycek busts out laughing, causing him to fall back. He continues to laugh for a long moment, laying on his back. He finally sits back up and smiles. “I promise you…I’m NOT gay.” He smirks, looking me up and down, and something inside of me stirs. Dammit, what is going on here? I really need to go to bed now.

I find myself smiling back, and begin to stand up. Krycek follows. “Well, goodnight.” I say, turning to leave.

“Wait.” Krycek replies, walking around the fire, and standing over me. He reaches his hand out towards my face, and I find myself holding my breath. “You have something on your---“He swipes his thumb across the corner of my mouth, and I instantly freeze.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“No problem.” He nods and backs away. “Goodnight, Scully.”

I nod and quickly rush to my tent. And even though I am exhausted right now, I know that I’m going to have some trouble sleeping tonight. I feel so ashamed right now. How did it come to this, in such a short amount of time? I mean, I’m sure that it would be the same way if Mulder or Skinner were here right now. Well, actually, this didn’t happen when I lived with them. In fact, this is the first time I have craved another person’s touch in a year. And I can only hope that this feeling will pass after I get some sleep.

XXX

I have to admit, I knew exactly what I was doing a few hours ago. And no, Scully didn’t really have anything on her face. I’m bad…I know. But for some reason, ever since she agreed to stay a little while longer with me, I’ve somehow begun to somewhat enjoy her presence. Even when we fight. And yes, I know I’m a guy, and she’s like the only woman I’ve come across in quite a while…but it’s not just my raging hormones kicking in. Well, not just that. I guess, I’ve seen a whole other side of Scully lately…another side that I didn’t even know existed. She’s really not the “ice queen” that people called her at the academy. Not in the inside, at least. And I can’t deny that I have had trouble tearing my eyes away from her today. It could just be the heat, or just the fact that I haven’t gotten laid in a long time. But whatever it is, I’m having a hard time containing it tonight. It just came on out of the blue, and I’m not sure that it will leave as quickly as it appeared. Dammit.

And just as I begin to finally dose off, I feel something wet on my face. I sit up, and wipe at the water droplet on my check. Fricking rain. Great. I lay back down, and hope that it will only sprinkle, but the droplets begin to get bigger. I sit there for a moment, staring at the tent. I know that there is no way in hell that Scully will let me in there with her tonight, and I’m not exactly sure that it’s a good idea anyways. But before I can even finish my thought, Scully peaks her head out of the tent.

“Krycek, get in here.” She firmly demands, and I open my mouth to protest, but she shakes her head at me, so I obey.

I make my way into the tent, and stay as far away from her as I possibly can, wiping the moisture from my face. “It’s raining.” I dumbly say, inwardly kicking myself.

Scully nods. “Yeah. You can sleep in here tonight.” She simply says, and lays back down.

I sit there awkwardly for a moment, not knowing exactly what to think or say, and finally lay down. I lay there for what seems like an hour, listening to the rain hitting the tent. I can tell that Scully is still awake too, just by her breathing patterns. So, I decide to speak up.

“Thanks.” My hoarse voice sounds weird in the darkness.

“For what?” She softly asks, and I hear her body shift a bit.

“For letting me stay in here.” I reply.

“Just please honor our earlier agreement.”

I furrow my eyebrows for a moment, trying to figure out what she is talking about, and then it finally hits me. _“Keep all your body parts to yourself.”_

“No problem.” I reply, slightly offended. Does she really think I would do something like that when she is asleep, without her permission?

I can hear her nod, and it gets quiet again for several minutes. But I’m still awake, and I know that she is too. But just as I begin to dose off again, Scully’s soft voice fills the darkness.

“Krycek?”

“Yeah?”

“Never mind.”

“Okay.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

XXX

**A/N: Thanks to the people who reached out to me on FB and Tumblr! Things are about to change a bit now…and it shouldn’t be that long of a wait this time. : )**

**P.S. Don’t Let Me Down by Chainsmokers ft. Daya and Nothing Like This by The Phantoms are good songs for this story. I always pick out some music to match each one. ; )**


	6. Ecstasy and Shame

**A/N: 5 days is better than 18, right? : )**

**ONE WEEK LATER**

It’s been a little over two weeks now since I ran into Krycek down by that little creek. And it’s been a week now since things began to somewhat change. And I cannot honestly say if it is for the better or not. Krycek and I have been getting along fairly well the past five days, and haven’t fought even once, aside from the occasional harmless teasing. And that has been slightly bothering me. In fact, the past two days, we have sort of bonded to an extent…and may have even come close to borderline “flirting” …and I know that I need to stop that now…today. Just because he is the only human being I have been around for quite a while, and just because he is being nice to me for some reason, doesn’t mean that we are “friends”. In fact, “friends” would be a level below how we have been acting today. Well, mainly him.

That night that I let him share the tent with me when it was raining, he was actually respectful of my boundaries, and kept his body on the opposite side of the tent the whole night. It was ME that ended up subconsciously wrapped around his body that next morning when we both woke up. I don’t know how it happened, being that I rarely move in my sleep. But I woke up to him clearing his throat, and desperately trying to suppress a smirk, while I quickly disentangled my limbs from his, feeling extremely embarrassed. I couldn’t dart out of that tent fast enough. But we never talked about it, thank god. And now, ever since then, we seem to make eye contact more frequently than before…and it’s beginning to unnerve me. I thought that that “feeling” that night would pass since then, but it seems to have only amplified in intensity. I feel extremely indecisive about the fact that I’m feeling fairly comfortable around him lately. It must be a trick, most likely. And the moment I show a little temporary vulnerability, I know that I will regret it for the rest of my life. Krycek and I can’t be friends…or even anything in that vicinity. And even though he has been good about respecting physical boundaries this past week, he has somehow managed to still make me feel violated just by the way he looks at me or talks to me. I’m just thankful that it hasn’t rained again since that night. I’ve had the tent to myself, and I’m praying for another sunny day. But unfortunately, as I look up at the sky, it is filled with big greyish clouds.

So far, we have traveled pretty far the past 5 days, and we had decided to rest for a day or two at our new temporary campsite location. “We” …ha. It sounds really weird saying that, as if Krycek and I are a “team” now. But we both know that once I find Mulder and Skinner, things will go back to the way they were before…and I so cannot wait for that moment. I don’t want to feel like I have been this week. I don’t want to feel confused and flustered and hopeless. But I have to admit, Krycek has somehow managed to help me forget about it for a little while, since we have done nothing but talk about anything and everything since we set up our new campsite for the night. But I also have to admit, I have been doing most of the talking the past thirty minutes, and I don’t think I’ve talked this much with someone since before the attack on earth, with Mulder. But after a while, I keep noticing Krycek smirking at me, and then I all of a sudden feel like he’s making fun of me or something. And I hate when he does that. In fact, he’s always looked at me like that. Like I’m talking nonsense, or that he has better things to do with his time. Well guess what mister, I have better things to do with my time too, and now I’m all of a sudden feeling annoyed. I don’t know the exact cause of this sudden annoyance, but I think that a lot of it has to do with those green eyes constantly looking me up and down lately…and that devious sneer that always follows along right after.

“What?” I ask with a slight frown.

“Nothing.” Krycek replies, just like all of his other previous responses.

I heavily sigh and self-consciously rub at my arms, leaning into the heat of the fire. I have noticed that it has started to cool down at night, the further we travel.

“That’s always your answer. But I know that you’re thinking something, cause you keep looking at me like----like---“

“Like what?” Krycek asks, chuckling.

“Like that!” I point at him with slight exasperation, and frown again. “And why are you laughing?”

Krycek shakes his head and lifts his hands up in defense, all the while still leering at me.

“I’m not laughing AT you.”

“The hell you aren’t.” I pout with slight irritation.

Krycek looks away for a moment, and heavily sighs, but he’s still smiling. “Alright…FINE.” He pauses, and I prepare myself for his answer. But what he tells me, is not what I was thinking…at all. “I’ve just noticed…that---that you talk a lot.” But before I can open my mouth to protest, he continues. “But before you go thinking that’s an insult…it isn’t.”

I furrow my brows. “How isn’t it?” I decide to calmly challenge him, instead of trying to fervently defend myself. I’ve just never had someone tell me that before. And I don’t know how I feel about hearing it for the first time, from Krycek.

“Well…I guess I just never pegged you as the talkative type. You always seemed so---so reserved.” He replies, cocking his head to the side.

“And how is this not an insult?” I ask with great confusion.

Krycek lightly snickers again. “It’s not. Well, when its coming from me, it isn’t.” He pauses, and I just furrow my brows even more. “I guess----I guess I never expected you to talk to ME this much.”

“Me neither.” I quickly reply, and I can tell that he is trying to figure out if that’s an insult towards him, now. It isn’t.

“Not a lot of people sit down and talk with me for longer than sixty-seconds, usually.” He quietly replies. _Hmmm, I wonder why? “_ And I guess----it’s just new for me. But I think I like it.” _Crap, now I feel bad._

I don’t even know why I feel bad that Krycek doesn’t have many friends, but I do. I mean, I can relate. Mulder was my only true friend. And now I have nobody. Just me and Krycek, my former partner’s former arch-nemesis, sitting here, talking. And when I do think about it, it really IS unlike me. Maybe I should go to bed early tonight. I just have this feeling that I should. Like, right now. But I don’t. I just continue to sit there, thinking about what Krycek just said.

“I guess it is nice to have someone to talk to…in all this silence.” I finally reply, and Krycek nods.

We both sit there for about thirty-seconds, in silence, until Krycek makes this weird face at me, and I’m beginning to wonder if he changed his mind about everything that he just said.

“Scully…don’t move.” He says, slowly standing up, and pointing at something next to me.

I look over to see a garter snake slithering beside me. I only know that it’s a garter snake, because I loved creepy crawly creatures as a kid. I was quite the tomboy actually. And when I look back at Krycek, I can’t help but snort a chuckle. The panicked look on his face right now is priceless. Is Alex Krycek afraid of snakes?

“Oh, hello, little guy.” I coo, reaching for the garter snake.

“Jesus, Scully, don’t—don’t touch it!” Krycek practically yelps. And I swear I see beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead.

“Relax, Krycek. It’s harmless. Just a garter snake.” I calmly explain, picking up the snake.

I hold the snake for a little while, secretly enjoying the fact that Krycek is staring at me in horror. And when I finally put it down and let it slither away, he sighs in relief. Next thing I know, I’m overcome with laughter, and I can’t control it.

“I’m glad to see that this amuses you.” He pouts for a moment, running his hand through his hair.

“Oh yes, it does.” I giggle, and eventually, Krycek beings to chuckle with me.

“Alright, so now you know…my deepest darkest secret.” He jokes, and I keep giggling.

“Made my day.” I reply, and then I notice that he is freaking giving me that look again. “What?” I ask, and almost wish that I hadn’t, because Krycek actually answers me the first time around this time. And it’s not the same reason as before.

“I like it when you laugh.” He blurts, while intensely staring at me, and suddenly, something stirs within me again. We stare at each other for a long moment, and I know that it’s my cue to go to bed now.

“I---uh---it’s getting late.” I finally reply, and Krycek only nods, looking somewhat disappointed.

But he doesn’t stop me, as I walk over to the tent and unzip it. “Uh—goodnight, Krycek.”

“Goodnight, Scully.”

And when I get into the tent, and zip it up, I spend the next hour wide awake. And I can only hope it doesn’t rain tonight. But I have a feeling that it’s going to.

XXX

It’s definitely going to rain tonight, and honestly, I wish it wouldn’t. I can tell that the very thought of sharing a tent with me again bothers Scully. And the way I’m feeling right now is…dangerous. Not as in harmful to Scully, but detrimental to certain parts of me…to everything that I am. We are two very different types of people. But ever since that morning that I woke up with Scully wrapped around me, something has begun to emerge deep within me. I mean, I never doubted my own magnetism towards Scully, but I do doubt that she would return those thoughts. In fact, I know she wouldn’t. But for some reason, I’m having a very hard time fricking controlling this newfound desire the past few days. I’ve always been in control, of everything. But I feel like that control is slowly slipping through my fingers.  And at this point, it’s only going to make things so much more complicated than they already are. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t want to upset Scully, or make her feel uncomfortable any more than I already have in this lifetime. I’d like to think that we are becoming a team, even if it’s just a temporary one…and that we need each other right now. I mean, the way that the world is now, I kind of need someone to talk to everyday, just to maintain my sanity. Granted, she gets on my nerves sometimes, but it’s nothing that I can’t handle. In fact, I’ve been learning new things about her every day, that I just never even took into consideration. Things that impressed me. And things that began to sway my mind about this whole situation. Dana Scully is definitely not like any other woman that I’ve ever known. She’s different.

But just as I finish that last thought, I feel and smell a light rain beginning. But maybe it will only actually sprinkle this time. Because I really don’t think it’s a good idea to be in that tent right now. I mean, I know that I wouldn’t ever do something against her will, but I’d rather her not wake up to a morning erection, which I am thankful didn’t happen last week. But the way that my body and mind has been reacting today, will surely intensify. And as long as I keep my distance, there shouldn’t be a problem.

But the rain keeps coming, and I’m thinking that it’s not really going to hurt me if I sleep outside in the rain just this one time. I was in need of a shower anyways. A cool shower. But after a few minutes, I’m starting to shiver, and then I hear Scully’s voice calling out to me.

“Krycek…Alex! Get in here.” Scully calls out, and I shake my head.

She stares at me for a long moment, but I do not budge. I really shouldn’t go in there. I really, really shouldn’t. But she eventually comes out into the rain, and stands over me.

“Scully, I’m fine. It’s just sprinkling. Plus, I have part of a tarp in my pack, if it gets worse.” I explain, looking up at her.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” She clicks her tongue, and motions for me to get inside the tent.

“It’s just a little rain.” I shrug, but I know that I am visibly shaking right now. And pretty soon, I’m going to be soaked.

“Get in the tent. Or I’m staying out here also.” She firmly demands, crossing her arms.

“Oh-ho no you’re not. Don’t be crazy.” I roll my eyes, but Scully stands her ground.

Well, I guess I’m going to be having a sleepless night either way. So, I might as well spend it in a dry tent…with Scully. Whose bra is now visible through her damp shirt, that I am trying really hard to not stare at right now. Dammit.

“Guhh.” I groan, standing up, and carry my things inside the tent.

Once again, I stay as far away as possible and immediately lay down, turning away from Scully. And surprisingly, I am able to fall asleep…but even my dreams haunt me.

XXX

It’s raining. Yep, it’s been raining really hard for hours now, and even though I was able to fall asleep for a while, I am suddenly woken up by Krycek’s heavy breathing and whimpering. I turn over to look at him, and can just barely see his outline. He seems to still be asleep, and probably having a nightmare. I gently touch his chest and try to shake him awake, but am caught off guard when his good hand reaches up and grabs a hold of mine, tightly clutching at it. We both seem to softly gasp at the same time, as he begins to wake up and look at me. I don’t even try to pull my hand away, because I am still slightly caught off guard, and because his hand is still holding mine to his firm chest. I can feel his heart thumping wildly, and feel as if mine is beginning to as well. He looks over at me, and down at our hands, and then finally let’s go, and I quickly pull my hand back. But now my body is closer to his than it was before, and he is still looking at me, waiting for an explanation.

“Y-you were having a nightmare.” I manage to croak out, and he nods, still silently staring at me.

And I have absolutely no idea what unknown force suddenly overpowers my ability to think rationally, but next thing I know, I am leaning in. Krycek just lays there, slightly stunned, as my lips lightly caress his. But the kiss is only a brief one, that is quickly interrupted by the sound of thunder…and then my rational thinking suddenly comes back to me. I pull away quickly and immediately turn away from him. I feel ashamed. So ashamed. I have no idea why I just did that. And I also have no idea why I just stopped. And all I know, is that the past 12 months of events are suddenly overwhelming my memory, and I’m suddenly and intensely desiring to be held, and touched. I don’t want to want this, and I don’t want to need this. But tonight, I may need this, and tonight, I want this.

“I’m sorry.” I finally speak over my shoulder, and can feel my eyes burning with sudden tears.

“Don’t be.” Krycek softly replies, and I can hear him scooting his body closer to mine. And then his chest is pressed up against my back, and his mouth is hovering over my ear. “Dana…”

“What?” I whisper, choking back a sob. I don’t want him to call me by my first name, but at the same time, I do.

“Nothing has to happen. Unless you want it to.” He whispers into my hair, and I can only shrug. I don’t know what I want to happen, yet. He sighs. “I’m just going to hold you then.” He softly explains, before wrapping his good hand around my shoulder. I’m pretty sure that Krycek has never “just held” a woman before. And I don’t think I want him to pick now to start being a gentleman.

And then we are spooning, and shaking. But I can’t tell which one of us is shaking. I just know that one of us is, or maybe both of us…and that my face is wet. Krycek pulls me closer to him, and rests his head lightly on top of mine. I close my eyes, and sharply inhale, as I finally make up my mind.

XXX

“Yes.” She breathes, and I strain to hear her better.

Did Scully just say that she does want something to happen? I lay there for a moment, patiently waiting for her to say something else, but she doesn’t. Instead, she arches her back into me, and firmly pushes her butt into my crotch.

“God---Dana.” I groan. And then she is grabbing my hand and placing it on her stomach, just below the curve of her chest. “I want you. God, I want you.” I moan into the side of her neck, and she whimpers back.

_I guess this is happening. This is really fucking happening right now…right? This isn’t just a dream?_

I hesitate to move my hand for a moment, lightly testing the waters first. But then my trembling hand is roaming up and down Scully’s firm stomach, and under her shirt, as my fingertips lightly caress the soft skin there. I don’t think I have ever been this shook up with a woman before. It almost feels like I’m experiencing my “first time” all over again, because I’m suddenly afraid to go up or down any further with my hand, as if I don’t know exactly what to do. _Get it together, Alex._

“Are you sure?” I ask, hoping that she is. I get an instant nod, so I continue.

My hand slowly and gently slides to the side, resting on Scully’s hip. I carefully lean down, and place my lips behind her ear, trailing searing hot kisses down her neck, to her shoulder, and up to her jaw. She softly moans, and I can’t believe that I am being this gentle with her right now, when I really want to just rip her clothes off. But I’d like to think that some things have changed in my life, and that I’m a somewhat different Alex now. Because as I’m laying here, burying my nose and lips into Scully’s neck, I can only think of pleasing her first. I really want to know what she likes, and dislikes. I desperately want to know how she operates, and how her face looks when she climaxes. I want her to call out my name…my first name. And I don’t want to just “fuck”. I want to make love to her…for the first time in my life. My god, what is happening to me? Will things go back to normal after this? Will this just be a one-time thing? For some reason, I highly doubt it will.

I snap back to reality, and realize that I have just been laying there for several seconds, with my hand still on Scully’s hip, and she’s writhing against me, waiting for more. I can feel my prosthetic digging into my shoulder from the way I am laying, but I don’t care right now. I just wish I had more use with that side, other than stiff movements. I never really missed my left arm as much as I do right now. But instead of whining about it, I just make do with what I do have, and my hand slowly travels back up Scully’s stomach, and finally reaches underneath her breasts. I tuck my hand underneath one cup and push it up, and as my fingertips glide up one side, I hear Scully sharply inhale, and I’m guessing that’s a good sign. My still trembling fingers lightly rub past a nipple, and it’s electric. It takes a lot of inner strength for me to lay still and not instantly flip Scully over and underneath me.

I lightly flick at the nipple, and Scully whimpers again. I do the same thing to the other breast, until she is continuously stiffening and relaxing against me, and I’m sure she already knows that I’m rock hard already. But just in case she doesn’t, I grind up against her backside just once, and her whimper is a bit louder this time. _Mwah-ha._ Then my hand abandons both breasts, and slowly travels back down her stomach, until I reach the top of her pants. I can feel her trembling, and I haven’t even reached my final destination yet. _God, I love it._

My hand finally slips under the fabric, and slowly slides down between her legs, inch by inch, until I’ve reached her soft curls. And then my finger finds the moisture, and there is a lot of it.

“Ohhh shiiit.” I groan and shiver, making a sound that I’m not even sure came from me.

I can’t help but grin at my accomplishment. I never thought I would make Dana Scully feel this way. And I think I would be fine with it just being this one time, if that’s what she wanted. I think. Anyways, my finger dips in-between the slick folds, and just as I begin to apply pressure to that little bundle of nerves, Scully is loudly moaning. And I can’t help but moan with her.

“Oh god.” She whimpers, writhing against me, and I begin to rub in slow lazy circles.

I continue this for a little while, and then decide to speed up the pace, in a faster tighter circular motion, and Scully begins to claw at my arm. I’ll take that as a good sign. I keep going, while kissing at her neck again, and next thing I know, she is loudly crying out, and violently convulsing against me. I decide then to dip my finger inside a few times, which seems to make things last even longer.

“Aaaalllleexxxx.” She softly moans, and I have to admit, I love it when she says my first name. Especially like that.

I bury my face into her neck, lightly raking my teeth against the soft skin there, as I ride out her tremors with her, until they begin to diminish. And when it’s over, I already miss it, and realize that I never got to even kiss her or look at her face. I’m hoping that she will let me do it again, before the night is over. I just want to see her face this time. I need to know that she truly enjoyed it. Maybe it’s an ego thing…but I could really use the ego boost here lately. So, I try to gently turn her around so that I can see her face, but she lightly resists…and my heart sinks into my stomach.

XXX

Never…in my whole lifetime, have I ever experienced something like what I just experienced now. Maybe it’s because I’ve been alone for so long, or maybe because I had forgotten what it felt like…or maybe even because I didn’t expect Alex Krycek to be any good at it. But he is…he so is. And I am still ashamed for wanting more. And when he tries to turn me around to look at him, I can’t face him. I don’t really want to give him the satisfaction right now. But I want him to do it again. But I don’t. I’m just so confused right now, and I know that if I turn around, that I will then be fully participating. And all I can think about is, how would Mulder feel about this? With me, sleeping with his former arch-nemesis…and liking it…a lot.

“Hey…” Krycek coo’s, tucking a sweaty lock of hair behind my ear, and my libido is already rising again.

I can feel my eyes burning again, and I don’t think I have the strength to stop this from going further right now. It was unexpectedly amazing, and fulfilling, but at the same time, I need more, but I don’t want to. It technically was my fault, because I started it, which I don’t fully understand why I did. And I think that what is really bothering me most, is that Krycek is treating me so much better than I had expected him to in this situation, and it is something that I always secretly wanted, but could never obtain. And it’s with the wrong person. That passion that I never thought existed, came at the most unexpected and most lonely time in my life, when I needed and secretly wanted it the most. And the person that I have finally found that earthshattering desire with, is Alex Krycek. This is not good. He was not the guardian angel that I prayed for. And I’m wondering if God is playing a joke on me, or if he is trying to teach me a lesson. And all I know, is, I need more of it. Just one more time.

I finally slowly turn around, and lay on my back, looking up at Krycek. His eyes are soft and sad, not harsh and intimidating like they usually are. And I can tell that he is panicking in the inside…wondering if I really didn’t want this. I just stare up at him, hoping that for once, he is able to read my mind. And when he looks back down at me, I can see the relief wash over him. He slowly brings his good hand up to my face, and traces the edge of my jaw and nose with his finger tip. I can tell that he is having a hard time holding himself up with his prosthetic arm, so I firmly push at his chest to keep him up, while my other hand reaches up and tangles into the back of his hair. His eyes look so different right now, and it terrifies me. He’s looking at me again, like he did earlier, except for now, I know what it really means. He’s just trying to figure me out. I heavily sigh, and will my eyes to stay dry, as he traces his thumb along my bottom lip. I decide that I really need to kiss him right now, and begin to pull his head down. He holds his breath, leans down, and lightly catches my bottom lip between his teeth. He finally exhales, and I push my hips up into his, hoping that he gets the hint, so that I don’t have to actually ask for it. And he does.

Then we are fervently kissing, and the agonizingly slow movements have now sped up, as I claw at his shirt, trying to lift it up off his shoulders. It catches on his prosthetic arm, but he manages to pull it the rest of the way off. I briefly eye his fake arm with sympathy, finally getting a good look at it. I can tell it hurt, from the looks of the scars. He stops kissing on my neck and face for a moment, and looks down at his arm. I can see the pain swimming in his eyes for a brief moment, before his lust filled gaze comes back, and then he is ripping at my shirt. I decide to take my bra off myself, and when it finally unclasps and slips down my shoulders, Krycek’s breath hitches in his throat. Usually his gaze intimidates me, but right now, it makes me feel wanted, and needed. He runs his rough hands up and down my naked torso, and I do the same with him, admiring his beautiful body. I don’t know why I never noticed how amazing it really was, until now. But I can tell that he is thinking the same thing with me. At least, I hope that’s what he’s thinking. I don’t even know why I want his approval right now, but I do for some reason.

I pull his head down, and nibble at his ear, and that seems to intensify things, because he loudly whimpers into my neck. And then we are kissing again, sloppily, as if this is our last day on earth. He pulls back a bit to catch his breath, and I take advantage of that moment, and begin to work on his pants. He looks down at my hands for a moment, and chuckles. I don’t think he realizes how badly I need this right now. But I guess he’s about to find out. He helps me get his pants and boxers off, and everything down there springs to life, hot and hard against my inner thigh. I try to reach down and grab at it, but he pushes my hand away and begins to yank my pants down, and then my panties. I am now suddenly very aware of our nakedness, and I honestly can’t even remember the last time I felt warm skin against my own. But I briefly relish each touch, kiss, and each gaze, as he slowly makes his way down my body with his lips. I can tell exactly where he is headed, and I don’t think I am ready for that just yet. But before I can yank his head up, he makes his way back up my body, and I sigh in relief. I guess I’ve just never really had any good experiences with that certain act of intimacy, but something tells me that he’s probably very good at it. Maybe I’ll let him do it later…maybe not.

I continue to grind my hips up against his, and he finally gets the hint, and guides himself to my core. He hesitates for a moment, and I can tell what he is worried about.

“I’m not ovulating.” I whisper, and he nods in relief.

Don’t ask me how I know that, because it’s not like I was planning this very moment, but I’m a doctor…so naturally, I might keep track of my ovulation and monthly periods…for health reasons. But my thoughts suddenly escape me, when I am overwhelmed with the intense sensation of him slowly entering me. It doesn’t hurt, even though it’s been forever. I guess because I am probably wetter than I ever have been in my life. I didn’t even know it was possible for my libido to be this intense. But right now it is…and as he begins to push in and pull back out, I find myself matching his rhythm.

Several thrusts later, we pick up the pace, and I am beginning to feel the slight twinge of climax in my lower belly. I guess that Krycek is too, because his breathing becomes erratic. And next thing I know, we have suddenly become extremely religious, vocally.

“Jesus---Danaaaa.” He groans against my mouth.

“Oh, god. Oh…GOD.” I breathlessly reply.

And just as my body begins to stiffen up, Krycek pulls one of my hands up over my head, and intertwines our fingers, as he wildly thrusts a few more times. I can’t honestly say what happened next, because I blacked out for a moment, as my whole body began to tremble. And when I regained consciousness a few seconds later, Krycek was just finishing right behind me. I raked both of my hands through his hair, until our tremors dissipated. And that’s when the intense feeling of shame and regret began to overwhelm me. _What have I done?_

XXX

The moment we both regained our composure, Scully was firmly pushing me away and avoiding eye contact. God, what did I do now? That’s all I can think. I’ve upset her. Maybe she really didn’t want this to happen. But it was too late now. It happened, and it was mind-blowing. But she was now acting like it was a mistake. Why did I let this happen? I fucked up, like always. And now things were going to be weird between us. And after it ended, I honestly immediately wanted more. But Scully is now fervently putting her clothes back on, and scooting over to the other side of the tent, as far away from me as possible.

“Dana?” I furrow my brows, reaching out to her.

“Don’t.” She lifts up her hand in warning, and I nod, looking away.

I rub at the stubble on my jaw, and begin to dress myself. And when I am finished, I look back over at her. Scully is fricking curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, and now I feel like complete shit.

“I---I’m sorry.” I try apologizing, for whatever I did wrong, which I honestly have no fucking clue what that actually is.

“This----this can’t happen again.” She firmly replies, shaking her head.

 _Shit._ I nod. “Yeah…okay.” Well, this is awkward now. But not as awkward as it is frustrating, and upsetting. I didn’t expect this to be a regular thing, but I also didn’t expect for Scully to suddenly hate my guts again. I thought we were past this…but I guess not. And actually, I don’t know what I really expected to happen after this. I guess I never even thought about it, until now.

“Scully…” I try again, but that seems to make things even worse, as I watch her get up and dart out into the pouring rain. “Shit.” I run a hand through my damp disheveled hair. “Shit, shit, shit.”

**_TO BE CONTINUED…_ **

**A/N: And here is where it all actually begins. Are you ready??? : )**


	7. The Ugly Truth

**A/N: Once again, sorry for the 25-day long delay! : ( Things have been really hectic lately!**

_“Scully…” I try again, but that seems to make things even worse, as I watch her get up and dart out into the pouring rain. “Shit.” I run a hand through my damp disheveled hair. “Shit, shit, shit.”_

**_CONTINUED…_ **

I make my way out into the pouring rain, and pray to God that Krycek doesn’t follow me. But after about 60 seconds, he is right behind me when I turn around.

“Scully---“He reaches for my arm, but I pull away.

“Don’t, Krycek. Just---“I hold up my hands in warning, shaking my head.

I am suddenly very aware of how cold the rain is, as my teeth begin to chatter, and before I know it, we are both soaked to the bone. And I am kind of glad that it is still somewhat dark, and that it is raining so hard, because that means that Krycek can’t see my face right now. Because if he could, he would notice that I was crying. I can feel the sobs building up from within my chest, and I have to bite down on my lip and hold my breath in order to stifle them. And suddenly, all of those built-up emotions from this past year begin to overwhelm my brain, and I’m not even sure exactly why I am so upset right now. All I know is that I can still feel the wetness between my legs from a few moments ago, along with the slight sedation of two powerful orgasms, and it makes me sick to my stomach. But not because I hated it. I’m horrified right now, because I didn’t hate it. I guess I’m upset right now, because I still want more. I was the one who instigated it. And I can’t deal with how gentle Krycek is treating me right now, as he continues to try to make eye contact with me, and speak to me softly. That is the last thing I need right now, and a part of me wants to pick a fight, and get Krycek to yell at me, so that things can go back to normal. But I just don’t have the energy to even fight right now. All I can think about is what Mulder and Skinner would think. They could be fighting for their lives right now, and how do I justify the fact that I’ve just slept with my best friend’s enemy? How do I possibly explain that to Mulder when I see him again? And I mean when…not ‘if’.

“NO. We need to talk about this, Scully. I’m sick of playing these silent games with each other all the time. Just please…talk to me. I mean, we---we don’t have to do this ever again. I’m okay with that. But I at least want to make sure things are okay with us.” Krycek slightly raises his voice, in a gentle way. _God, that beautiful bastard._

“That’s just it…I don’t want things to be okay with us. I don’t want things to change. I just want to find my friends, and I want things to go back to the way they were before. With---with us fighting, and hating each other.” I spat, looking down at the ground. But I know that I don’t really mean a lot of it, and I know that Krycek can tell.

“No you don’t.” He shakes his head, but I can’t really tell what his facial expressions are. And maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t want to see the disappointment in his face right now. I don’t want him to want me…and I don’t want to want him.

“Don’t tell me what I do and do not want!” I flail my arms about with exasperation.

Krycek heavily sighs. “Whether you like it or not, Scully, we are a team now. Even if it’s just a temporary one. We need each other right now, and you’re going to have to deal with that for the time being, until you find Mulder and Skinner. It’s not exactly ideal for me either, but I’m willing to suck it up for now. And until then, we should at least be civil with each other. You can go back to hating me again later.” He replies, with slight sarcasm at the end.

“Stop!” I spat, putting my hands up over my face.

“Stop what?” Krycek asks with frustration.

“All of this. Stop being so nice to me. Stop being this new Krycek, who--who’s recently found redemption. This isn’t you. Why did you have to change? I can’t deal with this right now. It’s too much.” I grunt, hanging my head, and rubbing at my temples. I know I’m being ridiculously immature right now, which is extremely rare for Doctor Dana Katherine Scully. But I feel that I have the right to be, occasionally. The world has changed, and maybe so have I.

Krycek chuckles sarcastically, shaking his head. “Wow. That is the last thing I would have expected you to say. Honestly, Scully, I would have thought that you would want me to change. That’s a little ass-backwards, don’t you think?” He hisses.

“God, EVERYTHING is ass-backwards these days!” I shout.

“Calm down, Scully.” He raises a hand, and I can feel my pulse quickening. “Let’s just agree to keep things as strictly acquaintances, okay? Let’s just forget about what happened tonight.” He calmly replies, but I can tell that he is not happy with it. In fact, I’m not even sure that I can forget about what happened a while ago. I think it will be forever engrained into my mind, for as long as I live. But I think that he is right. I need to calm down, and keep moving forward. As long as I keep my distance again, I think that I can handle things for a little while longer. People make mistakes, right? We are only human, and sometimes we do stupid things. Stupid things that can never happen ever again. And now that Krycek has agreed to it, I think that I can calm down a bit now, and just try to move past this little moment of weakness. As long as he can too.

XXX

Goddammit, what am I even saying right now?! This is really the last thing I actually want. To forget about what just happened in that tent a while ago. But Scully seems to be really upset by it, and I’m now beginning to think that maybe it really was a mistake. Now that my libido has settled down quite a bit, my brain is thinking more rationally now. And maybe this really is for the best. But, my god, it was a life changing experience for me. And I can’t honestly say that I have ever said that about sex with a woman before. It was downright earth-shattering. The way our glistening bodies melded into one, and when that intense feeling of well-being overcame me, my limbs went completely numb for about thirty-seconds. Shit. It’s going to be really hard now to get that last image out of my mind, of Scully underneath of me, clawing at my back, and screaming my name. My first name. Goddammit.

“Okay.” Scully finally says, and I nod.

I don’t know why I’m even trying to be her friend, and get along with her. In fact, I think I’m more surprised by my recent actions than she is. And I can’t use the “heavily medicated” excuse right now, unfortunately. I know that IF Scully finds Mulder and Skinner alive, that I will be on my own once again. So, I don’t even know why I’m trying to make Scully and I a ‘team’ right now. Is that even what I want? Or am I just temporarily blinded by post-orgasmic bliss, and the overwhelming desire for the only woman I’ve seen in about a year? I mean, come on, Scully and I are bound to be nipping at each-other’s throats again here soon. And that short-lived ecstasy will eventually come to an end, once she realizes her mistake. In fact, that slight twinge of annoyance is beginning to come back at this very moment, as Scully looks at me with repulsion, as if I had done it all against her will. But I didn’t, right? She made the first move…right? Right.

“Okay.” I repeat, and nod as well. And suddenly, I can’t bring myself to look at her at this very moment.

I shouldn’t have let any of this happen. Scully was having a vulnerable moment, and maybe even a brief moment of insanity, and I took advantage of that. My god, maybe she really didn’t want this to happen. Maybe I should just stay far away from her. Because the more that I think about it, the more annoyed I get. Why did she have to kiss me? She said I was having a nightmare, but the truth is, it was more than just that. It was the very thing that has haunted me the most in my lifetime. The biggest secret I could ever keep, and the only secret I can never tell. She would surely put a bullet in my head, if she ever found out everything. I mean, it’s not like it was my fault, exactly. I had no choice, and I deeply regretted it afterwards. And for some reason, that memory is really bothering me tonight. And I don’t think that it’s ever going to get easier. Not now. Not after what just happened between us. I swear, I fucking hate having this newfound conscience. Because now I feel like a douche all the time. I miss being care-free. I miss not giving a shit about anything. I miss being detached from everyone and everything. It was a lonely lifestyle, but at least I had control over my life.

“Okay.” She says again, clearing her throat.

I don’t know how many times we are going to go back and forth with all of these awkward “okay’s”, but I know that I need to say something else soon.

“Okay, well, um---“I fucking stutter. “You—you can have the tent.”

“No, really, it’s alright. I don’t think I’m going to be able to fall back asleep tonight. I think I’m just going to go for a walk.” She pauses, looking up at the sun beginning to peek over the horizon. “It’s stopped raining now.”

I nod and swallow, stuffing my hand into my pocket. “Uh, yeah, okay. We’ll pack up and leave around noon?”

Scully looks at me with relief, and nods, folding her arms. We had planned to stay put at least another day and night, but now it seems best to just keep moving on. And hope that these "April showers" end soon, even though it isn't even fricking April. I finally look up and make eye contact for what seems like an eternity, and that seems to make Scully fidget. She finally breaks eye contact, and slowly walks away.

“Don’t go too far.” I holler, and Scully nods her head.

I stand there for a moment, until she is out of sight. And I spend the next hour laying in the tent, desperately trying to get last night’s events out of my head. Reaching up, I run my finger across my swollen lip, from where Scully’s teeth almost broke the skin. And even though things took a turn for the worst afterwards, I can’t help but smirk, as the recent odor of our love making lingers in the air. This is going to be a long week.

XXX

_“Mulder, please don’t let Skinner go out there yet. It might not be safe.” I plead, keeping a firm grip on his sleeve, as I pull him into a dark corner of the underground bomb shelter._

_“Scully, it’s been a month now. The noises have stopped. Plus, we are running out of supplies.” He calmly explains to me._

_“But two weeks ago, we sent some men out there, and they never returned.” I nervously whisper, fidgeting with the bottom of my sweater._

_Mulder closes his eyes for a long moment, and then finally opens them, sighing. “Alright, I can try to talk him into waiting a few more days---“He pauses, and I open my mouth, but he lifts his hands up to silence me. “Two at most. That’s the best we can do Scully. We are running out of food---and water. We can’t stay down here forever.” He says, clenching his jaw._

_I nod, and we make our way back to the other end of the shelter._

_“Where’s Skinner?” Mulder asks, approaching the others, who are all huddled in a group talking._

_“Uh---“One man begins, looking at the others. I think his name is John._

_“What? Where is he?” I firmly ask, with slight interrogation. I didn’t mean to sound so bossy, but can you really blame me, with everything that has happened the past month?_

_“He just left, about five minutes ago.” John nervously replies._

_“What? He—he went out there?” I raise my voice, as I begin to pace._

_How could Skinner do that, without consulting Mulder and I first? How did we not even see or hear him leave? I mean, the tunnel is fairly long, but I still am furious with him. The last thing I want, is to lose another friend or family member. And Skinner is like family. He was not only my boss, but he willingly chose to put up with all of mine and Mulder’s bullshit all these years. He might as well be family. He IS family._

_“Scully, calm down. He knows what he’s doing.” Mulder calmly says, grabbing onto my shoulders._

_I am really surprised at how calm Mulder has been lately. It’s almost as if he’s still in shock or something. As if…maybe, the past month of events hasn’t really sunk in yet. In fact, Mulder and I have kind of swapped personalities lately._

_I take a deep breath and nod. And the next hour or so is spent in strangled silence, as everyone sits there…and waits. Except for me. I am still pacing the cold concrete floor an hour later, until we all hear some footsteps approaching the dim tunnel. We all seem to hold our breaths, until Skinner enters the stuffy room, and I instantly feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Well, at least half of the world._

_“Oh my god, don’t you ever do that ever again.” I reprimand, pulling Skinner into a bear hug, which takes him by surprise. But he finally hugs me back._

_“Well?” Mulder anxiously asks, and Skinner hangs his head, running his hand across the top of his glistening, hairless head._

_“I---“He pauses for a long moment, as if he’s desperately trying to not cry. He finally raises his head, and we all already know the answer. “I think it’s---safe---now. But I---it’s bad out there.” He says, while shaking his head with devastation._

_“H-how bad?” I manage to croak out._

_Skinner only looks away, chewing on his bottom lip. I can feel my heart in my stomach now, as I begin to think about all of those innocent people. Gone. My family. My god…everyone I ever knew. Men, women…and children. And as I begin to realize that the world will never be the same again, I’m also beginning to realize that maybe I don’t want to see how bad it is out there. But, we have to. We have no other choice._

_We all silently pack up everything we had left, which isn’t much, and make our way out into the daylight. At first glance, everything seems peaceful, and quiet. But as we keep walking, I begin to see the horrific reality of it all. Dead bodies come into view, everywhere. But they are not human bodies. And as I get closer and closer, I can’t help but stare, in curiosity. Those little grey men, that Mulder spent his whole life chasing…were real. But what also shocks me, is the fact that we aren’t seeing any unabridged human remains. Just piles of ash…in cars…in the streets…everywhere._

_“Oh my god---Mulder— “I gasp, as we make it over the top of a hill, and come face to face with charred buildings, and dozens of crashed ships. Big ones, and smaller ones._

_I look over at Mulder, who is just staring, with his mouth wide open. And I think this is the first time that I have ever seen him speechless. I grab for his arm, but he pulls away, and walks over to one of the triangular hunks of metal. From the looks of it, it’s one of the only crashed ships fully intact. We all inquisitively watch Mulder in silence, as he slowly reaches out his hand and touches some weird symbols carved into the side of the craft. I watch him observing it, and I already know what he’s thinking._

_“Looks like you found your truth after-all.” I finally speak, and Mulder pugnaciously shakes his head._

_“This isn’t the truth I was hoping to find, Scully.” Mulder quietly says, and I have to strain to even hear him._

_Mulder suddenly kicks at the spacecraft, and a weird echo vibrates from it. I can only cover my mouth with my hands, and weep, as I watch Mulder fall to his knees, in defeat. This is the ugly truth. But maybe the truth was never meant to be pretty._

“Scully.” Krycek’s voice suddenly pulls me out of my painful reminiscence, and I’m sure he’s probably called my name a few times now.

“Huh?” I snap out of it, and back to the present.

“I said, do you want to check this building out?” Krycek asks, pointing at an abandoned gas station.

“Oh, uh, yeah…sure.” I nod, and Krycek gives me a weird look for a brief moment.

I follow him into the concrete building, and we are both surprised to find some useful supplies in there when we search around.

“Want to bunk here for the night?” He asks, and I nod. It’s definitely better than the outdoors, or that tent.

Speaking of that tent, thankfully, it hasn’t rained in two weeks now…since the “incident”. And Krycek and I haven’t talked about our little “moment” since then either, thank god. I was definitely surprised at the lack of awkwardness also. We have both managed to keep our distance, but also maintain civility with one another. But I am still feeling weird about it all. I can’t really even explain it. But something’s different now. Something in the air has changed. And I can’t look at Krycek the same way now. Every glance my way he makes; my stomach lurches a bit. It’s annoying, and confusing. I have just been shrugging it off as stress. But I feel like a bug, underneath a magnifying glass, every time he looks in my direction. Especially now, with the way that he is looking at me. It’s not the same look he usually gives, when he is trying to figure me out. Today, he is looking at me like he is ‘beginning’ to figure me out. Like he has begun to see something in me, that maybe not even Mulder has ever seen. Something that maybe I have never discovered, until now. Today, he looks…appreciative, just to have me as his “acquaintance”. It makes me think, about a lot of things. Like, how lonely he probably really was his whole life. And about how different he looks now, and how different he acts now. Am I really beginning to also appreciate his presence? I mean, sure. There’s really no one else around right now.

“What?” Krycek asks, furrowing his brows, as he begins to pick up outdated cans from shelves and inspect them.

“Oh…uh, nothing.” I shake my head, grabbing a can of mystery meat from a shelf.

I didn’t realize I was even staring at him, until he noticed me doing it, and I am suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed about it. Krycek nods, smirking. I can tell he’s satisfied with himself right now, because he caught me watching him. Which I’m pretty sure would be the first time I’ve ever done that. I wasn’t even really staring AT him. I was just in deep thought about his recent actions lately, while looking in his direction. That’s all.

“You, uh, you seem a little distracted today.” He finally replies, cocking his head to the side, before looking back down at the can in his hand.

“Just…thinking.” I shrug.

“Want to talk about it?” He asks over his shoulder.

 _Yeah fricking right_ , I think to myself. “Nothing to really talk about.” I shrug again. But I think the frequent shrugging is giving me away, because I hear him softly snort. Damn.

“Alright.” He shrugs back, looking back at me for a moment. But I can tell that he’s slightly apprehensive, and I don’t think he’s just going to let it go that easily. But after several moments in silence, I begin to think that maybe I’m in the clear.

The sun begins to set a little while later, and we both engage in a bit of small talk, while eating our unwholesome dinner, and then eventually call it a night.

XXX

**ANOTHER WEEK LATER**

It’s beginning to get cooler outside now, as autumn slowly creeps in. But the certain area that Scully and I are currently in, shows more of the gloomy side of the season. But I’m not complaining. Fall time has always been my favorite time of the year. I guess you could say that I’ve always liked the darker sides of the year. But not for the reasons that everyone might think. Autumn represents the end of some things, but the beginning of others. I’ve always looked at it as an important transition into a new year. A time to reflect, and change. Things aren’t completely dead yet, like they are with winter. And I’m willing to bet if I even tried to tell Scully all of this, that she would laugh at me, and probably not believe me. But deep down, I have a hidden, thoughtful side to me. A side that I’m really beginning to think that Scully might actually be able to ‘tolerate’.

Scully doesn’t think I’ve noticed her frequent glances, but I have. And for a while there, I was feeling like an idiot for catching myself “gazing”. But I don’t feel like that so much now. Now that I know that she has been guilty of it as well. I’m not really sure what it means, but it’s definitely something that flusters her. And I think I like it. In the beginning, it amused me to see her squirm. But now, it fascinates me, knowing that I’m making her fidget, without even trying. I guess you could say it’s a hidden guilty pleasure. It really doesn’t even have anything to do with our little “happening” three weeks ago. Right now, it’s more of an ego booster for me. Something to occupy my time, and mind. It makes me feel important for a change. And I didn’t have to fuck anyone or anything up just to gain a little bit of control this time.

The only problem is, my “urges” are starting to peek again. I was doing so well for three whole weeks. Everything seemed to be doable, and I thought that maybe it really was a “one-time thing”. But Scully’s been the one to initiate frequent eye contact lately. She’s been voluntarily sitting close, striking up conversation, and even laughing at my jokes. And when all of that happens, that’s when things get complicated again. Yes, I’m a man. And yes, she’s the only woman around, giving me a lot of attention. And the only strikingly beautiful woman around. But lately, it’s not just the physical that’s attracting me. It’s this whole other side that she is showing me lately. And maybe I AM misreading the situation, and maybe I AM just confusing this magnetism with my first non-toxic “friendship” …ever. But something’s happening. And it’s not one-sided. No matter what the fuck she says. If anything, she is good for me. A positive influence. And maybe, I’m helping her heal from this past year’s horrific events. Whatever it is, it’s actually benefiting us both. Even if it might just be for a little while.

“Are you ready?” Scully’s voice pulls me out of my deep reverie.

“Yeah.” I pick up my pack and fling it over my shoulder. “Let’s go.”

We both head off down the road, side by side, continuing our “journey”. A quest that I’m not even sure is going to end well. But I think that Scully at least deserves to find out what happened to Mulder and Skinner, even if they are no longer alive. And I’m going to help her, until that time comes. I mean, what the hell else is there to do?

**A/N: A “calmer” chapter, but it will pick up again. ; ) I always love to hear from my readers. Frequent feedback gives me the incentive to update more often. So, keep on keeping on! ; )**


	8. Dream, or Reality?

**A/N: To the guest reviewer on A03 who gave me some mature, constructive criticism about Scully being a little out of character in the last chapter, thank you, and you are right. The only explanation I can give you is: if that is what you got from it, then I have actually accomplished what I had intended. I wanted to show how much things had changed since post-colonization, and how much it has affected Scully. But I also planned to have her eventually find herself again as well, in the future. I mean, would anyone really expect Scully to be the same after everything that had happened that past year? : )**

I’m starting to lose track of time, but I know that it’s been roughly 18 months now, since post-colonization. Which would mean that it’s been about 6 months since I lost Mulder. “Lost” …ha. It sounds so ridiculous. But I think that it’s the best word for my situation. I technically didn’t lose Mulder, as in death, because I don’t believe that he’s dead. But I did “lose” Mulder, as in…I can’t find him. God, it still sounds ludicrous. But that’s what happened, and for some reason, I’m more bothered by it today than usual. It could be my hormones, but highly unlikely, because I just ended my period. And let me tell you, it’s a lot harder being a woman five days each month, now that things are different. I don’t think I even started appreciating “period supplies”, until this year, when it became extremely complicated to find them. And I must admit, I was extremely surprised at Krycek’s lack of awkward reaction when I asked him to help me find some during our last supply search. I only asked Mulder to pick some up for me once in the past, when I was sick, and his reaction was priceless. But Krycek simply nodded and found some in the next abandoned gas station that we discovered a few days later. He didn’t make a fuss, but then again, Alex Krycek has always had a hard exterior. I don’t know, I just…it kind of surprised me, for whatever reason.

 _Ahem_. Anyways, back to Mulder. I just have this overwhelming feeling of dread today, for some reason. As if I’m about to receive some bad news or something. I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s just a feeling. But honestly, the last time I had this feeling, was the day of the attack on earth. I didn’t even feel like this the day that Mulder disappeared. All I know is, I’m starting to get discouraged here lately, because the weather is cooling down, and that means less travel time for me. And if I ever do find Mulder, it may be years. I just don’t know if I have the strength to keep going. I’ve failed Mulder, and I can do better than I have been doing the past month. I know I can.

“Scully! Come here!” I suddenly hear Krycek’s voice somewhere on the other side of the newest abandoned building we discovered earlier. In fact, this is the first actual big town that I have come across in months. And I’m kind of glad to be out of all of those woods and past all that farm land that we were constantly passing.

I make way towards the location of his shouting, and am slightly caught off guard at the sight before me. Firstly, the shirt and pants that Krycek is wearing today perfectly accentuates all of his finely chiseled physique. From top to bottom. _Hoo-boy._ I’ve found it quite distracting here lately. And secondly, I discover that he is crouched down, pointing at what looks like some fresh footprints on the ground.

“Look.” He points again, looking up at me.

“People have been here recently.” I conclude, observing our surroundings. I can only hope that we don’t run into anymore bad guys with big guns.

“Yeah.” Krycek nods, agreeing. “Do you think that they are still close?” He asks, standing back up.

I cross my arms and sigh. “I don’t know. But I’m guessing that someone was here today. Maybe a few hours ago at most.”

“I wonder if there is more than one.” He replies, looking around.

I shrug and make my way towards the entrance of that first building.

“Wait.” Krycek grabs my elbow, and I furrow my brows at him. “Let me go first.” He explains, removing his gun from his pants. I nod and follow right behind him, pulling my gun out as well.

We make our way into the building, and once we’ve thoroughly determined that it is empty, we lower our guns and continue exploring. There isn’t much of anything in this first building, but it would be a good place to stay the night, because it is fully carpeted. Thank god. I was really starting to get sick of sleeping in either the woods, or cold gas station floors most of the time. We both had stopped using the tent about a month ago. Plus, in the next month or so, it was going to be a better idea to stay put inside more secure, well-insulated buildings. Just until winter passes. I mean, I really hate the idea of having to slow down my searching, but it looks like I will soon not really have any other choice. Maybe now we could actually find some cozy neighborhood houses with actual beds too. Because the last few houses we came across, were completely run down.

“Let’s go check out the other buildings.” Krycek suggests, and I nod, following him out of the building.

For some reason, it takes us both longer than it should have to realize that there are three people pointing guns at us, when we exit the building. Krycek and I instantly lift and point our guns back, and the five of us have a staring contest for a long moment.

“Drop your weapons.” One of them men speaks up, and Krycek sarcastically laughs, shaking his head.

“Not a chance.” Krycek growls.

“Look, we don’t want any trouble. We are just passing through.” The second man speaks up, and the woman makes eye contact with me. For some reason, she really doesn’t seem like a threat to me. She actually looks scared.

“Yeah? Well, it’s kind of hard to believe that, when you’ve got a gun in my face, pal.” Krycek snarls, clenching his jaw.

We all have another long staring contest, until the woman eventually begins to lower her gun, and gently tugs on the smallest man’s arm.

“Frank, I don’t think they’re a threat.” She whispers, and “Frank” heavily sighs, lowering his weapon. The third man slowly lowers his as well, and Krycek and I share a brief glance with one another.

I lower my gun next, and wait for Krycek to follow, but it takes him slightly longer than me to calm down. But he eventually does, eyeing Frank closely.

“Hey, look, sorry about that. We are just a little on edge, with the way that people are nowadays, ya know?”

I nod in understanding, and Krycek’s hard stare softens a bit. I really don’t think we are going to have a problem with these people. And honestly, it’s kind of nice to see that there are still some decent people left on this planet.

“We are just passing through as well.” I finally speak up, and the woman nods at me.

“I’m Sharon.” The woman kindly replies, and points to the taller man. “This is Daryl, my brother.” And then she points to the smallest man. “And this is my husband, Frank.”

I force a small smile, but Krycek is still standing there, as tense as can be, with his gun clenched in his hand at his side. I guess I can’t really blame him, with the life that he has lived. And also with the way that the world is now. A former traitor always knows from experience, that you can’t really trust anyone. Although, I trust Krycek here lately, for whatever reason. And that really shocks me.

“I’m Dana, and this is Alex.” I reply, and Sharon smiles at us, nodding.

Krycek looks at me in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected me to call him by his first name. But I figured, they would probably give us weird looks if we used our last names. Unless they were also once a part of the FBI, or something.

“What brings you guys up this way? Supplies?” Sharon asks, and I nod.

“We are searching for some friends, also.” I answer honestly, and Krycek shoots me a look. I know he still doesn’t trust these people, and it probably is a bad idea to tell these strangers anything else. But this Sharon woman just seems so gentle and trusting. And I can only hope the other two guys are as well.

“Well, you two can hang with us for a while, if you want. As long as we can all agree to respect each other’s stuff.” Daryl finally speaks, and Frank nods in agreement.

I look over at Krycek, and I can tell that he is trying really hard to not say something sarcastic. And before I can reply, he answers first.

“We don’t stay in one place for longer than a week at a time, usually.” He firmly replies.

Frank nods and looks over at Daryl and Sharon. “We’ve been driving around for about a month now, and we’re looking to find a semi-permanent place, since Winter will be here soon.” He explains.

“You—you have a car?” I ask, eyeing Krycek.

“A van. We found it in mint condition last week.” Sharon answers, and I nod. Frank shoots her a look, and it reminds me of Krycek and I. And I get the impression that Sharon is also sharing more personal information with us than Frank wanted her to, also.

“Where did you guys come from?” Krycek asks, slightly more comfortable now.

The three of them look at each other nervously for a long moment. “A terrible place.” Frank answers, and Krycek lowers his eyes at him. “Let’s just say, we escaped from some very bad people.” Frank explains, and Krycek’s eyes soften a bit again.

“Us too.” I reply in understanding.

Sharon sighs in relief, and we smile at each other. I think I really like her. She has a very bright personality, which reminds me of my mother. And whether Krycek wants to admit it or not, I think he knows that these people aren’t really any threat to us. Sharon is maybe a little bit older and a little bit taller than me, with medium length brown hair, and green eyes. Daryl looks a lot like Sharon, but he’s really tall, and probably her younger brother. And Frank is only slightly taller than his wife, and probably around Krycek’s age, I’m guessing. Because honestly, I’m not even really sure Krycek ever told me his exact age. All these years, I thought he was younger than me. But he swears that he’s a bit older than I. I guess it really doesn’t matter either way. And who knows, maybe this will be good for us, to make some friends, in this dark and lonely world.

XXX

A few hours later, the sun is beginning to set, and I am a little annoyed at the fact that Scully has decided, for the both of us I might add, that we can just automatically trust these people, and hang with them for a while. I mean, I know they have a van, and a lot more supplies than us right now, but Scully also needs to realize that not everyone is going to be as pure as her. Especially not these days. I mean, at least she agreed to stay in a separate building tonight.

I look over at Scully, who is intently listening to that Sharon woman tell her some supposed funny story, and will myself to not punch this Frank guy in the face. The other guy, Daryl, is a lot quieter, but Frank just never shuts up. I even try to stand up a few times, since I’ve already finished my food, but Frank just keeps talking. I know that Scully would frown upon the thoughts that are going through my head right now, but then again, when did I start giving a shit about what she thought about me?

“Isn’t that wild?” Frank’s annoying little voice pulls me out of my deep thoughts, and I nod, just to amuse the little fucker.

 _This is for you, Scully._ _Only because you’re my only “friend” in this world._ Yeah, I’ll admit it. Scully has managed to soften me up a bit, and honestly, I kind of like having her around. Not that I will ever admit that to her. But from what I have gathered, she likes having me around lately, too. Which is why I’m a little irritated at the fact that these three people have come along, when we were just making some “progress”.

I sigh in relief when I see Scully walking over towards us. Never would I have imagined feeling relief at Scully’s presence. But, what the hell. I might as well just go with it. It doesn’t really seem to be hurting either of us any. In fact, my temper has actually calmed down a lot, since I ran into Scully.

“Umm, I’m going to go for a walk with Sharon before it gets too dark. Don’t wait up.” Scully tells me, and I inwardly roll my eyes.

Of fucking course, Scully is going to leave me with this little man for another hour. I guess it doesn’t really register with her, that she basically just walked over here to let me know what she was going to do before nightfall. Like I was going to wait up for her anyways? Ha…Okay, I probably would have. But that’s only because we’ve learned to rely on only each other the past three months. Nothing wrong with that.

I shoot Scully a look, and she gives me one back. And this is the first time I think that I’ve been able to actually read her mind. “Be good” is basically what she was signaling to me. Ha, yeah, sure. I’ll be good. I’ll be a fucking saint, as long as she comes back within the next hour. Because I don’t know how much more of Frank’s yappy voice that I can take. I watch Scully walk away with Sharon, and furrow my brows when Frank chuckles at me.

“Married?” Frank asks, and I almost chuckle myself.

“Uhh, no.” I crinkle my forehead, heavily sighing.

“Nothing wrong with that. How long have you two been together?”

I open and close my mouth several times before responding, because I am just so fricking amused by Frank’s assumptions right now. Me….and Scully? A couple? Is that really what these people think? REALLY???

“Oh, no…we aren’t----it’s not like that.” I quickly respond, shaking my head.

Frank and Daryl both begin to laugh, and I glare at them. “I’m sorry, did I miss something?” I ask, with slight annoyance.

Frank raises his hands in defense. “No, sorry. We just assumed---“He pauses, glancing at Daryl. “I mean, why else are you two traveling together, alone?”

That’s actually a very good question, which I honestly can’t really answer right now, because I really don’t know. It just happened. Actually, it more like---blindsided us.

“It’s a long story. We---“I pause, carefully thinking about my next words. “I used to kind of work with a close friend of hers, long ago. And we ran into each other about three months ago.” I don’t even know why I’m even attempting to explain myself to these men.

“Let me guess, you saved her from some bad people?” Frank asks, and I furrow my brows at him. “You guys said earlier that you had ran into some bad people as well.” He further explains, and I nod, but then shake my head.

“Well, not exactly.” Let’s be honest here, Scully saved me just as much as I saved her. Not that I’d ever actually admit that to her. And I might as well also acknowledge the fact that I was indeed one of those “bad people”, at one time at least.

Frank seems to get the hint, and drops the subject, thank god. “We ran into these guys one day, and they tricked us into showing them our supplies and site. Then they took us hostage, and we ended up being forced to work for them for many months. But some guys that we met helped us escape one day. Unfortunately, they did not make it.” Frank says, bowing his head.

“Yeah, that sounds pretty similar, with us too. Well, with me, at least. Scully was actually on her own, when I ran into her. And I---I’m not exactly a saint. I’ve done my fair share of bad things.” I explain, amazed that I am still even talking about this with these guys.

“Scully?” Frank asks, looking over at Daryl.

“Oh—“I clear my throat. “Dana. But I call her Scully. And she calls me Krycek. It was a work thing.” I explain, shrugging.

“That name sounds really familiar, don’t it Daryl?” Frank says, nudging Daryl.

“Yeah. The two guys that helped us escape talked about a Scully.” Daryl speaks up, and they both suddenly have my undivided attention, as my head snaps up.

“Do---did you happen to get their names?” I carefully ask. _No way. It couldn’t be…could it?_

“Uh, I don’t remember what the bald guy with the glasses’ name was. But the other guy’s name was----uh, I think his name was “Muller” or something like that. Fox…Miller maybe? I just remember thinking, what an unusual name, ya know?” Frank pauses, and I suddenly feel the intense urge to get up and go find Scully, right NOW. “Real shame, really.” Frank continues, hanging his head.

“Mulder? Fox Mulder?” I anxiously ask, and it seems like a light bulb has suddenly clicked on in their heads, because they both perk up and nod at me.

“Yeah, that’s him! You knew him?” Frank asks with surprise.

“That---that’s who we’ve been looking for.” I grumble to myself, closing my eyes for a moment, and Frank’s eyes widen.

“OH…I---I’m sorry.” Frank replies, shaking his head, and eyeing me with sympathy. _I’m not the one that needs it right now, pal._

I need to find Scully. I need to find her right fucking now.

XXX

I have to admit, I really feel like Sharon and I could become good friends. She is so much like my mother and sister, and it’s really refreshing to have another woman around. And I’m beginning to think, that maybe everything is going to start looking up now.

“Frank and Daryl are all I have left.” Sharon sadly tells me, as we slowly make our way around the parking lot.

“I’m sorry. I know the feeling.” I sympathetically reply.

“I think most people do now.” Sharon quietly says, touching my arm. “Well, the good ones at least. And there are very few of them left, unfortunately.” She pauses, and I nod my head in agreement. “We---we ran into some awful people several months ago. But two good Samaritans helped us escape. And we---I can never repay them unfortunately.” She finishes, hanging her head.

I’m guessing that she is implying that the other people did not survive. I place my hand over Sharon’s hand on my arm, and heavily sigh. It feels really good to have another woman to talk to, who understands. Even if it’s only for a little while.

“Well, we should get back now.” I sigh, and Sharon nods, smiling.

“Yeah, your boyfriend seems really overprotective of you. Wouldn’t want to piss him off. Besides, Frank tends to push people’s buttons, frequently.” Sharon replies, chuckling.

“Oh, Kry---Alex is not my boyfriend.” I quickly correct her, shaking my head. Sharon only smirks at me and nods. Why do I get the feeling that she doesn’t believe me?

The moment we reach the smallest building, Krycek is quickly walking up to me, and grabbing me by my arm.

“Hey---what are you---“I begin, but he firmly pulls me away from Sharon, and I glance back at her apologetically.

“Scully, we need to talk. NOW.” He anxiously replies, letting go of me, and running his hand through his hair.

“What’s the matter?” I ask, but before Krycek can answer me, we are interrupted by Frank’s hollering.

“Sharon, you’re never going to believe this! These two knew those two men that helped us.” Frank loudly explains to her.

I look over at Krycek with furrowed brows, and he actually flashes Frank a death glare, as if he knows some big secret that I do not. What’s going on?

“What’s he talking about?” I quietly ask.

“Scully---“Krycek begins, opening and closing his mouth several times. _Just spit it out, Krycek._

“You mean---“Sharon begins, turning towards me, with her mouth agape. “You two were looking for them, weren’t you?” She asks with great sadness.

“Can somebody please tell me what’s going on?” I blurt, and everyone gets eerily quiet, just staring at me.

“Mulder.” Krycek finally speaks. “Skinner…and Mulder.” He says, heavily sighing.

Suddenly, my heart is racing a mile a minute, and I’m not even sure if I’m dreaming this or not.

“What about them?” I manage to croak out, and Krycek slowly shakes his head at me.

“Oh, honey…” Sharon reaches for me, but I pull away. “You’re Scully, aren’t you?”

What is this? What the hell is going on? Is Krycek trying to tell me that these people ran into Mulder and Skinner recently?

“You—you saw them? W—where? Where are they?” I urgently ask, with intense desperation.

“Scully, they’re not----they---“Krycek attempts to explain to me, and I’m beginning to get extremely frustrated with his lack of words right now.

“Where are they?” I firmly demand.

“I hate to be the one to break this to you, but they’ve passed, Dana.” Sharon softly explains, and I actually find myself laughing out loud.

“You’re mistaken. It wasn’t them.” I shake my head, backing away from everyone.

“Bald guy with glasses…Walter I think. And Fox Mulder. FBI agent, or something like that. They claimed to be looking for a Scully.” Daryl explains, and my mouth goes dry. It’s just a coincidence. It has to be.

“What----um---what happened?” I ask, swallowing. I can’t believe I’m even asking, because I don’t believe it.

“They---uh, they were trying to escape with us, from that horrible concentration like camp place…and unfortunately, they didn’t make it out of the building, before it exploded.” Frank sadly explains, clearing his throat.

Suddenly, my vision blurs, and all of the background noise becomes muffled, as I attempt to process this new information. _This can’t be happening. This isn’t fucking happening right now. Mulder, my god, oh Mulder…and Skinner. Nonononononono. NO._

“You’re lying.” I spat, and the little man, Frank, blinks at me in slight surprise.

“I’m afraid we’re not.” He quietly says, sharing a sympathetic glance with the other man and woman, before looking back at me.

“No.” I shake my head in disbelief. “It wasn’t Mulder. It---it wasn’t them.” I close my eyes and swallow.

Krycek reaches out for my arm, but I pull away and stare off into the distance.

“We’re so sorry.” Sharon gently replies.

I briefly make eye contact with Sharon, and she seems sincere. I think that I have always been pretty good at reading people. This woman isn’t lying. But maybe she is just honestly mistaken. Right? It happens. Mulder and Skinner could easily be mixed up with other civilians. Right? This means nothing. I refuse to believe this.

“Scully.” Krycek’s voice pulls me out of my deep thoughts, and I realize that he’s probably called my name more than once already.

“I’m sorry…I----“I begin, but I’m suddenly feeling extremely queasy, and I’m pretty sure that I am about to vomit.

“Want to sit down?” Daryl offers, but I shake my head.

“I---I’m fine.” I calmly reply, swallowing the bile in my throat.

“I guess this belongs to you, then.” Sharon quietly says, walking up to me, and handing me a small object.

My heart begins to race, as I look down at the small metallic object in my hand. “Oh god.” Mulder’s little keychain flashlight, that he kept in his pocket at all times, after the attack on earth. He had found it in an abandoned drug store one day, and carried it with him ever since then. But just to make sure it really was his, I lift it up, and look at the bottom. Sure enough, there is a “F.M.” engraved in the bottom. Mulder had believed that it was his good luck charm, because it had his initials at the bottom. But in reality, it was just the name of the company that made it. Still, though, it was something he always carried with him. And if it’s not with him anymore, then…

“Excuse me.” I reply, and run to the side of the building, as the contents of my stomach splatter on the cement parking lot.

XXX

I wait several minutes, before going after Scully. And when I enter the abandoned building, the air feels extremely thick, even though it’s also a bit drafty. The sun is beginning to set now, and my eyes strain to find Scully. But once I finally spot her, I take my time walking up to her. I don’t want to startle her, and from the looks of it, I am probably the last person she wants to talk to right now. But I’m going to try anyways.

“Hey.” I finally speak up, as Scully keeps her body turned away from me, while she swishes some water and toothpaste around in her mouth.

“Hey.” Her small voice barely reaches my ears over her shoulders.  

“Uh----are you-----are you okay?” I quietly ask, clenching and unclenching my jaw.

Scully nods right away, and I nod back, even though she can’t see it, and I don’t believe it.

“Okay. Just checking.” I reply, shuffling my feet.

I don’t know what to do right now, or even what to say. I mean, even though I knew that the chances of Mulder and Skinner’s survival were very slim realistically, I still had my doubts too. But now? I don’t even know how I feel about this current news. And I wish that Scully would show some sort of emotion at least. Anything was better than this right now. I awkwardly stand there for another long moment, and then I heavily sigh and begin to walk back out of the building. Maybe Scully just needs to be alone this time. Right?

“Krycek?” Scully’s voice stops me, and I quickly turn back around.

“Yeah?” I reply, swallowing.

Scully slowly turns around, and just stares at me for a long moment. And I don’t know why, but I almost feel naked. I don’t think I have ever even seen her look at me like this before. I’m not exactly sure what she is thinking. But a part of me already knows _._ Now is not even the time for me to be thinking about other things, but I am. I’m thinking about walking up to her, and pulling her to my chest. I’m also thinking about kissing her pain away, but that decision resulted in a gun in my face last time. Okay, so, maybe I’m not a very good comforter. What else is new?

And even though I want to touch her, I manage to squelch that frequent desire that I have been battling with a lot lately, and I focus my attention on the actual problem right now. Mulder and Skinner are dead. Supposedly. Well, probably. But then again, we don’t know these people who told us this. They could have easily gotten Mulder’s face mixed up with someone else. But, there also isn’t that many people left in this world to confuse Mulder and Skinner with. It was a big deal just to even run into those two men and woman, after a few months of nothing.

“I’m okay.” Scully finally speaks up, and I nod. Of course, she really isn’t. But now’s not the time to argue.

“Okay. Good.” I stare at her, and she stares back…for a long damn time.

Eventually, she takes a few steps closer, and when she is close enough for me to actually see her face in the dim building, I slowly begin to realize what she is going to do. She waits another long moment, as if a million thoughts are running through her mind, and then she seems to just clear them all out of her head, just like that. I watch her facial expression quickly change from devastated, to…emotionless. Numb, even. And before I can even finish my thought, she is raising up on her tiptoes, and her mouth is hungrily gnawing at mine. And then it’s suddenly really fricking hot in this building, and I know that I should pull away, but I really don’t want to. I really, really don’t want to. But goddammit, I do. Curse this newfound conscience. And when I do, Scully is still trying to come back for more. I don’t think I will ever get used to her initiating things, twice.

“Scully.” I turn my head, and firmly grab her arm.

She eventually gets the hint, and stops for a moment. “Please.” She begs, and my eyes begin to burn for some weird reason. God, I want this. I do. But, not like this. Not just because she is feeling really vulnerable right now. Any other woman, sure. But not Scully. Plus, I already know how it would end, just like last time.

“I----“I begin, but am unable to finish my sentence, as Scully looks me directly in the eye.

“Please.” She repeats, as her hot lips meet my neck, and begin to travel up my throat.

And then she is heavily breathing in my ear, and her hand is cupping my bulge, which is quickly beginning to grow and harden, and I’m starting to forget why I thought this was a bad idea?

“Ah-ha. Sc—Scully.” I breathe and groan, gently grabbing onto her wrist.

“Hmm?” She barely acknowledges my attempts to stop her, which are beginning to dissipate with each passing second, as I turn my head. And then my lips meet hers again.

“Ah, fuck it.” I hiss against her mouth, and pull her to me by her waist.

And then my hand is tangling in her hair, as my tongue seeks entrance, and her mouth happily accepts. And next thing I know, I am whirling her around, and backing her into the nearest wall. Her hands slip under my shirt, and I know that there’s no turning back now. It’s been over a month since our last “encounter”, and this time, I have a feeling that things are going to be even more intense than last time. My open mouth finds Scully’s neck, and I roughly suck at it like a horny teenage boy in the backseat of his parent’s convertible. I swirl my tongue around, and Scully loudly whimpers, as her hands snake around my waist and rest on my ass. She pulls me closer to her, and we are already grinding against each other like wild animals. But, an intense feeling of annoyance seems to overcome the both of us, when we suddenly hear a knock outside.

“Hey, anyone in there?” That tiny little man shouts from the other side. And I swear, if he tries to come in, I will punch his fucking lights out.

“Not now, Frank!” I hiss, and Scully whimpers into my neck with frustration.

“Sorry, I was just going to ask----“

“Not fucking now!” I bark, and Frank seems to get the hint, as I hear him walk away. _Good boy, Frank. Now, where was I?_

Scully is still kissing my jaw, and all I can think about, is how glad I am that she is still wanting to do this. For now, at least. Even though it feels so wrong. She just got the worst news of her life, and I can’t help but wonder if I am just a distraction, to get her mind off of everything. And as much as that should upset me, I am going to pathetically let it happen anyways.

And even though I really want this right now, I know that I need to ask. “Are you sure?” I heavily breathe, and Scully loudly moans again. Good enough for me.

XXX

My head is spinning. My heart is heavy. My stomach is upset. But I can’t stop. I don’t even know why I’m doing this to myself, AGAIN. But Krycek’s tongue is all over my body, and there is already an intense, burning ache between my legs. This isn’t something I would normally do in a situation like this, but I need to forget right now. I feel like I’m losing my damn mind. Especially now. Oh, Mulder…Skinner. Why? God, why? I can’t even cry. I don’t know why. Why do I feel so…empty? I feel---I feel like I am inhabiting someone else’s body, and mind. Am I still in denial? Of course, I am. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real.

Krycek’s loud groan snaps my thoughts back into the present, and I am suddenly extremely desperate for more. Please, help me forget. Just tonight. I’m feeling reckless, and even though I will probably regret this again later, I can’t stop myself. I’m losing myself. I’ve known that for several months now. Mulder would be so disappointed. Mulder. God, I can’t think about that right now. I just…can’t.

“Don’t---“I begin, and Krycek pauses, eyeing me with concern. “—stop. Don’t stop.” I finish, and he sighs in relief, continuing his journey down my body with his hungry mouth.

I am aware of the difficulty Krycek is having with just one real arm, and as much as I wouldn’t mind him taking me against this wall, I know that it would be easier for the both of us on the floor. So, I wrap my legs around his waist, and he seems to get the hint, as he briefly lifts me up and carries me to a spot on the floor. He gently sets me down, and crawls up my flushed body. God, why can’t I stop? Shame on me. I’m sorry, Mulder. I’m so sorry I failed you.

XXX

I’m trying to slow down a bit, but Scully isn’t having any of that right now, and it’s driving me crazy. A good kind of crazy. And as much as I would like to be able to admire her stunningly beautiful body for a moment, she’s already got her tiny hand in my pants, and her little fingers are wrapped around me.

“Haaa-ahhh.” I hiss, as my hips jerk forward against her hand, and my whole body begins to tremble with arousal.

And next thing I know, we are both almost completely naked. I honestly don’t even remember undressing her, or myself. But, I’m just going to go with it. I can only hope that Frank and his two friends don’t come barging in anytime soon. I mean, they seem like nice people, but I swear…let them try, and see what happens. I can’t help but chuckle at the fact, that Scully would probably be the first to throw a punch in that situation, honestly. I’m almost afraid to even try to stop her right now. With her loud gasps and moans, and the intense, musky, sweet smell of her arousal that is currently intoxicating my nostrils. Yep…and I know exactly where I’m headed first, as my mouth makes its way down her body. I can feel her muscles stiffen and hesitate at first, but when she doesn’t stop me, I continue my journey.

“Ohmygod.” She whimpers, as my mouth meets its target.

And the rest is basically a blur, as her body twitches and thrashes about. I have to hold her hips down with my good hand, and soon enough, her legs are closing around my head. I briefly look up when she begins to convulse, and she is covering her mouth with one hand, while the other one tangles in my hair.   I know she is trying to be quiet, because there are people outside, but I could fricking care less about what they hear or think right now. And once that first orgasm peaks, and then dwindles, I quickly make my way up her trembling body, panting heavily. We make eye contact for a moment, and I almost choke on the air in my lungs. I just can’t seem to catch my breath right now.

“You are so beautiful.” I whisper against her jaw, and she shivers.

“Again.” She breathlessly replies, and I flash her a sad smile, even though a part of me is feeling a small, unexpected amount of angst also. Because the woman underneath me is mourning. And I don’t think that I have ever truly sympathized with anyone before this. This feeling is crushing, and dark. I don’t think I’ve felt like this emotion since my mother passed, when I was a small boy.

“Yes ma’am.” I reply, rubbing my nose against her cheek.

And before I can even finish my thought, she has somehow managed to flip me over and straddle me. This woman, I fucking swear. Amazement isn’t even the right word for it.

“Jesus, Scully.” I groan, and she shushes me with a zealous kiss.

But even though we are both moaning and shuddering with desire, as she slides herself down on me, I catch a brief flash of sadness swimming in her eyes. Thankfully, it’s only a short-lived moment, and then she is back to making that wonderful pre “O” face, as her eyes squeeze shut.

“Look at me.” I command, and she shakes her head. “Open your eyes.” I try again. “I want to see you this time.” I softly explain, and briefly stop moving my hips, flipping her over.

Scully softly gasps, and I can feel her inner muscles tightening around me, as I thrust once. She eventually opens her eyes, and looks up at me. We hold eye contact the rest of the time, and it’s electric, as always. I don’t even know why I wanted to look into her eyes during her second orgasm, but I’m glad I did. Words cannot even describe how more intense it makes that very moment. It’s unbelievable.

“Oh----OH!” She cries out, and I stifle her cry with a kiss.

I know she hasn’t finished yet, but I’m getting dangerously close. It’s a little too hard to reach my good hand down between us, and speed things up for her with my fake arm holding me up. So, I lean down and cover a nipple with my mouth. That seems to work extremely well, as I swirl my tongue around, and gently suck at it. It doesn’t take long for her to reach that second orgasm, and soon enough, I am falling over that edge with her.

“Jeeeesus Christ.” I groan, as we ride out the waves together. I don’t know what it is about this woman that makes me vocally religious, every time. But I think I could get used to it.

Once the tremors start to subside, I can instantly feel Scully “coming to her senses” again, and she begins to pull away from me. I expected it. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to let her do that this time. She needs someone…she needs comfort. She needs me.

“Oh-no you don’t.” I whisper into her hair, firmly holding her against my chest.

“No. Krycek. Don’t. Please----d---“She croaks, firmly pushing at my shoulders.

“Not this time.” I shake my head, still firmly holding her against me.

Scully struggles for a while, with her head bowed. She’s avoiding eye contact now, and I know that if I let her run off again, that I will probably be waking up alone in the morning. And she probably wouldn’t be coming back. And that was just not an option right now. Whether she knows it yet, or not…she needs me.

“Sonofabitch. Let---let me go.” She hisses, digging her nails into my bicep…but I keep my grip tight.

“No.” I firmly reply, keeping her pinned between me and the floor.

After another long moment of struggling, she begins to realize that I’m not going to let her run, and she calms down a bit.

“Why are you doing this to me?” She finally speaks up, her voice slightly cracking at the end.

“Because you need me.” I simply reply.

“No---I don’t.” She huffs, angrily.

“Dana----“

“Don’t. Don’t you dare start that shit again.” She barks, and I heavily sigh.

“I’m sorry, Dana.” I ignore her request, and she tries to fight me again. “I’m so sorry.”

And that seems to work, because next thing I know, Scully’s lip is quivering, and her eyes begin to tear up, and her body instantly goes flaccid against me.

“They----Mulder…Skinner----he----“She begins to hyperventilate.

“I’m here.” Is all I can think to say, because I know that nothing is going to make it better right now.

A year ago, I would have NEVER seen myself willingly in this position. And a year ago, I had never been there for anybody, but myself. This was definitely a weird feeling. And a part of me was actually angry at Mulder. Angry that he left this world. And angry, because it’s blatantly obvious that Scully had indeed been in love with him. Even if nothing ever happened with them, and probably never would have. Still, they couldn’t fool anyone. Even if their feelings for each other were never physical, and on a completely different level…It was still a form of love. And what I need to know, right this fucking minute, is…why am I jealous right now? Mulder is supposedly gone now, but a huge part of me is having a hard time with all of this. _What the hell is happening to me?_ And I’m starting to realize that this woman might have the power to ruin the old Alex Krycek, if I let her. And I just might.

“Alex.” Scully whimpers, pulling me back into the present, and then she completely unravels, as her loud sobs begin to shake her whole body.

I rock her back and forth, and soon enough, I feel hot wet tears on my bare skin, and her body begins to relax against me, as she finally lets me hold her. But what I did not expect, was her to hold me back. And as her small fingers tightly cling to my waist, as if she would surely die if she let go…I realize something else. I need her, too. Goddammit, Mulder. Even from beyond the grave, I can still hear his voice, echoing in my head. Cussing me out, and telling me to stay away from ‘his’ Scully. And that makes me feel a little better. If I just keep imagining Mulder kicking my ass, then maybe this weird sensation in the pit of my stomach will ease up. What is this feeling? Whatever the hell it is, I’m not sure I like it. It’s not exactly pleasant, and I can feel a lump forming in my throat. But I am able to quickly swallow it, and pull myself together, for now.

“Shhhhh.” I coo, while attempting to cover us both up with my jacket.

“Don’t let go.” She weeps against my chest, and my stomach lurches a bit.

 _Woah._ What was that? What is happening right now? This feeling is really uncomfortable, in an intoxicating way. What is this? I’ve definitely never felt that before. That was something completely new.

“I won’t.” I softly reply, closing my eyes.

**_TO BE CONTINUED…_ **

**A/N: Once again, sorry for the long gaps between chapters! On top of work and my four-year-old daughter, my Trigeminal Neuralgia (a very painful facial nerve disease) has been flaring up something terrible lately. I will try to post the next chapter sooner than the past few…and this is far from over! ; )**

_I met you in the dark_  
_You lit me up_  
_You made me feel as though_  
_I was enough_  
_We danced the night away_  
_We drank too much_  
_I held your hair back when_  
_You were throwing up_  
_Then you smiled over your shoulder_  
_For a minute I was stone-cold sober_  
_I pulled you closer to my chest_  
_And you asked me to stay over_  
_I said, I already told you_  
_I think that you should get some rest_  
_I knew I loved you then_  
_But you'd never know_  
_'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go_  
_I knew I needed you_  
_But I never showed_  
_But I wanna stay with you_  
_Until we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go_  
_Just say you won't let go_

**_"Say You Won't Let Go"_ **

**_-James Arthur_ **


	9. The First Stage of Grief

I open my eyes, and I see nothing but darkness in front of me. Just like my future. My stifled, anguished cries have woken up Krycek several times already. And when he reaches for me, I let him. This has repeated three times already, and the sun hasn’t even risen yet. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Never in my life have I turned to sex for comfort, until now. And surprisingly, it’s helping. Until a few hours later, when the euphoria wears off, and I just come back for more…like a drug. I can’t stop. I know it’s unhealthy to deal with everything like this, but I don’t know how else to handle things right now. The world is different. I am different. Even Krycek is different. I can see it in his eyes. The way he looks at me should make me feel sick to my stomach...because I am sleeping with Mulder’s former enemy. But it’s oddly comforting. Mulder. God, Mulder. No. NO. I need to stop thinking about it.

 I turn over on my side, and almost reach out for Krycek again, but this time I am able to control myself. He’s still asleep, so I guess this nightmare didn’t wake him. I try to close my eyes again, but all I see is Mulder and Skinner behind my eyelids…so I force myself to stay awake. My eyes begin to burn, but blinking them gives me a brief glimpse of Mulder’s lifeless body, half burnt, bloody, cold…with his blue lips slightly parted, as if he used his last breath to whisper the words, “Why Scully, why?” It keeps haunting me, every time I dose off…and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I am tired, so tired. But I am also restless. My body wants to sleep, but my mind wants me to get up and run. Run until my legs give out. And never look back. But, where would I go? There’s no reason to continue now. There’s nothing left to cling onto, and I can feel myself completely letting go of that last bit of “Scully” left inside of me. Without a Mulder, and a Skinner, there is no “Scully”. Not anymore. They were the last people on this entire planet that I had to count on after the alien colonization. The only thing left from my past. And now…everyone I ever knew, ever cared about…gone.

Krycek softly grunts, half asleep, still laying on his back. I look over at him, and he turns his head to the side, but his eyes are still closed. I find myself slowly reaching out for him, and when my fingertips lightly touch his prosthetic arm, he sharply inhales, holding his breath for a long moment, before slowly exhaling. I slowly run my fingers up to his shoulder, where the prosthetic meets his own flesh, and begin to trace the thick scars there. They are jagged and bumpy, and I can tell that his arm wasn’t professionally amputated. I mean, I knew that, because Mulder had told me a bit about it. But he only knew so much. The rest of the story, Krycek hasn’t really told me in detail. And I stopped asking after that one time. Krycek makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat, and his eyes slowly begin to open. The moonlight peeking through the closest window enhances his green eyes, and I find myself staring back.

“You okay?” He whispers, blinking the sleep from his eyes, and I nod.

“Yeah.” I whisper back, lying.

Krycek stares at me for a long moment, swallows, and then finally nods. But I can tell that he doesn’t believe me. And I didn’t expect him to. I slowly scoot closer, lean in, and place my lips against the biggest scar above the prosthetic. He heavily sighs, and reaches his other hand up to tangle in the back of my hair. I sensually trail my lips up his shoulder, until I reach the nape of his neck.

“Again?” He nervously chuckles, looking up at the ceiling, and I nod. 

I can hear him swallowing hard, as I make my way to his jaw, and then up to his ear. But when I begin to suck on his earlobe, he gently pulls away, and runs a hand through his hair.

“Scully.” He gently warns, and I instantly pull back, slightly offended.

“You don’t want to?” I whisper, and he heavily sighs.

“Look….it---it’s not that. Of course, I want to. I---I’m just worried about-----you.” He stutters, and I pull myself up into a sitting position, turning away from him.

I suddenly feel extremely ashamed, and slightly embarrassed. I would have thought that he wanted what we did earlier to happen again, based on the sounds he had made…but I guess not. And since when was Alex Krycek ever worried about anybody but himself?

Krycek reaches for me, and I flinch, pulling my knees up to my chest. The thin blanket that had been covering my nude body begins to slide down, and I pull it up over my chest, lightly shivering.

“Scully---“

“Don’t.” I croak, and there is a long moment of strangled silence.

“Want to talk about it?” He asks, sitting up, and I shake my head.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I coldly respond. But the moment the words leave my quivering lips, my eyes begin to tear up, and I try to swallow the lump in my throat. But it doesn’t go away. None of it.

Krycek reaches up his good hand, and places it on my bare back. I want to flinch, but my first reaction surprises me. Instead, I lightly lean in to his touch.

“Are you okay?” He asks again, and I find myself slowly shaking my head.

“No.” My voice trembles, and a sob begins to build, but never escapes my clenched lips.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers into my hair, for the hundredth time that night, and I hang my head.

I desperately try to regain my composure before answering. “Why would you be? You and Mulder didn’t even like each other.” My voice sounds small and childlike to my own ears, and the tears are extremely close to spilling over at any second now.

“That’s not true…entirely. Well, maybe Mulder didn’t like me. But I didn’t hate him. He probably hated me, but I didn’t want him to die.” He tries to explain, and I turn my head to the side, so that he can pull the hair out of my face.

This is so weird, Krycek attempting to comfort me, and me letting him.

“Bull-shit.” I reply, sniffling, and we both chuckle.

“Scully, none of that matters anymore. The past is the past, and whatever ill feelings we had towards each other in the past, were in the past. Things were different after the alien colonization.” He says, pausing. “And whether you believe it or not, I tried to help Mulder most of the time. In my own way. Well, in the only way I thought was possible at that time. I—I was foolish, and thought I was doing the right thing at the time. But now I know I wasn’t. So, whatever issues Mulder and I had back then, no longer mattered anymore.” He finishes, and I believe him.

I wait another long moment before speaking, because I’m still not sure if I’m going to be able to stop myself from crying again.

“Thank you.” I finally reply, and I can almost see the bewildered look on Krycek’s face from behind me, in my head.

“For what?”

“For trying to make me feel better. It---I didn’t expect you to handle things like this.” I honestly reply.

“Me neither.” He jokes, chuckling.

I wait another long moment, relishing in the warmth of Krycek’s hand on my back, as he slowly moves it up and down my spine. And honestly, this is a moment that I thought I would only share with one person. And knowing that it’s with Krycek completely baffles me. I was supposed to have this with Mulder. But, I guess fate works in mysterious ways. If I even believe in it anymore. I don’t even know what I believe in anymore.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” I finally speak again, and Krycek’s hand gently squeezes my shoulder.

“I know.” He quietly replies.

“I don’t understand.” I raise my voice, feeling that anxiety beginning to intensify, and take over my whole body again. “We-we-we weren’t---he wasn’t supposed to---“I stutter, hanging my head. “Goddammit, I’m so—I’m so fucking angry…at myself. I knew he shouldn’t have gone out of that building by himself that day. I didn’t listen to his warnings, when those lights in the sky showed up. He tried to tell me. He---“

“Shhhh. You can’t blame yourself. None of this was your fault.” He coos, wrapping his arms around me, and rocking me back and forth.

And then the sob in my throat finally escapes, and the tears spill over, and I can’t stop them. It hurts…in such a way that I can’t even explain. To know that everyone I have ever known is gone, is such a heavy burden to bare. And as I begin to cry again, something suddenly registers in my brain. Am I really completely alone? Or do I have one person left. Someone that I never expected to be there by my side, wiping my tears with his lips, and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Krycek. Krycek is here with me, and maybe I’m not really completely alone. He can’t completely replace Mulder and Skinner, and we both know that. But maybe, he can help me stay sane. Maybe. But, do I want that? Do I want Krycek to be the person that I count on, for everything? Is he actually capable of being there for somebody other than himself? And am I willing to find out?

I snap back to reality, when I realize that I am now weeping uncontrollably, and Krycek’s hand and lips are all over my face. Why do I actually want this comfort right now? I mean, it’s not exactly as terrible as I always thought it would be. And Krycek is actually doing a pretty good job at it. He’s not only a generous lover, surprisingly, but he can also be a good friend, when he wants to be.

“Shhh. It’s going to be okay. Shhh.” He coos into my hair, pulling me closer to him, and we both lay down, as he wraps his body around me.

And after a while, the uncontrollable weeping subsides, and I find myself drifting off to sleep against a still unclothed Krycek, feeling safe again for the first time in a long time.

XXX

I wake up the next morning to Scully’s hair tickling my nose, and her limbs tightly wrapped around my body. And I honestly have to say, I’m liking it a lot more than I thought I would. I also can’t really complain about the fact that we had amazing sex like three times last night. But that still doesn’t really make this whole situation any better. Because I know that I am probably just a temporary therapy, until my physical presence no longer helps anymore. And I don’t exactly know why I’m letting this continue. I could blame it on my male ego, even my hormones. But that’s not it. It’s something a little more serious than that. I think I might actually _like_ Scully. And I can’t even remember the last time I actually _liked_ anyone. Somewhere in between all of this recent shit, my tolerance for the woman enhanced. How did I let this happen? And what’s going to happen if I let this “thing” between us continue? Will I one day wake up and realize that I let a woman suck the life out of me, and find myself trapped in a situation where I no longer have all of the control?

I quickly push those negative thoughts aside for the time being, when I hear movement and voices outside. I clear my throat, and Scully quickly wakes up, but takes her sweet time scooting away from me. We both catch each other briefly eyeing one another, while we both get dressed, and it takes a few minutes for either of us to speak up.

“Good morning.” I finally say, and Scully forces a small smile.

“Morning.” She replies, trying to avoid any further eye contact.

“How are--uh----how are you feeling?” I quietly ask, and Scully shrugs.

“I’m---“She pauses, pondering her answer for a moment. “I’m a bit better.” She says, and I nod.

“Good.” I smile, and she rubs at her arms while looking down at her feet.

“Uh—listen, Krycek----I---“She heavily sighs, and then looks up at me. Ugh, here we go again.

“Scully— “

“No, please.” She steps closer, placing a tiny hand on my chest, and I have to admit, I’m a little caught off guard. I nod, and she continues, staring at her hand on my chest. “Last night-----last night was----“She pauses again, swallowing. “Thank you.”

“For what?” I furrow my brows, and am beginning to wonder if this conversation is going to turn out a lot differently than I originally thought.

“For—for everything.” She amiably replies, flashing me a genuine smile. It is very brief, but I definitely saw it.

I am suddenly feeling extremely warm, and I have to admit that at first, I don’t exactly know what to say back. No one has every thanked me for anything before, twice. Because I have never really done anything to deserve it.

“Is---is Dana Scully thanking me, again?” I ask, smirking. “Is this real life?” I tease, and we both lightly chuckle.

Scully gently shoves at me, and shakes her head. “I guess I am, huh.” She shrugs.

We stare at each other for a long moment, and then Scully finally looks away. “Well, we should go out there.” She suggests, and I nod.

“You’re welcome, Scully.” I blurt, as we finish packing up, and Scully looks up at me with a serious expression on her face.

“Dana.” She replies, and I crinkle my forehead in confusion. Scully sighs, and looks back down at her pack. “Not Scully…Dana.” She explains, and I smirk at her.

“I thought you didn’t want me to call you that?” I reply.

“Well, I changed my mind, I guess.” She shrugs, and I’m still grinning like a buffoon.

We finish packing up, and just as we head for the exit, I decide at the last minute to do something rash.

“Dana?”

Scully turns around, and looks at me. “Yeah?”

Suddenly, I am reaching for her hand, and pulling her up against me…and then I am kissing her. But this kiss is a lot different from all of the others. It’s not premeditated, nor is it vigorous. It’s more of an impulsive tender kiss, that seems to go on forever. And when I finally pull away, I am out of breath, and I’m not even sure that ‘Dana’ is even breathing at all. She finally opens her eyes, lips still slightly parted, and clears her throat.

“Let’s go check on the others.” I suggest, smirking, and Scully only nods.

And I have to admit, I am somewhat amused with myself at the moment. Things may have changed a bit, but I still find pleasure in flustering Scully. I don’t think that’s something that is really ever going to change.

XXX

As we both make our way outside of the building, there are many thoughts running through my head, and I find myself extremely detached from my surroundings. It takes me a moment to realize that Sharon has walked up to me, and is saying something.

“Huh?” I reply, blinking, and Sharon gently touches my arm, eyeing me sympathetically.

“Are you okay?” She asks, and I nod.

“I will be.” I force a thin smile, and she nods.

We both walk over to the others, and I quickly notice the smug grins on Daryl and Frank’s faces. Oh god. They know what happened last night.

“Get any sleep last night?” Frank asks, and I’m not sure if he looks concerned, or amused, or maybe even both. I know I should be offended either way, but I’m not. Not really.

I duck my head, and Krycek glares at Frank.

“Frank…” Sharon warns, and Frank shrugs at her.

“What? Just curious. There was a lot of noise last night, and I wanted to make sure they were okay is all.” Frank replies, leering.

And next thing I know, Krycek is lunging for Frank, and punching him in his face.

“Want to say something else, wise guy?” Krycek hisses, standing over Frank, and Frank shakes his head, pulling himself back up on his feet.

“Geeze, man, take it easy. I didn’t mean anything by it---“Frank begins, putting his hands up in defense.

“Oh yeah? Well, it sure sounded like you did.” Krycek replies through clenched teeth, and I make my way over to him to try and calm him down. I should be angry with Krycek, but I’m not. I know he was just trying to protect me.

“Krycek— “I begin, grabbing at his arm, but he doesn’t seem to hear me.

“I was just saying---“Frank tries to explain, but Krycek charges at him again.

“I suggest you don’t say anything else if it involves Dana, alright?” Krycek warns, and I tug at his arm again.

“Alex!” I plead, and that seems to get his attention.

Krycek quickly turns to face me, and his face instantly softens. “I’m sorry---“He begins, shaking his head.

“It’s okay.” I quietly reply, and he nods.

Frank, Sharon, and Daryl all just stand there in silence for a long moment, and eventually the tension seems to somewhat dissipate. I can’t help the sudden heat that reaches my cheeks, and am pretty sure that my face is pink right now. I look up just in time to see Krycek eyeing me, and his gaze seems to calm me. Just like Mulder’s used to. I sigh and shrug it off, and no one else seems to say anything else on the situation. Normally, I would be feeling extremely embarrassed, but it’s more of an off-balance feeling over everything else. I’m gloomy about Mulder and Skinner, but I’m also feeling something else. I can’t really properly describe it right now. I don’t feel as alone as I did last night. Not since I had some time to think about it, and not since I talked about it with Krycek. I know it’s going to be a long time before I’m myself again, if I ever am again. And I can’t believe I’m even thinking this, but without Krycek, I would be a lot worse right now.

“Breakfast?” Daryl awkwardly asks, and we all silently sit down together.

If I can get through this day, I can get through all of them. Right?

XXX

The rest of the day is a little tense between me and Frank, and honestly, I didn’t expect Scully to be so calm about my reaction earlier. I really think she is still in shock over the sudden news from yesterday, and eventually, she’s not going to want me around when I flip out on Frank again in the near future. I know it’s going to happen, cause he’s an annoying, nosy little shit. But Scully isn’t always going to be okay with my temper, and I don’t blame her. I mean, it’s calmed down a lot in the last several months. And I don’t even really know what came over me, but I just instantly felt the need to protect Scully. Frank was being a little punk ass bitch, and it was clearly making Scully uncomfortable. Not that I haven’t made Scully feel like that in the past, because we both know I have on more than one occasion. But I’d like to think that we are getting past that now. I wouldn’t exactly call us “friends with benefits”, because honestly, I hate that term. But there is definitely something going on, and I’m not exactly ready for other people to know yet either. I was always an extremely private person, anyways.

I make my way over to where Scully is sitting on a patch of grass, and sit down beside her. She doesn’t seem to notice my presence at first, until I clear my throat a few times, and then she finally looks over at me. And she looks kind of miserable.

“Hi.” I speak up, and she attempts to smile at me, but it’s obviously not sincere, and I don’t really blame her.

“Hi.” She quietly replies, plucking at strands of brown grass.

“What are you doing over here, all by yourself?” I ask, already knowing the answer. She wants to be alone, obviously…idiot.

Scully shrugs, and heavily sighs, tracing circles in the dirt with her finger. “Just thinking.”

I silently nod, and am almost afraid to even ask her if she wants to talk about it. But after a long moment of silence, she looks over at me, and actually smiles for a brief moment.

“I was just thinking about Mulder…and Skinner.” She begins, and I nod, a little surprised that she even brought it up first. “Do you think I was being foolish the past couple of months?” She asks, and I am slightly caught off guard at the question.

“What do you mean?” I ask, eyeing her intently.

Scully sighs again, and thinks about it for another moment, before speaking. “Was I blindly searching for something that was never going to have a positive outcome?” She asks, sadly.

“Well---“I pause, sighing. “I think only you can really know the answer to that. But---my personal opinion? No. You did the right thing, and you kept a great attitude about it.” I pause, and Scully looks at me with tears in her eyes. “And…you couldn’t really know for sure. It was a 50/50 chance of survival. You tried your best, and that’s all that matters.” I say, slightly cringing at my own advice. I’m not really sure I should have even replied at all.

Scully looks at me for a long moment, and sadly smiles at me. And I am slightly taken aback, for like the hundredth time today, when she reaches out, and grabs my hand for a brief moment.

“Thank you.” She mutters, and I can only stare back.

“I don’t think I have ever had the same person thank me so much in the same 24 hours. It---it’s---I’m just not used to it.” I quietly reply, and Scully chuckles, wiping at her wet, blue eyes.

“Well, you deserve it. You have been a good friend.” She replies, instantly realizing her own words.

“Well, thanks? I guess?” I reply, lightly chuckling.

Scully nods, and looks back down at the ground. “What were you doing, when everything happened that night?” She randomly asks, surprising me once again.

“You mean, the night of the attack?” I ask, scooting a little closer.

“Mmhmm.” She replies, turning her body towards me.

“Well----honestly?” I pause, looking over at a curious redhead. “I was with that cigarette smoking sonofabitch, unfortunately.” I reply, heavily sighing.

Scully studies me for a moment, and cocks her head to the side. “And?”

“And----I eventually decided to go out on my own, when everything calmed down.” I reply, plucking at the only live wildflower left near me. I hand it to Scully, and she surprisingly takes it from me, and clutches it tightly between her tiny fingers, just starting at it for a long moment.

“Whatever happened to that bastard?” She finally asks, still staring at the flower, and I shrug.

“I really don’t have a fricking clue. Once everything calmed down, after about a month, I decided that I had had enough of his bullshit, and I left. He didn’t stop me, and I didn’t look back.” I bitterly reply, and she nods, looking back up at me.

“It all seems so unreal, doesn’t it?” She quietly asks, and I nod, staring at her out of the corner of my eye.

“I guess so. I mean, I expected it, because I knew things that others didn’t. But that still didn’t make it any easier, or any less scary. It’s just not something that anyone could really fully prepare for. Not even that black lung bastard.”

Scully nods in understanding, and we both sit there in comfortable silence for a long time. Until Sharon walks over to us, and I know that it’s my cue to leave for a little while. Scully seems to really like Sharon, and I think that she’s definitely more tolerable than Frank. So, I get up, and let Sharon take my place. I guess I can deal with Frank for a little while, just for Scully. But only for about an hour. That’s really all I can ever take of him at a time.

XXX

Sharon and I watch Krycek walk away, and then she sits down in his spot. I can already tell what she is going to say, before she even says it. And I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with it, or not. Sharon just has this way about her, that makes me want to open up to her. And I guess that I really need that kind of friendship right now.

“It’s blatantly obvious, you know.” She just gets straight to the point, but I’m not exactly all that surprised. I expected it.

“What is?” I play dumb, and Sharon shakes her head at me, smiling.

“He likes you.” She smiles, and before I can reply, she quickly clarifies her answer. “Krycek.”

I instantly look at the ground, and pluck at more dead grass. “We’re just friends. In fact, we weren’t even really acquaintances a few months ago.” I feel the need to explain.

Sharon lightly chuckles, and shrugs at me. “Well, things change. People change.”

“I guess so.” I shrug back. “But some things always stay the same.” I quickly add, and Sharon nods.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” She pauses, and I am completely taken aback by her next words. “Mulder liked you too.” She says quietly, plucking at some dead grass as well, and my head instantly snaps up.

“Excuse me?”

“He talked about you a lot. His Scully. His best friend…partner in crime. And---I’m really sorry about how things turned out. And about how you found out.” She replies, sympathetically.

I sit there for a moment, trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat, and after a long moment, I am finally able to respond. “Yeah, we were pretty close.” I hang my head.

“But---maybe Krycek is meant to be in your life for a reason.” She carefully replies, shrugging.

“What do you mean?” I furrow my brows at her.

“I’m just saying…maybe he’s been put here…to help you heal.” She gently replies, squeezing my hand, and standing back up. “Well, we should get back. Daryl and Frank are almost done with dinner.” She smiles at me, and walks away.

I sit there by myself for a long moment, before getting up to follow. And I can’t help but find myself thinking about Sharon’s words to me, the rest of the day.

XXX

After dinner, Daryl, Sharon, and Frank decide to take a walk, leaving me and Scully alone with each other. I’m not really sure what she and Sharon talked about, but she’s been giving me odd looks the past hour. I can’t really tell if she’s upset, numb, or just plain confused. But whatever it is, it’s confusing the hell out of me. She hasn’t really said more than two words to me, so I walk over to the blue van, and begin to search through the pile of cassette tapes in the front compartment. Eventually, Scully walks up behind me, and crosses her arms, furrowing her brows.

“What are you doing?” She finally speaks, and I shrug.

“Just looking for something to lighten up the mood, and fill the silence.” I reply honestly, and Scully just stares at me.

I find a tape I think we both might like, and turn on the van. Scully leans up against the vehicle, and heavily sighs. Right now, I’m willing to try just about anything, to cheer her up. Because the silence is deafening, and I really do hate to see Scully so glum. I wave the tape at her, and she gives me a blank stare. Hopefully this helps…even if it’s just a little.

XXX

“Hmmm, let’s see what’s on it.” Krycek says, curiously, and pushes the cassette tape in.

After a moment, a “Journey” song begins to play, and Krycek grins at me, holding out his hand.

“Oh-ho, no.” I shake my head, and he nods.

“Oh-ho, yes. Just one song.” Krycek pretends to pout, and I heavily sigh, eventually giving in.

My face feels a little warm, when I pay attention to the beginning lyrics, but Krycek seems oblivious to the intimate atmosphere, as he slowly sways me back and forth.

_♪_ _You make me weep and wanna die.  
Just when you said we'd try,  
lovin', touchin', squeezin' each other…_ _♫_

“What was this, 1979?” I whisper, and Krycek nods, grinning.

“Yep.” He replies, and begins to hum along.

After a moment, Krycek leans in, and begins to also sing along to the lyrics, and I have to admit, I am completely caught off guard at how good his voice his. “ _When I'm alone all by myself, you're out with someone else, lovin', touchin', squeezin' each other.”_ He quietly sings, and begins to mouth the rest.

“I didn’t know you could sing…or even dance, for that matter.” I mutter with surprise, and Krycek simply smirks, pulling me closer.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He whispers against my cheek, and I slightly shiver.

We both slowly sway to the music, with his prosthetic arm on my hip, and one of my hands on his shoulder, with the other one tightly clasped in his raised hand. And I have to admit, this close proximity, and the intimate nature of this song, is making me feel a little light-headed. I wouldn’t exactly use the word “swooning”, but I’m feeling something similar to that, maybe.

 _♪_ _You're tearin' me apart.  
Every, every day…  
You're tearin' me apart.  
Oh what can I say?  
You're tearin' me apart…_ _♫_ _  
  
_ Steve Perry continues to sing in the background, with Krycek still quietly singing along, and I find myself getting lost in the moment. I try to pull back a little, and clear my throat, but that kind of makes it worse, because now I am looking directly into Krycek’s eyes, and all of this is making me feel somewhat turned on for some reason. It kind of reminds me of my first prom with my first boyfriend. The one that used to put gum in my hair, and toads in my bedsheets. And eventually, I find myself ducking my head, and burying my flushed face into Krycek’s shoulder. But that doesn’t seem to make it any less intimate. I think I should pull back, and walk away. I really think I should. But I can’t bring myself to do so at the moment. I’m pretty much lost in some hazy dreamland. _  
  
__♪He's tearin' you apart.  
Every, every day.  
He's tearin' you apart.  
Oh girl what can you say?  
Cause he's lovin', touchin' another…_ _♫_

The song continues to play out, and I continue to get even warmer, even though it is slightly chilly outside. Krycek now has his nose in my hair, and I’m beginning to slip into this weird trance. The song eventually nears the end, after many “na na’s”, and we both hear a door slam shut, which instantly pulls us apart.

XXX

Frank, Sharon, and Daryl walk up to Scully and me, and she instantly pushes away from me, and rushes over to turn the tape off in the van. I have to admit, I feel a little surprised at the moment, because I’m getting the feeling that Scully doesn’t want anyone to know about “us”. I mean, I can’t really blame her. And it’s not really anyone’s business anyways. It’s just a temporary therapeutic thing between us, anyways, right? So, it will probably end as suddenly as it started. But a part of me is a little annoyed by that realization. I think I’m a little too involved, and maybe I should pull back. Maybe that’s what Scully’s trying to do. I most certainly have never let myself this close to a woman before, for as long as I have so far with Scully. I mean, here I am singing to her, like some infatuated teenage boy, trying to impress her. It’s kind of pitiful, isn’t it? Even Mulder would laugh at me.

Scully avoids eye contact with me, and turns to Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. “I think I’m going to go to bed now.” She quietly says, and they all nod, wishing her a good night.

I notice right away that I don’t get a “goodnight” from Scully, and instantly wonder if she was expecting me to follow her.

“Uhhh, I’m going to hit the hay also.” I say, clearing my throat, and everyone flashes me that annoying little “we know everything” smile at me. But it’s not as irritating as it was earlier.

I quickly follow Scully into the same building as last night, but as soon as I make it into the dim building, she is standing in front of me, breathing heavily.

“I think I want to sleep alone tonight.” She quickly explains, and I nod. And I keep nodding, like an idiot. In fact, I can’t fucking stop nodding at her. It’s pathetic.

“Okay. Umm, I’ll sleep in the other room.” I suggest, and Scully nods in agreement, turning away from me. “Uh---goodnight, Dana.” I add, instantly wondering if she even still wants me to call her that, or if she has changed her mind again.

I can hear Scully deeply inhale, and then slowly exhale, before replying. “Goodnight, Alex.”

I guess I can’t really be all that disappointed with tonight’s situation, because at least she called me by my first name. That’s something, right? Although, I still find myself moping a little when I grab my pack and head for the next room.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

I am suddenly awakened by a firm poke to my chest, and quickly sit up. And when my eyes finally adjust to the darkness, I see Scully standing above me, and tears are streaming down her face. She sniffles a little, and hangs her head.

“Sc—Dana? Everything okay?” I groggily ask, and she silently shakes her head at me. “Nightmare?” I add, and she slowly nods.

I reach out to her, and she instantly lays down next to me, laying her head on my chest. I can feel the warm moisture seeping through my shirt, but I don’t care right now. I put my arm around her, and she pulls the blanket up over her. Eventually, her sniffles lessen, and she finally speaks up.

“Just sleep tonight…okay?” She whispers, and I nod.

“Okay. Just sleep.” I repeat, and I’m actually kind of relieved that she isn’t coming to me for “therapeutic nookie” again. Surprisingly, I’m just too tired tonight.

Eventually her breathing evens, and I find myself drifting off to sleep with her. And I think I like this feeling…a little too much. One of my main mottos has always been, “All good things must come to an end, eventually.” But, tonight, I am not really sure I like that motto anymore. In fact, it’s a really sucky motto. What was I thinking? And what the hell am I doing? I don’t know anything anymore.

XXX

**A/N: I still have a pretty long list of ideas left (that’s a good thing). ; )**


	10. Hot and Cold

**A/N: Sorry for the 6-week delay! Sister, partner, and best friend visited this month, then partner moved down here. And then I’ve had some special training to level up at my job, on top of finding a second job. Also started guitar lessons, more exercising, trying to get healthier, etc. Been very busy. Anyways…enjoy! (And maybe send me some incoherent babble?) ; )**

**ONE MONTH LATER**

It has been exactly 19 months since the attack on earth. Which would make that 7 months since I lost Mulder and Skinner. One month that Krycek and I have been hanging with our new group, and 4 months since I first ran into Krycek. And now, it’s been one month since I found out about my old friends. The first week of grieving consisted of a lot of tears, sleepless nights, and Krycek’s comforting arms. I hardly ate, and didn’t talk much. The second week of grieving started out with a state of intense denial, and then quickly moved on to me walking around like an emotionless zombie, and sleeping too much, while keeping everyone including Krycek at a very far distance. The third week, my appetite came back, my sex drive came back, and my sleeping schedule began to even out again. But I still felt somewhat foggy. And towards the end of the fourth week, I woke up one morning, and I instantly realized that I could not feel Mulder and Skinner’s presence anymore. I really truly felt like they were gone. And I was beginning to accept it, which kind of bothered me. That next night, I shared the most passionate moment with Krycek yet, and found myself laughing with the new ‘group’ that next morning. Just like I used to do with my old ‘group’. I knew it would still be an extensive recovering process, but the world was a very different place now. And I found myself feeling somewhat better 31 days later. I think that having Krycek, Sharon, Frank, and Daryl with me helped a lot. They were all very understanding, supportive, and patient with me. And as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I could honestly say that they were my friends. The five of us began to travel together after the second week, taking turns driving the van. We hadn’t found any other survivors yet, but we were still alive, and thriving on what we had. It was working for us, and we had all discussed on stocking up on extra supplies, and finding somewhere cozy for the upcoming winter season.

That afternoon, I stayed in the van with Sharon, while the three guys searched for some supplies in the abandoned building we had discovered today. From what was still left of it, it appeared to be a mini strip mall, and looked to have once consisted of a clothing store, restaurant, and mini urgent care center. Sharon and I engaged in some small talk, taking turns naming off the top things we missed having access to before the attack.

After a good thirty-minutes, the guys came out of the last building, and began to walk back towards the van. And it didn’t take me long to notice the big smirk on Krycek’s face when he poked his head into the passenger’s seat window, while the other guys loaded some stuff into the back.

“Why is Mr. Serious so peppy right now?” Sharon friskily asks, as I inwardly chuckle at Krycek’s very noticeable half smirk half glare.

I could tell that Krycek liked having the three of them around, even though he tried not to show it most of the time. He and Sharon would continuously banter back and forth like siblings, but I knew that he didn’t actually mind it. Even Frank had begun to grow on him. And if I had to guess, I would have to say that Daryl was probably his favorite male ‘groupie’, because he was quiet, and did whatever Krycek always asked of him. They seemed to get along great, and were always seriously engaged in conversation when I would walk by them during meal breaks.

“Nun-ya business, Shirly.” Krycek shoots back, leaving Sharon in a fit of laughter.

“It’s Sharon, you butthead.” Sharon sniggers, clicking her tongue and rolling her eyes, all the while still smiling.

“Yeah, whatever.” Krycek impishly waves her off, turning his attention back to me. “So, listen, Dana…you’re not going to believe what I found in there.” He leans in, as his eyes dance with excitement, like a little boy on Christmas morning. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this before. Definitely an odd thing to be witnessing...But I think I could get used to it, if he kept it up, that is.

I cradle my chin in my hand and pretend to think really hard about it for a moment. “Uhh, no wait, let me guess…” I raise my hand, and Krycek leans up against the van, obviously preparing himself for my smartass response, which we both knew was coming. “New underwear.” I begin, and Krycek rolls his eyes and heavily groans, while Sharon giggles in the background. “Flannel pajamas?” I keep going, feeling extremely frisky today, and not really even knowing why. I only ever got this way with Mulder, and maybe that’s what I’m hoping to achieve. The life I used to have. Or at least a small part of it. Nonetheless, it’s better to be this new Dana, than a depressed Scully. And Krycek seems to be putting up with it, for now.

“Oooh, I know, a new personality!” Sharon chimes in, and I can’t help but snigger with her. Have I already mentioned that I really like Sharon? She could very well be the reason I’m still sane right now. She’s just such a likable person. And she reminds me so much of my high school best friend.

Krycek points to Sharon and squints his eyes at her. “I wasn’t talking to you, Charlene.” Sharon throws some small object out the window at him, and he ducks. “I swear, you’re spending too much time with this one.” Krycek points to me and then Sharon, and we both just sneer at him.

“Alright, sorry, go on.” I close my mouth and clear my throat, folding my arms.

Krycek straightens up his posture, and pulls something out of the duffle bag on the ground next to him. And I have to say, I was not expecting him to pull out a beautiful maroon sweater and my favorite childhood book “Moby Dick”. I don’t even know how to react right now, because I don’t think I have ever seen Krycek do something this nice for anyone else other than himself. And when I look over at Sharon, she is grinning from ear to ear, and I am suddenly feeling a little bit of tightness in my chest.

“Alex, oh---“I softly gasp, reaching out to slowly grab the unexpected items from him. Krycek doesn’t say anything, as he shyly smiles at me. I can tell that he is intensely studying me, and I am also suddenly feeling extremely exposed. This little moment is feeling a little too personal, and I’m not sure that I can even properly respond, with three other people listening and watching. But when I look around, the guys are busy talking to one another, and Sharon seems to have left the van to go help them finish loading. “Alex---I…thank you.” I quietly say, and Krycek nods and shrugs.

“It’s nothing, really. Just thought you could use them, since winter is around the corner and all.” He sheepishly responds, and I smile at him, nodding.

“I most certainly can.” I reply, gripping the items tightly in my hands. “But---how did you know this was my favorite book?” I ask, holding the book up.

Krycek shakes his head, smirking. “You don’t wanna know.” He quietly says, closing the duffel bag, and throwing it in the back seat.

I don’t even bother asking for a further explanation, because I’m pretty sure I know what Krycek is getting at. He had once mentioned some previous surveillance work in the past, so I’m assuming that I was one of the targets at one time. But oddly, it doesn’t seem to really bother me now.

I simply just nod, and everyone gets back into the van. Sharon notices the gifts in my lap right away, but says nothing, as she starts the van and begins to drive off. I quietly clutch at the sweater and book for the rest of the trip, occasionally looking down at the items. And when I look up and into the rearview mirror, I catch Krycek’s gaze. We hold the eye contact for a moment, and then he smiles at me, before looking away. I turn my attention back to the road, and quietly listen to Daryl and Frank talk and joke the rest of the trip.

XXX

A few hours later, we all come across a decent sized house just outside of a small town. After further investigation, we all decide that it might just be the perfect place to settle down for the upcoming winter months. It’s in good shape, and is one of the rare houses to still have some form of clean running water in it, or outside of it. After a thorough investigation, and a group decision, we all begin to unpack the van, and place things inside the cozy white house. It actually kind of reminds me of that farm house that I was in when I first ran into Scully, but a lot bigger, and in a lot better condition. We even find beds, and furniture still in the house, with no signs of the alien invasion 19 months ago. Not even chunks of a crashed ship for many miles. It makes me wonder how long it’s been vacant. The beds were even still made, with no signs of visitors probably this whole time. We definitely got lucky today.

After about an hour of settling in, Sharon and Frank pick their bedroom, while Daryl finds his own, leaving Scully and I with two other bedrooms to choose from. At first, I think that Scully is going to choose a room to herself, but then I notice her things lying next to mine on the second biggest room’s bed. I begin to ask, when she walks back into the room, but then think better of it. I had figured that she would want to take another break for a few nights, but I guess not. And I’m definitely not complaining. I’ve actually kind of gotten used to it, honestly. And those late night passionate sessions that she wakes me up with aren’t too bad either. But once daylight hits, we are just like two friends, that appear to have never even shared a bed together. I’m kind of hoping that I can change that in the next few upcoming weeks. I guess we will just have to see what happens.

I watch Scully unpack some of her things, and then begin to unpack my own things. And I can’t help but leer at the book I gave her resting on her pillow, and when she walks back into the room, I instantly notice that she is now wearing the maroon sweater. I honestly wasn’t even sure that she would like the items, but it kind of pleases me to see that I’ve actually accomplished doing something nice for someone else, whom appears to actually appreciate the gesture.

“What?” Scully asks, furrowing her brows at me, and I realize that I’m staring…hard.

“Oh, uh, nothing. The sweater looks great on you.” I reply, clearing my throat, and Scully warmly smiles at me.

“You think? It’s pretty comfortable.” She beams, and I catch her eye for a moment.

But that’s the thing…every time we make eye contact lately, one of us immediately looks away. I noticed the new weird behavior about a week ago. And I’m not really even sure if it’s a good thing, or a bad thing. All I know is, Scully is trying really hard to keep her distance during the day, and I’m trying really hard to respect her wishes, but also convince her to let me in. I don’t exactly know what’s happening with us lately, but I do know that I want more of it. That’s all I know, really. And it’s beginning to drive me insane. I just want her all the time, and I’m not even talking in a sexual way. It’s pretty pathetic, really, and it reminds me of how Mulder was around Scully in the past. When did I become a ‘Mulder’? And when did I become okay with that?

Sharon calls for us from the kitchen, and we all make our way out of our rooms to help her prepare dinner. Scully sits further away from me than usual, and keeps her eyes on her food throughout the whole meal. I’m not really sure what’s going on with her, but I’d like to know what’s going on in that pretty little head of hers.

After the meal, we all decide to crack open a bottle of wine, from the decent sized stash we found in the past few weeks, and that’s when I began to say and do some things that I’m now wishing I hadn’t.

XXX

I can tell that Krycek has been trying to get my attention for the past hour, as the five of us all sit in the living room drinking wine and playing a card game. I don’t even know why I’m trying to avoid eye contact with him, but it started earlier today, after he gave me those gifts. I guess it just caught me off guard, and kind of bothered me that I was so giddy with the kind gesture. The way we have been acting around each other lately, is beginning to evolve into something completely different than just ‘friends with benefits’. Not that I even really like that term, honestly. But I also don’t like how I’m feeling right now. I’m feeling confused, but content. And I also feel like I shouldn’t be content. I feel like me being happy with some other person, is sort of betraying that bond of trust that I once shared with Mulder. I mean, I know he’s gone, but still…it makes me feel sort of like a shitty person. I know Mulder would want me to move on, live my life to the fullest, and be happy without him. But I’m just really having a hard time doing that. Things are just so different from what I thought they would be. I guess I’m just having a hard time adjusting is all.

I finally get the nerve to look up, and sure enough, Krycek is looking at me. We make eye contact, and I manage to keep it for a long moment. The wine is starting to smooth out all of my rough edges, including the anxiety I was just recently feeling a moment ago. Krycek looks me up and down, and I definitely know that look. That’s the look he gives me almost every night before bed. I love that look…but I don’t want to enjoy it as much as I do.

“Mr. and Mrs. Serious are awfully quiet tonight, ay?” Frank speaks up, looking at me, and then Krycek.

“Something the matter?” Sharon also speaks up, looking over at Krycek, and then me.

“Oh, leave them alone guys. They are probably just exhausted.” Daryl adds, and the three of them drop the subject, going back to their card game.

Krycek eventually gets up and leaves the room. And after several minutes, I realize that he is not coming back into the living room. I’m not sure I really want to go investigate his whereabouts, but I find myself doing it anyways.

“Alright guys, I think I’m going to call it a night.” I produce a small yawn, and everyone wishes me a good night.

I slowly make my way to my room, and notice that the door is just barely cracked open. I sharply inhale, and then exhale, pushing the door open. I don’t see any sign of Krycek, and am about to give up and just go to bed. But then I feel Krycek’s breath on the back of my neck, as his arm wraps around my waist from behind. I think about turning around for a brief moment, but then decide not to. Instead, I lightly lean back into him, and instantly begin to feel that twinge of desire in my lower belly. It’s dark enough in the room that we can’t really see each other’s faces, unless we walk over to the window, and that makes me feel a little better. Krycek runs his hand down my stomach, stopping at my hip, and then he his flipping me around to face him. I find myself whimpering in anticipation, as he begins to lean in. I’m already beginning to liquify in his arms, and he hasn’t even kissed me yet.

“What do you want?” He whispers against my cheek, and I swallow.

“What?” I ask, slightly dazed.

“Tell me what you want.” He breathes into my ear, and I shiver.

“I don’t know.” I breathe back, licking my lips.

“Yes you do.” He says, just centimeters from my mouth.

I lean in for a kiss, but Krycek pulls back, lightly chuckling.

“I won’t go any further, until you tell me exactly what you want.” He tries again, and I furrow my brows at him. I’m beginning to think that he isn’t trying to ask me what I want sexually anymore.

“Alex, come on.” I whine, but Krycek shakes his head at me.

“Tell me. Be honest.” He murmurs, and I catch his glowing green eyes in the moonlight for a moment.

“I want…this.” I whisper seductively, sliding my hand between his legs, but he pulls his hips back.

“Uh-uh.” He lightly scolds, and I heavily sigh.

“I don’t know what you mean, then.” I try the ignorant card. But I don’t think he’s buying it.

Krycek grabs a hold of both of my wrists, and effortlessly lifts them over my head with one hand. And next thing I know, I’m being gently pushed onto the bed, as he hovers over me. He leans down, and just lightly brushes his lips against mine for a very brief moment. I moan with frustration, and open my eyes to see a very serious Krycek looking down at me.

“Do you see this new group…as a permanent thing?” He quietly asks, and I shrug.

“I don’t know?” I furrow my brows, and Krycek loosens his grip on my wrists.

“What about…us? What do you expect to happen further down the road?” He carefully asks, and my stomach tightens.

Ah, there it is. My suspicions were correct apparently. And I’m not sure what surprises me more. The actual intimacy of the question, or the fact that Krycek is wanting to know. I wasn’t aware that he had even been thinking about these things. And I have to ask myself, is it real?

“Why are you asking me this?” I firmly ask, and quickly realize that my tone came off as a little snippy.

Krycek completely let’s go of my wrists, but remains above me, with one leg on each side of me.

“Does it matter? You don’t seem too comfortable with answering, anyways.” He murmurs, clenching his jaw.

I heavily sigh, clicking my tongue. “What do you want me to say, Krycek?” I ask, and Krycek stiffens above me.

“Never mind. Just---just forget it.” He grunts, pushing himself off of me, and sitting on the side of the bed.  

I pull myself up into a sitting position, and we both sit there in silence for a moment.

“I---I’m just not sure what my future holds yet, is all.” I shrug, and Krycek shakes his head at me.

“You really don’t have that many options these days, Dana.” He pauses, and I’m beginning to see the frustration building within him. “It was a simple question. Either you want to stay, or not. Either you want something to develop…with us…or not.” He carefully adds.

“Alex, I wasn’t even aware that you expected this to go beyond a certain point.” I murmur, and Krycek turns to face me.

“What exactly did you think was happening?” He quietly asks, and I shrug.

“I—I don’t know. You’re Alex freaking Krycek. You’ve never exactly been the type of person to---“

“To what, Scully? Huh?” Krycek interrupts, quickly becoming more frustrated.

“I didn’t mean anything bad by it, really. It just doesn’t seem like something you’d ever want.” I try to explain.

Krycek heavily sighs, shaking his head at me again. “Now you’re just avoiding my questions altogether.”

I sigh again, and quickly realize that this night is not going to turn out the way I wanted it to. Not even close. Dammit.

XXX

“I don’t mean to. I just don’t know if this is my fate, yet.” Scully carefully replies, standing up, and I feel my face growing hot.

“Why are you still here then, huh?!” I spat, standing up with her, and firmly grabbing onto her arm.

Scully yanks her arm from my grip, with impressive force I might add, and heavily sighs. “I don’t know, god!” She shouts, grabbing the sides of her head in agitation.

“You had every opportunity to leave. No one was forcing your hand. So, tell me Dana…why are you really still here? Because I damn well know that you’re not afraid to be on your own. You already proved that once. I know you can handle things yourself, but what I don’t know is…why are you still here?” My voice cracks at the end. I don’t know why the hell I am so upset. I don’t know anything anymore.

“You can keep asking me, and my answer is still going to be the same, Alex. I don’t know. I---“She heavily sighs, rubbing at her temples now.

I don’t think I am ever going to get used to her calling me Alex. Every time she says it, my stomach lurches. And I’m beginning to realize that the littlest of things make my pulse race lately. I think I might like it a little too much. I also think that I’m pretty much screwed now. There’s just no way I can turn back now. And I don’t think I’d even want to. What the hell is happening? Why am I hoping that Scully doesn’t actually leave? Why do I have this overwhelming desire to get on my knees, and beg for her to stay…with me?

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out for a long moment. “What exactly is going on here?” I finally ask, and Scully looks up at me.

“I don’t know what you mean.” She answers, pursing her lips.

“Yes you do.” I quietly reply, clenching my jaw.

Scully hangs her head for a moment, and I suddenly find myself becoming extremely irritated.

“This is getting out of control. This----I should have never let this happen.” She grumbles, rubbing at her forehead and closing her eyes for a moment.

“I don’t know what YOU mean.” I mock, and Scully laughs sarcastically.

“Yes, you do.” She taunts back, and I’m not really sure if I want to yell at her, or kiss her.

Goddammit, this crazy ass woman. I swear, this—this five-foot-two ball of fire with flesh is confusing the hell out of me more and more each passing second. Why do I even put up with this? When did things change? I mean, I know exactly when things changed. The moment I saw her that day, half naked at the end of that hill, I knew things weren’t going to be the same. I was determined to keep moving forward, by my damn self. And now here I am, also still not leaving. I suppose I should really ask myself the same questions that I am asking Scully right now, because in reality, we are both doing the same exact thing. The only difference is, Scully is a way better person than me. And as frustrated as she is making me right now, my mind keeps coming back to that. She didn’t have to take care of me when I got shot. She didn’t have to come back into that farm house for me. She didn’t even have to travel with me. But she did. And now we have been regularly sharing a bed together, and Mulder is apparently dead. So, what happens next? Do we part ways? Or do we continue onward together?

“Do you want to leave?” I find myself asking, but I’m not sure that I even wanted to ask.

“I don’t know.” She pauses, heavily sighing. “Yes.” She pauses again. “No.” She grunts in frustration, rubbing at her temples again. “I don’t know…” She finishes, finally looking back up at me.

“Do you want to stay?” I also find myself asking. But if Scully couldn’t answer the first question, what makes me think that she can answer the second one? But I still find myself waiting for an answer anyway.

“Alex, what’s with all the rhetorical questions?” She asks, placing her tiny hands on her tiny hips.

“I don’t know.” I answer quickly, looking away.

“Well, then, if we both don’t know what to do about all of this, then maybe we should just cool it for a while.” She quietly says, clearing her throat.

“A while…meaning forever. Right?” I ask, bitterly. I don’t even know why I am sounding bitter. Because I’m really not. Right now, I’m just actually really sexually frustrated. Why is ‘Scully giving me the runaround’ turning me on?

Scully doesn’t answer me, but does look me directly in the eyes. We stare at each other for a long moment. Or more like a ‘longing moment’, and then I back away a few steps and nod once.

“Fine.” I answer sharply, and walk backwards out of the room without another word.

This situation is beginning to feel oddly like a married couple’s fight. Like Sharon and Frank. When did Scully and I become a “Sharon and Frank”? And why am I still letting it happen? I guess I will be sleeping with my right hand tonight.

XXX

The next morning, I roll over to a cold, empty spot next to me. And the first thing I think to myself is, when did I get so used to sharing a bed with Krycek? And why am I slightly bothered by his absence last night? I don’t even think I want to answer my own question, or even really think about it right now, so I push it out of my mind for now.

I quickly freshen up, and then make my way into the kitchen, where I see Sharon, Frank, and Daryl sitting at the table eating breakfast.

“Morning sunshine.” Sharon warmly smiles, and I slip into a chair next to her.

I quickly realize that Krycek is not around, and Sharon seems to notice right away.

“He went for a walk, about an hour ago.” She answers my unasked question, and I nod.

I spend the next few hours with Sharon, while Frank and Daryl go out for more winter supplies to stock up on. I think that we have all definitely found the perfect house to stay in for the winter, and we are also almost done stocking up for the next few months as well. The house was just outside of a little town we came across, with four decent sized bedrooms, two full bathrooms, a basement, and a living room, kitchen, and dining room. There was also a spacious back and front yard, and whomever the previous owners were, seemed to keep everything in good shape. We were definitely lucky to find it when we did. Because we were really starting to run out of options for the upcoming winter. It was already getting pretty chilly outside, but there was no snow yet. We had all found some warmer clothes, and we had a van that was in good shape also. I can’t really complain right now, no matter how lost I still feel over Mulder and Skinner.

A few more hours pass, and Krycek’s absence has really begun to bother me now. He’s been gone for at least 6 hours now, and dinner will be in just a few hours. Where the hell could he be? And was he coming back? I mean, where would he go? Winter was upon us, and I highly doubted that Krycek would do something that stupid. But then again, maybe he would. And why am I even worrying myself about it right now?

“He’s probably just out exploring.” Sharon speaks up, and I suddenly realize how obvious my worrying has been the past few hours.

What is wrong with me? Krycek is a big boy. And he most certainly doesn’t need my help, in any way. Nor I, his. Right?

“Yeah, probably.” I try to shrug it off, and continue reading my book.

But as the next two hours come and go, I find myself pacing back and forth in the living room, while Sharon, Daryl, and Frank unload the van’s supplies, and bring them into the house. Something was wrong. Krycek had never been gone this long before. Did what I say last night possibly piss him off enough to just want to leave? Or did something bad happen to him while he was out walking? God, why am I so bothered by this right now?

A few minutes later, I hear a fourth voice outside, and quickly walk over to the kitchen window, peaking out. I can see Krycek walking up towards the front porch, laughing with Daryl, and I quickly scurry back into the living room, plopping down onto the couch, and pulling out my book.

Krycek seems to just completely pass by the living room, disappearing for a moment. I can’t even bring myself to get up and go after him, because I’m just so baffled right now. How could he just leave like that, for 8 hours, and not tell me?

A few minutes later, I jump, as I hear Krycek’s voice behind me.

“Been reading a lot today?” He asks, oblivious to my inward frustration.

Then again, I’m trying really hard to not show it. And I think I’m doing a pretty damn good job at keeping my cool, until Krycek plops down next to me, pulling my feet onto his lap.

“Well?” He tries again, and I slowly put my book down, just staring at him.

“That’s all you have to say?” I quietly reply, and Krycek furrows his brows at me.

“What?”

I quickly pull my feet off his lap, and get up off the couch, folding my arms. I don’t even know why I’m making such a big deal of this. I really don’t. But I just can’t bring myself to stop. Krycek stands back up as well, looking completely baffled himself. _Good._ He takes a step closer, and I turn away from him. Because I know that if I look into those green eyes, that I won’t be able to keep calm. Krycek has always brought out this fiery passionate side of me, where I just can’t seem to keep my mouth shut. Ever since that time he said, “Calm down, Scully.” And sometimes, well, a lot of the time, I still react the same way that I did then.

“You were gone for 8 hours.” I simply reply, and I can hear Krycek heavily sighing behind me.

“Yeah? So?”

I don’t know exactly why my body turned around, when my brain told me not to. But when I looked into those green eyes, and opened my mouth, the complete opposite of what I wanted to say came out instead.

“I thought something had happened to you.” I blurt, instantly regretting it.

When did I become so vulnerable around my partners former enemy?

“Dana…” Krycek begins, opening and closing his mouth several times, before flashing me a brief smirk. “I---I didn’t think it would be a problem. I just needed time to myself, to think.” He tries to explain.

“Think? About what? You can’t just go walking around for 8 hours, in the cold.” I reply, folding my arms in front of me again.

Krycek lightly chuckles, rubbing the side of his face with his hand. “I was fine, really. I just needed to sort some things out. Nothing bad, just…” He pauses, making eye contact, and I instantly look down at the floor. “Were you really worried about me?” He asks, trying to hold back a grin.

I quickly shake my head, then shrug. “No. Maybe. A little.” I quietly reply, shuffling my feet.

I don’t even know why I’m acting like this right now. I wasn’t even this bad with Mulder. I guess because Mulder did it so much, that I guess I just expected it from him. But now Mulder’s gone, and all I have is Krycek now. I hate admitting that sometimes, but it’s true. And I’m beginning to accept that, I guess.

“Look…I’m sorry…that I worried you. I won’t do it again, okay?” He carefully replies, touching my arm.

I look up and catch his eye, but before I can reply, Sharon, Frank, and Daryl walk into the house. Their loud laughter breaks our eye contact, and Krycek clears his throat, while I tuck a loose lock of hair behind my ear.

“Dinner’s ready guys!” Sharon hollers from the kitchen, and we all make our way into the next room.

 _God dammit, Dana. What are you doing? What are you feeling?_ I don’t know. I just don’t fucking know.

XXX

The second night of dinner in this new house is a lot different from yesterdays. I have noticed that Scully has been eyeing me non-stop since I came back from my long “walk”. When in reality, I was in the shed behind the house most of the day, making something. Anyways, I catch Scully’s eye for the tenth time now, and she intensely holds it for a long moment. After dinner, we all decide to enjoy another bottle of wine, but this time Sharon, Frank, and Daryl decide to take a walk outside before bed, leaving Scully and I still sitting at the table.

“You sure you don’t want to go get some fresh air with them?” I ask, and Scully shakes her head, running her finger along the top of her wine glass.

“I’m kind of tired.” She replies, and I nod in agreement.

“Well then go to bed, if you want. I’m heading to my room in a bit also.” I reply, and Scully looks up at me, as if she’s a little upset by what I’ve said.

After another long moment of silence, Scully stands up, and I follow her, placing my empty wine glass on the counter next to hers.

“I guess I’m going to bed now.” She softly says, and I nod.

“Me too.”

We both walk towards the bedrooms, and stand in front of our bedroom doors, which are across the hallway from each other.

“Well, goodnight.” I lift my hand, and begin to open my door.

“Goodnight.” Scully replies, opening her door as well.

We both look back at each other for a long moment, and a huge part of me is beginning to feel this magnetic pull from Scully’s direction. I find myself stepping closer, and Scully follows, until we are both about a foot away from each other. I had originally planned to just sneak in a quick peck on the cheek, or maybe tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear, but what happened next took us both by surprise I think.

Next thing I know, we are both lunging at each other, with a passion much different from the other times. This time, it’s not just sensual. It’s so much more than that. It’s like we just can’t get enough of everything about each other. I can see a difference in the way Scully is acting, and the way I am feeling tonight. It’s like we are connected on a new, otherworldly level. The energy flowing through the both of us is enough to make my whole-body tremble for hours. And Scully’s hands are all over me, clutching at my clothes, as her lips trail all over my face. And then I am doing the same, until our lips finally connect again, and it’s electric. In fact, it’s more than just electric. It’s---it’s enthralling. It’s intense. And its life changing. I back her up, until we are in her bedroom, desperately clawing at each other. I can’t even describe what’s happening between us right now, but we have literally just been touching and kissing on each other for the past 5 minutes. There is no sex. Not yet, anyways. And honestly, I’m perfectly okay with that right now.

“Alex, oh---“Scully whimpers, while pulling me into a tender embrace.

I run my fingers through her hair, kissing her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, her nose, her chin, and then her lips. And then Scully’s hands are on my face, as her fingers trail across every curve, before finally pulling at my bottom lip with her thumb.

“I---Dana---I---“I breathe, desperately trying to catch my breath.

This moment we are having right now is definitely new. The way we are both reacting to everything right now, it’s something I’ve only ever seen in movies. I’m fucked. I’m so…fucked.

“God---I---“Scully is stuttering along with me, as I press my forehead against hers, and close my eyes.

We just slightly sway back and forth for a long moment, relishing in the moment. And I can feel Scully’s racing pulse against my lips, when I press my mouth to her neck. I suddenly can’t breathe, can’t think. I just want more. And I don’t want this moment to end…but eventually, Scully begins to pull back, and I’m guessing that she is beginning to think more clearly now. She just looks up at me, and I suddenly just want to spill my guts to her. I want to tell her how I feel. I want to ask her if she feels it too. I just want to understand what the hell is happening to me lately.

Finally, I’m able to speak, but my voice sounds foreign to my own ears. “You’re the first person that I’ve----“

“Stop.” Scully interrupts me, with a shaky voice. Her eyes are the widest I have ever seen them, and she’s doing that weird thing with her mouth, which she only ever really does when she’s terrified of something.

One would think that ‘I’ would be the one trying to avoid this inevitable feeling that has unexpectedly developed here recently. Considering I have never experienced any of this before…and never really ever wanted to. But…I’m not. In fact, I’m not sure that I can go back now. And I’m also not sure that I even regret what’s happened this year. If Scully would have let me finish, I was going to completely leave myself vulnerable…to the possibility that I’m beginning to fall for her. That maybe, I already have. I was going to say, “You’re the first person that I’ve ever wanted like this. The first person that I’ve felt like I truly need in my life.” But from the horrific look on her face, she doesn’t seem to really be on the same page as me, and probably already knows what I was going to say. And that’s okay. Why would someone like Dana Scully ever want someone like me? Mulder was her ‘person’. And deep down, we both know he always will be.

“Dana…things are changing.” I try again, but she is already vigorously shaking her head.

I swallow hard, and open my mouth again, but she’s already backing away from me, so I’m just left standing there, with my heart beating wildly in my chest. I hate this feeling, but I love this fucking feeling. Why is this happening? And why do I feel like my world is both crashing down around me, but also like I’m on the best high of my life? I don’t even want sex right now. I just want to touch her face, and tell her all my deepest darkest secrets. But, there is one secret that I’m sure she would forever hate me for, if I ever told her. And no matter how guilty I always feel about it, I just don’t think I could ever look her in the eye ever again, if I told her.

“Please don’t do this to me.” She whispers, nervously running her tongue over her bottom lip, over and over again.

I’m suddenly so overcome with emotion myself, that my eyes are beginning to water, and I have to tightly squeeze them shut for a long moment. This is the first time in a very long time, that I have felt like I was on the verge of tears. And that’s one thing that I will NOT let Scully see. Alex Krycek doesn’t fucking cry. God, what is this woman doing to me? I am going to just say that it’s the wine talking, and that I will be back to normal by morning. But I’m not really sure that that’s the truth.

“Please don’t shut me out now. Not when we need each other the most.” I whisper back, nervously rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.

“I’m sorry, Alex. But I can’t do this. I---I just can’t.” Scully’s voice quivers, and I’m pretty sure that she is on the verge of tears as well.

“Why not?” I blurt, taking one big desperate step closer to her.

I must admit, it feels pretty shitty to be put in the friend zone. Damn.

“Mulder---“She begins, and I quickly take a big step back. 

“Mulder…” I repeat, with slight anger.

 Scully just looks up at me, and I nod, clenching my jaw.

“Mulder is gone, Dana.” I mumble through clenched teeth. Yeah, I just went there. And I don’t care.

Scully takes a step forward, and one single tear escapes her watery eyes.

“I know that. I’m not in denial anymore. I-I know.” She pauses, breathing heavily. “But things weren’t supposed to be like…this…” She continues, and I can physically feel that blow to my chest. Ouch.

“Well, I’m sorry that I’m not Mulder!” I find myself raising my voice, and Scully jumps a little.

“Alex, please---“She reaches for me, but I pull back.

I heavily sigh, and unclench my fist at my side, hanging my head for a moment. “I know that you were supposed to be with Mulder. Everyone knew that. Mulder the saint. I always envied him, I really did. And I do even more now, than ever before. Because he has always had one really great thing by his side. Something I now want for myself. But I’m not Mulder, Dana. Not even close. And things are different now. You can’t just push people away forever.” I pause, and Scully is now nervously licking her lips again. “I didn’t expect this to happen myself. But it did. And you need to ask yourself, why? Why did this happen? Please don’t run from it, because it might just be exactly what you need.”

Scully heavily sighs and folds her arms across her chest. I take it that she is letting me continue, so I do.

“You are not alone anymore. And I know that the person standing in front of you, is not exactly the person you expected to be with in the end, but this person cares for you.” I pause, poking at my own chest. “Don’t ask me why, because you are the most frustrating woman on this planet…” I pause, and Scully involuntarily chuckles at that, as do I. “I don’t even know where I’m going with this, honestly. I just---I just know that something is blossoming. Whether we wanted it to or not. And I’m willing to see what happens next. But what I want to know is, are you?” I finish, and there is a long moment of tense silence between us.

“I---“Scully heavily sighs, and shrugs, shaking her head. “I don’t know.” She eyes me sympathetically, and I slowly nod.

At least she answered honestly, I’ll give her that. But for some reason, I’m still getting this vibe from her. And I’m thinking that maybe, she might feel something. Even if it isn’t as strong as what I’m feeling. And I also think that I’m willing to wait a little while, to see if she eventually gives in to whatever is happening between us. I’m just going to have to take the “I don’t know”, for now. Because honestly, it wasn’t a ‘no’. I think that I can live with that.

“I can live with that.” I repeat out loud this time.

“Alex— “She begins, but I put my finger up to her lips, and she just looks up at me.

“Let’s let it go for tonight, alright?” I whisper, and Scully slowly nods up at me.

“Mmhmm.” She replies, looking thoroughly confused.

Scully anxiously eyes me, as I slowly lean over her, and kiss the top of her head. “Goodnight, Dana.” I breathe, lingering a moment longer than necessary, before backing away.

Scully opens her mouth to speak, but says nothing, as she watches me walk into the next room to sleep for the night. I’m pretty sure I’ve affected her, in some way. And even know things haven’t exactly turned out the way I wanted today, I can definitely live with the knowledge, that I have once again flustered Dana Scully.

XXX

_There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface..._   
_Consuming, confusing…_   
_This lack of self-control I fear is never ending…_   
_Controlling, I can't seem…_   
_To find myself again…_   
_My walls are closing in.._   
_(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced_   
_That there's just too much pressure to take)_   
_I've felt this way before…_   
_So insecure…_

_Crawling in my skin…_   
_These wounds, they will not heal…_   
_Fear is how I fall…_   
_Confusing what is real…_

_-Linkin Park_

_RIP Chester Bennington_ _☹_

**A/N: I figured that it would be much better to wait and only write when I was feeling my muse, than to try and rush it just to get chapters in sooner, when I wasn’t really feeling the motivation. If I posted half-assed chapters frequently, there would be no point in even attempting to finish this novel-length story, right? But if I sit down and write what small piece comes next when my inspiration randomly strikes, or when I have the time to thoroughly think things through, and slowly piece things together that way, even if it takes a while, then don’t you think that your reading experience would be a lot more enjoyable? I want to do this one right. So, thank you for your patience!!! ; )**


	11. The Secret

**A/N: This chapter is a little more mature than the others, which is a once in a blue moon thing for me. ; ) Also, it’s my longest chapter yet!**

**TWO CHILLY MONTHS LATER**

_I find myself walking through a dark forest, towards a strange glowing light peeking through the trees. The ground is cold, but it doesn’t seem to really bother me that I am barefoot. I don’t know how I got here, and I don’t know why I’m being pulled towards this blueish light, and the faint sounds of someone yelling from a distance. But I keep going, as my knees shake, and my heart races. And once I make it out of the forest, I see some strange round object hovering just a few inches off the ground. And as I get closer, I can see a little round window in the center of this black object. And the faint voices I had heard in the forest are much clearer now, and I begin to realize that it’s Mulder’s voice that I was hearing._

_“Scully. SCULLY. SCULLY!!!” Mulder shouts at me through a round window from the inside of the huge hovering metallic object._

_“Mulder? Is that you?” I ask in disbelief, slowly walking closer to the window._

_It is dark outside, and I’m only guessing it is some sort of unidentified flying object, although it looks a lot different from the ones that attacked earth last year. There is a soft humming noise that seems to be all around me, and even though I am somewhat frightened, I am also suddenly filled with a sense of well-being. I slowly raise my hand up towards the symbols on the ship, as if in some sort of trance, and gently touch at the aluminum type metal of the spacecraft. I instantly feel a bolt of energy run through my fingers and up my arm, and I quickly pull my hand away. I look back up at the window, and it seems that Mulder is talking to someone next to him. I can’t see who it is, but he seems to be pleading with them to let him out to see me. All I can hear is his voice, and I jump a little when he slams his hand on the window._

_“Let me see her. Please just let me talk to her for a moment. She needs to know what’s happening.” Mulder pleads, and I furrow my brows at him._

_“Mulder?” I say again, still in complete shock about what I am seeing._

_Mulder turns back to me, and his eyes are soft and childlike, just like I remember them, but there is just something about him that is different. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something is different. And then I suddenly remember. Mulder is dead. This isn’t Mulder. It can’t be. These---these ‘beings’ are playing tricks on me._

_“Scully.” Mulder says, looking down at me, and I shake my head._

_“You’re dead. You’re not Mulder. Mulder is dead.” I reply, slowly backing away._

_“Scully, please, listen to me. I came here to tell you something very important. The truth. And I need you to listen to me, because I don’t have much time.” Mulder says calmly, and I nod, even though I don’t know what to believe right now._

_I can hear another voice now, but it’s very faint, and whatever was said seems to aggravate Mulder even more. I strain to hear, and finally am able to make out what the other being is saying._

_“It’s not time yet. We must go.” Says the distorted voice, and Mulder looks back at me._

_“Scully, I will be back, soon. I promise. I will explain eventually.” Mulder says to me, and I suddenly feel panicked._

_And even though I know Mulder is dead, and that this can’t be Mulder, I still feel like I’m losing him all over again. Mulder puts his hand up to the window, and I do the same, as my eyes begin to water._

_“Mulder. I—I don’t understand.” I say, shaking my head._

_This is too weird. This isn’t real. This is just a dream. I realize that now._

_“I’m sorry, Scully. I didn’t want this for you. But it’s for the best.” Mulder replies, and then the ship begins to slowly lift up further off the ground._

_A bright light suddenly blinds me for a moment, and the humming becomes louder. And then the ship is gone. And Mulder is gone. Again._

_“Mulder? Mulder. MULDER!” I shout, but it is now just me and the darkness, as I look up at the dark sky._

And then I wake up, drenched in sweat, and struggling to catch my breath. All I can hear for a few moments is Mulder’s voice echoing in my head, as if he was just standing right next to me a moment ago. I yank the covers off of me, and swing my feet over the side of the bed. And then I feel a hand on my shoulder, which causes me to jump a little.

“Dana? You okay?” Alex asks soothingly, and I turn to face him.

“Yeah. Umm---just—just a weird dream.” I quietly reply, and Alex nods.

“Want to talk about it?” He offers, and I slowly shake my head.

“I’m fine, really.” I reassure him, and he nods again.

The truth is, the dream I just had felt so real, as if it had actually happened, but I know that that is impossible. I don’t even think it’s a good idea to tell anyone about it, because everyone will just think I’m relapsing back into denial, which I’m really not. Honestly, I’ve been doing much better lately.

“Okay.” Alex quietly replies, as he sits up with me.

It takes me a few minutes to realize that today is Christmas Day, so I try to compose myself and just forget about the dream for now. I look over at Alex, while he yawns and stretches out his limbs, and it makes me feel a bit better. I know that just two months ago I told him I wanted to have my own room, and slow things down. But about a month ago, we just kind of started sharing a bed again. I guess I’ve just gotten so used to his presence, that I can’t sleep without him by me anymore. He’s kind of like my security blanket, yet, I don’t know exactly what we are to each other yet. I tried my best to pull back, but somehow over the last four weeks, we have been spending pretty much every day and night together. And I’m not sure I like admitting this, but I actually really enjoy his company. The physical aspects of our current ‘situation’ are still dialed down to maybe once or twice a week, but that is mainly because of me. I’m still not exactly sure what I want to happen, so I keep pulling Alex in, and then pushing him away. I can tell it frustrates him, and I feel bad. But I’m also pretty sure that Alex Krycek has handled much worse in his life, and he’s probably just in it for the physical anyways. I mean, there’s no one else around, so why not be with each other, right?

“Oh…Merry Christmas.” I quietly say, looking over at him, and he smiles at me.

“Merry Christmas, Dana.” He replies, leaning over to place a quick peck on my cheek, and I almost turn to catch his lips, but decide not to at the last minute. “I’m going to go make some coffee, and see if the others are up yet. You coming?” He asks, and I nod.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.” I reply, and Alex nods, as he gets up and leaves the room.

I look around the room for a moment, and then down at my feet, instantly realizing something odd about them. I lift one foot up, and then the other, and am completely baffled by my discovery. I take my thumb nail and scrape at the bottom of one foot, and some dirt flakes off.  What the hell is this? Was I sleepwalking last night? Wouldn’t Alex have noticed and stopped me? Maybe I just stepped in some dirty snow that was tracked in from somebody’s boots from outside. I decide that the last option is most probable, and shrug it off, pulling myself up on my feet. I am determined to enjoy today, and absolutely refuse to let the past bother me. Even though I know that this Christmas will not be the same without all of my family and old friends, but I still have four new friends waiting in the living room for me. So, I know that I need to make the best of it.

I sharply inhale, and then slowly exhale, as I make my way out of the bedroom. I think I’m ready to do this.

XXX

I could tell that something was bothering Dana, but I’ve learned over the past few months to just let it go, and if she wants to talk about it, then she eventually will. And it’s somewhat amusing to think about how different things were between us in the beginning, when I look back at it. Back then, I could have cared less about how she or anyone else felt, and she would have never even given me the time of day. And now…we are…well, I don’t exactly know what we are honestly. All I do know is, we are regularly sharing a bed together, and spending a lot of time together. It just all seems like a surreal dream that I am going to eventually wake up from. And I have Dana to thank for all of my improvements. I just wish we were both on the same page. But it seems that she is still about 10 pages behind me.

I guess the reason why I’m thinking about this all of a sudden, is because this is the first Christmas I’ve ever spent with someone I care about, or even celebrated at all. I was always alone throughout all of the holidays. I liked it that way, or so I thought. And I guess I’m just a little nervous about it. Even though the world is a very different, quiet place now, today still has a new meaning to me now. I don’t even know how to act or what to say honestly. And I’m pretty sure I will subconsciously find a way to screw this holiday up. I’ve just never had a family, or friends, or even a woman by my side that I didn’t just hit it and quit it with. This is all new to me. Right down to me placing ornaments on the tree.

And let me tell you, that was such a weird experience last week. Frank had found some Christmas decorations in the attic of the house, and Sharon had decided it was a good idea to put them all up. I sort of stayed in the corner just watching for several moments, until Dana made me come over and help. At first, I sort of felt awkward and slightly annoyed with it all. But once the tree was up and decorated, and Dana looked over at me and smiled, I couldn’t help but feel some sort of emotion. I couldn’t even really tell you what the emotion was, but it was definitely something I had never felt before. For the first time ever, I guess I felt…complete. Like everything that had been missing from my life was right here with me. And I’m kind of half expecting it all to disappear one morning when I wake up. Because that’s always how life goes, right? I don’t even mean to sound bitter, because in reality, I’m not. But I guess I just cannot fathom how I ended up here, in this current situation. How did things change so fast when I wasn’t looking?

Anyways, all of these realizations have got me thinking a lot today. Especially about one certain thing in particular. One secret that I promised myself I would never tell Dana, that I now am just not sure I can keep from her anymore. I truly care about her, and she deserves to know. Even if it results in her never wanting to speak to me ever again. I guess this damn newfound conscience is really pulling that secret up to the surface, and it’s about to show its ugly face. And I can only hope that she will forgive me…one day.

“Alex, come on! We are waiting for you!” Sharon’s loud voice pulls me out of my deep reverie, and I make my way into the living room.

“Alright, alright! I’m here. You don’t have to shout.” I groan, and Sharon rolls her eyes at me.

I know that I come off as really annoyed with Sharon sometimes, but the truth is, she really isn’t that bad. Her and Frank are kind of like the annoying younger siblings that I never had. And Daryl is pretty much the good friend I never had in school. And Dana…well, I still don’t know exactly what we are yet. Is the term “girlfriend” even used anymore on this planet?

I sit down next to Dana, who still seems a little preoccupied, but I guess I can’t really blame her, because I have been a little preoccupied myself lately. Everyone begins to exchange gifts, and I have to also admit, I’ve never given or received gifts before either. And I know that most of everything is not so easily accessible these days, but I still managed to make something for Dana that I think she’ll like. It’s the whole reason I was out in that shed for that whole week a while back. And I found it somewhat amusing that Dana was so worried about my whereabouts that first day. I felt bad for not telling her, but at the same time, it made me realize that she might just care about me.

When it comes to my turn to exchange gifts with Dana, I begin to feel a little silly about my gift, and wish that everyone would just stop staring at us. Dana slowly opens hers first, and I feel a little better when a huge smile spreads across her beautiful face. She takes a moment to admire the little wooden trinket box that I made her, and traces her fingers over each letter of her name that I carved in there. The truth is, I hadn’t really planned to make it for her, or even give it to her. It just started out as a little project to keep myself busy, and once I had finished it, I had realized that I had carved her name into it absentmindedly. That’s just one hobby that I always kept to myself. Something I feel that I am good at, but don’t really like bragging about.

“Oh, Alex---it---it’s beautiful. Did you make this?” She quietly asks, and I nod sheepishly.

“Yeah. Uh, a few months ago.” I shrug, and Dana takes me by surprise when she kisses me on the mouth in front of the others.

In fact, Dana and I have never really done PDA in front of the others before this. And I have to force myself to pull away, instead of grabbing her and sticking my tongue in her mouth. We both hear Sharon clear her throat, and I roll my eyes at everyone when I turn to see three smiling idiots looking at us.

“Thank you, Alex.” Dana smiles up at me again, and I can only nod at her. “You’re turn.” She adds, pointing down to my gift.

I take my time opening it on purpose, just to piss Frank and Sharon off, and when I get all the paper off, I am suddenly quite taken aback. I hold up what looks like a very expensive leather jacket, and Dana only grins at me.

“W-where did you get this?” I ask with surprise, because in all honesty, my old leather jacket was in pretty bad shape.

“I found it on our last supply trip a few months back.” Dana replies, and I lean in and lightly press my lips against Dana’s ear.

“Thanks, babe.” Is what comes out of my mouth.

And frankly, I’m not sure where that came from. I’ve never called anyone “babe” before. And I’m almost afraid to pull back and see the look on Dana’s face. And when I do, her face is bright red, and her eyes are probably wider than mine. We make eye contact for a long moment, until Sharon speaks up, and then we both quickly look away.

“Alright, last gift. This one is for both of you, from the three of us.” Sharon says proudly, and hands Dana the gift.

Dana quickly opens this one, probably just as curious as I am. She stares down at it for a long moment, and then lifts it up to show me. It seems to be one of those instant polaroid’s in a little frame of Dana and me. I don’t even remember anyone taking that picture, and from the look on Dana’s face, I don’t think she remembers either. But when I look at the picture, we both look…happy. We are sitting at the dining room table, with our cheeks pressed closely together, and we are both smiling. And suddenly, my chest is tightening, and Dana’s face is even redder than it was before.

Dana and I both thank everyone at the same time, and then we all head into the kitchen to prepare as decent of a meal as we can today. And after the preparation and eating is over, I decide to take Dana outside for a bit. It gives me a good excuse to huddle up close to her.

We both walk in silence for a long moment, until I finally decide to speak up.

“Thank you.” I begin, and Dana looks up at me with furrowed brows.

“For what?”

“For today. For everything.” I reply, and we both stop walking for a moment.

Dana folds her arms across her chest, and looks up at me sweetly.

“Is this your first time celebrating Christmas?” She asks, and I slowly nod.

“Yeah.” I answer sheepishly, and she huddles in closer to me.

“It’s been a pretty good day so far, huh?” She asks, and I put my arm around her.

“Yes, it has.” I quietly reply, looking down at her.

“I have a lot of good Christmas memories, and a few bad ones. But, I can’t really complain.” Dana says, shuffling her feet for a moment.

Suddenly, my heart is in my throat, and I quickly remember exactly what that one bad Christmas memory was. That was the year that Scully found out about Emily, and then lost her. God, I can’t tell her. But I should. I’ll just have to do it next week maybe. I can’t ruin Christmas for her. It’s just going to have to wait.

“Well, so far, this is my best Christmas memory. But, it’s also my only.” I try to lighten the mood, and it seems to work, as Dana lightly chuckles at me.

And the Dana gets really quiet for a moment, as if in deep thought, and then finally speaks up.

“There is one Christmas memory that I will never forget. I never really liked talking about it, not even to Mulder. But I think I can tell you.” She says with sad eyes.

_Oh, God._

“Oh?” I ask anxiously, and Dana nods.

“I—I had a daughter once. I guess she was created around the time that I was abducted. But I never knew. Not until years later. And by then, it was too late. She suffered her whole life, and passed away at a very young age. I know I never really knew her…but in those few short days that I got to spend with her, I knew I loved her no matter what.” Dana finishes, and hangs her head for a moment.

“I’m sorry.” Is all I can say, and Dana shrugs, kicking at some gravel on the ground.

“It’s okay. She’s in a better place now.” She replies with a sad smile, and I can literally feel my heart breaking into a million pieces. I don’t even realize what I say next, until it’s too late.

“Emily’s fate was unfair, but you’re right, she’s in a better place.” I quietly reply, and then it hits me.

Dana quickly looks up at me. “What?”

_Shitshitshitshitshit._

“Shit.” I mumble to myself, and when I look back down at Dana, her eyes are icy cold. I think she’s beginning to realize things, without me even having to tell her.

“How did you know her name was Emily? I—I never mentioned her name.” She says, with a hint of anger in her voice.

Now, I could lie, and just say that I found out from Mulder or even that cigarette smoking bastard. But, I’m not going to do that. I just can’t. It’s time for the truth.

“Dana…I---I need to tell you something.” I begin, and Dana purses her lips at me.

“Yes, I think you do.” She coldly replies, and I prepare myself for the worst death imaginable.

I run my hand across my jaw, and heavily sigh.

“Please just let me explain, okay?” I nervously reply, and Dana just stares at me. “God. I---I don’t even know where to begin.” I continue, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment and rubbing at my forehead. “Emily was----I am----”

“For Christ sakes, Krycek. Just spit it out already.” Dana snaps, and I swallow hard before continuing.

“I was Emily’s biological father.” I blurt, and surprisingly, it doesn’t make me feel any better to get that off my chest. In fact, it makes me realize how shitty this all really is.

“W-what?” Dana stutters with wide eyes, and her mouth slightly agape. “H-how?”

“I was asked to anonymously donate my sperm to an unknown organization. I was never told what it would be used for, nor did I really care at the time, honestly.” I pause for a moment, and Dana just blinks at me. “And uh---so, I did as I was told, like always, thinking I was doing something good for those bastards. I was an idiot, and never took into consideration what that sperm would really be used for. And it wasn’t until a few years later that I received more information on the project, and realized that they used my sperm, your eggs, and alien DNA to create Emily. And by then, it was too late. I—I tried to make things right. But Emily was too sick. The project had failed.” I finally finish, and hang my head in shame.

“W-why didn’t you tell me this?” Dana calmly asks, and I look back up at her.

I get the feeling that she’s angrier about me not telling her, than me being involved with it. And honestly, I didn’t even take that into consideration. And that just makes me feel even shittier.

“I—I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to hurt you.” I lamely respond, and Dana looks away.

I really wish I knew what she was thinking right now, because I can’t really tell with the blank expression on her face. That makes it so much worse, not knowing.

“Um…” Is all she says, and now she is refusing to look at me.

“Please say something. Yell at me, hit me, anything.” I plead, and Dana finally makes eye contact again.

And then she is turning around, and walking back towards the house. Dammit. This is even worse than I thought it was going to be. I absolutely hate when she is quiet like this. I would rather her try to kill me or something.

I wait a long moment, just standing there, before making my way back to the house as well. And when I enter, Sharon, Daryl, and Frank are just sitting at the table staring at me.

“What happened?” Sharon quietly asks, and I shake my head at her.

“I fucked up.” Is all I can say, as I walk towards the bedrooms.

I stand there at the closed door for several minutes, debating on if I should enter the room or not. But after a while, I decide that this is one of those instances where I should let Dana cool off, and wait for her to come to me. So, I go into the other bedroom, and spend the remainder of Christmas day moping.

XXX

The rest of the day, I spend my time lying in bed thinking over everything that Alex had told me earlier. At first, I was really confused. And then I was really angry. Then sad. And now...I’m just confused again. I believe Alex when he says that he didn’t know about Emily until it was too late. But what really upsets me, is the fact that he never told me. And we’ve been “together” for months now. And he never once brought it up. Not even that night that he was drugged up on painkillers in that farmhouse. How could he keep that confession out?

It isn’t until I finally decide to leave the room just as Alex is leaving his, that I realize that I’m not as upset about it now as I would have been just a year ago. Things are just different now. But, I still walk past Alex without a word, and make my way into the kitchen. He just stands there in the hallway watching me, as I get a glass of water, and then make my way back into my bedroom. But this time, I leave the door open.

I sit there on the bed for several minutes, waiting to see if Alex takes those few steps into my room, but he doesn’t. I know that he is still standing out there, and I’m thinking that maybe we need to talk about this now. So, I quietly get up and walk over towards the doorway, but just as I do, Alex appears in front of me, with the most pitiful look on his face. I take a few steps back, and let him come further into the room. And after a long moment, he finally speaks up and breaks the tense silence.

“I---I didn’t want any of—of that to happen, Dana. You’ve got to believe me…” Alex grumbles, while staring into my soul with desperate, wet eyes.

I just stare at him for a moment. I’m not sure what to say, or what to do. I don’t even know what I’m thinking right now. But as I look up into Alex’s eyes, I see nothing but sincerity, regret, and emotion in them. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I’m just left standing there, with my mouth wide open, and the burning in my eyes reminds me to blink. So, I blink, swallow, and blink again. But that’s all I can do. I’m frozen. A part of me wants to run to him, and kiss his tears away. But another part of me still wants to slap him across his perfectly chiseled jaw. But I do neither. I can’t hate this man. But I want to. I don’t want to want this man, but I do. His past is the past. Just like mine. And I can’t hold that against him. I realize that now.

“I---“I begin, but Alex begins to shakily speak again.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this lifetime. And I wish I could reverse every single one of them now, Dana. I really do…” He pauses, and I patiently wait for him to continue. “But one thing I won’t ever regret, is falling for you.” His voice trails off, and my stomach is now in my throat. “I can live without you…but I don’t want to. I—I want to spend the rest of my time on this earth with—with you by my side— “He chokes, and I feel the need to intervene now.

“Alex— “

“No, please, let me finish.” He takes a step forward, and I nod. “I was in a bad place back then. I hadn’t really found my reason to live, until the attack on earth…until I ran into you. But Dana, God, Dana…you have to know…” He pauses, hanging his head for a moment. And when he raises his head back up, my breath is taken right out of my lungs, as I watch the tears stream down his face. “Not a day goes by, that I don’t think about Emily…that I don’t wonder what she would be like now. I—I often imagine the three of us together, and it tears at my insides. And I’ve had this empty darkness swirling deep down inside of me for a long time now. The guilt alone has kept me up most nights since then. Goddammit Scully…I know that Emily deserved better, and you deserved to know my secret. I should have never gotten involved in that experiment, and I should have never kept any of this from you. I’m sorry, Dana, God, I’m so sorry…”

“A-Alex…” I raise my hand to stop him, and he closes his mouth, waiting for me to tear him apart. But, I don’t. “I forgive you.” I simply say, and Alex’s eyes widen in disbelief.

“How could you…ever? I hurt you, and I let that child----OUR child, suffer a short and miserable life. Granted, I didn’t know exactly what they were going to do with my samples, until it was too late. But it still doesn’t matter. I’m—I’m scum. And I don’t deserve you.” Alex grumbles, hanging his head.

I stand there for a long moment, deeply thinking about what I really want to say to him. But honestly, I knew exactly what I wanted to say to him from the very moment he started tearing up. I just wasn’t sure if I should say what I wanted to say. I’m still not even sure. All I know is, there’s obviously a lot more to this man than I thought. Alex Krycek does have feelings, and regrets. And the truth of the matter is…he’s changed. Or maybe this was always the real him, hiding somewhere in the dark. But, he’s not even close to the same person my old partner used to loathe. And as much as it scares the shit out of me that I am the first woman that this man has ever truly cared about, it also is mystifying, and invigorating. Who would have ever thought that I would end up in this position? He’s not Mulder, no…but I wouldn’t ever want him to be. I know that now. I once lived and breathed everything Mulder. And I still ache over his loss, and sometimes wonder what could have been. But, I burn for Alex. Two different experiences, and the truth of the matter is, one was a “what if” and the other is a “what is”. Alex makes me feel alive. He brings out a side of me that I don’t think Mulder nor my mother ever saw. And he has brought out a side of me that I was always too afraid to show. A side that I didn’t think even Mulder would ever understand. I’m just a different person now, and this is a different world now. And this is how it was supposed to be. No matter how backwards it all seems from the outside looking in. But there is no use living in the past. The past will only stop me from living. And I want to live, goddammit. I want to be with Alex. I know that now. But I just don’t know how to show it. Not yet, anyways.

“I still forgive you.” I manage to croak out, and Alex suddenly sobers, gazing at me with uncertainty for a long moment, before finally nodding.

We both stare at each other for another long moment, until Alex takes a step towards me, and then my breathing begins to quicken, and I’m suddenly feeling extremely light headed.

“Dana---“He whispers, leaning in, and gently tugging on my shirt sleeve.

“W-What?” I whisper back with anticipation.

“I can stay, or I can go…and let you be. It’s up to you. I—I know you said you forgive me, but if you want to part ways, I will respect that.” He murmurs, with sad eyes.

“I—uh---“I can’t think right now. Why the hell would he think that I want him to go? And why can’t I speak like a normal person right now?

“I mean it. I want to stay here, with you…but if you don’t want this to continue, please tell me now. I don’t want to pressure you into anything. Especially after everything I’ve just told you. I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”

“And I’m a big girl, who can think and do for myself.” I finally find my voice, and Alex flashes me a little smirk, before becoming serious again.

“Yes, that you are.” He pauses, and we just stare at each other for a moment. And suddenly, Alex’s face becomes as serious as a heart attack, and he lightly catches me off guard when he grabs my hand and firmly places it on his chest. I can feel his heart thumping wildly, and his pulse pretty much matches my own right now. _Oh god, what is he going to say next?_ And then he takes a deep breath, and quietly exhales the words I knew were coming, but obviously wasn’t prepared for. “I think I’m falling in love with you.” He breathes, and I basically choke on my tongue.

“Uh—w-what?” I stutter, blinking several times, and Alex tightly clutches my hand at his chest.

“I—I love you…Dana.” He repeats, with absolute certainty in his face and voice this time.

I begin to pull away, but then something stops me from completely doing so, and I just end up leaning in, and burying my face in Alex’s chest. I feel his hand leave mine and tangle in my hair, and then hear him heavily sigh.

“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that.” He whispers into the top of my head, and I shake my head.

“No, no…Alex…I---“I heavily sigh also, and pull back, looking back up at him. “I just---I’m just not ready for---to---“I stutter, and surprisingly, Alex smiles down at me.

“It’s okay, Dana. I can wait.” He pauses, thinking for a moment, and then continues. “But the question is, do you want me to?”

“I---I— “I stutter again, and Alex nods at me.

“I understand, I really do. It’s alright.” He shrugs it off, kissing the top of my head. “Goodnight, Dana.” He whispers into my hair and pulls back.

But I find myself tugging at his hand, with slight panic. I’m not at the same level as him right now, but I still don’t want him to leave.

“Stay.” I find myself begging, and Alex turns back around, desperately trying to hide his smirk.

“What?” He quietly asks with surprise, and I tug at him again, until one of my hands is on his chest, and the other is desperately clinging onto his good hand, pulling him down to my level.

“I—I want you to stay…with me.” I whisper, and Alex presses his forehead against mine. I can’t see his facial expressions from this close, but I can tell that he is smiling. This is all I can give him right now, and he seems okay with that.

“I’ll take it.” He whispers back, and I lift my hands up and run my fingers through the back of his hair.

“I’m sorry I can’t offer you more right now---“I begin, but Krycek covers my mouth with his hand.

“It’s enough.” He whispers against my cheek, and my whole-body shudders.

And then his hand is gone, and he is beginning to straighten back up. And I find that completely unacceptable. He can’t just say and do these things, and then expect me to not want to spend the night with him. And frankly, I’m surprised that he expected nothing to happen tonight. And all I can think about right now is…Alex Krycek loves me. KRYCEK. LOVES. ME. Shit. It really is the end of the world.

XXX

I am completely baffled by the things that I just said and did in front of Dana right now. I don’t think I even really realized how I truly felt for her, until the very moment those words escaped my lips. Goddammit, I think I do love her. I am in love with the very woman that refused to shake my hand the first time we met. The petite redheaded spitfire that people at the academy had once called the “Ice Queen”. I’m in love with ‘that’ woman, that I once thought was just Mulder’s pathetic little servant girl. Who would have ever imagined that? Certainly not me, and most certainly not anyone else who once knew me. But honestly, Dana is the only one that knows me. The real me. And even though she is not able to reciprocate the same feelings at the moment, I just don’t care. I was just completely stunned at the realization of these emotions I have been feeling. Everything just feels like one big crazy dream right now. And even though half of me is feeling “giddy” for the first time ever, when usually I feel nauseous just from hearing that word…the other half of me is feeling complete terror. What happens next? What do I do now? And, will Dana ever return these feelings? I just feel so beneath her, and that is something that I have never felt. I have always seen myself as above everyone else. But with Dana, I sometimes feel that I am not worthy of her affection. She is a diamond, and I am a dirty pebble. And I fear that eventually, she will come to her senses, and then I will be the old me again. And the truth is, I don’t want to go back. I like this new me. And I like this new life. We make a great team…surprisingly.

I just want to kiss every inch of her beautifully proportioned body, and only pleasure her tonight. I want to hear her say my name when my fingers and mouth sizzle at the touch of her hot skin, and I want her to look into my eyes, and see what I see. I want her to know it, like really know it. I need her to know it. And I’m going to show her.

But before I can even bend back down and make the first move, Dana is on her tiptoes, with her fingers tightly clasped behind my head, and she’s pulling me down. I have just enough time to wrap my arm around her waist, and pull her closely to my body, as our mouths smash together with dynamic force.  And then I’m gone, completely fueled by the strong desire to make love to this woman like no other man ever has before. She fucking deserves it.

Dana is already trying to undo my pants, while running her tongue along my bottom lip. And I almost let her, until I remember what I wanted to do just a second ago, and then I am pushing her hand away, desperately trying to ignore the hard-throbbing member in my pants. _Not right now, buddy. You’ll live._

I run my hand down her waist, and grab at her ass, pulling her as close to me as possible. And then we are zealously kissing, as if we only have this one night left to live. And I have to admit, I have never felt like this before. Sex has never felt so intimate, emotional, and personal…until now. I can’t even properly describe it. But I am suddenly feeling a lump in my throat, and I quickly drop to my knees, burying my face into Dana’s stomach, clutching at her lower waist. It’s all almost too much. Too much, but also not enough. I need more. My god, what is happening to me?

I can feel Dana’s fingers running through my hair, while I lift up her shirt so that I can kiss her stomach. I run my hand up and down her leg, and push her back, until the back of her legs hit the side of the bed. She instantly falls back and I slowly pull myself up and crawl up her body, as my lips lightly find her bare stomach again. I trail my kisses up a little higher, while slowly raising her shirt up over hear head, and I kiss the gap between her breasts. I run my tongue up her throat, lightly sucking at it, and can’t help but smirk at the expression on her face as I do so. I run my lips across her jaw, and she arches her back for me so that I can reach behind her and unclasp her bra. We both seem to softly gasp at the same time, as I slide the straps down her arms, and toss the bra aside. Dana looks up at me for a moment, and I feel an intense urge to repeat those three words to her, but I restrain myself. She seems to already know what I’m thinking, because when I open and then close my mouth, she simply reaches up and places a finger on my lips, and then that damn lump in my throat is back.

I suddenly can’t look at her, so I lean down and take one nipple into my mouth, and Dana softly moans, while I swirl my tongue around it. I do the same thing to the other one for a while, until Dana is writhing underneath of me, and then I slowly make my way down her body, until I reach her hips. I unclasp the button on her pants, and pull them off of her legs, and kiss each kneecap in the process. Then my lips make their way back up her legs, stopping at her thighs, and I almost laugh at the strange sound that suddenly comes out of Dana’s mouth.

“Aaallllexxxxx.” Dana whines, but I ignore her pleas to speed things up.

I’m taking this slow, and she’s just going to have to enjoy every single damn minute of it. Because usually the sex is vigorous and quick, and I don’t want it to be this time. I’m going to take all damn night if I have to. Because she needs to see what I see, and feel what I feel. I need her to know…to realize that this is new for me. I want her to understand…that she’s the first. That she’s completely changed my way of thinking, about everything. She’s my redemption, and now a huge part of my life. _God, Dana, let me show you. Don’t leave me._

I’m suddenly feeling extremely insecure, and I do not like the feeling. It’s an emotion that I have rarely ever experienced in my life. I used to be so sure of everything, but not these days. Dana’s loud gasps reel me back in, and I push at her legs, spreading them. I position myself at the edge of the bed, and hook my good arm under her leg, resting my palm on her lower stomach. I lean down, and just barely press my lips against her panties, just below her pelvis. I hear Dana gasp again, so I continue kissing her there, and rub my nose in her intoxicating scent, until the thin material becomes damp, and then I am sliding that last piece of clothing off her luscious body. I am extremely aware that I am still fully clothed, and I think I’m going to stay that way. Because if I don’t, then I will not be able to properly concentrate on what I’m trying to accomplish. That’s one thing that will never change…my strong determination.

I slowly lean down and bury my face between her legs, using my mouth to bring her over the edge. Dana’s breathing becomes erratic, as I speed up the tempo. And eventually, she is continuously squirming and thrashing about. I momentarily look up, and smirk at the sight before me. Dana has a pillow over her head, and she is intensely digging her nails into it, probably trying to keep quiet. But the thing is, I don’t want her to be quiet. I don’t care if the others hear us. So, I reach my hand up from her lower stomach, and grab at her arm. She reaches a hand down to intertwine her fingers with mine, and I continue what I was doing. A brief moment later, her hips begin to ever so slightly move up and down, and I can feel her legs tightening around me head. She begins to moan continuously, but not as loudly as I would like. Right now is a moment when I really wish I had both hands to work with. But I am still confident that I can make this better than all of the other times, and that I can maybe even get her over the edge more than once. In fact, challenge accepted.

I let go of her hand, and reach up to lightly run my thumb across a nipple in a circular motion, and that seems to intensify things. I can tell that she is close, and I want to make it last, so I bring my hand back down and insert a finger, taking my mouth away from her for a moment. After a few in and out strokes, I continue with my mouth, speeding up the tempo, and then slowing it down. This seems to make her more vocal, and I can’t help but smile against her.

“That’s it, baby.” I groan against her, feeling myself becoming insanely aroused.

Finally, her whole body stiffens, and I can’t tell if she is laughing or crying up there, as she begins to convulse against me. I ride out the waves with her, and then as it begins to taper off, she tries to gently push my head away. But I know that she has another one in there somewhere, and I am determined to get it out of her. So, I use two fingers this time, and my mouth goes back to work.

“A-Alex…I don’t think I can---” Dana quietly begins, but then her hand is clutching at my hair.

She seems to pull away from me a bit at first, and I understand that women are usually somewhat sensitive after climax. But after a moment, she is relaxing again, and I take that as a “Go ahead, continue”. So, I continue…but this time I dramatically slow things down, and that seems to be exactly what she needs. My fingers hit that special spot inside, and I feel her hips jerk up for a second. I can also feel Alex Junior twitching down there, pretty much every time Dana moans, and I’m starting to feel that familiar sensation down there, and it seems to be growing in intensity. It also doesn’t help that my hips are rubbing against the edge of the bed every time she thrashes about. I try to ignore it, as I continue pleasing Dana, but the more she reacts to me, the more I react to her. Oh, god.

“Ah---Alex!” Dana cries out, as her body begins to stiffen again.

And I am completely surprised at how quickly that second climax is coming. I honestly didn’t expect that, and it’s really making me even more aroused. And then Dana is there again, and she is almost screaming at this point, and breathing heavily, as am I. But just as I think she is beginning to taper down, her body begins to convulse again, and I am kind of in shock right now. She just keeps twitching and gasping, and next thing I know….

“Oh god. Dana. Shiiiiit.” I groan, burying my face into her thigh, as I climax with her…with my clothes still on.

_What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened?_

When we both come down, I stay there on my knees for a moment, trying to comprehend what just happened. After a moment, Dana begins to sit up, with her face all flushed.

“Alex?” She quietly asks, furrowing her brows at me.

“Umm, I just need…a moment.” I sheepishly respond, clearing my throat.

Dana cocks her head to the side, and the realization sets in.

“Did you just?” She asks with surprise, pointing down at me, and I nod.

“Ummm…yep.” My voice squeaks a little, and Dana just smirks at me. “I’m—I’m just gonna—” I stand up, and quickly pull my pants and boxers off.

I decide to take my shirt off also, since I’ve already unexpectedly released myself, so there’s really no need for clothes. But as I’m doing so, I’m also trying to figure out how this happened. This has never happened before. I can’t even comprehend it at the moment. But there can only be one reason, I guess. These feelings are real.

Dana scoots up in the bed, and pulls the covers up over her, reaching out to me. I quietly crawl into the bed with her, and just stare up at the ceiling. I had planned for things to go somewhat differently than they did, but then again, I can’t really complain about the outcome. It was supposed to be just about Dana tonight, and somehow, my body wouldn’t let that happen. I guess some parts of me are still selfish.

Dana breaks the silence, as she runs her hand across my chest. “Has that ever happened before?” She asks, curiously.

“No.” I sigh, looking at her out of the corner of my eye.

“Well…it was pretty…hot.” She replies sultrily, and I turn my head to look at her.

“Yeah…right.” I shake my head, and she smirks at me, biting at her lip.

“And, well…if you must know…that was the first time that I----well, more than once…like that.” She sheepishly replies.

“Really?” I ask with curiosity, and she nods.

“I guess we both did something new today.” She quietly replies, and I sigh again.

“It was supposed to be all about you tonight.” I intensely stare at her, and she stares back.

“It’s okay.” She shrugs, and I shake my head.

“No, it’s not.” I reply, rolling over, so that I am partially on top of her, being held up by my prosthetic arm. “Dana…” I whisper, running the tips of my fingers across her face and then down her throat.

I don’t say anything else, as I slowly trail the palm of my hand down each curve of her body, until I reach as Iow as I can get, and then trail back up. Dana sharply inhales, and then let’s out a soft whimper. Once I reach her face again, I push her slightly damp hair out of her face, and lean down to kiss her mouth. I just can’t stop touching her and looking at her tonight, and I think that this is the first time that I have ever been this “clingy”. I should probably dial it down a notch, but Dana hasn’t stopped me yet, so maybe she likes it?

Dana softly whimpers again as my kisses on her neck become more aggressive. I can feel her fingers in my hair now, and then she firmly tugs on it, turning her head to catch my lips again. Her tongue slips into my mouth, and next thing I know, I am flipping her over onto her stomach. The sudden action must have caught her off guard, based on the sound she just made into her pillow. I slowly pull the sheets away from her body, stopping at her hips, and then I trail my open mouth down the middle of her back. She tenses and then relaxes underneath of me, and I pull the last of the sheets completely off of her body. I sit there for a moment, admiring everything, until Dana turns her head and smiles sleepily at me.

“What?” She quietly asks, producing a small yawn, and I just stare at her.

“You’re beautiful.” I reply, and Dana buries half of her face back into the pillow, sheepishly. “And you’re kind.” I continue, leaning down to kiss between her shoulder blades. “Smart.” I say against the bare skin of her shoulder. “Perfect.” I finish, laying back down next to her.

Dana lifts her head to look at me, smirking. “No one is perfect.”

“Well…you’re my definition of it.” I whisper.

Dana turns away from me onto her side, scooting her backside against me. I pull the sheets back up over us, and wrap my arm around her, pulling her even closer against me. I don’t think I have ever cuddled or “spooned” with anyone before…until now. In fact, I remember at one-time picturing Mulder and Scully probably doing that, and thinking to myself how pathetically sappy it all sounded. But now, I think that I was just secretly envious of it all. Because honestly, before the attack on earth, I would have never realized what I really needed and wanted out of life. In a way, I guess you could say it was my redemption. My second chance to actually live, like a normal human being. If you can call this normal. But hey, it’s as normal as life is going to get around here, and I’m not complaining one bit. I feel more alive now, than I did back then when everything was easily accessible to me, and when I kept secrets and screwed people over for a living.

We both lay there talking and holding each other for about an hour, until we both begin to fall asleep. And as I drift in and out of conscious, I can’t help but think to myself, that things are definitely on a personal level now. Dana can’t deny it anymore. I think it’s safe to say that we are officially a couple. Well, in my own head we are anyway. And if she breaks my heart, I don’t think I would really even mind. Because for once, I’m actually experiencing all of the positives and negatives of loving someone. Emotions that I never even believed in until now. And it’s the biggest rush I have ever experienced. And for once in my life, I have a purpose.

XXX

I wake up the next morning before Alex, and quickly realize that we are literally still clinging to each other. I can’t even really describe the feelings that came over me in that exact moment. I guess it was a mixture of fear and contentment. I wanted to be here with him, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that he said to me last night. Did he really mean every word? Are we officially “going steady” now? And why do I keep getting hot and cold feet about it all? Is it maybe because I’m afraid to lose someone else I care about? And maybe, I also just wasn’t used to someone actually making love to me, and putting my needs first. Especially when that someone was Alex Krycek. And I think that’s what made the experience even more incredible and confusing. The fact that the very person I never gave a second thought about in the past, who’s brain was just not wired to care for someone else, was treating me like their prized possession. And my god, all of the things that happened to my body last night, pretty much scared the crap out of me. I’ve just never felt something so intense like that before. I didn’t even know things could be like that. I never knew that I wasn’t having the best all these years. And I’m a goddamn doctor for Christ sakes. I just thought that mediocre sex was all that I would ever get. But…something about the way Alex touched me, looked at me, and talked to me, made it so much more personal, and intimate. And I found myself laughing and crying into a pillow, and it kind of terrified me. I still don’t know what to make of all of this. Is this reality? Is this my life now? Am I happy with this life? Well, honestly, for the most part…yes. Besides losing all of my family and friends…I’m happy in all other aspects. I’m healing, and I have someone by my side, who I now truly believe has good intentions. And maybe it’s time for me to just accept that, and stop trying to run from it.

I think about everything for a few more minutes, and then slowly roll out of Alex’s arms, turning around so I can see him. And I have to admit, he looks so different when he is sleeping. His usually clenched jaw is slack, and how did I not realize how long his eyelashes were before? I reach out to run my fingertip lightly across his beautiful eyelashes, and lift up the sheet for a moment to admire his spectacular body. Even his prosthetic arm is attractive to me here lately. I usually only get to see him naked at night, and I have to admit, it’s never enough. In fact, I don’t think we have ever actually done it in the daylight, and I also have to admit that I am still feeling extremely turned on from last night. I feel satisfied, yet I could most definitely take more.

I ponder my options for a long moment, and finally decide that I’m going to do something that I rarely ever do, and have never done with Alex. Something that I never really enjoyed in the past, but am unexpectedly tempted to do right now. Just thinking about it makes me feel dirty and spontaneously carefree. So, I slip under the sheets, and slowly make my way down towards the bottom of the bed. Alex must be in a deep sleep, because he still hasn’t stirred at all. And usually he sleeps in fits. And when I meet my destination, I gently take him into my hands, and place a feather light kiss on his lower stomach and hip. Then my hands and mouth go to work, and eventually I can feel Alex twitching and stirring. But when I peak my head out from under the sheets, he still seems asleep. I go back to work on my task, and then things begin to quickly perk up and Alex’s hips jerk up. I can now feel and hear him slowly waking up, but I don’t think that he is fully conscious yet. I keep going, and eventually a loud breathy moan escapes Alex’s lips, and I now know that he is definitely awake now. I can feel his hand reach down and he tangles his fingers into my hair for a moment. I speed up, and then he lifts the sheet up and peers down at me, while his eyes briefly roll in the back of his head.

“Da---Danaaaaa, wha---what are you doing?” He groans and gasps.

I lift my head up for a brief moment and smirk up at him, and then get back to work.

“Ah—ha----uh---"Alex incoherently babbles, and I have to admit, I am enjoying this way more than I thought I would. It surprisingly just comes easy around him.

After a few more moments, I feel Alex gently pushing my head away, as he tries to guide me back up his body.

“You---you don’t have to do that. Really…” He stutters, but I ignore him and keep going.

A few moments later, Alex is completely pulling away from me, and for a moment I am slightly offended, until I realize that he is vigorously yanking me back up towards the head of the bed and flipping me underneath of him.

“God, Dana.” Alex breathes into my neck, and I wrap my legs around him, pulling his head up to kiss his neck as well. “Mine. All mine.” He murmurs, and I try my best to ignore his words. I just really wish he stopped saying all these romantic things to me lately. It just confuses me more, and I’m trying to not get cold feet again.

I lightly press my teeth into Alex’s shoulder, and his hips involuntarily jerk into my inner thigh. And I am extremely amused at the squeaky moan that escapes the back of his throat when I grab his backside with both of my hands.

“I want you---I need you---” I breathe into Alex’s mouth as he thoroughly kisses me.

“I’m all yours.” He breathes back, and we both seem to shiver at the same time.

And then we are melding into one, as we spend most of the day in bed. Only taking a break to nap and eat. I guess you could say that we had our first “date” that day, if that’s what you want to call it. The others seemed to have went somewhere for the day, so we spent the day in bed talking and laughing and making love. And then we briefly left the room to shower, make some food, and take a chilly walk outside hand in hand. It caught me off guard the moment Alex grabbed my hand, and it made me feel like a teenager all over again. And once the sun set once again, we were back in bed, ready to crash for the night. It was around that time that we heard the others enter the house, but they left us alone and didn’t even attempt to knock on the door. But I’m sure that they already knew what was going down in here last night.

Alex was right. Things were changing. And this “fling” was evolving into something more. But luckily, Alex didn’t bring up those three words again. And as long as he didn’t say it again, I could pretend that this situation wasn’t changing everything.

That night, I had another dream about Mulder. But this time, it felt even more realistic. This time, it felt like someone or something was watching me.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

XXX

 **A/N: Things are far from the end, don’t you worry.** **I do have some tricks up my sleeves and some surprises, yes.**


	12. More Than a Feeling-Part 1

**A/N: How is everyone doing lately? I’m GREAT! Anyways, here’s your chapter, FINALLY.  ; ) P.S. This chapter might be a two-parter. Meaning, I post one half, and then the other half very closely behind the first. I just couldn’t figure out where to stop, so I just paused and split it up. You all get double the love today!**

That first night that Mulder and I had seen those lights in the sky 24 months ago, everything after that night went by so slowly, in one big blurry nightmare. It took me a year later to finally realize that things were never going to be the same again. That humans might eventually become extinct. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it was the cold hard truth. And after I found out that Mulder was gone forever, time didn’t slow down again like I thought it would. After that, time began to speed up surprisingly. I guess it was because I had nothing to search for any longer. My quest had ended, and I finally began to try to live out the rest of my days on earth as best as I could. It’s been hard, but Alex and my new ‘family’ make it so much easier. And now, it’s been one whole year since I got separated from Mulder, and 9 months since I ran into Alex, and 6 months since we ran into our new friends. Six months since I found out Mulder and Skinner were gone. I went through all the stages of grief, as expected. And then I finally began to accept it. But…then the dreams started. And they’ve been coming every single night now. I haven’t told Alex about them. But I’m beginning to think that maybe they will stop if I finally open up to him about them. But, then he might be upset with me for not telling him sooner. Either way, I’m beginning to feel that these dreams might mean something. It’s almost as if Mulder’s spirit is trying to tell me something. And even though he’s gone now, I began to feel him again recently. I can’t even properly explain it. But, it’s almost as if he’s here with me, in my head. All the damn time now. And it’s really starting to unnerve me. I just want to forget, and move on. But Mulder is plaguing my dreams lately, and I need to know why.

I pull myself out of bed, and wipe at my damp forehead, as I walk over the window and look outside. I look back at a peacefully sleeping Alex in the bed for a brief moment, and then back out the window. Spring is here now, and I know that eventually we will be searching for more supplies again, or possibly even travel some more. The others want to travel again, but I kind of want to stay here. I like this house. But Alex wants to search the planet, for other possible survivors. I mean, I am curious to know who else is still out there, but at the same time, I haven’t really had much luck with strangers playing nice. Anyways, I just can’t believe that I’ve been living like this for two years now. It still seems like everything just happened.

I hear Alex’s voice over my shoulder, and turn back around. “Dana? You okay?” He asks me this almost every morning now. And I always just nod, and he drops it. But I have a feeling that he’s going to start trying to pry things out of me eventually. And I can’t shrug it off forever. Honestly, the dreams are beginning to affect me.

I heavily sigh and walk over to the bed, plopping down next to Alex as he pulls himself up into a sitting position. He sits there and stares at me out of the corner of his eye, patiently waiting for me to respond. I sigh again, and begin to shrug, but then change my mind.

“I’ve been having these…dreams.” I begin, and Alex cocks his head to the side, waiting for me to continue.

“About?”

I hesitate before answering, and Alex notices immediately. “Mulder.” I murmur, and Alex raises an eyebrow.

“How long have you been having these dreams?” He carefully asks, and I look at him like a dog with their tale between its legs.

“Almost two months.” I slowly respond, and Alex heavily sighs.

I fully expect him to scold me for not telling him, but am pleasantly surprised when he does the complete opposite. “Want to talk about them? It might make you feel better.” He replies, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I sigh again and wet my lips with my tongue. “Well, they start out the same. But always end differently. I’m in the forest, and it’s dark, and I hear Mulder’s voice. He—he’s calling for me, and there’s this bright light. So, I walk towards the light, and I see this---this ship. Mulder’s inside, and he’s trying to tell me something. But there’s someone, or something else in there with him, and they won’t let him. And then he’s gone.” I pause, and Alex chews at his bottom lip, deep in thought. “But now, certain details change with each dream. And when I wake up, it feels like it actually happened. I can’t explain it. But something feels…off…lately.” I finish, and make myself look into Alex’s eyes.

Alex ponders things for a long moment, and then finally replies. “They’re just dreams, Dana. But, sometimes we dream about certain things after traumatic events. It---I guess it’s just our mind’s way of coping with things. Even I have experienced that in my life. But they eventually stop. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.” He says, patting at my hand, and I nod. I sure hope he is right. But for some reason, I’m still feeling uneasy about it.

“I guess you’re right. But, I don’t understand why they started a few months after? I didn’t have them at first. I mean, I’ve been doing fine lately. And I just wish they would stop. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this sooner.” I quietly say, hanging my head.

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me everything.” Alex replies, squeezing at my hand.

I look back up at him, and he’s smiling at me reassuringly. It makes my chest tighten up, and every time he looks at me like that, I always remember that I’m not alone. Alex cares…about me. And I…well…I guess I care about him, too. It’s still a strange feeling, after 9 months. I’m not even sure I will ever get used to it. But strangely enough, it just feels…right. This is my life now. And I think that Alex and I are in an actual relationship. I mean, we’ve never actually officially confirmed it. But I figured it was a given. Sharon, Daryl, and Frank sure seem to think that Alex and I are. And I think I’m ready to ask Alex, but I just don’t know how to go about it.

“Do you consider me your girlfriend?” I unexpectedly blurt out. _SHIT. Well, I guess that’s one way to go about it, Dana._

Alex’s eyes widen for a moment, and then he chuckles. His smile is so wide, that I’m not sure I have ever seen him look this happy before. I suddenly can’t look at him, and I begin to fidget with my pillowcase.

“Well, I---”

“Forget I said that. I’m sorry. Stupid question.” I interrupt, turning away from him.

But I feel his fingers curl around my shoulder, and he gently forces me to turn back around. The huge goofy smile is still plastered to his beautiful face, and if I was standing up right now, my knees would be buckling.

“Dana…” He chuckles again, dropping his hand to my elbow. “My honest answer---well---yes. I do. Is that---is that a problem?” He asks, slightly cocking his head to the side.

I immediately shake my head, and he sighs in relief. Then he leans in, and God, his eyelashes are so long. How am I just now realizing this?

“God, your eyelashes are so long.” Did I just say that out loud? What is with me today?

Alex laughs, throwing his head back. “Are you feeling alright this morning?” He asks, smirking, and I nod.

“I have no idea why I just said that. But it is true. They are beautiful.” I smile back, and he shrugs.

Honestly, this is the first time I think I have seen Alex Krycek humbly accept a compliment, without getting a big head about it. He is blushing now, and clearing his throat.

“Well, um---thank you?” He replies, running his hand through his hair.

Without a second thought about it, I am up on my hands and knees, and crawling further towards Alex. He just sits there, smiling at me. I lean in, and lightly press my lips at the corner of his mouth. His breathing quickens, but he still doesn’t move a muscle. I think he knows that I don’t want him to, just yet. I trail my lips across his cheek, and up to his ear. I gently nibble on his earlobe, and he produces that throaty high-pitched moan that I love hearing so much. He still doesn’t move, as I place my hand on his knee, and slowly move it upwards. He swallows, blinks, and swallows again.

“D-Dana.” He breathes, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Shhh.” I breathe back into his neck, and I feel him shiver against my lips.

My hand reaches his inner thigh, and I just keep it there for a long moment, while my tongue tastes the skin on his throat. I use my other hand to tangle in the back of his hair, and I yank his head back. Alex lets out this deep throaty growl, but still doesn’t move or touch me back. My other hand scoots up just a bit further, and I can feel all of his muscles tensing with anticipation. I gently suck at his jaw for a brief moment, and then completely pull away, sneering. I begin to pull myself off the bed, and when I look back, Alex has this horrified, yet turned on look on his face. It’s the best facial expression that I think I have ever seen on a person.

“You fucking tease!” He sneers, shaking his head, and I laugh, quickly trying to escape his hand as it reaches for me.

Alex lunges for me, pulling me back onto the bed by my waist, as I squeal and flail my arms and legs about. And then he is pulling me underneath of him, and pinning me down. I don’t even bother to try to escape, because this is exactly what I wanted. I have kind of developed this addiction to pissing him off and turning him on at the same time. I know that normally, in the past, I would have never been like this with anyone. But I think that I’ve always known that it was a hidden desire that I always secretly yearned for. I may have always seemed so reserved, and mature. But there was always a part of me that wanted to do other things that I wouldn’t normally do. I guess ever since my high school prom, honestly. I just never found the right person to break through that shell, until now.

Alex stops for a moment, still straddling me, and I stop wiggling underneath of him as well. He just stares down at me, with that familiar twinkle in his eye, and I suddenly feel nervous again. Every time he looks at me like that, I know exactly what he is thinking. Even though he hasn’t said it a second time, I still know.

“What?” I find myself asking, and he apprehensively chuckles, leaning down.

“I just---I love you.” He murmurs, and before I can even react, his mouth his crashing onto mine.

I let it slide a second time, considering that my mouth is kind of preoccupied right now. I try to not let it bother me. But even as he releases my hands, and I trail them through his hair, kissing him back…a part of me still wishes he wouldn’t have said those three words, again. But after a moment, I am able to forget about it for now, as that familiar urge in my lower belly resurfaces.

XXX

“I need to see her. You promised.” I try to calmly say, but my whole body is tense and shaking.

“You will get to see her. Soon.”

I turn my head, and a part of me still is not used to what I see looking back at me. Scully needs to know. She needs to experience what I have experienced. She needs to know that I am not gone, and that things have only just begun. She needs to understand, and see everything with her own eyes. That is the only way she will truly believe everything. I mean, I know she has seen a lot the past few years, but if only she knew where I have been the past several months, then maybe she would accept everything for what it truly is. I honestly didn’t even believe it myself at first. And the truth…well, I finally found it. And it’s everything, yet nothing I thought it would be. I can’t even really explain it. It’s just…so much more complicated than I had originally thought.

“When?” I calmly demand, clenching my jaw.

“Soon. But you need to understand one thing. You will forget everything for a little while. And then it will all come back to you all at once.”

“Why?” I ask, furrowing my brows.

“It’s standard procedure, Mr. Mulder. ‘We’ will decide when you are ready to remember. That’s all you need to know for now.”

I close my eyes, heavily sigh, and slowly nod. And when I open my eyes, I am once again alone in my room. And honestly, I think I would rather not remember, and see Scully again, than to know what I know, alone. My quest was always to search for the truth. But now that I know it, I’m just not sure what to do with it, yet. I know that ‘they’ told me that something big would eventually happen again, but that is the one thing that I’m still kept in the dark about. And this newfound knowledge is incredible, but tragic. It’s just not how I wanted things to happen. Not like this. I’ve lost everything. Including my passions. I mean, there are other people here. The chosen ones…the messengers. But it’s still bothering me, that I have no idea where Scully is. All they will tell me is that she is safe. But is she alone? Is she with a new group now? I need to know that she is not alone, at least. I knew that we would get separated that day, and I still went out there. I let it happen. As if a magnetic force was dragging me out of that abandoned building. And all of the events that transpired after that seem like just one big bad dream. What happened after I thought I was going to die during that explosion, that’s what changed everything inside of me. And I can only hope that there are more good survivors left on earth, than bad. God, why me? I don’t want this role anymore. Being one of the chosen ones is not all it has cracked up to be. In fact, it really sucks. Who would have thought, that knowing so much would be such a heavy burden to bear?

XXX

I’m still grinning from what Dana asked me two days ago. Honestly, I had been kind of worried about what exactly she thought we were to each other. I mean, I know that she’s not exactly on the same page as me, and I’m not sure if she ever will be. But, it felt great to know that she at least thought of us as “exclusive”.  I mean, not like there was many options out there right now anyways. But, it still was a relief to know that she had been thinking about our relationship. That meant that her feelings still had potential to grow. I could accept that. That’s all I ever wanted, from the first day that I had realized how I felt about things. And honestly, even though it’s tragic that Mulder is gone, I am glad that Dana is in my life, and that it’s just me and her. I mean, there’s also Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. But they go off and do their own thing a lot. That’s what I like about them. They don’t cling or follow. And I think that I’d be okay with having them around for a long while. Besides Dana, they are the only other people I have ever had respect for. They are good people. Something I haven’t seen much of on this planet, especially since the attack. And sometimes, I get this crazy idea in my head, that they aren’t human. I know it sounds ridiculous. And it makes me sound like fricking Mulder. But they really are unlike any other human beings I have ever met. I can’t explain it, really. They are just…different.

My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the van pulling into the driveway. Dana is in our room reading, I’m making food, and the others had gone out for more supplies. There has been some talk about leaving the house, now that it’s warming up. But Dana isn’t sure that she wants to. And honestly, if she decides to stay, I will gladly stay with her. We make a good team. We would just have to figure out who gets the van, and find a second vehicle for supply runs. I kind of want to explore more, and see what else is left out there, untouched. But based on the previous experiences, I realize that there had been more bad than good encounters in the past. So, I can see why Dana would want to stay. I know that she wants the others to stay also, but they keep saying something about finishing some personal obligations. Whatever the hell that means. The need to know wasn’t really a top priority right now, honestly.

A part of me was a little concerned about these weird dreams that Dana was having lately. I know that I should have been a little offended that she hadn’t told me about them sooner, but at least she told me at all. I just sometimes wondered if Mulder was always going to be the reason that Dana couldn’t fully open up to me. I mean, I understand that she and I could never have what her and Mulder had. Two very different connections. And I know that the two relationships are on completely different levels. At least, I hope they are. Dana has never really opened up to me about what she and Mulder were to each other. All that she had told me was that it would have never become something like what she and I have. And when I asked her why, she quickly changed the subject. I’d like to think that it was more of a platonic love with them. Like, a spiritual connection. But, even that seems to make me a little jealous. It just sounds so much more intimate than the physical relationship that Dana and I have. And I don’t even know why I’m thinking about Mulder so much the last few days. None of this really bothered me, until Dana told me about the dreams, I guess. Two days ago, Mulder was dead in my head, and hers. And now, it seems like he is haunting me. I don’t like the feeling at all. I feel like I’m competing with a ghost. A competition that I will never win. And as much as Mulder and I fought in the past, I still always knew deep down that he was a better man than me, in every way. I envied him, which is why I always gave him such a hard time. But secretly, I also respected him. I wanted his life, his passion. And he would never know that now. But I don’t think I could have ever actually admitted that to him anyways.

I hear the others walk into the house, and soon enough, Dana is entering the kitchen, and wrapping her arms around me from behind.

“Hello, good-looking. Watcha doing?” She mumbles into my shirt, before letting go.

I turn my head to look at her out of the corner of my eye, and she smiles at me, opening a bottle of water.

“Cooking. Hungry?” I ask, and she nods at me.

Sharon enters the kitchen a moment later, with a box full of supplies, and sets them down onto the table.

“You two gonna help, or what?” She asks, with a half serious, half teasing tone.

I roll my eyes, and Dana folds her arms, nodding.

“Sorry, Sharon, we’re coming.” Dana replies, and Sharon smirks at the both of us.

“Hey, Dana, I was thinking we could like have a girl’s day. I mean, if that’s okay with “his-highness”. Sharon mocks, pointing and bowing at me.

Dana chuckles and looks over at me, and then back over at Sharon. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’m sure “his-highness” doesn’t mind, right?” She replies, grinning at me, and I know that I could never say no to that beautiful face.

Plus, she can do whatever the hell she wants. I don’t even know why Sharon thinks that Dana needs my permission. Do I really come off as a controlling boyfriend that doesn’t want to share? I mean, I know that Dana and I have been spending a lot of alone time together lately, but it wouldn’t bother me to spend a day without her. I spent my whole life alone. One day is nothing.

“God, Sharon, you make it sound like Dana is my slave or something.” I scowl, and Sharon leers at me, folding her arms.

“Oh? You mean, she’s not?” She teases, and Dana laughs, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Dana can do whatever the hell she wants.” I make jabbing motions with my cooking spoon at Sharon, and then look at Dana out of the corner of my eye.

Sharon only grins and nods, before heading out of the kitchen. I know that we joke a lot with each other, like a brother and sister. But it does kind of bother me that Sharon would even joke about me not letting Dana do other things besides be with me all the time.

“You okay?” Dana asks, touching my arm.

I sigh and place the spoon on the counter. “You don’t think that I’m like that, do you?” I ask, frowning, and Dana chuckles, shaking her head at me.

“Of course not. And neither does Sharon. She’s just teasing you, as always.” Dana replies, smiling sweetly.

I nod, and watch Dana walk back out of the kitchen, paying extra attention to her swaying hips until she is out of sight. And now, I’m thinking about what I’m going to do while Dana and Sharon do their thing today. How pathetic is that? I guess I could always hang with Daryl and Frank. Haven’t done that in a while. Maybe I could use some “male bonding”.

XXX

From the very moment Sharon and I got into the van to drive up to the park just up the road, I knew something was off. I felt it that morning, and the dream the night before had been the most intense one yet. It was like, I was being watched, and there was this weird energy surging all throughout my body. My stomach had been slightly upset the whole morning, and I just didn’t feel right. But, I decided not to tell Alex, because lately, he worried about me so much that I was beginning to feel slightly smothered. I know he meant well, but it was like having a second Mulder. So, I had made the excuse to read my newest book in my room, but in reality, I just sat there looking out the window most of the time. I could only hope that the feeling would eventually fade. Which is why I decided to go to the old park up the road with Sharon. I had come up here a few times with Alex in the evenings, to watch the sun set, and sit on the swings. The area was overgrown with weeds, and eerily quiet, but it seemed to always calm me.

Sharon parks the van in the grass, and we get out, walking towards the dried-up creek near the forest’s entrance. It was now warm enough to wear a thin long-sleeved shirt without a jacket. We both walk along the edge of the forest, chatting about random things. I am beginning to get a headache, the further we walk, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. Sharon seems completely oblivious to what I have been feeling that whole morning, along with everyone else. And honestly, I would rather have it that way anyways. I was never really good at being sick. The saying, “Doctors are the worst patients” is apparently true.

Sharon’s voice suddenly pulls me out of my deep reverie, and I have to think for a moment about what she had just said.

“I’m sorry, what?” I respond, looking over at Sharon, who is eyeing me with concern.

“Dana. You---you’re bleeding.” Sharon replies, pointing at my nose.

I hadn’t even felt the wetness on my upper lip, until Sharon said something.

“Oh…” I lightly gasp, wiping at my nose with my sleeve. I didn’t really care for this shirt anyways.

“You alright?” Sharon asks, touching my wrist, and I nod.

“Yeah, it’s just the dry weather.” I mumble, tilting my head back. “I----” I pause, as everything around me begins to spin.

“Dana?” Sharon gasps, grabbing at my arm to steady me.

“I—I’m fine. It’s just---um---” I suddenly can’t think straight, and find myself dropping to my knees on the ground, as I grab at my head.

“Dana? DANA, talk to me! What’s wrong?” Sharon asks, kneeling down next to me.

“I---I don’t know. I don’t feel so good…all of…a sudden…” I murmur.

And then everything goes black for a few minutes.

XXX

The moment Dana and Sharon left, I began to feel extremely anxious. And I knew that it wasn’t just because Dana wasn’t here with me. This was different. I couldn’t really even explain it to Frank and Daryl when they asked me several times why I was so quiet, and constantly pacing the room. I just felt off. I didn’t want to tell Dana earlier, because I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t want her to go out and have a girl’s day with Sharon. But I just couldn’t shake this feeling, and I found myself constantly looking out the window for the van to show up in the driveway.

An hour passed extremely slowly, and then I finally began to calm down a bit. I was able to play one card game with the guys, and then I decided to go out for a walk by myself. When I felt anxious in the past, taking a walking alone always seemed to help me calm down. It was worth a try. It was either that, or pace a hole in the floor of the house.

XXX

When my surroundings began to become less blurry, Sharon’s face came into view over me. I didn’t know how long I had blacked out, but it seemed like it wasn’t too long. Sharon had pulled me into her lap, and was touching my face and calling out my name over and over again.

“Oh my god, Dana, are you okay?” Sharon asks, helping me sit up.

I look at my surroundings for a moment, and then finally nod. “I---I think so.” I try to concentrate on Sharon’s face and voice, but I can suddenly hear this loud high-pitched ringing coming from the forest. “Do you hear that?” I ask, and Sharon furrows her brows at me.

“Hear what?”

“Listen.” I raise my hand, and point out towards the forest.

Sharon sits there for a moment, straining to hear, and then eventually nods. “Yeah. What the hell is that?” She asks, looking around, and I shrug, pulling myself up to my feet.

Sharon helps me balance for a moment, until we were both sure that I can stand on my own, and then I begin to feel this weird magnetic pull coming from the forest. I don’t realize that I had begun to walk towards the sound, until Sharon grabs at my arm.

“Dana, where are you going?” She asks with concern, and I shake my head at her.

“Something’s happening in there.” I murmur, slowly walking into the thick forest.

Sharon says nothing else, and simply follows close behind me, as I weakly make my way towards the strange sound. After a good minute, the sound stops, and we are both left standing there with confusion. I look around, but all I can see is tree after tree all around us.

“Maybe we should---“Sharon begins, but is interrupted by a loud whooshing sound and a big gust of wind coming from our right.

We both look at each other for a moment with hesitation, and then begin to walk faster towards that certain area of the woods. From a distance, the silhouette of a body comes into view. And as we get closer, it looks like maybe a deer laying on the ground. But as we get even closer, I begin to realize that it isn’t a deer at all. It is a person. I stop for a moment, as my heart begins to pound in my chest.

“Dana?” Sharon glances at me with apprehension, and I force myself to take several steps closer, not realizing that I am holding my breath. The fear that suddenly overcomes me is so overwhelming, that I think I might pass out again. But I don’t. I am literally just frozen in disbelief. This has to be the most realistic dream yet.

“Oh, god. Sharon. OH MY GOD.”

XXX

By the time I make it back to the house, I am much calmer than a half hour before. I know that Dana and Sharon would probably be out another few hours, and I had forced myself to just let it go. I knew I was being ridiculous right now, and that Dana would be fine. I guess I was just not used to her leaving the house without me there to protect her. You know, in case anything bad happened. God, listen to me. I really am being ludicrous.

I take a deep breath, and slowly exhale, making my way up the porch steps. It takes me a moment to realize that the van has pulled up behind me, just as I open the door. I turn around, sighing in relief, and begin to make my way down the stairs again. Sharon opens her door first, with this weird expression on her face. But I don’t really think much of it. I do find it odd though that Dana is taking a long time to exit the van, and is avoiding eye contact with me when I walk up to her.

“You guys are back early. What happened to girl’s day?” I ask, smirking. But my smile quickly fades, as I realize that Dana’s eyes are filled with tears, when she finally looks up at me.

I look over at Sharon with confusion, and she only shakes her head at me, still standing next to the van. What the hell was going on? Did I miss something?

“Dana?” I ask, reaching out for her, but stop when she noticeably flinches. I pull my hand back quickly, and look over at Sharon again.

“Alex…” Sharon speaks up, with a warning tone.

I look back at Dana, and notice the red stains on her shirt.

“God, Dana, what happened?” I ask, taking a step closer, and Dana visibly clenches her fists at her sides.

I look at them both with confusion again, and slight annoyance. Why were they both acting so weird?

“Is anybody going to tell me what the hell is going on?” I ask, impatiently.

Sharon looks over at Dana, and then back at me. And eventually, Dana heavily sighs, taking a few steps back, and slowly opens the passenger’s door on her side. I furrow my brows at her for a moment, before slowly walking over to the open door, as Dana backs away to let me look.

And what I see, unconsciously sprawled out across the backseat is simply…unbelievable. There are no words. And suddenly, I am extremely angry. Was this some kind of sick joke?

“WHAT THE FUCK???” I spat, running a hand through my hair.

This wasn’t real. Maybe I was having a sympathy dream for Dana. This wasn’t happening right now. There was no way that I was looking down at a very much alive Fox Mulder laying in the backseat of our van right now. Unconscious, but definitely alive. Shivering and twitching. Curled up in a blanket. In our fucking backseat.

“I need some explanations. RIGHT. NOW.”

**_TO BE CONTINUED IN THE SECOND PORTION (COMING WITHIN THE NEXT 24-48 HOURS!) …_ **

XXX

**A/N: It will all make sense eventually! And I have 12 days off of work, so I have time to type up the rest of the second portion right now, which is almost finished! :D**

 


	13. More Than a Feeling-Part 2

**A/N: This second part was posted a few days after chapter 12. So, make sure you’ve read the previous chapter first. Sorry that it took longer than 48 hours though. I just had a lot to add in this part. Also, I’ve waited six whole months to be able to add this part!!! : )**

_This wasn’t real. Maybe I was having a sympathy dream for Dana. This wasn’t happening right now. There was no way that I was looking down at a very much alive Fox Mulder laying in the backseat of our van right now. Unconscious, but definitely alive. Shivering and twitching. Curled up in a blanket. In our fucking backseat._

_“I need some explanations. RIGHT. NOW.”_

**_CONTINUED: PART 2_ **

I haven’t been able to say anything to Alex in over two hours now. He just kept slamming things and pacing for the first hour. I surely thought that he would make Daryl and Frank carry Mulder into the house, but he didn’t. He did it himself, with Sharon’s help. He wouldn’t even let me help, as if he didn’t want me to touch Mulder at all. And after that, he asked me for an explanation again. All I could say was, “I don’t have one.” And then he just stopped talking to me. I don’t think that I have ever seen him this angry before. He’s livid, and honestly, I’m not exactly sure why. And me? I’m just…there. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I haven’t even been able to touch Mulder again since I helped Sharon carry him to the van. All I’ve done is just sit there and look at him lying on the guest bed. I’m fucking terrified. I don’t even know if it’s really him. I mean, it looks like him, but something about him is different. For one, he’s alive. And Sharon won’t shut up about it. She just keeps shaking her head and saying, “I don’t understand. We watched him die.” And Daryl and Frank have just been whispering things to each other, and trying to keep their distance. They both gave me a few confused looks, and tried to calm Alex down, and then they just walked off somewhere after that. I did overhear Alex ask them if they were really sure that Mulder and Skinner had died that day, or if it had really been them. They seemed 100% sure about it, and I believe them. I do. And now I’m wondering if Skinner is still alive out there somewhere too.

Anyways…I have so many questions running through my head right now. First one…how did Mulder get here? Where has he been this whole time? I mean at this point, nothing really surprises me anymore. I’ve seen so much the past few years. And I don’t even know why I let myself think Mulder was dead, so easily. And when he wakes up, I’m not sure that I can even look him in the eye, and tell him everything that has happened the past year. This changes everything. And what really confuses me the most, is that I’m not reacting the way I thought I would. I’m not overjoyed, desperately wanting to touch and talk to Mulder. I’m relieved, yes. But I’m numb. I’m just…empty. I don’t even want to be around Alex or the others right now. And it takes a lot to even sit next to Mulder’s bed right now. The first hour, I couldn’t even look at him. And now, I can’t stop looking at him. I feel bad that I didn’t even dress him and check for injuries. Surprisingly, Alex did that too, with the help of Sharon. He spent 15 minutes checking Mulder out, and then he left the room, and never returned. God, what the hell is happening? This is like the fricking twilight zone.

XXX

I think I may have overreacted a bit when I first saw a naked Mulder in the back of our van. I can tell that I scared Dana, and I know I need to fix that before nightfall. I don’t even know why I chose to be the one to bring Mulder into the house and clothe him. I guess a part of me just didn’t want Dana touching him. Juvenile, I know. But this does change like everything now. If it really is even Mulder, I know that when he wakes up, things are going to change even more. And that worries me just a bit. I already feel like I’m losing Dana, and it’s only been three hours. And now that Mulder is here, I know that he’s not going to be very happy when he finds out about me and Dana. That part I can deal with. But the part I can’t deal with, is the fact that I know I can never compete with Mulder. I don’t even know what Dana is feeling right now. I know how I’m feeling. I was feeling angry at first, and then confused, and now I’m just apprehensive. Yeah, it’s great that Mulder is alive and everything, but when he wakes up, I’m most likely no longer going to be warmly accepted. Mulder hasn’t exactly ever liked me. And nothing I nor Dana can say to him will change his mind, probably. I just know that there’s about to be a lot of tension and conflict. Two things I’ve always been a pro at dealing with…until I fell for Dana. I can’t even believe I’m thinking this, but…I just want Dana to be happy. Even if that results in me being alone again. I don’t want to live out the rest of my days without her. But I just don’t see this working out, now that Mulder is back in the picture. I’ve changed so much, and I kind of hate this newfound redemption bullshit right now. A year ago, I wouldn’t have given a shit about this. But now I do. A year ago, I would have fought for what I feel is rightfully mine. But, I just can’t. Not if it results in upsetting Dana. Because truthfully, she was never supposed to be mine. She was Mulder’s Scully. Not Alex Krycek’s Dana.

Goddammit. My chest is heavy, and now I’m kind of wishing that I had never fallen in love with Dana Scully.

XXX

Four hours after bringing Mulder home, I finally decide to leave the room for a bit, and Sharon took my place. I head for my bedroom, but decide to head the other way at the last moment. I don’t think Mulder is going to wake up for another several hours, but other than that, he seems okay. He was completely out cold at first, but then began moaning and twitching in his sleep about an hour ago. Sharon promised to come get me if anything changed, so I decided to go try to eat something. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see Alex yet or not. But I had to admit, I was slightly relieved to discover that he was not in the living room nor the kitchen, and I didn’t see him in the bedroom as I passed the open door. I didn’t even bother to check the bathroom, because I had a feeling that he had probably gone outside for a walk. He always did that when he was upset. I don’t even know why he was so upset. I guess that’s why I’m a little apprehensive about talking to him about the events that have transpired today.

I sit down at the table, and sip from a bottle of water, staring at a cobweb above the stove. I don’t seem to hear someone walk in behind me, until they clear their throat, and I jump a little, instantly realizing who it is.

“Hi…” Alex says, slowly walking around the table, and sitting down across from me.

I avoid eye contact, looking down at the water bottle in my hands. “Hey…”

There is a long moment of painfully tense silence, until Alex finally decides to speak up again, just as I begin to open my mouth to say something as well.

“Dana…” He says, heavily sighing. “I’m sorry. I---I overreacted earlier.”

I finally make eye contact, and the look on his face makes me instantly forgive him. He looks pitiful. And gorgeous. Always beautiful, even when he’s in a sour mood. _God, Dana, get a grip._

“Maybe a little, yes.” I quietly reply, fidgeting with my water bottle.

Alex leans back in his chair, and closes his eyes, groaning into his hand. He then opens his eyes, runs his hand through his hair, and then leans forward again. He looks just as confused as I feel. I can’t really blame him. I don’t know what the hell is going on either. I don’t even know if this really is Mulder yet. But I have a sneaking suspicion that Alex is hoping it isn’t.

“Sharon told me about what happened.” He says, eyeing me with concern for a moment. “Are you feeling okay now?”

I slowly nod and sigh. “I’m fine. Whatever it was, it’s gone now.”

And that’s the honest to God truth. I don’t know what happened near that forest, but after we left, I was perfectly fine again. Well, besides finding Mulder.

Alex nods and reaches across the table for my hand. I also reach out and intertwine my fingers with his. I’m feeling a lot better now, knowing that Alex has calmed down somewhat. That’s one less thing I have to deal with now. I don’t even know what I’m going to say to Mulder when he wakes up. And I’m thinking that Alex should probably keep his distance from him for a little while. Until I can explain everything to “Mulder”.

“What are you thinking right now?” Alex asks, as his piercing green eyes intensely probe me.

I hesitate to answer for a long moment, but I don’t break eye contact surprisingly. I sharply inhale, hold my breath for a moment, and then deeply exhale. I’m not sure that Alex really wants me to answer his question, but I might as well.

“Umm, well…I’m thinking…I’m thinking that this is just some freakishly realistic dream that I am going to wake up from eventually. I’m thinking…that this can’t be real.” I say, shaking my head.

Alex tightly squeezes my hand, and then let’s go, running it over his face. I can tell that he’s stressed, and confused. As am I.

“I don’t even know what to think, honestly. This is----this is just too bizarre.” He grumbles, staring at something over my head.

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time something bizarre has happened.” I try to lighten the mood, and Alex forces a tight-lipped smile.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He replies, deep in thought for a moment.

“Well, I better go back in. Just in case he wakes up soon.” I say, standing up, and Alex quickly stands up also, walking around the table.

I want him to touch me again, because I need the reassurance…to know that he’s in this with me. But when he hesitates, I suddenly feel extremely sad. I hang my head for a moment, and then begin to turn around and slowly head for the hallway.

“Dana…” Alex murmurs, gently grabbing at my arm, and I quickly turn back around.

We make eye contact, and I am suddenly overcome with so many different emotions, all at once. I can feel my bottom lip quivering, and I’m beginning to tremble. Alex eyes me with compassion, and pulls me into a big bear hug. I tightly wrap my arms around his waist, as he tucks his chin over the top of my head, rocking me back and forth. He squeezes me as tight as I can handle, and I burry my face into his chest, desperately trying to not cry.

“It’s going to be okay.” He coos into my hair, and I nod, rubbing my nose into his shirt. “I know it’s hard to deal with…after thinking Mulder was dead, and then randomly finding him alive. You’re not in this alone, okay?”

I’m honestly just so impressed with what Alex just said, that I temporarily forget about everything else for a brief moment. I know it must be really hard for him to say that, or even do it. He’s now really putting forth a lot of effort into trying to keep calm with this situation, and that just makes me care for him even more. But at the same time, I’m now feeling extremely guilty. The things I am feeling and thinking right now would disappoint Alex and Mulder both. And I know that things are about to become even more complicated.

“Thank you.” I murmur into his shirt, and he pulls back, looking down at me.

“Let me know when he wakes up.” He says, with a pained expression on his face, and I simply nod.

He places a brief kiss on my temple, and then I slowly leave the kitchen, feeling his eyes on me the whole time.

XXX

I’m losing her, I can feel it. I can’t even bring myself to enter the bedroom and watch her sitting next to his bed, waiting for him to wake up. It’s been 6 hours now, and it’s as if time has slowed down ever since the van pulled into the driveway. A large part of me wants to play the immature jealous boyfriend, and keep her all to myself. Because honestly, two years ago I would have done just that. Actually, I wouldn’t have even been in this situation two years ago. I would have been watching other couples go through this, and I would have been laughing at them, and thanking God that that wasn’t me. Love wasn’t real to me then. And now, it’s so real, that I can’t think about anything else. I have officially put someone else’s needs before my own. Something I told myself that I would never do. And here I am, doing it, willingly. I’ve never experienced a broken heart before…until now. Nothing has even happened yet, but I can feel the storm coming. I may just be overreacting again, but I don’t think that’s the case. Oh Dana, what have you done to me?

XXX

I hadn’t realized that I had fallen asleep until I felt fingers grazing my head. I quickly pulled myself off the side of the bed, back into a sitting position in the chair. My heart leapt into my throat when I discovered a groggy Mulder sitting there looking at me. He looked just as confused as I felt.

“Scully?” He murmurs, furrowing his brows.

“M—Mulder…” I breathe, nervously.

Mulder looks around the room for a moment, taking everything in, and then looks back at me.

“Wha---what happened? How did I get here?” He quietly asks and I shake my head.

“I don’t know. I was hoping that you would be able to tell me.” I carefully reply.

Mulder squints his eyes, deep in thought, and then shakes his head at me.

“I---I don’t remember. The last thing I recall…was a big explosion.” He replies, rubbing at his head.

“Mulder…do you realize how long you’ve been gone? H-how long I looked for you?” I ask, and Mulder just eyes me like a deer in headlights. I heavily sigh, and continue. “It’s been a year. And…well…I thought you were dead.” I finish, hanging my head.

Mulder intensely observes me for a long moment, and then slowly reaches out to touch my hand. I involuntarily flinched at first, but then eventually relaxed underneath of his gentle, familiar touch. This was definitely Mulder. My former partner, and my dearest friend.

“Scully…God, I never thought I would see you ever again.” He sadly replies.

“I know. I---I’m sorry Mulder. For—for everything that you’ve been through. I---I should have never let you go out there alone that day.” I stutter.

Mulder shakes his head and squeezes at my hand. “No, Scully. It was my fault. I tried to escape many times, but I couldn’t. I was held as a slave for several months. And I left you out there all alone. I’m sorry Scully. God, I can’t believe I’m sitting here looking at you right now.” His voice is full of emotion, as he smiles at me.

My eyes begin to water, and my bottom lip quivers, as I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

“We’ve found each other, and everything is going to be fine now.” I try to reassure him, but honestly, I wasn’t so sure that I even believed my own words.

“It’s so good to see you. I just---God, Scully, I----” He chokes on his words, and I nod in understanding.

“Walter? Is he----” I try to ask, but I can’t finish the sentence.

Mulder closes his eyes and hangs his head, shaking it. “Skinner---he’s gone. He---he didn’t make it.” He sadly replies, and I sadly nod. _Oh, Skinner._

We both look at each other again, and then Mulder reaches out his hands to me, and I throw myself into his arms, embracing him tightly. He rocks me back and forth for a bit, as the tears begin to flow down my cheeks. And after a long moment, we both finally pull back, and I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hands.

It was then that I suddenly remembered about Alex, and the others. How would I explain that to Mulder? Suddenly, I felt sick to my stomach.

“Mulder, I have something to tell you…” I begin, and Mulder eyes me with slight concern, waiting for me to finish. “I---I haven’t been alone the past 9 months. I did find a new group, who have basically become family, really.”

Mulder sighs in relief, smiling at me. “I’m glad. I was afraid that you had been alone this whole time. But it seems that you have done well for yourself.” He replies, looking around the room again.

I nod and sigh. “Yeah…I got lucky.”

Mulder cocks his head to the side and furrows his brows at me. “Are you okay, Scully? Is something wrong?”

“Well, it’s a long story. I---” I begin, but then I am interrupted by a knock at the door. _Please don’t be Alex._

It wasn’t Alex, thankfully. Because I wasn’t sure that I could handle that right now. And when Sharon popped her head into the room, Mulder’s eyes had widened in disbelief, as he recognized her immediately. Eventually, Daryl and Frank came into the room later on to talk with Mulder also, and bring him food, and they all told me more about when they met. Mulder just kept saying over and over again that it couldn’t just be a coincidence that the people that he was in that place with had ended up becoming my new group. And I honestly had to agree with him. None of this could just be coincidence. Something fishy was going on, and I had a feeling that we would all discover the truth behind everything eventually. I’m beginning to think that Mulder’s memory was intentionally erased, and I was somewhat curious to know where he had been this whole time after that explosion. Then again, I may not actually want to know, and he may not even want to remember. I guess that all that matters now is that we are all reunited, and my search has ended. I just don’t know if I can admit to Mulder that I stopped searching several months ago.

XXX

8 hours had passed, and I still hadn’t gone into that room. Frank had come to tell me that Mulder was awake, and briefly filled me in with the details. I honestly didn’t want to know much more than the basics, because I wasn’t sure if I could handle everything. Dana hadn’t come out to talk to me in several hours now, so I took that as a warning to stay away for a bit longer. I mean, the last time I saw Mulder, I was stealing something from him, and he was trying to beat the crap out of me. That was about 3 years ago. And even though things were different for me now, I don’t think that he would feel the same way. Especially if he knew that Dana and I have been sharing a bed together for several months. I don’t even know if Dana will come sleep in our bedroom tonight. And I’m not sure that I will be getting much sleep tonight either.

I suddenly hear the bedroom door open, and Dana slowly walks in, closing the door behind her. She has this guilty look on her face, and she is just standing there leaning up against the closed door. I can only look at her out of the corner of my eye, as I remain sitting on the bed. I’ve only ever been afraid a handful of times in my life, and this is one of those times. I’m afraid of what she’s going to say to me. When did I become such a wimp?

“Hi.” She finally speaks, and I force myself to look over at her, as she makes her way over to the bed, and sits down next to me.

“How is he?” I force myself to ask, and she shrugs, fidgeting with her hands.

“He’s better. But, um…he doesn’t remember anything, after the explosion. But I know the others already told you that.” She pauses, looking down at her hands, and then back up at me. “Alex, I’m sorry that I didn’t come tell you sooner. I know that I told you I would. I---I guess I was just in a fog. I think I still am, honestly. I just don’t know what to think right now.” She murmurs, sighing.

I nod, desperately trying to understand. But in reality, I’m not sure that I really do. This morning, Dana and I had decided that we were exclusive, and now, it’s like we’ve taken a huge step back. She’s trying to act like we haven’t, but I know that we have. Mulder is occupying her time now, and I’m becoming background noise. I shouldn’t be this jealous. In fact, I’m not sure that it is even completely jealously. I think that a large portion of it is also me realizing that we both knew things couldn’t continue if Mulder were to ever come back. And a part of me knew he wasn’t really dead. It’s not even that I wanted him dead. It’s not like that at all, honestly. I just wish that Mulder didn’t mean so much to her. No one can come before her precious Mulder. Even after a whole year. And I guess that I’ve spent the past 8 hours pondering my options. But the truth is, I’m still not sure if I should fight for her love, or just let it go. For all I know, Mulder might not get that upset about it, and things could go on like the way they were before. But I know that that is extremely unrealistic, because unfortunately, I know Mulder. And I know Dana. And I know myself. It’s simply not going to go that smoothly.

“It’s okay. I understand.” I bluff, and Dana looks at me, like she sees right through me. But she nods anyways.

“How are you?” She gently asks, placing her hand on my knee.

I sarcastically chuckle, looking down at her hand for a moment. “You know how I am.” I say, somewhat bitterly. I don’t really ever mean to sound so bitter with her, but the words that come out of my mouth are not the same ones that I had been thinking. “Are you going to stay in there tonight?” I reluctantly ask.

Dana doesn’t answer for a long moment, but when she finally does, I’m almost relieved…almost.

“No. Mulder seems okay right now. I was just going to sleep on the couch tonight.” She quietly answers, and I quickly turn my head to look at her.

“Why can’t you stay in here?” I furrow my brows, searching her eyes. But I already know the answer.

Dana heavily sighs, chewing at her bottom lip, and I pull my knee away from her hand.

“I…I just don’t think it’s a good idea to share a bed together, until I find the time to tell Mulder.” She carefully replies, diverting her eyes to the top button of my shirt.

“You had the time, earlier.” I huff, and Dana hangs her head.

“It’s not the simple.”

“Yes, it is.”

Dana looks back up at me, and she looks like she’s about to cry. But right now, I don’t really feel like comforting her. She’s so beautiful, and remarkable, and really pissing me off right now. I think I want to end this conversation now, before I say some things that I will regret. Either I’m going to get on my hands and knees and beg her to not leave me, or I’m going to cuss her out. And I really don’t want to do either.

“Alex, he’s only been awake a few hours. I don’t want to just spring this on him that soon. I---I will try to tell him tomorrow, okay?” She softly replies, but I don’t believe her.

I look away, clenching my jaw. Dana leans in to kiss my cheek, and even though I don’t pull away, I also don’t lean in. I just sit there, quietly simmering in frustration.

“Goodnight.” She says, slowly standing up.

I don’t watch her leave. But when I hear the door shut, I release the breath that I had been holding. I eventually look over at the closed door, with probably the most pitiful look on my face, I’m imagining.

XXX

I wake up the next morning, forgetting exactly where I am for a moment. Then it all comes back to me, and all of my muscles relax again. I feel a lot better now, even though I still cannot remember what exactly happened to me after that explosion. I wish I could remember. But maybe Scully is right…maybe it’s best to just be glad that we are reunited now. I slowly pull myself out of the bed and stretch. I know that I promised Scully that I wouldn’t leave the room for at least one more day. But I honestly don’t think I can make myself sleep anymore, or even sit on this bed for another whole day. Plus, I could use a shower, and really need to use the bathroom. That is, if they even have running water here. I’m assuming they do.

As I look out the bedroom window for a moment, I can’t help but think to myself how strange Scully had been acting yesterday. As if she was hiding something from me. She never did get to finish telling me whatever she had been telling me before Sharon walked in. And that still shocks me, that Scully somehow managed to find my old friends from that horrible place. I guess it was just fate. And some things are just never meant to be explained. I realize that now.

I can tell that things are never going to be the same with me and Scully. She’s changed a lot in the past two years, and I think have too. I mean, how can things stay the same, when the world is so different? I guess that that is something that I have come to accept also. I’m just thankful to be alive, and back with Scully, and the dear friends I made several months before. That’s all that matters right now. I don’t even think anything could really get me down at the moment.

I slowly make my way over to the door, but just as my hand begins to reach out for the knob, this strange feeling in my stomach overwhelms me. I try to shake it off, before opening the door. I peek out of the room, and look down the hall. I see two rooms to the left, and one room across from me. I wonder if the room across from my room is Scully’s. I can hear some muffled voices somewhere on the other side of the house, and decide to step out into the hallway to find the bathroom.

The door across from me begins to open, and I smile, expecting Scully to walk out to greet me.

“Scu---” _It is NOT Scully._

It only takes me two seconds to lunge at Alex Krycek, and slam him up against the wall. I find it odd that he doesn’t even try to fight back. He basically just lets me dig my arm into his throat, putting his hands up in surrender.

“MULDER! Let---let me go.” He demands, and I scornfully laugh in his face.

“Like hell I am! What the fuck are you doing here Krycek?” I spat, and Krycek struggles to breathe.

I ease up on him so that he can answer, although not by much. How the hell did he get here? This really is getting weird now.

“Just---just let me explain.” He pleads, and I shake my head, glaring at him.

“I’m sure that whatever you have to say is probably a goddamn lie anyway, so why don’t you just get the hell out of this house. How did you even get in here?” I snarl at him.

Krycek looks over my shoulder, and I hear someone running up behind me.

“Dana! Tell him to let go of me.” Krycek shouts, and I turn my head to look back at Scully.

“Dana?” I huff, and Scully begins tugging on my arm.

“Mulder! God, let Alex go. He—he’s with us.” She pleads with desperation.

“ALEX?” _WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?_

I begin to pull back, and Krycek shoves my arm away, straightening himself up. “Thank you.” He huffs, glaring at me.

“What the hell, Scully? When did this happen, and why didn’t you tell me yesterday?” I ask, and Scully looks over at Krycek, and then back at me.

“I’m sorry, Mulder. I—I was going to tell you today. I just didn’t expect you to be feeling better so soon. I thought I told you to rest today.” She quietly replies.

“How did this happen? You can’t trust this---this rat, Scully.” I spat, and Scully hangs her head for a moment.

“You’ve got it all wrong, Mulder. Things are different now.” Krycek tries to explain, and I throw my head back with angry laughter.

“Al---Krycek, I need to talk to Mulder alone, for a moment.” Scully says to Krycek.

Krycek looks at me, and then back at Scully with hesitation. She nods at him, and he nods back, slowly walking down the hall. When he is out of sight, I turn back to Scully, and she has this extremely guilty look on her face. I stand there staring at her, patiently waiting for her to explain.

“Mulder, he’s not a threat. Not anymore. He---he’s saved my life, more than once. He’s been a part of the group now for 9 months.” She calmly explains.

And even though I’m still somewhat angry, I know that I can always trust Scully’s judgement. If he was able to co-exist with the group for this long, then maybe I should at least give Scully a chance to explain everything. I don’t like it, but I trust her. One thing that lingers in the back of my mind though is, that Scully had told me yesterday that Sharon, Daryl, and Frank hadn’t come into the picture until 6 months ago. Which means that she was alone with Krycek for 3 of those 9 months. At least, I think that’s what she had said. I could be wrong. Either way, it feels like Alex Krycek is always fricking showing up, and stirring the pot. And I swear, if he makes one wrong move, I will not play nice anymore.

“I don’t like it, Scully.” I heavily sigh, shaking my head.

“I know. But, he’s changed. I promise. He won’t be a problem, Mulder. Everything is different now. He’s contributed a lot to the group. Just----just trust me?” She thinly smiles at me, and I hesitantly nod at her.

I still feel like she is hiding something else from me. But, I know that I can trust Scully. She will tell me when she’s ready.

“Okay.” I reply, sighing. “Okay.”

And as I listen to her explain a bit more about how she ran into Krycek, I still can’t help but think about one thing. If Krycek was staying in that bedroom, and the others had the other two bedrooms, and I was in the last bedroom…where did Scully sleep?

XXX

An hour later, Mulder and Dana came into the living room, and it was awkward as hell for a little while. Mulder just mainly kept staring at me out of the corner of his eye, as if he was waiting for me to kill someone or something. It was kind of starting to annoy me, and what made it even worse, was that Dana refused to make eye contact with me in front of Mulder, and kept calling me “Krycek”. It made me just want to grab her and kiss the crap out of her, right in front of him. But she would never forgive me if I pulled a stunt like that. It kind of makes me chuckle to myself just thinking about doing it though. I could only imagine the look on Mulder’s face.

Eventually, Sharon came strolling in, and asked Dana to come help her with something, and Mulder and I both looked at her, silently begging her to not leave us alone with each other. I was mainly just afraid that Mulder might try to kill me or something. I didn’t want to have to defend myself and hurt him. Unfortunately, hurting him would hurt Dana. And I could never hurt her.

“You two be good. I’ll be right back.” She scolds us, and we both heavily sigh, nodding.

We both watched Dana leave the room, and then began to glare at each other again. Mulder began to intensely stare me up and down, and I wasn’t sure how much more of this bullshit I could take. My temper had pretty much been non-existent the past 9 months, until Mulder showed up.

“WHAT?” I scowl, and Mulder devilishly smirks at me.

“You may have everyone else fooled Krycek, but you can’t fool me.” He quietly replies, narrowing his eyes on me.

I roll my eyes at him, chuckling. “You don’t know shit, Mulder. Trust me.” I wanted to tell him so bad, but Dana would kill me if I did.

I had a feeling that Mulder might at least have suspicions about me though. But Dana was hiding her feelings pretty well in front of him. A little too well. Me on the other hand, couldn’t stop gawking at Dana, with a pitiful, desperate longing. I tried hard to hide it as well, but I just couldn’t help it.

“What’s your motive? There’s got to be a reason why you stuck around the past 9 months. So, tell me, what is it?” Mulder asks, folding his arms, and I roll my eyes at him again.

“You don’t want to know.” I grumble under my breath, and Mulder strains to hear me.

“You may have saved Dana’s life a few times, but that doesn’t mean shit. You’re up to something, I know it.” He glowers at me again, and I heavily sigh, leaning forward.

“You better drop it, Mulder. Trust me, you don’t want to know.” I warn him.

“Try me.” He challenges me. And as tempted as I was to play along, I just couldn’t.

“What’s your problem? Can’t you just let the past go? I have, you know.” I huff.

“My ‘problem’ is that you’re here, and you shouldn’t be. No one wants you here.” Mulder barks, and I ball my hand into a tight fist.

“You have no idea what’s been going on here, so don’t try to act like you know what everyone else wants. If you want to know more, ask Scully.” I reply, under my breath.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He slightly raises his voice, and I shrug, smirking at him.

“It means, don’t ask questions that you really don’t want the answer to.”

“You’re a real piece of work, Krycek. Scully only let you stay in the group, because she had no one else at the time. She thought I was dead.”

I was suddenly overcome with so much anger and emotion, that I had to cling onto the couch, just so I wouldn’t get up and hit Mulder in his face.

“Maybe at first, yes. But you have no idea what she went through the past year, you sonofabitch. I was there when she was almost raped and killed by my old group. I watched her desperately search for you for months. I listened to her cry herself to sleep every night for weeks after she thought you had died. So, don’t you dare tell me what you think you know went on, when you weren’t fucking there. Dana deserves so much more than what she has had to go through. And you weren’t there. I had to pick up those broken pieces, and try to put them back together!” I spat, pointing my finger at him.

Mulder suddenly went quiet, just staring at me in surprise. And I’m pretty sure I just gave myself away. But then again, I didn’t exactly tell him anything about me and Dana. I just basically showed my true feelings about her though. I had to look away for a long moment, clearing my throat. And when I looked back at Mulder, he was still just staring at me. His eyes were wide, and his mouth was slightly open.

Just then, Dana came back into the room, and Mulder looked up at her, back at me, and then up at her again. He didn’t say anything, and I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. He just looked really confused. I suddenly couldn’t take it anymore, and quickly left the room, leaving Dana standing there in confusion. She didn’t come running after me, and I didn’t see her for several hours.

XXX

I wasn’t really sure why Alex had rushed out of the room so fast, but I knew I couldn’t just run after him. Mulder would suspect something, and I just wasn’t sure that it was a good idea to tell him yet. He was still getting used to the idea of Alex being a part of the group. I knew it was upsetting Alex, but I just didn’t know what else to do.

After several hours, Mulder decided to call it a night, and I told him I was going to do so also. I felt bad that I had lied to him, and told him that Krycek and I both had our own room, and that Sharon, Daryl, and Frank all shared a room now. I was surprised when he didn’t pry any further, and then I decided to go check on Alex, who hadn’t come out of the room to eat. I made him some food, after I was sure that Mulder was asleep, and went into the room to check on him.

He seemed to be asleep on the bed, so I placed his plate of food on the table next to him. I reached out and touched his shoulder, and I heard him sigh. Well, I guess he wasn’t asleep anymore.

“Alex?” I murmur, and he slowly turns to face me.

“Is everyone else asleep?” He groggily asks, and I nod.

“Yes. Are you alright?” I carefully ask, and he just looks at me, pulling himself up into a sitting position.

“When are you going to tell him?” He quietly asks, and all I can do is open and close my mouth several times at first.

“I don’t know.” I finally answer, heavily sighing.

Alex gets up off the bed and turns the lantern on. He just stands there staring at it for the longest time, deep in thought. Then he slowly turns back around to face me.

“Do you love me?” He whispers, intensely searching my eyes, and I am suddenly so overcome with anxiety, that I almost can’t stand it. I’m actually tempted to pretend to faint, just do get out of this conversation.

“Alex---” I hang my head and heavily sigh.

Alex lifts his hand up to stop me. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot like this. But I really need to know how you feel right now, Dana.” He says, in that sexy husky voice of his, and I just want to run and hide right now. I’m so confused. Dammit.

“I wish you would just accept what I can offer you right now. Isn’t that enough?” I carefully reply, and he crinkles his forehead at me with disappointment.

He then closes his eyes and hangs his head, scornfully chuckling. “I’ll take that as a no.” He shakes his head, and looks back up at me, heavily sighing.

“Alex, please---” I say, reaching my hand up to touch his chest, but he pulls away from me, clenching his jaw.

“Do you still love…him?” He quietly asks, and I’m thinking that I’m going to actually faint now. He means Mulder. He wants to know if I still love Mulder. Do I? I don’t know. I honestly can’t answer either of his questions right now. God, what did I get myself into?

“I---” I begin, but I physically cannot speak right now. So, I hang my head in shame and slump my shoulders in defeat.

“I thought so…” He quietly replies, and scrubs his stubble with his hand, slowly backing away even more.

“Don’t do this to me. Please, Alex, I---I can’t---” I stumble over my words, swallowing the huge lump in my throat. My eyes are beginning to water, and I feel like I might vomit.

Alex turns away from me, and we just stand there in silence for a long moment. I’m beginning to fidget a lot now, and I think I might cry. I don’t even know why…or, maybe I do.

“I can’t---I won’t stand in the way, and make things uncomfortable for you. If you feel the need to hide things, then you obviously don’t want it enough.” He says over his shoulder, pausing for a moment. “Mulder is back, and…I think that my role in your life has just expired.” He finishes, and slowly turns back around to face me.

“W-what are you saying?” I croak, as our eyes meet again. My heart is now racing, and I have that panicky feeling in my chest right now. The same feeling that I had when I thought I had lost Mulder.

He takes a step towards me, and grabs for my hand. Then he gently rubs his thumb over the top of my hand for a moment, and then lifts it up to his lips.

“I’m saying…goodbye.” He says into my hand, while kissing the top of it.

“No…don’t….” I plead, as my bottom lip begins to quiver. I search his sad eyes, and run my fingers across the stubble on his jaw.

He closes his eyes for a moment, leaning into my touch. And then he is tangling his fingers in my hair, and kissing me zealously. Even now, after all this time, his kisses still make me weak in the knees. I whimper into his mouth, and a quiet sob escapes the back of my throat. Why am I feeling like this? I mean, I guess I sort of know the answer to that. I didn’t have anyone else for this past year, except for Krycek. He became my security blanket. And I guess that I just got so used to being with him. We both know that he temporarily took the place of Mulder in my life. But even having Mulder back hasn’t really changed my view of Krycek’s role in my life. I still want to be with Alex. I want them both in my life. But I know that that’s a selfish request, and I don’t want to hurt either of them. I’m not even sure that Mulder and I could ever go back to the way that things were last year. Things are so different now. The world has changed…I have changed. Even Mulder has changed. I can see it in his eyes. He will always put his quest for the truth first. And I always knew that, from day one. But, I guess that I just didn’t admit it, until now. Mulder and I both know exactly where we stand in each other’s lives. And we both know that things could never go past a certain point. I realize that now, and I’m pretty sure he does too. But, Alex still seems to think that I love Mulder like a lover. But, I’m not really sure that it’s that kind of feeling. Not anymore anyways. God, what do I do? What do I say? What do I truly feel? Could I possibly love Alex? I just don’t know. But what I do know is…I don’t want him to leave. But I also know that he isn’t going to stay, unless I completely reciprocate his feelings. And we both know that I just can’t do that right now. I can’t say it, nor can I even think about the possibility of maybe feeling what he feels. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I just don’t know. I’ve never been this fucking indecisive about anything in my whole entire life. What the hell is wrong with me lately? I was so sure that I would go back to the old Scully, if Mulder ever returned. But, the truth of the matter is, I’m not the same. And I never will be. How could anyone be the same as before, after everything that has happened on this planet?

Alex finally breaks the kiss, and presses his forehead against mine, gently stroking the back of my neck with his fingertips. “Thank you, Dana.” He breathes against my cheek, and I furrow my brows at him.

“What…for?” I breathe back.

“For making me feel things, that I thought I was incapable of ever feeling. For---for everything.” He quietly replies, pulling back.

“I should be thanking you. You’ve been nothing but supportive, and—and---” I trail off, as I blink back the tears, and unfortunately, one escapes down my cheek.

Alex wipes the single tear off my face, and then straightens up, backing away again.

“Please don’t cry. I’m not worth the tears.” He says, noticeably trying to slip back into old “Krycek mode”.

 I sniffle, and cross my arms. How did I let things get to this point? To me actually being upset about Krycek leaving? How did things change so quickly, and so unexpectedly? Who the fuck have I become? God. And the worst part is that…I actually liked who I have been here recently. I felt…free. And strong. And—and loved. Things I thought I felt years ago, but maybe, I never really did. And all I can think about is, how different things look and mean to me now that the world is quiet. But now that everything around me is silent, this voice in my head has become louder. And I don’t know if I should listen to it, or follow my heart. My mind and heart are usually both in sync with one another. In fact, I think they still are to an extent. And that might be the problem. Because both are telling me to not let Alex walk out that door. Last year, we both would have never given each other a second thought. Last year, it was just me and Mulder, and Skinner. But Skinner is gone, and Mulder is back, and Alex is here, along with my newest friends. And I’ve never been put in this position before. In the past, it would have been Mulder beating Alex up, and Alex constantly insulting him. And I would have been perfectly okay with letting Mulder do whatever he wanted to Krycek. But I can’t do that now, obviously. Mulder doesn’t even know what exactly has happened since he’s been gone. I’m not even sure that I know how to act around Mulder anymore. He’s so different. Our relationship is still strong, but also so different. God, why can’t I sort through all these thoughts? I’ve never been this unbalanced before.

“Where will you go?” I grumble, hugging myself tightly.

Alex shrugs and stares at an imaginary spot on the wall next to me. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll do some traveling. Since it’s starting to warm up now.” He replies, clearing his throat.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to be alone out there.” I find myself trying to talk him out of it now. But I know that he is the most stubborn person I know, and that he will do whatever he wants, and be just fine alone. Nothing can defeat Alex Krycek. Right?

Alex chuckles and shakes his head at me. “I’ve always been alone. I’ll be fine.” He quietly says.

“When----when are you leaving?” I whisper.

“In the morning.” He slowly replies.

I nod and stare at his shoes. This conversation is beginning to feel uncomfortable, and I don’t really know what else to say now. I know that begging him to stay won’t do me any good. I can tell that he’s been thinking about it for a while now, and that he’s already made up his mind. I knew that it would probably be impossible for him and Mulder to live under the same roof. I had hoped that it wouldn’t be like this, but it was inevitable. And I can’t have them both. Not when the two people I care about the most hate each other.

“Hey…” He says, tucking his finger underneath my chin and lifting it up. “We’ll both be okay. And I won’t leave without saying goodbye tomorrow, alright?” He sadly smiles at me.

I nod again, and he leans in to quickly kiss my forehead. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Goodnight, Dana.” He says, beginning to walk out of the room, but I stop him and yank at his arm.

“Don’t, please. Stay in here…just one more night?” I plead, and he nods at me.

“Are you sure?” He carefully asks, and I nod as well.

I guide him over to the bed, and we both lay down together. He molds his body around mine, and we both don’t say anything else the rest of the night. And as sleep begins to slowly overcome me, my last thought is, that I know he’s not going to say goodbye in the morning. A part of me hopes that he will change his mind tomorrow…but I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be waking up alone.

**_TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 14…SOON…_ **

**A/N: I’m pausing right here. And I’m adding a few Mulder POV’s, just to explain his side of things, but it will still mainly be Scully and Krycek POV’s throughout the rest. I will try my best to write all of the next chapter during my week off of work. ; )**

 


	14. A Change In Plans

**A/N: Things are about to get interesting. ;) And sorry for the 6-week delay! Things have been really super-duper busy for me!**

**_ONE HOUR AGO_ **

_The moment I woke up that next morning, I knew that I couldn’t bring myself to actually say goodbye to Dana. Goodbye meant “forever”. And even though I knew it was going to be forever, I just couldn’t say it to her face. I_ wanted _our last moments together to be a good memory. But, I couldn’t even bring myself to wake her up, and say “goodbye”. A huge part of me almost changed my mind. A part of me almost stayed. But...Dana’s actions had made it blatantly obvious that I was no longer needed. Mulder was alive, and back now. Plus, it made it so much harder, knowing that it wouldn’t have been a quick ending to our ‘affair’. Knowing Dana, she would have slowly pulled back…ripping my pride to pieces little by little. An agonizing vulnerability it was. Dana Scully had been my only Achilles heel. My redemption. The only thing I had ever really been sure about. But, it had also made me question my own self-assurance. Being with her had made me forget how narcissistic I was, and I couldn't deny that ever since she came into my life, I had never once felt worthy of her affection. I should have known that it wouldn’t last forever. And even though a part of me had wanted her to beg me to stay last night, and confess her love for me…a part of me was also glad that she hadn’t. I could never give her what she truly wanted and needed. I had been her “Mulder fill-in”, and even then, things had been messy. I could make her happy physically, yes, of course. No doubt about that. But, I know I couldn’t have made her happy in any other ways. In the ways that mattered most, at least. Hell, maybe this all really ‘was’ just lust…and impermanent feelings. Maybe I really wasn’t in love with her. Could it be possible, that I simply confused my hidden desire to be out of solitude, for something more? Well, yes. It’s possible. And no, I’m not in denial. This was what I really needed to do. I let myself give in to hackneyed human predispositions for a moment, and mark my words, there wouldn’t be a second occurrence. It was nice while it lasted, I suppose. But it wasn’t me. I knew that. Dana knew that. And I was better off alone. It was my destiny. And who was I kidding, to try to fit into that basic humanoid mold, of love and life, like the rest of the blinded world? This new world was all about survival now, and not about impractical rapport expectations. My life wasn’t some soap opera TV show. My life, all around me, was the raw reality of my own truth. Murky...autonomous...and impersonal. But I've managed to survive this way. It's flawed, and solitary, but it's familiar. And it slightly angers me to think about how lax I had become. How delusional I had let myself get. But I am back now. Stronger than ever. Right?_

_I turn back around for a moment, breathe in deeply, and quickly grab for the note I had written and placed on the pillow next to Scully, crumpling it up into my jacket pocket._

_I then bend down, and place a quick kiss to her temple, as she contently sighs in her sleep. “Goodbye, Scully.” I whisper into her hair, taking extra caution to not wake her, as I slowly reach out to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear. And then I quickly stand back up, turn around, and swiftly exit the room, without a second glance back. That part of my life was over now. It was now time for another new beginning. It was kind of exciting really. I hadn't challenged my limits in quite a while now. This could be good for me._

_I had myself almost 100% convinced of my newest conclusions, until I made my way into the kitchen. It was still slightly dark outside, and at first, I wasn’t sure who’s dark figure was sitting at the dining room table, until he spoke._

_“Krycek.” Mulder quietly speaks, facing away from me._

_How the hell did he know it was me?_

_I clear my throat, shifting my weight. “Mulder.”_

_“Can we, uh, talk for a moment?” Mulder asks, and I nod stupidly, as if he could see me._

_“Uh, yeah, sure.” I carefully respond, anxiously._

_Mulder slightly turns his head, speaking over his shoulder. “Take a seat.” He gestures to the chair across from him, and I slowly walk around the table, plopping down into the chair with a heavy sigh. “You in a hurry to be somewhere, or something?” Mulder asks me, his eyes unreadable._

_“You could say that…” I sigh again, making eye contact._

_And I have to say, I don’t think I’ve felt as threatened around Mulder as much as I do right now. I mean, I could definitely take him, but right now, I just don’t have the desire. Back in the day, I thoroughly enjoyed getting under Mulder’s skin, but things are different now. And based on the look Mulder is giving me right now, I get the feeling that he doesn’t exactly agree. He’s still stuck in the past. I’m still his mortal enemy, and a threat to his precious Scully. If only he knew. If only…_

_“Are you leaving?” He asks, with what looks like a hopeful look._

_I narrow my eyes and then look away. “Yes.”_

_Mulder nods, almost sighing in relief. But another moment later, he’s heavily sighing and frowning._

_“Krycek…I need to know what’s going on around here. And I think the least you can do is be honest with me, since you’re leaving anyways. I have this feeling that Scully is not telling me everything.” He almost pleads, and we make uncomfortable eye contact again._

_I stare at Mulder for a long moment, heavily weighing my options. Would it even really be worth telling him? Would Dana ever even tell him, if I didn’t? I’d like to think she would, but I just don’t know anymore._

_“Mulder, listen…I think you’d be better off hearing it all from Dana.” I simply reply, and Mulder chews on the inside of his mouth, eyeing me suspiciously._

_We both sit there in tense silence for a long moment, until Mulder finally speaks up again._

_“Dana…huh…” He begins, and I have to fight the strong urge to look away. I’m determined to stand my ground. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said yesterday…” He continues, and I clench my jaw._

_“Mulder…” I try to speak, but honestly, I just don’t know what to say to him. And I kind of just want to leave as soon as possible._

_“Was Scully in your room last night?” Mulder finally blurts, and I prepare myself for the blow, but it never comes._

_“Mulder…” I sigh, and Mulder nods, looking down at his hands for a moment._

_“I thought so.” He closes his eyes, pausing for dramatic effect, and then runs a hand through his hair. “How----how long have you two been…” His voice trails off, and we both swallow._

_“Does it really matter?” I quietly ask, and Mulder looks back up at me, angrily._

_“Yes, it matters!” He barks, slamming his fist down on the table. Surprisingly, I don’t flinch. “I---why wouldn’t Scully tell me? And—and---and why would she…”_

_“Be with someone like me?” I bitterly say, and Mulder simply nods._

_“Listen, Krycek, I know that Scully went through a lot, and didn’t have anyone else for a long time, and I thank you for taking care of her, even though I don’t know why you did, honestly. And I know that things are different now, and that she thought I was dead, but…”_

_“Listen, you don’t have to worry about this, okay? It--it just…happened. It was a temporary…arrangement…” I pause, blinking away the sudden burning in my eyes. “Besides, it doesn’t matter anymore anyways. I’m leaving.” I bitterly reply, and Mulder intensely eyes me._

_“Why?”_

_“Because.” I simply reply, somewhat defiantly._

_“I’m not trying to make you leave, Krycek. Not anymore, anyways. Because…for whatever reason, Scully wants you to stay. And I promised her last night that I would cooperate.” He quietly replies. “But don’t get that twisted. I’m not exactly thrilled with whatever---with---” He heavily sighs, looking down for a moment._

_“I can’t stay.” I shake my head, clenching and unclenching my hand on the table continuously._

_Mulder slowly looks back up at me, and it’s like another lightbulb has clicked on in his head. A much brighter one. He intensely studies me, as his face turns from anger, to hurt, back to anger again. And I find myself clearing my throat and looking away._

_“You care for her.” Mulder’s question comes out as more of a statement._

_I find myself laughing now, and I don’t even know why. Mulder just cocks his head at me. But he seems to see right through me. Until just a few moments ago, I had convinced myself that what I was feeling was just impermanent…impersonal. But…goddammit…I AM in denial. The truth of the matter is, I can’t just shake off Dana. And as much as I wish it worked like that, it doesn’t. Thanks, a fucking lot, Mulder. Even when he is actually trying to be civil with me, he still manages to complicate things. And honestly, the calmness he is displaying in front of me right now is oddly uncomfortable. I would almost rather have him punch me in the face and demand I leave instead._

_“What exactly did you think I was doing?” I ask through clenched teeth, and Mulder slowly shakes his head at me, furrowing his brows. “Did you think I forced her into something that she didn’t want? That I---that I raped her, or something? Brainwashed her? Turned her into my sex-slave?” I bitterly laugh, leaning forward. “I assure you…it was completely consensual. And it hasn’t just been sex…not for me. It became much more than that months ago.” I find myself unexpectedly admitting, and Mulder noticeably tenses from my confession._

_“Fuck you, Krycek.” Mulder quietly spats, lunging forward. I don’t even flinch, nor do I even find any satisfaction in pissing Mulder off. I just want to leave, before I change my mind. “Rats like you don’t care about anybody else but themselves.”_

_“Ahhh, well that’s where you’re wrong, Fox. I’m human, just like you. Granted, I may not show things as…colorfully as you do…but I still have my hidden desires. And I guess it just so happens that we have something in common. Who would have thought?”_

_“We have NOTHING in common.” Mulder glares, and I heavily sigh, growing increasingly bored with the conversation._

_“We have Dana in common, right? You care for her, also.” I drawl, and Mulder flinches at the statement._

_“Yes.” He quietly replies, and I nod._

_“The biggest DIFFERENCE between us, though, is that I did something about it. And you…well, you never would have. Because your quest for the truth was so much more damn important to you, than the woman that blindly followed you around like a faithful pet. Who—who—who willingly put her life on the line for you every damn day.” I glare back, and Mulder slightly recoils under my gaze. He knows I’m right._

_“It’s not that simple.” He whispers, shaking his head at me._

_“How is it fucking not?” I raise my voice, suddenly extremely angered by Mulder’s ignorance. “How can you stand next to a woman like THAT every day for years, and not notice her beauty? Her passions? For fucks sake, Mulder!” I growl, shoving my chair back a few feet. Mulder just stares at me, and I have to force myself to calm down before speaking again. “Dana is pure and soft, and---and just completely fucking perfect in all ways that a woman can be, and yet, you never even attempted to go there? I---I just can’t fathom that.” My voice cracks at the end as I stare at him, incredulously._

_Mulder’s nostrils flare at me, as he leans closer. “If you understand Scully so well, then why are you leaving, huh?” He barks, and now it’s my turn to recoil a bit._

_“First of all, Dana has a first name, you know. And secondly…because that’s what she needs. She doesn’t need me.” I calm down a bit, and Mulder smirks at me, crossing his arms._

_“Now, I think that’s the first time I have ever actually agreed with you, Alex.” He stares me down, and I stare back. This conversation is going fucking nowhere. Time to shut this shit down, before Dana wakes up to a dead body in this kitchen._

_“Which is why I am leaving.” I quickly stand up, stuffing my hand in my jacket pocket._

_Mulder stands up with me, intensely eyeing me, as if he is desperately trying to understand my motives. And honestly, I don’t think he has ever actually tried to read me before this, and it slightly amuses me, to think that maybe I have managed to baffle him for once. That maybe I have proved him wrong for once. The tension between us begins to slowly dissolve, as I make my way towards the exit._

_“Krycek.” Mulder suddenly speaks, as I reach the door, and I quickly turn around, heavily sighing._

_“What now?” I groan, and Mulder places his hands on his hips, looking down at his feet for a moment._

_“Good luck out there.” He quietly replies, and I also find it a little bit amusing at how hard that probably was for him to say just now._

_I nod and sharply inhale through my nose. “Take good care of her.” I exhale through my mouth, and Mulder just stares at me, as he watches me leave._

_The moment my feet hit the gravel road a few moments later, I suddenly can’t move another step, as I just stand there for a long moment, with my back towards the house. I’m frozen in place, and it literally takes everything I have in me to move my legs forward. I force myself to not look back, as I slowly make it further away from the house. And as I look up at the sky, I suddenly realize that I am probably witnessing the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen. I only wish Dana could watch it with me._

_XXX_

I slowly wake up and reach out towards the cold and empty spot next to me, and quickly sit up in the bed. It only takes me a few seconds to realize that Alex has probably already left. And it honestly doesn’t surprise me that he didn’t say goodbye. I was just really hoping that he would have.

I pull my knees up to my chest and sit there for a long moment, with my eyes closed. I don’t even know what I am feeling right now. We both knew the end was inevitable. I just didn’t think it would have been this soon. I guess that maybe a part of me never even thought about the possibility of Alex actually leaving me. But the more that I sit there and think about it, the more I realize how foolish I had been. Alex Krycek contradicted everything that I believed in. At least, he used to. But, I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that we had both become different people this past year. Maybe this was who we always were. But I guess that I will never really know now. What’s done is done, and whatever little fling we had had was now over. I just didn’t think that I would miss his presence this much. My God, I needed to get it together. Mulder was back, alive and well. That’s what I really needed to focus on right now.

I am suddenly startled by a knock on the door, and open my eyes, looking over my shoulder. “Come in.” I say, and Mulder slowly opens the door and walks into the bedroom. His hands are shoved in his pockets, as he rocks on his heels at the end of the bed.

“Did I wake you?” He quietly asks, and I shake my head.

“No. I was already awake.” I murmur, and Mulder nods.

“Are you okay?” He also asks, and I nod. But honestly, I don’t know if I really am.

“I’m fine.”

Mulder stares down at me for a long moment, and then heavily sighs, as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed. “Listen, Scully----Dana…I think we should talk…” He begins, and I think I already know what he wants to ask me.

“I take it…you know…” I cut in, hanging my head, and Mulder slowly nods at me.

“W-why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrug and shake my head, still avoiding eye contact. “I didn’t want you to hate me. I was going to tell you, eventually.” I offer lamely, and Mulder heavily sighs again.

“God, Scully, I could never hate you.” He says, gently placing his hand on my shoulder. “I was disappointed, yes. Shocked. Confused. And I---I guess I just don’t understand why you’ve been----why you did it.”

I finally look over and make eye contact, and suddenly, I am struck with so much angst, that it feels like someone had just died. I am feeling so many different things right now. One of them being the loss of someone who unexpectedly became an important part of my life. And another being the guilt that I am now riddled with, for the betrayal that I have shamefully bestowed upon my partner and best friend. And the realization that I am now experiencing, for not regretting it one bit. How can I? Alex saved me. Without him, I probably wouldn’t be here, in more ways than one.

“Mulder…I----” I sit there for a moment, desperately trying to think of the right words to say, to explain or justify my actions. But the truth of the matter is, nothing I say can or will ever make Mulder understand my reasoning. Because honestly, I don’t even understand it myself. It just felt…right. And even now, it still doesn’t feel wrong. The only thing that feels wrong, is Alex leaving. Mulder has always been my rock. He’s kept me strong, even when I wanted to give up. But Alex…Alex had become the complete opposite. Alex was the part of me that I never knew I needed. He had become my reminder, to slow down, and enjoy life. He reminded me to feel. He ‘made’ me feel…everything…so deeply. And I now realize, that I needed both in my life. And I think I’ve always kind of known that one role would be completely different than the other. One was a completely pure, companionable, and solid relationship. And the other was an intense, chaotic, intimate connection. I just needed to figure out how to relay this all to Mulder, in a way that he would comprehend. Because deep down, I know he does agree with me. If he didn’t, he would have made a move all these years. But he didn’t.

I sit there for another long moment, as Mulder just stares at me, with his impatient puppy dog face. It takes me a while to gather my thoughts, and before I even have time to comprehend what I’m thinking before I say it, it’s too late, and the words are just spilling out of me.

“I don’t know why I did it. All I know, is that it felt right. At first, I thought that I was just feeling lonely, and hopeless. And maybe I was, in the beginning. And then when I met the others, and they had told me that you had died, I completely shut down. But Alex was there, and he helped glue me back together. And along the way, it went from a red-hot hatred, to this unexpected carnal desire, to something…more. I mean, I completely despised the man at first. I even almost left him to die in that farm house in the beginning. But, as much as he probably had hated me as well, he chose to save my life. More than once. And over the past 9 months, things…changed. I tried to fight it, Fox. God, did I try. But then after you had died…or so I had thought…I gave in. And by the time that I realized that I was in too deep, you reappeared, literally out of thin air. And now Alex---Krycek is gone, and I should be okay with that. But, I’m not. I’m not okay. And I’m confused. And I’m just not the same fucking person that I once was. I’ve changed, Mulder. And I’m just not sure that you will like this new Scully. But I like her. And Alex liked her. Even Sharon, Frank, and Daryl like her. And that’s just going to have to do for now. Because that’s all I have to offer anybody right now. I’m just trying to survive, the best I know how. And I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry that I’ve let you down…” My voice cracks, and I realize that my lips are still moving, but nothing else is coming out.

And then I feel this heavy pressure in my chest, and then in my throat. And next thing I know, tears are blurring my vision, and then they are spilling over, completely soaking my face and shirt. And my body is violently trembling, as a loud sob unexpectedly escapes my lips. I don’t think I’ve cried like this since the day I thought Mulder had died. What is wrong with me? No one died. Everything is okay now. Right?

But when I look over at Mulder, and see his facial expression, I just cry even harder. All I can do is bend forward and clutch at my chest, as the tears keep flowing, and the sobs keep escaping. I just can’t pull myself together, and I desperately want to. I need to understand why I am feeling like this. What is happening to me?

After a long moment, I feel Mulder’s arm around my shoulders, and it honestly shocks me. I would have thought that he would have stomped off already, or would have yelled at me at least. But he isn’t. Instead, he is gently rocking me back and forth, and I know that I do not deserve any of it.

“Scully…God…I…I didn’t know. I thought…I didn’t realize…I just don’t know what to say…” He whispers, and I try really hard to calm down.

Once I am calm, I wipe at my face and gently pull away from Mulder, just enough to see his face. He looks sad, but I think I might see a bit of comprehension in his eyes. I don’t see even a hint of anger in them.

“Say…say you forgive me.” I whimper, as my bottom lip trembles, and Mulder’s body just completely deflates against me.

“God, of course I forgive you. I don’t understand it. But it’s your life. I just---I just don’t know how exactly I’m supposed to react to all of this, Scully. I just didn’t know that it was that---that serious. It’s a hard pill to swallow, I’m not gonna lie.” He pauses for a moment, and I nod and sniffle. “I always thought that you would be ‘my Scully’. I never even considered the possibility that what I had to offer wasn’t enough for you. But Krycek was right. I don’t want to have to admit that. But, he’s right. My quest for the truth was so much more damn important to me. I don’t want it to be. But I get it now. I do. Things are different now. And maybe----maybe this is all we’ll ever be. But I’ll take it, Scully. I just don’t want to lose my best friend.”

“Y-you and Krycek talked? Alone? And didn’t kill each other?” I ask, incredulously, and Mulder chuckles.

“Hard to believe, I know. Although, I thought about it. But the point is, Scully…I just want you to be happy. And right now, you’re not. And I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t even know where the hell I’ve been for the past several months. I don’t know anything anymore.” He murmurs, heavily sighing.

“I know, Mulder. But I promise that I will help you figure it all out.” I warmly smile at him, cupping my hand over his.

Mulder searches my eyes for a long moment before speaking. “I want to understand all of this, Scully. I really do. But…Krycek? Really???” He asks, incredulously, and I can’t help but chuckle.

“I know…I know.” I heavily sigh, hanging my head for a moment. “But, it doesn’t matter now. It’s over.” I shrug and bite at my bottom lip.

Mulder stares at something over my head for a long time, and heavily sighs again. “Scully…do you…” He begins to ask me, and I instantly shake my head.

“NO. Of course not.” I quickly reply, and Mulder eyes me cynically. “I don’t. It was---it was a fling. A…mistake. And frankly, I’m glad that it’s over.” I lie, and I’m pretty sure Mulder sees right through me. I just don’t want to make things even worse right now. And honestly, I’m just not ready to try to figure out whatever it is that I’m feeling right now. It’s too late, anyways.

“Scully…I’ve never seen you react the way you just did, in all the years I’ve known you.  I honestly never thought you’d choose the path you did either, but…I understand that this world is a very different place now. And as hard as it was for me to believe it at first, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I think you somehow managed to soften that bastard, somewhat. I don’t know what the hell you did, but he wouldn’t even fight back. And believe me, I tried my best. It was a little weird, honestly. I mean, how am I supposed to get any satisfaction out of a beating up a “nice” Krycek?” Mulder teases, and I roll my eyes at him.

“Well, lucky for you, you won’t have to deal with either.” I quietly reply, and Mulder slowly nods at me, as if he’s still unsure about everything.

We both sit there in comfortable silence for a long moment, until Mulder finally speaks up again.

“Listen, Scully…I may not be ready to hear about everything that happened the past 9 months, yet. But I’m still here for you. You know that, right?”

“I know, Mulder. And same here. I’m here for you, too.” I warmly smile at him, and he pulls me into a quick embrace.

“I just wish I could remember what happened to me.” Mulder heavily sighs, and I shrug.

“Well, maybe it’s a good thing that you can’t remember. Maybe your brain is protecting you from something.” I suggest, and Mulder nods in agreement.

“Maybe you’re right.”

We are both suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door, and Sharon’s head peeking into the room.

“You guys seen Alex---I mean KRYCEK anywhere? He was supposed to help Frank with something this morning.” Sharon asks, sighing, and Mulder and I just glance at each other for a moment. “What?” Sharon asks, furrowing her brows, and I heavily sigh.

“He---he left.” I quietly reply, and Mulder hangs his head and clears his throat.

“Well, where did he go?” Sharon asks, cluelessly. Mulder and I glance at each other again, and then both look up at Sharon. It takes a moment, but realization finally sets in, and a sudden look of slight panic overcomes her. “Shit. He---he can’t leave. He—he’s not supposed to.” Sharon whispers, and Mulder and I both furrow our brows at her.

“What do you mean?” I ask, and Sharon looks at me like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“It---it’s nothing. I---I just didn’t expect it, is all.” Sharon stutters a bit, shaking her head.

“Is everything okay?” Mulder asks Sharon, and she quickly nods her head at him.

“Yeah…YES. But, umm…I should probably go tell Frank and Daryl.” She says, forcing a thin smile, and then quickly disappears from the room.

“What the hell was that all about?” Mulder asks me, and I shrug.

“I have no frickin idea. But, you know Sharon. She---she’s flighty like that.” I smirk, and we both lightly chuckle.

“So, breakfast?” Mulder asks me, standing up, and I stand up with him.

“Okay.” I thinly smile.

And as we both make our way out of my bedroom, I have to believe that everything is going to be okay. At least I have to fake it until I make it, right?

XXX

This isn’t good. This is bad. This was not how things were supposed to happen. We had a job. ‘I’ was supposed to make sure everything happened according to plan. But I should have known better. When I found out Mulder was back, I knew that the plans were going to change. And I can’t help but get the feeling that we are being left out of the loop now. I mean, they haven’t made contact with me, Frank, and Daryl for several months now. So, I just assumed that everything was fine. All I know is that I don’t want this job anymore. I don’t want to be…different. I like and respect Mulder, Scully, and Krycek. And I guess a part of me is about ready to veer off course, and take things into my own hands. I can’t let Krycek leave. If he leaves, then we have failed. Or maybe this is what THEY wanted all along. Maybe they have just been testing us this whole time. Either way, the humanoid part of me just can’t stand back and let this happen. It just doesn’t feel right. I have to do something. I know I can’t tell Frank and Daryl, because they will try to stop me. But I also know that I have to do something. Even if it means blowing our cover.

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

XXX

 **A/N: YES, I know! First Sharon POV! I just had to add it. You’ll see why later. ;) Not the best chapter, and I had a lot more added to this one, but I decided to split it up and cut it off right here. I’m still trying to get everything to blend smoothly together. I will try my very best to get the next chapter in sooner than a month. Hopefully sooner than two weeks, since I shouldn’t be as busy as I was last month!** **:)  
**

_She's a whistle on the wind_  
_A feather on the breeze_  
 _A ripple on the stream_  
 _She is sunlight on the sea_  
 _She's a soft summer rain_  
 _Falling gently through the trees_  
 _And I love her_  
 _She's cunning as a fox_  
 _Clever as a crow_  
 _Solid as a rock_  
 _She is stubborn as a stone_  
 _She’s a hardheaded woman_  
 _And the best one that I know_  
 _And I love her_  
 _Yeah well I love her_  
 _She's as new as the springtime,_  
 _Strong as autumn blows_  
 _Warm as the summer_  
 _And soft as the snow_  
 _She's a thousand miles from here_  
 _But she's everywhere I go_  
 _Cuz I love her_  
 _She loves me like a woman_  
 _She looks like a lady_  
 _She laughs like a child_  
 _And cries like a baby_  
 _I think that maybe she's the one that's gonna save me_

_“And I love her” by Passenger_


	15. What A Day

**A/N: 2 weeks is better than 6 weeks, right? I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving last week! Enjoy the very long chapter. ;)**

A few hours later, the sun was fully out, and the sky was clear, as I looked up at it. There was a slight breeze outside, and probably the best weather we’ve had yet, ironically. If I had to have picked the perfect day to leave on foot, today was probably it, thankfully. At first, my mind raced with all of these thoughts, as I began my new journey by myself. A part of me felt guilty for not saying goodbye to Dana, a part of me felt sad that I would probably never see her and my new friends again, and a part of me was a bit hesitant to be on my own again. This was the first time that I had felt all alone, and didn’t like it, since I was a kid and lost my parents. But after the first hour or so, I began to talk myself into believing that this was what I needed, as I got further and further away from my old home. I knew that on foot, I was only a tenth of the distance of where I would be with a vehicle. But if the weather continued to be this nice, then I was perfectly okay with that. I guess that a part of me just got used to living in the same place for longer than a few months, so I knew that it would be an adjustment at first. But I also knew that I had lived by myself for most of my life, constantly moving from place to place, and that I would be okay. It wasn’t exactly ideal, but it was doable. And I suppose that a part of me knew this would eventually happen, so I had already prepared myself for the possibility of leaving. I just didn’t expect it to be this difficult. I can’t even say how many times I thought about turning back around. But that feeling began to fade about 20 minutes ago, as I began to remember all of the times that I did just fine by myself in the past.

I decide to stop for a few minutes, and take a seat on the side of the road. It really was a perfect day outside, and I was feeling unexpectedly calm right now. It didn’t even occur to me that I had dozed off in the tall grass for a moment, until I heard something from a distance. I knew that I hadn’t slept well the night before, but I hadn’t realized that I was tired enough to fall asleep. I slowly sat up, rubbing at my eyes, as I tried to determine where that sound was coming from. Was that…a vehicle? A part of me began to slightly panic, wondering if it would be another asshole. But another part of me was hoping that it was just a person passing through, that could maybe give me a ride, even just for a little while. But as the vehicle got closer, I realized that I recognized the van. _You have got to be kidding me._ Now who would be coming after me? I knew for a fact that it wasn’t Mulder…and probably not Dana. It was probably Daryl or Frank. But as the vehicle slowed down and eventually came to a stop in front of me, I realized that it was Sharon, of all people.

“Alex!” Sharon calls out to me from the open window.

I roll my eyes and heavily sigh, slowly pulling myself to my feet. I walk up to the van, and stick my head into the passenger’s side window. “What are you doing here, Sharon?” I ask with slight annoyance.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going? You—you can’t just leave.” Sharon huffs, exasperated.

“I had to. I don’t expect you to understand. But it’s what’s best for everyone.” I try to explain, but the words even sound ridiculous in my own head as I say them.

“I may not fully understand. But I do know that you are running from the things that you can’t control. I never thought you would chicken out, Alex. I always got the impression that you hated to lose.” Sharon mocks, and I try my best to ignore her attempts at insulting me.

“You’re not going to change my mind. Just let me go. I have to do this, Sharon. I’m sorry. Just tell the others that I left them a note, and that I said goodbye. You all will always be my friends.” I breathe.

“You know you don’t really want to do this.” Sharon pleads again.

“It doesn’t matter what I want.” I reply, pulling myself away from the car.

But before I can begin walking away from the van, Sharon is getting out, slamming the door shut, and walking around the vehicle towards me.

“Alright, alright, alright! I need to confess something to you, okay? But Dana and Fox mustn’t know yet.”

“Well, that shouldn’t be a problem.” I snort, but my smirk quickly fades when Sharon frowns at me. “What is it? What do you need to confess?” I ask, sighing.

“We haven’t been completely honest with you guys. Daryl, Frank, and I. We aren’t who you think we are.”

That seems to grab my attention instantly, and I suddenly find myself searching Sharon’s eyes with curiosity and slight worry.

“Alright, I’ll bite. Then who are you?” I decide to play along. But nothing can prepare me for what Sharon admits next.

“We were sent to you guys on purpose. It wasn’t some chance meeting….” She begins.

“What the hell are you talking about? Who sent you?” I furrow my brows at her.

“My creators.”

“And who are your creators? What exactly are you trying to say?” I ask, skeptically.

Sharon heavily sighs before speaking. “We were sent by them…” Sharon replies, pointing up at the sky.

I find myself suddenly laughing, and I don’t know why. “Nice try, Sharon. But I’m still leaving.”

“Dammit, Alex, I’m being serious!” Sharon spats, and I have to admit that it slightly catches me off guard. I don’t think I have ever heard Sharon raise her voice before this.

Things begin to make sense in my mind, as I think about the past several months. Oh my god. It couldn’t be, could it? I was actually right? I wasn’t just being paranoid?

“You’re not one of those shapeshifters or some shit, are you?” I ask, incredulously, and Sharon chuckles, rolling her eyes at me.

“No, I’m afraid not. We do not have any special powers or anything. We were just a failed experiment, in so many words. Me, Daryl, and Frank were the last batch of the alien-human-hybrid-clones, before they decided to shut the project down. And after the other species tried to take over the planet, we were sent down to investigate, and try to gather up the strongest of the survivors. Then at the last minute, after the whole Mulder and Skinner situation, they contacted us and told us to find you and Dana, and told us to keep you two together, and that they would contact again soon for further instruction. But we haven’t heard anything since then. So, you can imagine our surprise, when Mulder showed back up. We really don’t know much more than that. They only tell us what they want us to know. That’s pretty much all they could do with us, after their attempts to make a super-being with both alien and human DNA didn’t turn out as expected. In fact, I believe that they are probably still secretly trying to iron out the kinks…” She explains, and my head begins to spin with all these thoughts.

“I guess I always knew, but didn’t want to admit it. But, you didn’t live on earth, until after the invasion?” I can’t believe I’m evening asking questions. I should be furious at these...” things” …for not telling us. But, I can’t help but still like and respect Sharon for coming after me to tell me the truth. I just highly doubt that her intentions were sinister in any way. I think that she truly thought she was doing what was best for everyone. And I believe that she is more human than anyone else I’ve ever known. Even with her alien DNA.

“Correct. We had never seen planet earth, until several months after the invasion. A bunch of us were sent here, but I don’t’ know where the others are. There are still others out there, with their own groups, that I’m guessing we are supposed to meet up with eventually. We just don’t know when. We are still awaiting our next instructions. You see, the certain species that made us, had been at war with a different species for hundreds of years. My creators only wanted planet earth to thrive, which is why they occasionally visited and tried to help the humans avoid nuclear disasters, and help provide some advanced technology over the years. But there are some other species out there, and they only want to see Earth destroyed, so that they could take over. But, their certain species could not thrive on this planet, and they quickly began to die off. My creators can survive here, but only in short increments of time. Which is why they made us, hoping that they could find a way to make it possible to survive moving from planet to planet, if need be.” Sharon continues to explain.

“Well, it seems that their experiments DID succeed then…” I reply, still a bit shocked at what I am hearing right now.

“To an extent, I suppose.” Sharon says, thoughtfully.

“So, uh, how many “species” are out there exactly?” I find myself asking.

“Far more than we know of, of course. But there are 9 that we have come into contact with so far, but at least 89 that we currently know of. A large majority do not wish to meet or travel. Some haven’t ever been to Earth, and some haven’t been here in several hundreds of years. We were the only ones that were willing to help planet Earth out. The other species, such as The Andromedins, did not think it was worth their time and resources. Some do not speak English at all. And some speak all the languages, such as the species that created me. I’ve been told that we are the most advanced, but I can’t really be sure.”

“Can---can your ‘creators’ take on human form?” I also find myself asking, and Sharon shakes her head at me.

“Unfortunately, no, The Reticulons cannot, which is why they started their experiments in the first place. There is only one species that we have met that can fully do that, The Nordics, but they left right before the invasion, and I’m not really sure what their intentions were, honestly. They weren’t the ones that attacked Earth, but I believe that they were collaborating with your attackers, The Alpha Draconian, at one point at least. Either that, or they were teaming up with the dark parts of your former government. The people you used to work for.”

“So, it wasn’t the “little grey men” that attacked Earth?” I ask, furrowing my brows, and Sharon slowly shakes her head at me.

“No, my creators have never wanted to harm humans, only observe them. The Alpha Draconian had found a way to disguise themselves as us over the last 100 years, which is why you and everyone else thought that. But I can promise you that it was not my creators. And that is all that I can really tell you. I’m not even supposed to be telling you any of this yet, honestly.” Sharon nervously replies, and I find myself nodding.

I know that I should be really freaked out about all of this right now. But honestly, I’m just so immune, because of everything that I’ve experienced over the years. So, it seems to only slightly phase me. It does answer a lot of my questions though, and I believe every word.

“This is---this is a lot to take in. So, trust me, I don’t really want to know anything else. I’m not as curious as…Mulder. But I do need to know why you are telling me this right now.”

Sharon heavily sighs, folding her arms. “Because you need to come back…”

“I can’t.” I firmly reply, looking away.

“You have to, Alex. You were a part of my assignment. You are meant to be in this group.” She pleads, and I shake my head at her.

“Could have fooled me. Listen, Sharon…you and I both know that I stick out like a sore thumb. Especially more so, now that Mulder is back. I don’t see why you need me. I have nothing to offer.”

“That’s not true. You make the group stronger. You make…Dana stronger.” Sharon replies, intensely searching my eyes.

I find myself bitterly laughing at that. “All I would be doing, is confusing Dana, and constantly pissing off Mulder. My mind is made up, Sharon.” I stand my ground. But Sharon keeps trying anyways.

“I was kind of hoping that my confession just now would change your mind. I---I don’t think you fully understand the severity of the situation, Alex.” Sharon pauses, and when I open my mouth to speak, she lifts a hand to silence me, so I shut my mouth again, surprisingly. “It’s not just about what I’ve just told you. I’m not here to just bring you back, so that I don’t fail my assignment. I’m also here, because I know that you and Dana care for each other. And I think that you would be making a mistake if you leave. You and Dana bumped into each other for a reason, Alex. And just because Mulder is back, doesn’t mean that Dana is going to leave you. I know that that’s what you’re afraid of. You can’t stand the thought of rejection. But you didn’t see and hear Dana sobbing in her room this morning. I stood outside the door, and listened to her tell Mulder how she felt about you. How she felt lost, now that you were gone. Granted, she may be in some denial about certain things right now, but she did tell Mulder about you and her. And nothing I saw or heard, indicated that anything other than a friendship was going on with them, at least not on Dana’s side. She just needs time…”

“Sharon…” I open and close my mouth several times. I honestly don’t even know what to say right now.

If what Sharon is saying is true, then a part of me would want to go back. But, I cannot guarantee that Sharon’s predictions will come true. And even if I wanted to go back, I know that it would screw with Dana’s head even more. Which is why I can’t do it. I want to…but I just can’t. Mulder probably would try everything in his power to stop me, anyways. The old me would have never left, just to mess with him. And I’d like to say that I miss the old me, but I really don’t, honestly. I do miss being carefree and I do miss the feeling of being in control. But I do not miss that lifestyle, and the constant danger, or the daily guilt that I fought off for every wrongdoing that I’d done. I was young and stupid. Really stupid. And right now, I just feel older and stupid. I let myself fall for a woman that used to loathe everything about me, and I don’t know why I thought that we could make it work. I want to believe that she cares for me, but I’m just not sure. I need some sign.

Just as I finish my last thought, Sharon pulls something out of the truck and hands it to me. I hesitate to grab it at first, but when I finally do, I look up at her with confusion. And then I stare back down at the framed picture of Dana and I, that was given to us for Christmas. We both look…happy. And from the outside looking in, any stranger would see a couple in love. I keenly observe the way that Dana is leaning into me, and I gawk at the genuine sparkle in her eyes, and the huge smile plastered to her face. And I like what I see in myself as well. My eyes look different…softer…and I don’t know why I never noticed this in the picture before. I guess I never really took the time to look, until now.

“Does this look like an unhappy woman?” She asks, pointing at the picture, and I heavily sigh. “You need each other, more than you both realize. And whatever is meant to happen…I’m confident that it will all work out for the best. I don’t think that you’re meant to be apart. Granted, Mulder is meant to play a permanent part in her life as well, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need both of you. She needs you both, more than ever. And the three of you need to realize which roles you are meant to play in each other’s lives, and stop living in the past. None of you are the same people anymore. And this world is a very different place now. And I don’t think that Mulder will hate you forever. He will eventually understand, and come around.”

“But…how do you know?” I quietly ask, and Sharon smiles up at me, radiating confidence.

“I just know. Now come on…get in the van.”

XXX

The rest of that morning and well into the afternoon is slightly a blur, as I force myself to accept the fact that things were going to change again. And honestly, after a few hours with Mulder, Daryl, and Frank, I began to put it behind me, for the time being. It didn’t even occur to me that I hadn’t seen Sharon around for a few hours, until Frank mentioned it a few moments ago. I can only hope that she didn’t try to go searching for Alex.

Just as I finish that last thought, I hear the front door open, and Sharon’s voice calls out to Frank and Daryl. Nothing seems out of the ordinary at first, as they get up and exit the living room for a moment, to help her with something outside. I can hear the three of them leaving the house for a moment, and assume that Sharon had went out for a supply search or something. She had mentioned wanting to take a look at an old junk yard a few miles down the road last week, just to see if there were any other vehicles that we could find and fix up. Mulder gets up a short moment later, and walks towards the bathroom for a moment, leaving me alone in the living room. After a moment, I decide to get up and get some water out of the kitchen, and that’s when I come face to face with Alex, just awkwardly standing in the doorway.

“Dana.” He breathes, taking a step closer, and setting his pack down on the table.

I find myself looking at everything in the room that isn’t Alex, willing myself to speak, or move…but I can’t do anything but just stand there. A few moments later, Sharon, Daryl, and Frank enter behind Alex, and then Mulder enters behind me.

XXX

I didn’t know exactly how things were going to turn out, once I decided to come back. I guess a small part of me expected Dana to run to me with open arms. But a bigger part of me knew that she would do the complete opposite. In fact, the moment I see her, I think about approaching her for a brief moment, until Mulder comes into the room behind her. I can tell that he isn’t exactly thrilled with my return, but he says nothing, as he intensely eyes me. It honestly surprises me, that he doesn’t seem surprised at my return. He mainly just seems annoyed, as if he expected it.

I try to look Dana in the eye, but she just keeps focusing her attention on everything in the room that isn’t me. _Come on Dana, look at me. Please, just give me some sign that there is still something between us._ I want to get on my hands and knees, and beg her to forgive me for leaving without saying goodbye. But, I know that it is neither the place nor time to do so. I will just have to find a way to get her alone later. If Mulder lets me, of course. But based on the looks he is giving me right now, I highly doubt that he is going to leave Dana alone for even a minute. And the way he is protectively hovering over her right now is really starting to irritate me.

Sharon tries to break the tension with some joke that I only half hear, but it seems that no one else is really listening either. We are all just standing there in the kitchen, being asphyxiated by the impenetrable tension in the air. It seems to linger around me, mostly. I can almost feel the resentment radiating off of Mulder, and the disappointment seeping from Dana. It is…unpleasant, to say the least. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should have just stayed away. Why the hell did I let Sharon talk to me into this? It also didn’t help that I promised to keep her secret from Mulder and Dana as well. And once again, I am feeling like I am still being judged for my past mistakes. It doesn’t seem to matter to anyone that I’m not the same Krycek anymore. Not right now, at least. And honestly, I’ve never felt more out of place, than I do right this very moment.

I force myself to make eye contact with Mulder for a brief moment, until he decides to look away and say something to Sharon, as Daryl and Frank exit the kitchen. And when I am sure that his attention is no longer on me, I look back over at Dana, who is still just standing there with her arms crossed, and her eyes pointed down towards the floor. I can’t exactly tell what she is thinking right now, which is why my eyes silently plead for her to look up. If only she would look up, even for a few seconds, then I could figure out what she is feeling right now. But, she keeps her eyes trained on the floor, and then the wall, and then eventually back on Mulder and Sharon. She is purposely giving me the silent treatment…and I will just have to deal with it, and hope that it doesn’t last forever. I don’t think I could bare the thought of Dana avoiding me forever. It was different when I made the decision to leave. And maybe that is selfish of me to think like that. In fact, I know that it’s a shithead point of view. But, what else was I supposed to do? We both knew that things were going to change, now that Mulder was back. And I just didn’t feel like I fit in. I still don’t. God, why did I come back? Why am I letting myself feel so vulnerable, and out of control? _What have you done to me, Dana?_ How did I let this happen?

After another awkward long moment, I eventually give up on trying to get Dana to look at me, and focus my attention on what Sharon is saying to Mulder. It takes me a moment to realize that Sharon has turned to me and is asking me a question.

“Huh?” I mumble, and Sharon heavily sighs, folding her arms.

“I said, Dana and I are going to share a room, and Daryl and Frank are sharing, so you and Mulder can have your own rooms.” Sharon repeats, placing her hands on her hips.

“I can take the couch.” I protest, but Sharon shakes her head at me.

“Nonsense, Alex. It’s already been discussed. It doesn’t have to be permanent…but for now, I think it’s best, don’t you?” Sharon firmly responds with a raised eyebrow.

I think it over for a moment, heavily sigh, and nod. “Fine.” I finally reply, and Sharon nods back with satisfaction.

“Good. Now that that’s settled, everyone needs to leave the kitchen so that I can prepare dinner.” Sharon lightly scolds, ushering everyone out of the room.

For a moment, I think that maybe I am finally going to be able to get a moment alone with Dana, when Mulder walks in the opposite direction towards the living room, where Daryl and Frank are sitting. But the moment I walk up to her, she quickly scurries down the hall into one of the rooms and shuts the door. I stand there in the hallway for a long moment, trying to decide if I should go follow her or not, but it seems that Mulder senses what I am going to do, and next thing I know, he is right up behind me, clearing his throat.

“Welcome back.” Mulder speaks up. But I quickly get the impression that his tone is more sardonic than hospitable.

_Here we go._

I heavily sigh and slowly turn around to face him. “I’d say ‘thanks’, but I know that you don’t really mean that.” I murmur, and Mulder sneers at me.

“Then maybe we understand each other better than I thought.” He quietly replies, leaning in.

We just stare at each other for a long moment, before I speak up again. “Is there something you need, Mulder?” I ask, heavily sighing.

“Well, now that you mention it, there is.” He pauses, and I just blink at him with slight annoyance. “I need to know why you came back. And I also need you to give Scully her space. She’s obviously…upset.” He says, slightly uncomfortably.

I can feel my eyes beginning to roll, but I manage to stop myself. A part of me is sensing a bit of jealously from his end, especially with me being back, and with him now knowing mine and Dana’s personal business. But I had to admit, that a part of me was also experiencing a bit of that jealousy, which was a significant portion of why I had tried to leave in the first place. Not that I would actually ever admit that to anyone. Either way, I had a feeling that Dana was not going to figure out her own feelings for quite a while. And I think that if I just keep my distance from Mulder, then maybe we could try to live under the same roof, without killing each other. Besides, that was really the least of my worries right now. Mostly, I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before Mulder showed back up. But honestly, now that I knew what Sharon, Daryl, and Frank really were, I knew that things would now never be the same. I wanted to be angry about the whole situation, but truthfully, I was just too tired to care right now. I guess that a part of me always suspected them. I think I had even told Dana once that I thought they weren’t human. She thought I was only joking, and made some snide remark about me acting like Mulder. So, I dropped it, and pretty much convinced myself that I was probably just being paranoid. Even though, that was never really my personality type. Yes, I had always lived life on the edge, and yes, I had become a very cautious person over the years…but I had always been in control of things. Or so I had thought. I don’t even think that I started worrying about certain things until I ran into Dana 9 months ago. After she became a huge part of my new life, my views and priorities dramatically changed.

Mulder clears his throat, still intensely eyeing me, and I realize that a good 30 seconds have passed, and I haven’t answered him yet. “I---I know she is. And I had planned to.” I pause, and Mulder shifts his weight, waiting for me to finish. “And…it’s…complicated.” I say, shifting my eyes to a spot behind him.

“Yes…it IS complicated. And I get the feeling that you’re still keeping something from everyone. What are you not telling me? Because, you see, I figured that there had to have been a pretty damn good reason for you to return. So just know, Krycek, that I will find out sooner or later.” Mulder murmurs, with slight irritability.

“You know, Mulder, I think you really need to ask yourself these questions.” I spat under my breath, and Mulder furrows his brows at me.

“I don’t know what you mean.” He scorns.

“You know exactly what I mean. Don’t you think it’s a little odd that you survived that explosion, and that you just so happened to appear out of thin air, in the very area that Scully and Sharon were in, with no memory of where you have been for the past several months?” I raise my voice, and Mulder clenches his jaw, slightly pulling back. I know he agrees with me.

“I may not remember where I’ve been for the past several months, but if I did, I wouldn’t keep it a secret from everyone. Especially Scully.” He quietly snarls, and I shift my weight, rubbing at my jaw with frustration.

“Would you not, Mulder? Because if it was in Scully’s best interest to not know, I highly doubt you would tell her. So, don’t go assuming that you and I are any different, when it comes to Dana.” I calmly reply, while pulling the picture of Dana and I out of my pack, and shoving it at him. He quickly looks down at the picture, clenching his jaw. I can’t really tell what he is thinking or feeling right now, because his facial expression remains blank, and he says nothing else, as he continues to observe the picture. I give him enough time to fully look over the picture, and then I take it back, and swiftly make my exit, before he can bombard me with anything else.

XXX

I’ve been sitting here in mine and Sharon’s new room for almost an hour now, debating on if I even want to eat dinner. I just don’t think I can face Alex right now. I don’t know what Sharon said to him, to get him to come back, and I’m not sure that I even want to know, honestly. All I know, is that I’m feeling a lot of different things right now. Anger being the strongest emotion right now. I’m angry at Alex for not saying goodbye. And I’m angry at myself, for even letting myself get to this point, to where I actually care if he leaves or not. And I’m confused…and worried that Alex and Mulder are not going to get along, because of me. And I guess a part of me is secretly relieved that Alex did return. Not that I am going to admit that to him, or anyone else for that matter. Him coming back definitely complicates things. I didn’t exactly know that I would react the way I did, when I saw him walk into the house with Sharon. All I know, is that my heart literally leapt into my throat. He had only been gone for like half a day, but it had felt like an eternity. A part of me wanted to run into his arms, and kiss all over his face. But another part of me also wanted to slap that beautiful face. Of course, I did neither. Instead, I just stood there, completely frozen in place. I guess that I just didn’t think he would change his mind. And now that he’s back, I can’t help but wonder what that means…for us. Do I want to even attempt going back to what we had going on before Mulder returned? I guess that I have a lot of unanswered questions that I need to think over first. I feel like I’m stuck. I don’t even know why I feel like this, because I’ve already come to the conclusion that what Mulder and I have always had is strictly platonic. And I know that he agrees with me, and that most of his frustration is simply over the fact that I chose to be with his former arch nemesis. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t be acting this way. I get it. It’s unlike me, and he’s just looking out for me. And I really don’t want to complicate things even more, by being with the very person that my best friend has loathed for years. I know things are different now, but I don’t think that Mulder has realized that yet. I feel like I need his blessing, before I even attempt to explore my feelings for Alex. But I don’t think that day will ever come. And…what exactly do I feel for Alex? Maybe it’s best that I just keep my distance right now.

My thoughts are interrupted by a soft knock on the bedroom door, and then Sharon’s face is peeking into the room. “Dana? You okay?”

I slowly look up at Sharon and nod. “I’m fine. Just…a little tired, I suppose.” I shrug, and Sharon takes a seat next to me on the edge of the bed.

“No one here but us girls right now, so you can tell me the truth, you know.” Sharon whispers, warmly smiling at me, and I heavily sigh.

“I---I’m---I’m fine.” I stammer, and Sharon skeptically narrows her eyes at me, as if she sees right through me. I look at her for a long moment, and then it’s as if the floodgates have suddenly opened, and I can no longer hold it all in. I hang my head for a moment, swallowing. “God, Sharon, what am I supposed to do?” I croak, and Sharon gently grabs at my hands in my lap, eyeing me sympathetically.

“Only YOU can decide that, hon. Tell me, Dana, what do you feel?” Sharon asks, and I shake my head.

“I—I don’t know…”

Sharon sighs, gently squeezing at my hands. “Well…what do you want then?”

“I want…I want things…that I shouldn’t.” I softly reply, and Sharon shakes her head at me.

“Why do you think that you shouldn’t want these things?” She asks, slightly cocking her head to the side.

“Because it’s not like me. It---at one time, I loathed those things. They were things that I avidly fought against, my whole life.”

“Well, that was then, and this is now, dear. The world is different now, and you’re different now. And if you want something, and you feel that it’s good for you in your heart, then I say go for it. Who knows how much time we have left on this earth, especially with how things are now. Don’t let the past determine the future.”

“But---but what if whatever I choose, hurts someone, no matter what I decide? There is no happy ending…” I sulk, and Sharon lets go of my hands, standing back up.

“Well, I think that if they both really care for you, that they will realize and respect your decision, no matter what that decision ends up being.” She pauses, smiling down at me. “Dinner is ready, so why don’t you come out and eat with us?” She extends her hand to me, and I take it, pulling myself up to my feet. “It’s going to be okay, Dana. I promise.”

“But, how do you know?”

“I just know.” Sharon winks at me. “Now come on, you can sit next to me.”

And as we make our way out of the bedroom, a strange feeling comes over me. And I can almost hear Alex’s voice in my head, joking about Sharon, Daryl, and Frank being different than us. I don’t know why that memory suddenly comes to me, but I quickly shake it off, as I follow Sharon into the kitchen.

XXX

The moment Sharon and Dana walk into the kitchen and sit down at the table, my chest begins to tighten up. Dana still will not look at me, and at this point, I have stopped trying to get her attention. Mainly because Mulder keeps eyeing me. But dinner seems to go smoothly, as everyone eats and talks with each other. I notice that Dana and I are the only ones not saying much, as we both just sit there, listening to the others talk, while barely eating anything on our plates. I’m honestly just not hungry right now, and kind of just want to go to my room and hide the rest of the night.

Near the end of dinner, Sharon brings up some old memory of something supposedly funny that happened a few months ago, and everyone laughs. I find myself zoning out for several minutes, until I hear Sharon mention mine and Dana’s names. Dana seems to have been in her own little world as well, as we both look up from our plates, slightly confused. Daryl and Frank get up from the table, mumbling something to Mulder, and then he gets up with them and heads over to the sink to help them with the dishes, as Sharon begins to clear the table.

It is only then, that I finally get the chance to look over at Dana. And when I look in her direction, I am slightly surprised to see her looking back. I don’t know how long she had been looking at me, but the sudden pinkness in her cheeks tells me that she had already been looking at me well before we made eye contact. I fully expect her to look away, but she doesn’t. Her eyes are slightly glazed over, and her lips are pursed, as we intensely gawk at each other for several moments. I can feel her eyes silently asking me why I didn’t say goodbye, and mine plead with her to forgive me.

It takes the loud sound of a dish crashing to the floor, for the both of us to break eye contact. And then Dana is quickly getting up, and leaving the room again, leaving me feeling completely overwhelmed with desperation and desire to make things right again. I think about going to Dana in the night to try to fix things, while everyone else is asleep. But then I remember that she is now sharing a room with Sharon. I guess I will just have to figure something else out. Either way, I’m going to get Dana alone eventually. I was always pretty good at being sneaky, so I had no doubt that I could easily find a way to do it without Mulder even suspecting. Maybe not tonight…but soon.

XXX

I would have to say that that was the most overwhelming dinner I had ever had. Even more so than the family dinners I used to have with the relatives that I didn’t like as a kid. I guess it had kind of surprised me that Alex hadn’t even tried to look at me for the most of it. I had sat there for a good 20 minutes, wondering why he hadn’t even tried to talk to me or look at me through dinner. That was so unlike his personality type. Alex Krycek had always hated to lose, and I had always pegged him as the type of person that had to be in control. At least, that’s the impression I used to get many years ago. So, I continued to internally figure out why he was being so quiet. I mean, I probably would have given him the silent treatment if he would have tried to talk to me. But at the same time, it has begun to slightly bother me that he didn’t even attempt to. Was he truly feeling guilt for not saying goodbye? Or was he not looking at me because of Mulder being in the room. It wasn’t until the end of dinner, when he finally looked up and caught me staring, that I realized that he was truly feeling remorseful. I will never forget that look in his eyes. It had most definitely affected me, because I could instantly feel my face getting hot and red. I could see a mixture of emotions in those deep green eyes. Remorse, desperation, and even that carnal desire that we both once had before Mulder came back. I just remember that I couldn’t look away after that, for a long time, until Daryl dropped that plate. And then all of a sudden, I was so sure that I would either cry, or just start asking Alex all of these questions out loud, in front of everyone…so I fled to my room.

And now here I lay, in the dark, pretending to be asleep, as Sharon comes in and gets into bed next to me. I lay there for a long time, until I am sure that she is asleep, and then I quietly make my way out of the room. It seems that everyone else has gone to bed, or so I think, until I hear Mulder’s door open as I’m passing his room. He quietly calls out to me, and I take a few steps back, and then stand in the doorway, rubbing at my arms.

“Hey, Scully, you okay? You disappeared after dinner, and Sharon said you went to bed early, so I didn’t want to disturb you.”

I force my best fake smile, and nod. “I’m fine. Just really tired today. I was just going to the bathroom, and then I was going to go back to bed.” I had never lied to Mulder before all of this, and I didn’t really know why I would start now. Granted, things just weren’t the same anymore, and nothing had turned out the way I thought it would after Mulder returned. It all honestly still just felt like a weird dream. I don’t think I have really even let it all sink in completely yet. But Mulder was still my best friend and partner, even if the FBI and the X-Files no longer existed. It was just kind of unexpected, when we both began to realize that without the FBI and the X-Files, that things just weren’t the same with us now. The alien colonization playing a huge part in it, of course. And also, the fact that he had been missing for a whole year. “Actually…” I heavily sigh, leaning up against the door frame. “I guess that maybe I’m also feeling a little overwhelmed…with everything that has happened here recently…” I quietly admit.

Mulder nods at me in understanding, surprisingly. “You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to. I get it, I do. And I may not want to hear about certain things that have happened since I’ve been gone, but I’d like to think that we can still talk to each other when we’re feeling upset. I understand that a lot has changed, but you’re all the family I’ve got left, Scully. We’re still a team. All of us.”

I’m not sure if Mulder is including Alex in “all of us”, but I’m glad that he is taking everything better than I expected. Whatever had happened to him for those several months, even if he doesn’t remember, has definitely changed him. He’s still Mulder, but there’s also something different about him. I don’t think that even he knows what that is though, yet.

I reach out and lightly squeeze at his hand for a brief moment, and then straighten back up. “Thank you, Mulder. I needed to hear that. I know that we’ve all been through worse. I’ll be okay. We all will be.” I genuinely smile this time, and Mulder pulls me into a gentle embrace for a moment. “Goodnight.” I murmur, producing a small yawn.

“Goodnight, Scully.” Mulder quietly replies, patting at my head.

Once Mulder has closed his door, I make my way to the bathroom, which I’m honestly shocked still works. I know that we have found some temporary ways to keep the house running for now, but I also know that it won’t last forever. I also realize that things could be so much worse right now, and here I am moping over an ex-lover. I’m alive and well, and I know that I need to cherish every day. Because my family and friends didn’t get as lucky as I did, and I sometimes let that slip my mind.

Once I finish in the bathroom, I quietly make my way into the kitchen for some water. I drink my water, and then decide to sneak outside for a moment for some fresh air. I’m hoping that maybe that will help clear my mind. The temperature outside is comfortable right now, and the stars and moon are brightly shining in the darkened sky above me. I walk down the steps, and make my way over to where the van is parked, and deeply inhale and exhale a few times, leaning up against it. The best view is certainly over here, and it’s surprisingly calming.

I suddenly hear a tapping noise somewhere behind me, and it takes me several seconds to realize where it is coming from, until I turn around. I jump a little, realizing that someone is sitting in the van, tapping on the window. I don’t even hear the music playing in there, until Alex cracks open the window a bit.

“Jesus Christ, Alex, you scared me.” I wheeze, clutching at my chest.

Alex smirks at me for a brief moment, and then sobers very quickly. “Sorry…”

“What are you doing in there?” I find myself asking, as if the past few days had never happened.

“Listening to music. I couldn’t sleep.”

“You’re going to kill the battery, you know…” I quietly reply, crossing my arms.

Alex smirks at me again, shaking his head, and completely ignoring my last comment. “Get in?” He asks, reaching over to open the passenger side door.

I hesitate for a long moment, heavily sigh, and then walk around the van. Once I am in the van, I begin to instantly question why I was suddenly so eager to get in. I now realize that I am sitting alone in a dark van with Alex. And I’m not really sure what to say to him now. We seem to both sit there in silence for a long moment, avoiding eye contact, as some song I don’t recognize plays in the cassette player.

“Dana---”

“Alex—”

We both speak up at the same time, and briefly look at each other. Alex clears his throat and reaches out to turn the music down a bit.

“Sorry, you go first.” He murmurs, and I nod.

“I…I was just going to ask you why you’re out here in a dark van by yourself.” I fib, and Alex lightly chuckles, shrugging.

“Just came out here to think, I suppose.” He replies, and I slowly nod. “Why are you out here?”

“I needed some air.”

Alex nods at me, lightly drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. I catch him looking at me long and hard, a moment later, and it makes my stomach tighten up a bit.

“What?” I furrow my brows, desperately trying to not make eye contact. So, I stare at his mouth, but that doesn’t make things any better.

Alex chews on his bottom lip, shaking his head at me. “I just----I guess that I’m a little surprised that you’re even talking to me right now. We haven’t said a single word to each other all day. I figured you hated me now.” He quietly admits, and I suddenly feel like leaving the van. Not because I don’t want to be here, but because my emotions are beginning to get the better of me. And I’ve been desperately trying to remain calm all day. I don’t even know why I’ve been feeling like this or acting like this all day.

“I---I don’t hate you.” I sigh, looking down at my hands. I try to say something else, but the words escape me.

“Dana…I’m sorry…I—I thought----” He tries to explain, but I’m suddenly not sure that I want to talk about this anymore.

“I have to go. Goodnight.” I say, quickly getting out of the van. _Keep it together, Dana. Don’t give in._

Alex quickly gets out also, trying to catch up to me, as I make my way around the van. He manages to catch my arm, and I try to free myself from his grasp.

“Dana, wait!” He rasps, breathing heavily.

“Let me—let me go, Alex!” I huff, bringing my other hand up to rub at my temple.

“We should talk about this. I need to fix this. Please.” He pleads, and I stop trying to pull away, whirling around to face him. Alex immediately let’s go, running his hand through his hair.

“What’s there to talk about? If Sharon wouldn’t have run after you, you would have left, without saying goodbye. You couldn’t even try to stay and work it out with Mulder. You left, without even having the decency to leave a note. I don’t even know why you came back.” I spat, heatedly.

“Dana, God, I’m sorry, okay? I---I made a mistake.” He hangs his head for a moment, and I cross my arms, trying to calm myself down.

“Yeah.” I say, somewhat defiantly.

“You—you---you made it blatantly obvious that you didn’t want the same things that I did. So, I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving. Mulder didn’t want me here, and I was just trying to make things easier for you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Well, I’m fine.” I croak, as my eyes begin to burn and water. I know that I’m obviously in denial. I just hope that he can’t see that.

“Good.” He quietly replies, intensely eyeing me.

I stare back for a long moment, shuffling my feet in the gravel. “Why didn’t you at least say goodbye?” I find myself asking.

“I---I couldn’t, Dana. It was---it was hard enough just leaving. I’m an idiot, I know. But I honestly didn’t think you’d be this upset about it.”

“I’m not upset…” I deny, once again. Alex skeptically narrows his eyes at me, and I begin to crumble under his gaze. “Maybe a little…” I murmur, swallowing and blinking. Alex continues to stare down at me, and I completely unravel at the seams. It takes me a moment to realize that my eyes are now wet with tears, and I quickly wipe at them, hoping that Alex cannot see them in the dark. I don’t even know why I’m crying. Why am I so upset about this? Why is my chest aching so badly?

The conversation that Mulder and I had had that previous morning suddenly runs through my mind, and I try to think about something else, but fail miserably.

_“Scully…do you…”_

_“NO. Of course not…I don’t. It was---it was a fling. A…mistake. And frankly, I’m glad that it’s over.”_

I push the memory aside, suddenly feeling some new emotions that completely catch me off guard. I can’t quite describe what I’m feeling right now, exactly. It’s a mixture of realization, denial, desire, fear, confusion, frustration, and grief…all mixed together. I can only look up at Alex, with wide eyes, and mouth agape. Alex furrows his brows at me, eyeing me with slight concern.

“What can I do to make up for this, Dana? Please, just tell me what to do, and I’ll---I’ll do it.” He takes a step closer, and the moonlight enhances his beautiful glowing green eyes.

My breath is suddenly pulled from my lungs, and I find myself gasping for air. I can’t do this. God, please just make me stop feeling like this. I begin to slowly back away, shaking my head, but Alex reaches out and gently grabs at the sides of my arms.

“Alex, I—” I struggle to find the right words, as the panic begins to bubble to the surface.

“Please just tell me what you want me to do. I can leave. I can stay. We--we don’t even have to talk about this ever again after this, if you want. I will give you your space, and we can just be friends, if that’s what you want. But just please tell me what you want, Dana. I need to know that we are okay. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, knowing that things were never resolved.”

“Why, Alex? Why are you doing this? This—this isn’t like you. Why would you let yourself suffer, just to please me?” I ask, incredulously.

“Because I just want you to be happy. I know…it definitely goes against everything I’ve tried so hard to become my whole life. I know. But you’ve changed me, Dana. And I’m not ashamed to admit that you’ve made me soft. And if you want to be with Mulder, then I don’t care. I will suck it up, and move on.”

“God, Alex, It—it’s not like that. We are just friends. We both know that.” I vigorously shake my head at him.

Alex looks at me with relief for a brief moment, but then his eyes fill with sadness. “Are we okay now then?”

I slowly nod at him, but something deep down inside my gut, is telling me to stop being a coward and just be honest with him. I’m not even sure that I’ve been completely honest with myself here lately, either. I’m feeling something…something that I keep running from. Maybe because I don’t want to disappoint Mulder anymore than I already have. And maybe because I also am just simply afraid of how much things have changed, and how much I have changed. Two years ago, I would have never imagined that I would be in this position that I am in right now. I would have never even allowed the thought into my head.

“I’m going to go to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.” I murmur, and Alex slightly pouts at me. _Please, Alex, don’t look at me like that._

I’m somewhat surprised that he doesn’t try to stop me. Instead, he closes his eyes for a moment, nodding at me. “Goodnight, Dana…” He whispers.

Then we just stare at each other for a long moment, and I have to force myself to look away and back up. Alex begins to turn around towards the van, and places his hand on it. I slowly make my way back up to the house, but once I reach the top steps, I can’t get my feet to move any further. I’m literally frozen in place, as my whole body begins to tense up. Next thing I know, I’m whirling back around, and quickly sprinting back down towards where Alex is still standing.

“Actually, you know what? NO, we’re not okay. And—and I’m not fine.” I huff, flailing my arms about. Alex quickly straightens back up and turns around to face me. He opens his mouth to speak, but I raise my hand to silence him. “I don’t want to feel like this. I didn’t ask for any of this to happen. I—I hated you at first. But then you started being all sweet and shit, and—and putting me first, and I let things happen, that I shouldn’t have let happen. And then things began to change, and I tried to fight it. God, Alex, I tried so fucking hard to keep you at a distance. And I---”

“D-Dana---”

“No! Just shut up for a moment!” I bark, and Alex’s eyes widen in surprise. I take a few steps forward, pointing at him, and he takes a few steps back, bumping into the side of the van. He just awkwardly stands there, as I continue yelling at him. “And then you decided to just up and leave, without even asking me if I wanted you to. Did it even occur to you that maybe I didn’t want you to leave? That maybe I just didn’t know how to ask you to stay, and give me a little bit of time to figure things out?” I shout, as Alex continues to stare at me in shock. My vision begins to blur with tears, and my whole body starts to shake uncontrollably. “I hated everything that you used to be, and it’s confusing for me to see you change, into this—this wonderful person, who puts my needs first. I hate that I ever met you, Alex Krycek!” I croak, covering my mouth to stop a sob from escaping. “And most of all, I hate that I am completely and hopelessly in love with you…” I whimper into my hand.

The moment the words leave my mouth, I know that I can never take them back. But, they are the truth. They are honest, and raw. And now that I have finally admitted what I truly feel, to Alex, and to myself…I don’t feel so guilty about it anymore.

Alex stares at me for a long moment, completely taken aback with my random outburst. I just stare back, breathing heavily…waiting for him to say something. And finally, the corners of his mouth slowly curve up into a huge grin. And next thing I know, he is quickly reaching out for my hand, and pulling me to him. He wraps his prosthetic hand tightly around my waist, and firmly pins me up against him. My hands desperately clutch at his shirt, as he runs his other hand up my arm, and into the back of my hair. He then bends down and smashes his mouth on mine, as I hungrily gnaw at his bottom lip. The kiss quickly deepens, as he turns me around and shoves me up against the van. I open my legs, so that he can lift me up, and then I wrap my arms around his neck, and my legs around his waist. He places his prosthetic hand up against the van, as his other hand slides up and down my outer thigh and hip.

“Dana…God, Dana…” He smiles against my mouth.

I pull back for a moment, and bury my nose into his shoulder. “I love you, Alex.” I breathe.

Alex turns his face to kiss the side of my head. “I love you too, Dana. More than I probably should.” He mumbles into my hair, lightly chuckling.

I lift my head back up, and we rub our noses together. Then Alex begins to plant tender kisses all over my face, slowly making his way along my jaw, down my throat, and then he stays at the side of my neck for a long while. He eventually begins to use his tongue and teeth, ever so lightly sucking at the flesh there, and my fingers gently pull at his hair.

“A—Alex…” I groan.

“Hmmm?”

“Let’s go back to your room.” I plead.

“What if someone sees or hears us? What if Mulder---”

“Fine. The van. NOW.” I growl, thrusting my hips into him for a very brief moment.

Alex groans into my shoulder, and slides me over, so that he can open the back door. He effortlessly places me into the back of the van, and quickly pushes the back seats down. He then quietly closes the door behind him, and crawls on top of me. It doesn’t take long for our clothes to come off, or for the windows to fog up, as our hands and mouths explore each other’s trembling bodies.

XXX

Twenty minutes of passionate love-making later, we are both writhing and sweating and gasping for air, as we both finish at the same time, intensely shuddering against one another. I collapse next to Dana, and pull her to me, wrapping my body around her, and intertwining my fingers with hers. I know that I probably have this goofy grin plastered to my face, as the last half hour continuously replays in my head. Dana Katherine Scully loves me. ME. I just can’t believe it. I don’t even care about rubbing it in Mulder’s face, either. Of course, I want the world to know that we are officially together. But, if Dana wants to keep things on the D.L. for a while, I think I’m actually okay with that now. Now that I know that she feels the same way, I honestly just don’t care if we have to sneak around, until she is comfortable with everyone else knowing, at least. She took a big step in a positive direction tonight, so I know that we will eventually get to everything else eventually. A crazy part of me even considers just fricking proposing right here right now. But I don’t want to overwhelm Dana. Not that it matters either way, because marriage isn’t exactly practiced on this Earth anymore, anyways. My god, look at me. Thinking about settling down. I never thought I’d see that day. Things have dramatically changed in just one day, and it honestly feels like a dream. I want to believe that this is real. But a small part of me begins to worry about Mulder, which ruins the high a bit. He’s back now, so I can no longer openly do and say the things that I could before. The old me would have said and done them anyway. But things are different now, and I just want to make Dana feel as comfortable about everything as possible. I also realize that I’m going to have to thank Sharon later, for not letting me leave. I could have made a huge mistake yesterday. I honestly don’t even want to think about how differently things could have gone if Sharon wouldn’t have run after me. I guess I let my pride get in the way, and I’m determined to not let it happen again.

The more I think about the past 24 hours of events, the more I also realize that I am still keeping a secret from Mulder and Dana. A part of me wants to just go ahead and tell Dana about Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. But another part of me knows that it’s probably best that I don’t. I trust Sharon, and if she says it’s not the right time yet, then I will respect that. I can only hope that Dana isn’t too mad about me keeping it from her, when she eventually finds out. But something tells me that Sharon will probably find a way to lessen the blow, considering she is also keeping that same secret. I will just have to try to not worry about all of that right now.

“Do you trust me?” I find myself randomly blurting, and Dana slowly turns around in my arms to look at me.

We look at each other for a long moment, as Dana intensely studies me. For a split second, I see suspicion in her face, but then her eyes quickly soften.

“Yes, I trust you.” She finally replies.

“Okay.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that if I ever had to keep something from you for a little while, that it was for good reason. Hypothetically speaking…”

Dana cocks her head at me, studying me intently again. “Is everything okay, Alex?”

“Everything is fine. I promise. Please don’t worry. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that I would never intentionally lie to you is all. Okay?”

Dana continues to stare at me, and then finally nods. “Okay.” She leans in and kisses me softly.

“We should probably get inside, before we end up falling asleep out here.” I say, sitting up.

“I miss having a room together.” Dana admits, frowning for a moment.

“God, me too.” I groan, somewhat dramatically.

We both get dressed, and walk up to the house hand in hand. Once we make our way up to the door, I pull Dana to me, and kiss her zealously for a long time.

“I feel like a sneaky teenager right now.” Dana whispers into my mouth.

“I WAS a sneaky teenager.” I admit, chuckling, and grabbing at Dana’s butt.

Dana quietly giggles, playfully shoving at me. “I bet you were.”

We pull back and look at each other for a long moment, and a part of me doesn’t want to go to our separate rooms, but I know that it’s for the best right now.

“Goodnight, Dana.” I murmur, opening the door.

“Goodnight, Alex.” Dana smiles up at me, and then quietly enters the house.

I stand there on the porch for a long moment, waiting for Dana to go to her room first. And then I make my way inside towards my room. Once I am in my room, I slip into my bed, and lay there awake for several minutes, just looking up at the ceiling. I can’t help but smile and chuckle to myself, as I think about everything that had happened today, again.

“What a day.” I whisper to myself, rolling over onto my side, and eventually falling asleep.

XXX

_I find myself standing in some sort of small metallic room, with one small round tinted window to my right, and a bed to my left. I try to look out the window, but it’s too dark outside to see anything. There are no decorations or other furniture in this peculiar little room, besides a small bedside table and lamp next to the bed. I notice a total of three different doors in this room, and walk up to each one to investigate. One door opens a small closet, the other leads to a small bathroom with a sink, toilet, and step-in shower, and the third door leads to a long dim hallway. I decide to leave the room and walk down this big long hallway, noticing other small rooms on each side of the hallway. I know I know this place, but I can’t quite put my finger on how I know it. But I get the feeling that I’ve been here for quite a while now. That maybe I might live here. I don’t see Scully or Skinner anywhere, but I can hear voices, and a loud humming noise, as I get closer to the end of the hallway. As I reach the end of the hallway, I notice some doors to my left, right, and front. I peek my head into the little windows of the double doors to my left, and jiggle the handles. Locked. The lights are turned off in this room, but it seems to be some sort of small cafeteria or something. I make my way to the door to the right, which is also locked, but there are no windows on this one. I finally walk up to the door directly in front of me, where I believe the noises are coming from, and the doorknob easily turns in my hand. I slowly open the door, and am greeted with a bright light. I shield my eyes, and walk further into the huge room. I can see some dark figures moving behind the bright light, but I can’t make out who they are just yet. To my right and left, I see a bunch of huge machinery of some sort. Definitely not the type of technology that I’m used to seeing. The machines beep and hum, and I make my way over to one, reaching out to touch one of the buttons that is blinking red._

_“Welcome, Mr. Mulder. I am glad that you decided to join us.” A deep voice says from behind the bright light, slightly startling me._

_I move away from the machines and shield my eyes again, as I look back up into the white light. “Who are you? Where am I?” I ask, and suddenly the light dims significantly. I struggle to get my eyes to adjust to the sudden dimness, blinking and rubbing at them with the back of my hands._

_“We come in peace, Mr. Mulder. We saved you from that explosion, and we want you to work for us in return.”_

_“You didn’t answer my questions.” I reply, suspiciously._

_“We are your friends. We have watched and guided your kind from a distance for thousands of years. Please do not be afraid of our appearance. We were not the ones that attacked your planet. You are one of the chosen ones, and we need your full cooperation, in order to help the remainders of your kind survive. If you do not join us…then what’s left of your planet will completely crumble in the next few years.” The deep voice explains._

_After several more seconds, my eyes begin to focus, and I can now clearly see the grey figures standing several feet away from me._

_“Oh my god.”_

And then I wake up, drenched in sweat, while breathing heavily. I quickly sit up in my bed, and look around the dark bedroom, rubbing at my face with my hands. It was only a dream, I realize. But as I sit there for several minutes, trying to peace together why I had that strange dream, I realize something else also. I slowly begin to wonder…if that was actually my first memory coming back, of where I had been. Could it really be?

**_TO BE CONTINUED…_ **

**A/N: This is by far my longest story yet, and I’m about to hit 100,000 words soon (approximately 200 pages, give or take away some). I’ve been writing this for over 8 months now, and I’ve hit almost every idea on my list now, but I think I still have quite a bit left in me. I had debated on wrapping it up in maybe 3 or 4 long chapters, but the positive reactions I got from the last chapter convinced me not to. I could maybe continue past novel length, or have an ending that leaves room for a second book later on. Wutchu think? There are many things I can still do with this. So, we will see. I don’t want to end it too soon, or drag it out too long. I think I have maybe three or four months left in me. Maybe more, depending on the future feedback I get. ;)**


	16. When Life Gives You Grapes, Make Wine

**A/N: 6 weeks or so has been my norm with every other chapter, ay? Holidays and just life in general has caused the 7-weeks and 3-days delay. Just A LOT going on. Lots of stress…which I hope does not show in this chapter. (hehe) Anyways, I hope that everyone enjoyed their holidays, and I hope you all had a happy new year! I also hope everyone has also been enjoying season 11 so far. :D**

**ONE MONTH LATER**

Dana and I have been trying our best to hide our “newly defined relationship” the past 4 weeks, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows. Maybe even Mulder. Of course, no one has said anything to us about it, but I’m also pretty sure that I’m pathetically obvious. Dana, on the other hand, has been able to act like nothing is going on in public. But, at night, almost every night the past two weeks, we just can’t keep our hands off each other. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said those three sacred words to her…but she always says them back, and means it. That makes me feel…something. It makes me feel…warm, and fuzzy inside. And even though Dana says that if I say, “I love you” too much, that it decreases its value, I still will never stop saying it to her. Every single day. At this point, I’m positive that I could never love another woman ever again. Not like I do Dana. In fact, she’s the only woman I’ve ever truly loved. She can even withhold sex from me for weeks or even months, which she has done before during the beginning of it all…and it still won’t change how I feel. Sure, we seem to still fight like we did before all of this. But, we always make up pretty quickly. Our relationship is chaotic…and flawed…and intense…but it’s also passionate…and profound…and most of all, we appreciate and respect one another. In fact, looking back at how things used to be in the very beginning, we have come a long way, in a positive direction. And I’m not going to let anything, or anyone take it away from me. Not this time. I may not completely fit in with this group, but Dana makes me feel like I do. She has kept me sane, and I feel like I’m a good guy around her. And I guess that I’m a bit afraid of regressing and losing all of the progress I have made, if she were to leave me. After Sharon talked me into staying, I have recently come to realize that Dana is a drug that I just can’t live without. Sure, I would still be alive without her, but I would feel dead inside. Because the truth of the matter is, I had felt dead inside my whole entire life, until a little over 10 months ago.

I lay there in silence for another long moment, pulling Dana closer to me, and sticking my nose into her hair, as she yawns and hums contently. “I love you.” I finally say, for the billionth time.

“I love you too.” She whispers into my hand without hesitation, kissing each of my fingers. “But saying those words too much---”

“Loses its value. I know, I know.” I grunt, and we both quietly chuckle into the darkness. “But it’s true, Dana. I do. And I just can’t help but say it, and show it. This is all new to me, and—”

“I know. You don’t have to explain anything to me, babe…” She says, instantly realizing what she just said. I’m sure Dana can feel my huge goofy grin against her shoulder, as she quickly tries to change the subject. But it’s too late. We have recently resorted to pet names. And I should feel disgusted by it, like I used to. But I don’t. In fact, I feel the complete opposite.

“I’m sorry, what was that? I don’t think I heard you. Can you repeat what you just said, BABE?” I tease, and I can almost feel Dana rolling her eyes at me.

“Aaaallleexxxx.” She whines.

“Yes, pookie?”

“Alex….” Her tone warns.

“What’s the matter, pumpkin?” I chuckle, and Dana digs her teeth into my arm. “OWWWW! Hey now, that’s not very nice…cupcake.” I bite at my bottom lip, as I hear Dana click her tongue at me.

“What? That’s not a turn on for you, butt face?” She mocks, while slowly running her tongue up and down my forearm.

I feign shock, while trying to ignore the tingly sensation in my lower belly that Dana is now giving me. “Ha---hey…that’s the best pet name you could come up with? Really?”

“Well, it was either that, or pea brain.” She says, laughing.

I laugh too, and then realize that we are both probably being a bit too loud. “Alright, I’ll stop, if that’s what you want.” I say, sighing dramatically.

“You already know what I want.” Dana rasps, and I clear my throat.

“Oh? Do I now?”

“Yes. And I know what you want as well.” She says, sitting up in the bed and turning around to look down at me.

“Do you? And what is that?” I smirk up at her.

“The same thing that I want.”

“Care to elaborate, Miss Scully?”

“Why don’t I just show you?”

“Again?! Didn’t we just---”

“Yes. And your point? Unless, of course, you want me to just leave and go back to my room…” Dana says, beginning to stand up.

I grab at her arm and pull her back down. “Not so fast. You and I both know that if I could have it my way, we would be sharing a room again.” I say, sighing.

Dana sighs as well, nodding. “I know.”

“Please just stay. For a little while longer.” I barely even have to plead, because I already know what Dana wants. And I know that she knows what I want. But I’m not sure that she knows ‘everything’ that I want. We have yet to bring certain things up, but I know that the feeling is mutual, whether we talk about it or not.

“Okay.” Dana nods, sweetly smiling down at me.

“Besides…I’d still like to hear you say exactly what you think it is that I want.” I murmur, while reaching out to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

I’ve noticed that Dana is growing her hair out. And I really like it. I mean, either way, she is still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. But the long thick locks are really doing it for me lately. I guess that I just really like being able to run my fingers through all of that hair. Although, I really wish that I had two hands to fully enjoy the experience. I never even really liked redheads before this. I had been with a lot of blondes in my day, and a few brunettes. But Dana is my first redhead. My first, and my last.

“I think that you want me. In your bed. Right now.” Dana simply replies.

“Well, that’s blatantly obvious. But that’s not all that I want…” I whisper, and Dana leans back into the moonlight, so that I can see her face better.

“And what else is it that you want?” Dana hesitantly asks me, swallowing.

“Do you really want me to say it?”

“I’m not sure.” She nervously replies, and I actually appreciate her honesty.

“I mean, it doesn’t matter either way. It’s not exactly practiced here on Earth anymore.” I anxiously chuckle, looking away.

I can feel Dana’s eyes on me, and I can hear her breathing rather loudly. “Doesn’t mean that it’s not still important…to some people.”

I look back up at her, and swallow hard. “Do you even know what I’m talking about?”

Dana looks down at her hands for a moment, and then back at me. “I think I do.” She murmurs, nodding.

“Do ‘you’ think that it’s still important?” I ask, holding my breath.

Dana thinks about it for a long moment, before finally answering. “Of course. Just because there is no longer a government, or any rules anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t think that the people left on this planet should give up on every enjoyable former human tradition. It may not be a thing anymore, but it’s still an act of true love for some people. A certificate doesn’t have to make it official in my opinion.” She says thoughtfully.

I find myself just staring up at Dana for a long time, and when I finally try to speak up, my voice is hoarse and almost non-existent. It feels like I have just swallowed my tongue, and no matter how much I move my lips, the words come out as a low grumble, and Dana has to lean in to hear me better.

“So, are you saying that you would still practice the “ancient human tradition”, if the opportunity came about?” I quietly ask, instantly regretting my question.

“Well, that all depends on if the opportunity actually ever came about. If it were the right person, then yes, I would partake in that “ancient human tradition.” Dana’s voice trembles a bit at the end.

“Am I the right person?” I find myself asking, as my chest begins to constrict. I think I want to hear the answer, no matter what that answer may be. I think.

“Are you asking?” Dana nervously asks, running her tongue along her bottom lip.

“If I were asking, I would want the timing to be perfect.”

I kind of hate that we are both just beating around the bush, and not actually getting to the point. I’m afraid to even ask, and I know Dana is afraid for me to ask as well. So, no, I guess I am not asking…yet. But one day, I just might. Just not now.

Dana nods at me and begins running her tiny fingers through my hair. “So…would you like to further discuss this possible ‘opportunity’, or no?” She asks, anxiously holding her breath. She doesn’t think I can see it, but I see it.

“I think that maybe it’s a discussion that we should save for a later time, don’t you?”

Dana immediately exhales the sharp breath that she had been holding with relief, I’m guessing. “I think that maybe you’re right, yes.” She nods, and then I nod.

I pull Dana back down into my arms, and she nestles up against me. The room is eerily quiet for a long time, and as I begin to slowly doze off, Dana’s voice suddenly pierces the silence, slightly startling me.

“I was just thinking about something that had crossed my mind when I first ran into you…” She begins, and I smile into the darkness with my eyes still closed.

“What was the thought?” I gently urge her to continue, tucking one leg between her legs, and draping the other over her top leg.

“At the time, I had no clue why I was even thinking about it, until now. Now, I know. I just can’t believe I didn’t connect the dots sooner…” She pauses, and I patiently wait for her to continue. “Remember the day you got shot, and I had to take care of you?”

I nod as if she can see me. “Ha, yeah…I remember. What about it?” I quietly ask, yawning.

“Well, after you had passed out from it, and I cleaned you up, I had sat there and waited several hours for you to wake up. And for some reason, I had begun to think about my past romantic relationships. I couldn’t figure out why I was suddenly thinking about my supposed first love. His name was Joshua, and he was a friend of my brother Bill’s. When I was 10, he used to do dreadful things to me like put toads in my bed sheets and gum in my hair---” She pauses, and I can’t help but snicker at that. I used to do the same thing to girls that I liked when I was a young boy. Oh, the memories. “And well, it took me about 5 more years to realize that this guy actually liked me. We dated for two years, and then he left me on prom night. And I---I guess it was after that, that I kind of began dating a lot of bad boys all throughout college. It was like, I knew they were all going to hurt me, but I just kind of craved it. But I never did reach that level of satisfaction that I so badly wanted. And then eventually---well, eventually I got it out of my system. And then I went a very long time without dating anyone at all. Except for a few boring ones, that did everything by the books. And even though I used to do everything by the books with the FBI, I didn’t find it attractive in men. I know, hypocritical of me. But I guess----I guess the moral of the story is, that I always secretly wanted what I would never be. Something opposite of me, I suppose…” Her voice trails off, and I can’t help but wonder if that was actually the moral of her story, or if there is more.

“So, what you’re telling me, is that I’m one of those bad boys, and you always secretly wanted me?” I tease, not expecting her to say yes.

“Sort of.” She slowly replies, and my mouth drops open.

“Bullshit!” I chortle incredulously, and I feel Dana shake her head at me.

“No, it’s true. I did. I didn’t want to admit it. I wanted to hate you. But I never actually could.”

“Well, I guess I always felt the same way. I wanted you too, from the first time that Mulder introduced me to you. But I knew I’d never have a chance, with the lifestyle that I lived.” I honestly reply.

“I knew it.” She chuckles, and I shake my head at her.

“Puh-lease, you did not.”

Dana nods against me, and then gets quiet for a long moment. And just as I open my mouth to say something else, her voice breaks through the silence again.

“I guess that what I’m really trying to say, is that I had been thinking about my loveless life that night, when you were passed out on that bed.  And I couldn’t figure out why you reminded me so much of Joshua. But now I know, that it was because you were another ‘Joshua’ to me. Except you were the real deal. I loved him, because he was my first everything, and he was everything my parents didn’t want me to have. He made my life exciting. And I loved Mulder, because he challenged my beliefs. He wasn’t exactly a bad boy, but he also didn’t do things by the books a lot of the times, and he was safe at the same time. I knew that he would never hurt me, and that he would never make a move either. I was comfortable with his presence. Even if it was a platonic one. It was enough, at the time. I loved them both, yes, and a small part of me will probably always…”

“Umm, is there a point to this?” I say, suddenly feeling slightly jealous over Dana’s unexpected confessions.

I hear Dana giggle at me, as she pulls my arm tighter around her. “My point is, that combined, they both had everything that I wanted. But separate, something was still missing. I loved them, but I had never actually ever been ‘in love’…” She pauses, heavily sighing. “Not until you…”

Next thing I know, I’m rolling Dana over onto her back, and hovering over her, deeply staring down into her eyes. “Really?”

Dana’s eyes instantly fill with tears, and when she blinks, one slowly slips down her cheek. I lean down and press my lips against the salty wetness, slightly trembling against her.

“Yes.” She breathes against my cheek, and I pull my head back to look at her again.

“Thank you for that story. Although I must admit, at first I was a little worried with where that ending was going.” I chuckle, and Dana giggles at me.

“I’m hoping that the story will continue on for a long time, with a happy ending.” She smiles up at me.

“So, what are you saying?”

“I---I think that what I’m saying, is that if certain “opportunities” did arise in the future, that I wouldn’t reject it. And until then, I’m fine with the way things are right now. And I’m thinking that we should just tell everyone what’s going on with us now.”

“Like, today?”

“Well, after we get some sleep first, of course.”

I can’t help but just nod at her, like one of those bobble heads that people keep on their dashboards. “Okay.” I finally reply, while desperately trying to suppress the surge of exhilaration that has suddenly overcome me.

“Can I stay the night in here, with you?”

“Are---are you sure? What if---what if someone sees you leaving my room?”

Dana quickly reaches up and places her hand over my mouth. “If they see me, they see me.”

I nod, smiling underneath of her hand. And that night, I sleep better than I have ever slept in my whole entire life.

XXX

They don’t think I know, but I know. We all know. I heard them talking last night out in the hall, when they thought everyone else was asleep. I heard them sneak in from outside, and I’m pretty sure she followed him into his room the past several nights. I was awake, listening from the inside of my room. I heard him tell her he loves her, and I heard her say it back. I couldn’t believe it. I thought it was just a carnal fling. But apparently, a lot has happened since I’ve been gone. Probably more than I really want to know. And apparently, it’s a lot more serious than Scully has let on. I don’t even know if I’ve fully accepted it as reality yet. Not to mention, it’s so nauseatingly obvious, especially with Krycek. That smarmy…boastful…sonofabitch. I just can’t fathom what Scully sees in him. He’s our enemy…a traitor. Well, he was at one time. And I know, I know…this world is a very different place now. And I know that Krycek has saved Scully’s life more than once, and that from what I can tell so far, he’s been treating her alright. But, when I look at the two of them, laughing together and sneaking touches and googly eyes at each other when they think no one is looking…it makes me almost physically ill. I mean, yes, I want Scully to be happy. And yes, I know that I missed my opportunity with her long ago. We both have discussed that, more than once. It just wasn’t meant to be, in that way. I’ve accepted that. I’ve always known that I wasn’t meant to settle down with someone and have a family of my own, and that I could never really have a normal relationship with a woman. Mainly because of my career choice, and my damn obsession with searching for the truth in everything. Even now that my career is over, I’m still desperately wanting to know the truth. And I always saw Krycek as one of those people, too. Even more so than myself. But…I guess he’s not. I guess that maybe even the lowest of people can change. And I guess even rats can change into house pets sometimes. And…I’m not unhappy, not at all. In fact, I’m thrilled to be back with my old partner and dearest friend again, with a cozy house, and an abundant amount of supplies to live on. But even after a month, I am still having trouble accepting that Krycek and Scully are a…God, I don’t even want to say it…a…a “couple”. Why? How did this happen? How is it even possible? And of course, they claim they aren’t. But everyone knows that they are just saying that to please me. And that makes me a little sad. To know that Scully feels like she needs to hide it from me. I don’t exactly like the idea of them being together, but that is mainly because I feel like Scully could do better. I honestly don’t think that anyone could ever be good enough for her. Not even me. Which is why I never even tried. And honestly, it’s a little odd to even see Scully like this. I mean, I’ve seen her flirt. But I’ve never seen her this besotted before. And I’ve never seen her eyes light up like this around anything or anybody. And most of all, I’ve never seen her so tranquil and so full of emotion and…and…life. I will always love Scully, always. Maybe not in the orthodox way that most people do. Our fondness for one another was always spiritual, and platonic, and untainted. And no matter what she does, I will never rebuke her for the choices she makes in life. And if she wants this, then I will try my very best to get along with Krycek. I know that I’ve had a hard time letting go of the past. And I have no fricking idea how Scully can look past all of that. But I’m hoping that one day I can do the same and forgive and forget everything that he’s done to us. It’s going to take some time. But the more I see the way he treats Scully, and just everyone else in this group, including myself, the more I realize that maybe Scully did manage to turn the devil back into an angel. I just hope that it sticks. And sometimes, I wish that I kind of had what they had. Sometimes. To an extent. Especially lately. I’ve even been having these realistic dreams lately, about this enigmatic woman. I dream about her a lot, actually. And I know this is farfetched, but I have been having this strong feeling that I know this woman, or that I am going to in the future. The only problem though, is that in every dream I have about her, she’s never fully human. In my dreams, she’s part alien, but mainly human. I don’t know what these dreams mean, but they have been happening every night for the past month.

And those aren’t the only dreams I’ve been having. I’ve also been dreaming about supposed “memories”. At least, that’s what they feel like. I don’t know if they are actual memories from the several months that I had been gone. But they feel so real. It’s like dejavu, constantly. I dream about being on a ship a lot. And I dream about talking to these ‘beings’…aliens? Maybe? And they keep telling me that I’m a chosen one, and that they want to help planet Earth prosper again. They tell me that there are many different species out there, and that their rivals tried to take over Earth, but failed. They also try to show me things and take me places. But I never actually get that far, because I always wake up right before the big reveal.  And every morning when I wake up, I feel like I’m getting one step closer to remembering whatever happened to me.

I haven’t told anyone about these dreams yet. Not even Scully. I guess mainly because I don’t know how everyone will react. Especially Scully. I mean, I know it’s ridiculous to keep it from her, after everything that has happened the past two years. But I just don’t know if these dreams mean anything yet. They could mean absolutely nothing. Or they could mean the answer to everything. I just haven’t figured that part out yet. And either way, I think I’m going to keep it to myself for a little while longer. And I don’t know why, but I also have this strange feeling about Sharon, Daryl, and Frank, also. I feel like maybe they might know a lot more than they are letting on. It might just be one of my outlandish “hunches”, but maybe this time my gut might be right. But whatever the truth actually is, I’m thinking that maybe I should try to find out. Soon.

These dreams are confusing me even more, but they are also giving me something to distract myself with, and something to possibly look forward to. They take my mind off of other things, such as Scully and Krycek. And the more dreams I have, the more I realize what my purpose in this life really is. I need to find out what happened to me, and what’s going to happen in the future. I know my quest isn’t over yet. I know it. And I think it’s only just begun.

XXX

I think that someone was listening outside the door last night. Alex and I heard footsteps, or at least, I did. Alex claims I was imagining things. That I was just being paranoid. But the truth is, I’m kind of wanting to just get it all out in the open now. I’m sick of hiding it. And I’m also thinking it was Mulder that was in the hallway last night. He hasn’t said anything to me yet, of course. And if he does know, he also doesn’t seem too bothered by any of it. In fact, he’s seemed more distracted and in his own little world, over everything else. I feel like he might be keeping something from me…from all of us. But I can’t be sure. I want to ask him if he’s remembered anything yet, but I’m not sure if he even wants to talk about it. Usually, Mulder will come to me right away, if he was remembering something. But I keep getting this strange feeling, that maybe he is hiding something from me. In fact, lately, I feel like everyone knows something that I don’t. And for once, I’d like to not be kept in the dark about anything, and to not be the last to know. The old Scully would rather just not hear about it. But the new Dana needs to know what exactly is going on. And I think I’m going to confront Alex, Mulder, Sharon, Daryl, and Frank…in that order. Not all at once…but then again, why the hell shouldn’t I? I don’t even know if they all have discussed anything with each other. But I still get this feeling that every single one of them is hiding something from me.

My thoughts are interrupted by footsteps coming up behind me, and I startle a bit, but then quickly relax against Alex, as he puts an arm around me from behind. Everyone else is in the living room playing some “adult versioned” family card game, while I open a bottle of wine in the kitchen. I think it’s the last of our current alcohol supply. But knowing Frank, he’ll be out searching for hours tomorrow morning for some more. We all joke that he’s a “wineaholic”. He actually refuses to touch any other alcoholic beverages, except for wine. He drinks it like it’s water. And I can’t really judge him. I think we’ve all got our own personal “coping mechanisms”, that we sometimes obsessively let consume us. Sharon has her knitting. Daryl has his books. Alex has the shed, where he frequently builds things. Mulder has his adult magazines. And I? Well, I guess I have the frequent company of Alex at night. Almost every night. It’s how we all stay sane, after everything that has happened the past two years. And honestly, I like this little group that we have. Very much. We all are like family. They are the only family and friends that I’ve got now. And I intend to keep it like this, for as long as possible. Even Mulder and Alex have been sort of getting along lately. Overall, they don’t really say much to each other. But they are still able to sit in the same room together, and not argue. I’m sure they quarrel behind my back sometimes, but I’ve never seen it get out of hand. And Alex hasn’t complained of any threats from Mulder. So, there’s also that.

“Need any help?” Alex whispers into my neck, sending shivers up and down my spine.

“Well, it depends on what kind of help you’re offering.” I whisper back, somewhat seductively. I didn’t even mean for it to come out like that.

Alex looks over his shoulder for a moment, and then quickly whirls me around to face him, pushing me up against the counter. I almost lose my balance and have to grab onto his shirt to steady myself. He just looks down at me with this huge grin on his face, as he firmly presses his body against mine. I can feel his quickening pulse against my palms, as he slightly bends me backwards, grabbing a hold of my backside with his good hand, and leaning down towards my face. I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel like this…all the damn time. He’s always on my mind, and I sometimes feel slightly ridiculous about the way I almost swoon at his every word…every touch. Every move.

“Dana…GOD, Dana…” He breathes into my ear, and then lightly brushes his hot lips against it. “I just needed to touch you. I’m sorry, I know I’m being super clingy, but I just can’t fucking help it.” He grunts into my shoulder, and then trails his lips slowly up my neck.

“Alex…” I lightly gasp, while desperately trying to control myself. There are people in the next room. Mulder is in the next room. “Don’t get me started, or I’ll never be able to stop.” I groan into his chest, as my nails involuntarily dig into him.

“Mmmm, is that supposed to be a bad thing?” He smiles down at me. And I swear, seeing Alex Krycek genuinely smile still astonishes me. I don’t think that that will ever change.

We share a long moment of intense eye contact, and then I’m on my tiptoes, reaching my trembling hands up to wrap around the back of his neck. I pull him down to my level, with impressive force I might add, and he quickly fills in the gap with his mouth. Our teeth clatter, and our tongues both desperately seek entrance, as we zealously make out like two teenagers necking in a drive-in theater. And it takes everything that I have in me to remind myself that we are still in the kitchen, and that anyone could walk in on us at any minute. But luckily, we can still hear all four voices in the living room, half drunk, laughing hysterically, while completely engrossed in their “mature” or rather “immature” card game.

“We better stop, and---and go back in there.” I whimper into Alex’s quivering mouth.

“Yes, we better.” Alex grunts, as his fingers slowly trail up and down my hip, waist, and outer thigh.

“Mmmm, ya—yeah. Let’s---oh—” I stammer, as I begin to completely forget about the date, time, and even my own name. “Ah---Alex…”

“Danaaaa…” He croons.

“Ummm…” I’ve now completely lost all train of thought.

“I---we---dammit, I really just want to---to---”

“To what?” I ask, while kissing along his chiseled jaw.

“To spend the rest of my life with you.” Is his answer, as he pulls back and looks down into my eyes. And I have to be honest…I thought he was going to say something dirty. I didn’t expect him to say something like that. Something so quixotic, and saccharine. And I think I’m a little caught off guard by it. This man just never ceases to surprise me.

We both just eye each other for another long moment, in some sort of numinous daze. And I can feel the magnetic pull between us. It takes a hold of my insides, and twists them into tight knots, that can never be untangled. And it feels so unequivocally overwhelming, in a good way. And it’s definitely something new between us. Something deeper than all the times before. It’s like, each day with him wrenches me in more and more, and I’ve found myself constantly wondering how the hell we even got to this point, in the blink of any eye. The point of no return. The point of endless, superlative passion. It’s a moment that I wish I could experience forever. Each “first” we have together, are all memories that I wish I could capture in a jar, that I can open up whenever I want, and re-experience all over again. And now that I think about it, I would like to be able to do that with all my memories with my family, and friends. With Mulder, and even Skinner. Everyone I’ve lost. I can’t even think about that right now. And looking up into Alex’s eyes, and listening to the others laughing in the living room, gives me hope, that I am not completely alone on this planet.

“You promise to?” I finally answer.

Alex slowly nods at me, while tracing the curves of my face with his finger. “Only if you want me to.”

“Where’s that wine?” Frank calls out to us, and we instantly pull apart from each other in a startled frenzy.

I clear my throat, desperately trying to slow my heart rate down. I almost laugh out loud at the sight of Alex, flushed and breathing heavily, with this befuddled look on his face. A small whimper escapes his lips, as he begins to pace a bit, trying to calm down certain parts of his body.

“Coming!” I shout to Frank, and then I look back up at Alex.

“I’m---uh---I’m gonna stay in here for just a moment.” Alex’s voice almost squeaks at the end, and I do end up laughing at that.

“Poor baby.” I cover my mouth to suppress a giggle.

“You think this is funny?” Alex tries to give me a stern look, but the corners of his mouth begin to twitch into a smirk, as he coolly tries to re-adjust himself.

“No, sir.” I shake my head, but the smile on my face and the unexpected snort that escapes my lips betrays me.

“Dana—Guh---you better just go back in there, before I take you right here right now.” He half teases, although I can tell that he probably actually means it.

I grab the opened bottle of wine off the counter, and slowly make my way into the living room, briefly looking back at Alex as I go. Damn, he’s so strikingly adorable. I would have never imagined myself thinking that just a year ago. And as I enter the living room, a brief thought crosses my mind, about our conversation the other night. Could I actually see myself being with him, till death do us part?

But before I can finish that thought, Sharon yanks me down next to her, and I pass the bottle of wine to Frank. Mulder briefly eyes me, but he seems to be mostly distracted with whatever Daryl is saying to him, as he continues to sip from his glass of wine. And another moment later, Alex is making his way back into the living room as well. We both purposely avoid eye contact with each other for a long moment, but I can’t help but stare at him out of the corner of my eye, as everyone else begins a new round of the card game. I know that I’ve become bolder with my gawking lately, but it doesn’t seem that anyone has really seemed to notice. And if they have, they haven’t mentioned it to me nor Alex. Especially Mulder. I know that he knows. But we just don’t confide in each other like we used to, and that somewhat saddens me. I miss how some things used to be, but at the same time, things are so different now, and we are all such different people because of it. Going back into the past will do none of us any good at this point. And I think that we have all realized that now.

“Are you playing this round with us?” Sharon leans in to ask me, and I shrug.

“Umm, sure, I’ll join this one.” I reply, and then Sharon looks over at Alex.

“What about you, Alex? Are you doing this round too?”

Alex nods, taking a long sip from his glass, and I can’t help but watch his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he drinks. And after a moment, he eventually catches me looking at him, and the look he gives me back makes my heart skip a beat. It’s a look that I’ve only ever seen him give ‘me’, and it turns my insides to mush every time. I can’t even properly describe it right now. Basically, one side of his mouth turns up, as he lowers his eyes at me, slightly cocking his head to the side, with this self-assured, seductive magnetism radiating from him. And I know that I probably look like one of those ridiculous cartoon characters with a twinkle in their eyes, and little hearts swirling around their head. And all I can do is keep gaping…and I am pretty sure that I am about to bite a hole through my bottom lip. Hoo-boy. _Is it hot in here, or is it just me?_

“Yes, it is a little hot in here.” Sharon says, and I furrow my brows at her. Did I say that out loud? I think I did. _Oops_.

And when I look back over at Alex, he’s smirking at me. He’s fricking grinning, because he knows damn well what he is doing to me right now. That smug bastard. Well, two can play that game. So, I quickly look around to make sure no one is watching, and then I flash him the most sensual look that I can muster. And honestly, I’m finding this kind of exhilarating, because I don’t think that I have ever talked dirty to someone with just my eyes, with 4 other people in the room.

Alex raises an eyebrow, desperately trying to suppress a laugh, as he shakes his head at me. I then run my tongue slowly along my bottom lip, while tilting my head slightly back. Alex’s eyes intently follow my every move, as I raise my hand up to my face to tuck a loose lock of hair behind my ear. I then slowly bring my hand back down, making sure that my fingertips lightly brush against my throat and chest, before finally settling back in my lap. Alex is still smiling at me, as he lifts and places his elbow up on the seat of the lounge chair that he is leaning up against, and then rests his head in his hand. I find myself smiling back, more sweetly than seductively now, and we just continue to eye each other.

At this point, I have absolutely no idea what the instructions were for this game that Sharon just told me, and I’m pretty sure Alex doesn’t either. But I pick up my pile of cards from the floor anyways, and raise them up to my face, still eyeing Alex when I am sure that no one is looking. He makes eye contact with me, and then mouths, “I love you”, which makes my stomach instantly lurch. I don’t think I will ever get used to Alex Krycek telling me that. Or me saying it back. And meaning it.

For the next half hour, I manage to actually play the game with everyone, even though I didn’t hear the instructions. And eventually, everyone is drunk and cackling like hyena’s, as we play several rounds of probably the dirtiest game I have ever heard of. I don’t even know how Sharon got a hold of this game, but everyone seems to be enjoying it, probably with a little help from the wine most likely. And I’m not going to lie, it’s only amplifying the sensual electricity between Alex and I, and I’m 100% positive of what I will be doing when everyone goes to sleep for the night. And by the look that Alex keeps giving me, I would have to say that he is probably thinking the same thing.

“Alright, I think I’ve had enough for the night. I’m going to hit the hay.” Sharon slightly slurs, and Frank and Daryl stand up with her.

“Me too. But this was fun. Goodnight, guys.” Frank says, and the two of them slowly leave the living room.

Mulder picks up his wine glass, and walks into the kitchen with Daryl, leaving Alex and I alone for a moment. And when I stand up and turn around, Alex is right behind me, which surprisingly doesn’t startle me this time. I do gasp though, when he quickly leans in and presses his lips to my ear. He just hovers there in silence for a moment, heavily breathing. I swallow the whimper that threatens to escape my throat, and Alex chuckles, causing me to shiver.

“You have no idea what you do to me.” He whispers, and I turn my head, so that my lips are almost touching his.

“Ditto.” I drawl, and Alex makes a guttural groaning sound in the back of his throat.

“Come to my room in 30 minutes.” He breathes against my mouth.

I nod, closing my eyes for a moment. And then I am leaning in and catching his bottom lip between my teeth, and the reaction that that elicits from him is priceless, as the hand that was just tightly gripping my arm drops to his side in surrender. And then we are quickly pulling away from each other, panting, and then part our separate ways, before it goes too far in that living room. But believe you me, we will be continuing this in 30 long minutes. I don’t even think that there is anything right now that could change my mind or stop me. At this point, I just don’t care about sneaking around so that no one will hear us. I mean, everyone would have to be blind, to not see what was going on between Alex and I earlier. Either they were too drunk to care, or they were too drunk to notice. Even Mulder seemed to be completely relaxed and carefree tonight. I didn’t see him glare at Alex even once tonight. I think he even laughed at one of Alex’s jokes, too. That’s progress, right?

I quickly regain my composure, and make my way past the kitchen, towards mine and Sharon’s room, until the 30 minutes is up. Even though I know Sharon knows exactly what I’m doing and where I’m going almost every night lately, unless she really does sleep like a clueless, comatose rock every night. But I highly doubt that last option.

“Hey, Scully.” Mulder quietly calls out to me as I reach the hallway, and I slowly turn back around.

“I thought you went to bed with everyone else.” I quietly respond, folding my arms.

“Meh, not really my thing.” He jokes. I get the joke right away, but he looks at me as if I didn’t. “That was--okay, bad joke.” He looks down for a moment and chuckles, and I thinly smile and raise a brow at him, sort of like old times.

“I got it.” I roll my eyes at him, also like old times.

“See, I haven’t changed that much, have I?” He smiles, and I nod, and then shrug.

“Maybe a little. I mean, just some things in general have changed. But it’s kind of nice to see that some things haven’t changed…such as your adult humor.” I tease.

Mulder chuckles again, but then his face quickly grows serious, as he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and begins to rock back and forth on his heels.

“You’ve changed. A lot.” He looks me in the eye, and I suddenly feel a little sad. I don’t even know why.

“Have I?” I feign ignorance. But I know it’s true. He knows I know I have.

Mulder slowly nods at me, taking a small step closer. He looks at me for a long moment, and then sighs. And I find myself wanting to take a step back, but I don’t.

“’WE have changed, haven’t we?” He murmurs, and I sigh.

“Somewhat…yes. But I think it was inevitable, especially after everything that has happened the past two years.” I pause for a moment and make eye contact with Mulder’s sad eyes. “It doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing, though. You and I both know that we will always have each other to count on. Especially more now than ever.” I genuinely smile up at him, but he doesn’t seem to agree with me.

I watch him begin to pace a bit, back and forth for about 30 seconds. And then he stops pacing, and looks back down at me, with his hands balled in tight fists at his sides.

“I suppose you’re right. But I---it still feels a little…off. Doesn’t it to you?”

I fold my arms and think about it for a moment before replying. “Maybe a little…but---but I think that’s mostly because of being separated for a whole year, and not knowing if the other was even still alive. It’s only been a month, Mulder. And you’re still trying to remember where you have been for the last several months. I’m sure it will get better in time.”

“Not to mention the whole you and---and---him…thing…” He says, with a bewildered expression on his face.

I heavily sigh and hang my head for a moment. “I know…” Is all I can say, as I look back up at him.

I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to say. We’ve had this conversation like 3 times already. Although, he’s never wanted to know all the details, and I haven’t exactly been comfortable with telling him everything. Even now, I still feel guilty about it, somewhat. But it is what it is. I can’t take it back. And honestly, I don’t even want to. Mulder is finally back, after a long and desperate search, and now I have Alex too. Along with three new friends, that I consider my new family. I just wish that Mulder could be happy for me. But I do understand why he’s not. I get it. I do. And I can only hope that he is able to completely accept it in the future.

“I shouldn’t have gone out there that day. If I would have stayed in that---in that building with you…then things would probably be a lot different.” He says, shaking his head, and taking another step closer.

“Oh, Mulder…” I eye him with empathy and reach out to lightly touch his arm. “I had wished that too, when you were taken. But…then a whole year passed, and a lot of things happened in that year. And--and wasn’t it you that always told me that everything happens for a reason, and that you could avoid something from happening all you want, and maybe even escape it a few times…but that it will still end up happening again and again in different ways?”

Mulder furrows his eyebrows at me, almost in repugnance and disbelief for a brief moment, but then his face quickly softens. “Since when did you start believing in “fate”, Scully?”

“I think I always did to an extent, but didn’t realize it, until my eyes were opened to certain things.” I let go of his arm and clasp my hands together.

“Well, if this is fate…then I’m not sure I want any part of it. No one in their right mind would want the world to turn out like this. No one.” He heavily sighs again.

“You’re right. It’s a cruel fate. But I’m thankful to have you here with me again, and we’re still alive and well, aren’t we?” Mulder slowly nods at me, and then looks away for a moment, as if he is remembering something. A small smile forms on his lips, and then he looks back at me. “What?” I ask, furrowing my brows.

“I was just thinking about all of the times that you told me aliens didn’t exist, and that I was just paranoid.” He teases, and I reach out to playfully swat at his arm.

“Yeah, well, keep rubbing it in my face why don’t you?”

Mulder suddenly catches my hand as I pull it back from his arm, and I’m beginning to feel like I should go to my room now. There’s something different in his eyes tonight, along with the slight slur in speech from the wine, that tells me that he’s not completely himself right now. And before I can even speak up or pull away, he is quickly yanking me to him and sloppily pushing his mouth onto mine. And I will be honest…at one time, many years ago, I had thought about this certain scenario, a time or two. And I even maybe occasionally welcomed the thought as well. But right now, it all feels wrong, and nothing like I would have imagined it to feel like. There is no spark like I would have once expected there to possibly be, and I think that Mulder instantly realizes it too, because he pulls away very quickly. I don’t even have to reprimand him, because he’s already rebuking himself, as he runs his hands through his hair and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Fuck---Scully---I’m sorry. I---I don’t know why I did that. I shouldn’t have done that.” He vigorously shakes his head at me, and then runs his hands over his face.

“It---it’s okay, Mulder. You’ve just had a little too much to drink.” And I’m really hoping that that’s all that it was. Too much to drink. “Right?” I find myself asking.

_God, Mulder, please don’t do this to me right now._

What is Alex going to think? Should I even tell him about this? That’s all I can think about right now. And now my night has just gone to shit. All the desires I had before, like 10 minutes ago, have faded away quite a bit. And now…now I just want to go to bed, and hope that it was all a dream when I wake up. Why do I feel so guilty right now? I did nothing wrong. Mulder kissed me. I did not kiss him back. I didn’t stop him...but it all happened so quickly, and I really didn’t even have time to react.

“No, it’s not okay, Scully. I---God, I just really made things even more awkward now. But I have to be honest with you, Scully, I kind of thought about doing that for a long time now. But…but it didn’t feel anything like I thought it would. It didn’t feel right, for some reason. And it—it won’t happen again, I promise.”

I’m a little relieved to hear that it didn’t feel right for him either. But I’m also still inwardly freaking out about Alex finding out. I just don’t want him trying to kill Mulder.

“It’s fine, Mulder. As long---as long as we’re both on the same page, it doesn’t have to be awkward. Let’s just forget that it happened, okay?” But I’m not gonna lie…it is kind of awkward. Even with a lot of wine in my system.

Mulder nods at me, and we both sigh in relief. “Ummm, I’m going to go to bed now, Scully.” He says with droopy eyes, as he sways just a bit.

I’m beginning to think that he may not even remember this little incident in the morning. One can only hope. “Goodnight, Mulder.” I thinly smile and let him leave the kitchen first.

I stand there alone in the kitchen for a few moments, and then make my way to my room. But when I reach the door, I stop and turn around, heading for Alex’s door instead. I know that I was supposed to wait for everyone to be asleep, and that it’s only been 15 minutes, and that I had felt like just going to bed 5 minutes ago…but now I just want to see Alex. I need to see him and touch him asap and get my mind off of certain things. I need to turn this night back into a good one.

I think about telling Alex, and then not telling Alex, several times, before I slowly open the door and tiptoe into the dark room. My mind is made up by the time I reach his bedside.

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

**A/N: DUN DUN DUNNN…Will she tell him? And what will happen next? I guess you will just have to find out in the next chapter. :D And yeah this was a calmer chapter, but that’s only because I cut some of the ending off and saved it for the next chapter. Next one involves more, with a few bigger twists and turns in all of the future chapters, and I’m really hoping it will only take A WEEK or two this time. I will try my very best! Also, I think I'm going to eventually change the characters names, backgrounds, and parts of this plot, and turn it into an actual book after I end this fic. So, if anyone wants to read the newer (NOT X-Files) version, then just keep in touch via PM on ff.net or find me on other social media platforms if you’re reading on AO3! (Jessica Kurr for Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr) ;)**


	17. Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.

**A/N: My inspiration has significantly returned, so, here’s a (somewhat earlier than usual) slightly better chapter than the last. ;)**

_I stand there alone in the kitchen for a few moments, and then make my way to my room. But when I reach the door, I stop and turn around, heading for Alex’s door instead. I know that I was supposed to wait for everyone to be asleep, and that it’s only been 15 minutes, and that I had felt like just going to bed 5 minutes ago…but now I just want to see Alex. I need to see him and touch him asap and get my mind off of certain things. I need to turn this night back into a good one._

_I think about telling Alex, and then not telling Alex, several times, before I slowly open the door and tiptoe into the dark room. My mind is made up by the time I reach his bedside._

_Continued…_

I’m not going to tell him, I have decided. I reach out and touch the bed, but Alex is not there. I let my eyes try to adjust to the darkness for a few moments, and just as I begin to look around the room, I feel his right arm snake around my waist, as he pulls me to him. He buries his face into my neck and makes a low humming sound in the back of his throat.

“You’re early.” He sways me back and forth.

I rest my head back against his chest and close my eyes for a moment. “Is that a problem?” I dig my fingers into his forearm.

He chuckles into my hair, and I shiver. “I don’t think that could ever be a problem, darlin.” He begins running the palm of his hand back and forth on my stomach, while slowly kissing all over my neck, ear, jaw, and shoulder.

For a long moment, I am able to forget about the Mulder situation, and remember about the unfinished business before that in the living room, as Alex’s hand travels up higher for a bit, and then lower. And then I am turning around and shoving at his chest, as he backs up into the bed and falls back willingly. He scoots up the bed, as I follow him, slowly crawling my way up his body. I straddle him and bend down to fervently kiss him. And everything is perfect as usual, until I close my eyes again. That’s when the flashbacks hit me from just a few minutes earlier in the kitchen. _I’m not going to tell him. It’s not worth it._ I try opening my eyes again and shake the thought from my head. And it works, at first.

Alex runs his hand up and down my waist and outer thigh, and I groan, wishing that he had two working hands right now. He can only do so much with the prosthetic arm. But usually, one hand is enough, because the man really knows what he’s doing. But when my eyes involuntarily slip shut again when his hand reaches my inner thigh, the flashback invades my mind again. I pull back, lightly gasping, and Alex stops what he’s doing and looks up at me with slight confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

I shake my head. “Nothing.” And then I bend down to kiss him again. He quickly forgets about it, and we continue groping and kissing each other.

I unbutton his pants and begin gently nibbling at his earlobe. He groans and begins to squirm a bit, hooking his finger underneath of my shirt, and then begins to slowly pull it up. And I don’t know what I’ve said, until several seconds after the words escape my mouth.

“Mulder kissed me.” I whisper into his neck.

It takes him a moment to realize what I said, but when he does, his hand drops and he pulls his head back, as every muscle in his body stiffens under me.

XXX

“Wait, what?” I did NOT just hear what I think I just heard. What the hell?

I look up at Dana, my eyes asking her a million questions that I can’t seem to say right now. Dana looks down at me and heavily sighs.

“Alex…before you freak out…just let me tell you what happened. It’s not as bad as it sounds.” She says, while placing her hands on my chest.

_Not as bad as it sounds, huh? I’ll be the judge of that._

“Explain then. What the hell do you mean Mulder kissed you? When?” I slip into my classic Krycek interrogation mode, as I clench my jaw. Something I haven’t had to do in a long time.

_That little fucker._

“Just a few minutes ago…in the—in the kitchen.” She says, with a very noticeable wince.

Well, I do have to admit, I am glad that Dana is telling me right away. Because if this had happened a few days or weeks ago, I would be a lot more pissed than I am right now. Not to say that I am not pissed right now. Because I’m pretty pissed. Just not with Dana.

But then I begin to wonder other things. Did she kiss him back? Did she like it? Is she going to leave me for Mulder now? And when I get my hands on that sonofabitch, I’m going to rip his lips right off his face. Then he won’t be able to kiss anyone ever again. Damn, when I told him a month ago that I couldn’t understand how he had never went there before in the past, I didn’t mean to start trying to go there in the future. He missed his opportunity long ago. God, Dana, please agree with me. Cause if you tell me something else I don’t want to hear, I’m going to have to walk away from you, because I don’t want you to see me cry. Yes, I’ve cried before, I think even in front of her once when I told her about Emily. I’m not completely emotionless. Especially since I bumped into Dana. It’s just been a really long time since I’ve felt anywhere close to shedding a single tear besides that one time. Maybe when I was a kid, after my parents died. No…the last time was during the brutal removal of my left arm. That was the last time. Although, I almost did when I got locked in that silo. I mainly just screamed and cussed a lot. And when the world “ended”, I did feel a great deal of sadness. Even though I knew it was coming, and I hadn’t really lost anyone close to me, because I was always alone. But just thinking about all the innocent people, especially women and children, gave me quite a few nightmares for a long while afterwards. But we’re not even going to get into any of those right now. And I’m going to look really pathetic, if I lose my cool in front of the only woman I’ve ever loved, over something so diminutive, compared to anything else I’ve ever been through. See, this is what I was afraid of. Loving Dana Scully has caused me to soften a lot more than I ever wanted to. And the worst part? I don’t regret it.

“I see.” I quietly say, as I gently push Dana off of me, and swing my legs over the side of the bed.

Dana follows me and sits on the side of the bed next to me, but I can’t look at her, so I look down at my feet. And then I start to bitterly laugh, and I honestly don’t know where it comes from, because this is most certainly not funny. And then I lean forward and run my hand over my face, shaking my head.

“Nothing else happened, Alex. He—he was drunk, and instantly regretted it right after it happened. I doubt he will even remember it in the morning.” She tries to reassure me.

I run my hand through my hair, and heavily sigh, looking at everything in the room except Dana. I’m afraid that if I look at her, that I will see something in her eyes that I don’t want to see. I guess that I’m afraid that she liked it, and maybe realized some old feelings resurfacing. I know they loved each other. I’m not stupid. Anyone with eyes could see that. They may have never acknowledged it in a physical way, but you can still be lovers in other ways. I should have known that this was going to happen. Dammit. DAMMIT.

“Did you---did you kiss him back?” I ask, as the tension in the air begins to choke me. I suddenly can’t breathe.

It seems to take forever for her response, at least to me. “No. I—I didn’t stop him, but I didn’t really respond to it all. I didn’t really get a chance to, because it all happened so fast. And I---I just thought I should tell you right away. I didn’t want you to think anything.”

“And what am I supposed to think?” I finally look over at her, and the look she gives me makes my heart twitch.

“You can think whatever you want. But I promise you that this will not change anything, Alex. It was a mistake. And he promised that it would never happen again.” She swallows and reaches out to touch me. I don’t flinch, but I do feel myself tense up a bit.

“Are you sure about that?” I mumble, with probably the most pathetic look on my face.

“Absolutely. Of course, I am.” She smiles at me.

I have to admit though, that I’m proud at myself for not losing my shit over this. But I also have to admit, that it’s going to be really hard to look at Mulder in the morning, and not think about what happened, and not knock his lights out. I’m almost wondering if it would have been better to not tell me at all. But then I realize that it might have actually been worse not knowing. Because that would mean that Dana didn’t love me enough to be honest with me. But she was honest with me. And I appreciate that. I just don’t like that it happened. And now I’m feeling extremely jealous about it, even though she has reassured me that she felt nothing. It still means that Mulder was feeling something when he did it. Even if he didn’t afterwards. He still wanted it to happen subconsciously. And that means that I can’t trust him around her. And if he pulls a little stunt like that again, I WILL sew his mouth shut next time. Even if Dana hates me for it. I mean, I know I may not be the best person for her, and that I tried to leave, but now things are different. Things are progressively becoming more serious with us. But I’m not going to just stand there and pretend that Dana and Mulder didn’t have a past. I just hope that the past stays in the past, and that nothing was left unresolved. I’m even willing to find Mulder a woman of his own, just so he isn’t tempted to do anything like that again. I mean, I’m sure there are other people out there somewhere. Other women. Hopefully. Because I’m not sharing. Hell to the no. She is not “his Scully” anymore. She isn’t even the same woman he once knew. None of us are the same people we once were. And I can only hope that he realizes and accepts that. Because if he doesn’t, then we are going to have some problems. I’ve tried so hard to play nice, for Dana. But Mulder is making it really difficult right now. He’s been so stuck in the past, that I don’t think he has even fully accepted the way the world is now. I think he’s still somewhat in denial. I guess he wasn’t ready to discover that he was right about everything. Even I knew that ‘spooky Mulder’ was right all along.

“Dana…I know that I almost left you a month ago. And I know that I’m not exactly the best guy for you, and that I have a dark past…but I’m trying. I really am. And I don’t want to lose you. I need you in my life. I realize that now.” I find myself saying with slight desperation.

Dana eyes me sympathetically and reaches up to touch my lips with her fingertips. “I know, Alex. I don’t want to lose you either. And I don’t plan to delve into the past. I want to move forward. But I can’t do that if you and Mulder are fighting all the time. I need you both to get along, okay?”

“God, Dana, I’ve been trying. But he makes it REALLY hard to, especially when he does shit like—like what he did.” I groan, running my hand over my face with self-pity. And yes, I’m aware that I’m being whiny right now. And I’m also aware at how pathetic it is.

Dana smirks at me, shaking her head. “I know you have been trying, I know. And I appreciate it. I do.” She leans in to kiss my cheek, and almost all of my worries melt away…almost.

“Vykhodi za menya.” I mutter under my breath. It just slips out, and I feel almost as stunned by my words, as I imagine Dana would be, if she knew what the hell I just said. But thankfully, she only knows a few Russian words and phrases, and “Marry me” isn’t one of them.

“What?” She asks, with only slight interest, as she begins placing kisses all over my shoulder.

“Nothing.” I whisper and turn my head to catch her lips with mine. Maybe one day I will have the courage to say it in English. But for now, the time is not right.

“Kay.” She murmurs against my mouth, and we seem to start picking up where we left off before. “Love me, Alex.” She whispers into my neck, and then begins licking at that sensitive spot behind my ear, that no other woman has ever discovered before her.

“Always.” I whisper into the darkness.

Dear God. How did I get so lucky? Because I don’t deserve this. Or her. And every night before I fall asleep, I wonder if I will just wake up the next morning and discover that it was all a dream. I mean, I wouldn’t mind the “end of the world” thing being just a dream. But all of the time I’ve spent with Dana this year, is something I never thought I would want or need…so badly. But I do. Oh, I do. I need it now, and forever. And I can’t imagine ever going back to the way my life was before. I wish my former life’s decisions were just a bad dream also.

I push all of the negative thoughts aside for now and make mad passionate love to Dana for well over an hour. Of course, it would have been better to be able to make more noise like we used to. But because of Mulder’s recent return, we have to try really hard to be quiet at night. And tonight, we tried so hard, that I think that Dana’s teeth left a permanent imprint on the palm of my hand, when I was trying to quiet her. She definitely drew blood, and I left a few hickeys on her. _My little fiery goddess_ , I think to myself, as I inwardly snicker at the thought. Take that, Mulder.

XXX

I wake up with a slight headache from all that wine the night before and decide to go make some coffee before everyone else wakes up. Last night I didn’t have any weird dreams, or flashes of memory, or whatever. I slept pretty soundly and woke up feeling better than I thought I would. But as I make my way to the kitchen, I begin to get this weird feeling, like dejavu or something. Except for it’s not dejavu. It’s more of...a feeling…that I did something maybe somewhat senseless in this kitchen the night before. But I can’t quite remember what exactly happened, because I’m still half asleep, and feeling a little foggy. All that I can really remember right now is talking to Scully last night. Or was that a dream?

A few minutes later, the coffee is brewing, and I realize that we are almost out of it, along with a lot of other supplies. Frank and Daryl talked about going out for a two-day supply run this week, and I think I might just go with them. It’s better than staying at this house all day with not much to do. Something’s got to change soon, because it’s becoming a real drag, being cooped up all the time, while still desperately trying to remember what happened to me before I magically showed up here over 4 weeks ago. I’m close to the truth. I know I am. I can feel it. And the feeling is stronger today. Something’s going to happen…soon.

It only takes me a few seconds to realize that someone else has just entered the kitchen behind me, and I don’t even have to turn around to know who it is. He doesn’t say anything to me, of course. We don’t exactly talk to each other that much these days. I’ve found it best to just avoid each other for the most part. In fact, I’m not really sure why he even bothered to come into the same room as me, without anyone else here with us. It’s…unusual. And a part of me is feeling somewhat recalcitrant this morning, and the urge to say something brash overcomes me quite suddenly. I don’t even know why I’m feeling the need to even say anything to Krycek at all, because nothing good ever comes out of it. A conversation with him usually ends with my fist in his face. But when I slowly turn my head and look over my shoulder for a very brief moment, I get the unexpected feeling that I’m not going to be the one throwing punches this time. If looks could kill, I would probably be dead right now. What’s his deal? Did I breathe too much of his air?

I turn my attention back towards the brewing coffee, and take a coffee mug out of the cupboard. I can hear his footsteps getting closer, and then they stop completely. I know he’s pretty close now, but he still says nothing. He just keeps staring at the back of my head with his hand tightly clamped onto the back of a chair, breathing loudly through his nose. Geez, what IS his problem today? Am I missing something here?

I pour myself a cup and then take a sip from the steaming bitter liquid. “Made coffee. It’s not very good though.” I say over my shoulder.

Krycek heavily sighs and then loudly clears his throat. But he still says nothing to me. Why do I get the impression that I’ve supposedly done something to piss him off? Why can’t I remember what happened last night?

“Want some?” I find myself asking. I don’t even know why I’m trying to create small talk with him. Because that’s the last thing I really want to be doing right now.

“What?” He says, his voice dripping with disdain.

“Coffee.” I say over my shoulder again, holding up my cup.

“Uh, no. Listen, we need to talk.” He grumbles under his breath.

I feel like I’m being scolded for doing something bad. Did I do something bad? What did Scully and I talk about last night? I still can’t fully remember. But it’s slowly beginning to piece together in my mind with each gulp of coffee.

I slowly turn around to face Krycek, coffee cup still in my hand. I take another swig and lean up against the counter. “Talk?” What the hell does he think we need to talk about? The weather?

Krycek looks up towards the ceiling for a moment, shifting his weight. His jaw tightly clenches, and then he looks back down at me. We are now making eye contact, and “uncomfortable” isn’t even the right word for this very moment. And I get the feeling that he’s trying really hard to not say something. But I kind of wish he just would. I guess we are long overdue for another quarrel. Even though we both promised Scully that we would play nice. But how can I play nice when his face looks like that? All distorted with disgust and resentment? Don’t worry, pal. I feel the same way. And I think that’s the only thing we will ever have in common.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Or have you ‘forgotten’ this too?” He scowls, and then his eyes narrow on me.

“Uhh, I’m going to have to go with selection two, captain.” I toss back, taking another gulp of my coffee.

“Cut the crap, Mulder.” He snarls, and I heavily sigh, desperately trying to not roll my eyes. What the hell is he blubbering on about?

“You’re going to have to help me out a bit here, Krycek. I don’t speak rat.” I deadpan, and now we are making intense eye contact.

“Listen, you sonofabitch…” He shoves the chair out of his way, taking a step closer. “Dana told me what you did. And if you ever pull a little stunt like that again, I will rip your lips right off your fucking face. Are we clear?” He spats, and I furrow my brows at him.

An image of me kissing Scully suddenly flashes through my mind. Did I? No, I didn’t, did I? Another image hits me, and another. Oh…I did. I remember now. Heh…if only Krycek knew what exactly happened right after that…not like I would dare tell him how lackluster the experience actually was. How different it turned out to be. I know now that things are different, and that things will never be the same again. I’m beginning to accept that. But I’d still like to see the little prick sweat. I may not be right for Scully, but he sure as hell isn’t either. I only wish she could see that. It’s an impermanent relationship. It has to be.

“Oooh, I’m shaking in my boots.” I half smirk, half scowl.

“I mean it, Mulder. Don’t mess with me, because it won’t end pretty.” He points a finger at me, nostrils flaring.

“She’s not yours to claim, you know. Scully will always do her own thing, and no one will ever be worthy of her. Not me, and most certainly not you. Don’t you get that? You’re just another expendable crutch in her life. You too will eventually expire.”

“You know jack shit!” He raises his voice, and I can tell that he’s trying really hard to keep quiet and not hit me. But I almost wish he would try.

“Oh, come on, Krycek. You and I both know exactly what you’re getting out of this little “arrangement”. Do you honestly think that it’s genuine? That it’s going to last forever? Look around you. The world is gone. Nothing is set in stone anymore. We aren’t even guaranteed tomorrow.” I place the coffee cup down on the counter, and also take a step closer, my eyes daring him to make a move. I figure, if he throws the first punch, then maybe Scully won’t be so pissed off at me for hitting him back. Self-defense, right?

“You’re wrong. You’re so wrong, that it’s not even funny. You have no fucking idea what has happened the past year. And even if you had any clue, you still wouldn’t understand. Dana saved me just as much as I saved her. But you don’t see that, because you’re still stuck in the fucking past, Mulder. You still see me as the enemy, and Dana as ‘your Scully’, the damsel in distress. But she’s not that person anymore. In fact, I don’t think she ever was. She’s a goddamn flesh and blood woman. She has wants and needs, just like everybody else. And she needs those things more now than ever before. Because without a small crutch, what the hell else is she supposed to live for now? It’s just a part of surviving this empty world, and you’re so fucking wrong if you think that I’m just using her for nothing more than carnal desires.” He barks, clenching his fist at his side and shaking his head.

“Yeah?” Is all I can say, until I figure out a better comeback. I’m still trying to process whatever he just said.

“Yeah. I love her.” He grumbles, and I find myself flinching at that.

I knew it was coming, but I didn’t think that I would actually believe it when I heard it come out of his mouth. I want to believe that he’s lying, but I’m not so sure now. And I don’t even want to know if Scully feels the same way. I’m better off not knowing right now.

I suddenly find myself laughing, and I don’t know why. None of this is even funny. Far from it, actually.

“What the hell is so funny?” Krycek scowls, and I shrug.

“The only person that you have ever loved is yourself, Krycek. And you’re foolish to think that Scully will ever give you a normal life.” I scoff, but I’m quickly realizing that I don’t even believe my own words. I don’t even know why I said it. Out of frustration, maybe. Maybe I just wanted to piss him off. And maybe he is somewhat right. Maybe I am stuck in the past, and maybe I should just let it go. But not today. Maybe tomorrow.

I fully anticipated the fist in my face, even several seconds before it happened. But what I didn’t expect was the sheer ferocity of it, as it knocks me back into the counter, spilling my cup of coffee all over the place. And before I can even react, his fist is colliding with my jaw again and again. And I’m slowly beginning to realize that maybe Scully really is in good hands with Krycek. I hate to admit that, but I doubt that he would react this way if he didn’t care for her. And I’m also beginning to realize that if I don’t start fighting back soon, that he might just kill me.

“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!” He growls, and I finally begin to fight back.

I get two or three punches in, and then we are both shoving each other into the kitchen table and knocking everything in our path onto the floor. Man, Scully is going to be pissed. But I just can’t seem to stop. I’m not even that angry anymore. None of it even seems important anymore. But we just keep hitting and shoving each other, and I’m beginning to feel lightheaded, but I know that if I don’t defend myself, that Krycek might just kill me. I instigated it though, and I am willing to take the blame for this one.

Krycek is pretty much foaming from the mouth now, and I’m beginning to worry that my life might just be in danger if he doesn’t stop soon. I don’t think I thought this through. And all I can think about right now, is that he’s pretty strong for a man with only one good arm. We tussle for another 30 seconds, and then I hear doors opening, and then a bunch of stomping feet, and the first person I see enter the kitchen between punches is Sharon, and then Daryl and Frank, and then Scully runs in last. Everyone looks panicked, except for Scully. She just looks downright pissed. She’s just standing there with her hands on her hips, while Sharon yells at us to stop, and Daryl and Frank try to break us up. Daryl manages to grab at me and pull me back, while Frank tries to stop Krycek. But Krycek is still lunging at me.

“Stop! Mulder! ALEX! God, STOP!” Scully shouts, as Krycek’s last punch hits me.

And as my world begins to fade to black, and I hit the floor for the last time, a bunch of memories begin to flood my brain. I remember. Everything. God, I remember everything.

Scully shrieks from the top of her lungs, “KRYCEK!” And that is the last thing I hear before I’m knocked out cold.

XXX

I don’t know what the hell just happened, honestly. All I could see was red, and all I could hear was the echoing of Mulder’s contemptuous remarks in my head, and the thudding of my heart in my ears. Even after Mulder went down and didn’t come back up, I was still fuming. It took me a long moment to realize that there were other people in the room, until Dana yelled “Krycek” and ran to Mulder’s aide. All I could do was pace back and forth for a minute, running my hand over my face and through my damp hair several times. I can’t breathe, and I can’t think. And it takes me several seconds to realize that someone is talking to me. It’s Sharon.

“Alex! What happened?” Sharon asks, and I look around the room at everyone.

Daryl and Frank are just standing there with furrowed brows, and Dana is obviously avoiding me. I try to look at her, but she’s still checking on Mulder, whom is fluttering in and out of consciousness. I’m in big trouble. Shit. What have I done? I lost control. I messed up. And Dana is pissed. How do I fix this? I’m not even that angry at Mulder anymore. I think I got most of it out of my system. But now I have a new problem to worry about.

I just stand there for another long moment, watching Dana and Sharon tend to Mulder, while Daryl and Frank follow Sharon’s orders and leave the room for a moment to get whatever was asked of them. I didn’t even catch what Sharon said to them, because my ears are still ringing.

“Is he okay?” Sharon asks Dana.

“Yeah, he should be okay.” Dana murmurs with slight uncertainty, finally looking up at me.

Yeah…she’s pissed. Probably mainly at me. And I don’t blame her. I started it. I could have just walked away, or I could have just not entered that kitchen at all. But I just had to go and say something to Mulder, because I felt like my relationship with Dana was being threatened. And now…now it probably is.

“D-Dana…” I finally speak, but Dana raises her hand up to quiet me, and I close my eyes for a moment. I feel like a kid in timeout. I don’t think I have ever felt like this before. It’s very emasculating. And Dana is the only one that I would ever allow to make me feel that way.

Dana inspects Mulder again, and then looks up at Sharon. “Can you stay with him for a moment? And let me know when he wakes up.” She says to Sharon, and Sharon anxiously nods, looking at me for a brief moment.

Dana gets up off the ground, and quickly strides past me towards the kitchen door. She fiercely opens it, and then heatedly looks at me out of the corner of her eye. She doesn’t even have to say anything, because I already know what’s going to happen. So, I walk past her with my tail between my legs, and she follows me, shutting the door behind us with a loud thump. I turn around on the porch and wait for her to chew me out.

After a long moment of pacing and heavy sighing, she finally speaks, crossing her arms. “You promised you would play nice, Alex.”

“Dana---”

“YOU PROMISED.” She spats, and I nod, looking away for a moment.

“I know. I—I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry, babe. I---”

“Don’t babe me.” She barks, pointing at the door. “You lost control in there, Alex. I don’t even know what to say to you right now. What I just saw in there was a side of you that you promised was long gone. What the hell happened?” She scolds, and I shrug, shaking my head.

“I don’t---I don’t know.” I swallow, leaning up against the railing. “I just wanted to speak with him. I swear, that’s all I was going to do. But then he said some things, and I got mad…and then everything else became a blur. I fucked up…”

“Damn right you fucked up. What were you thinking?” She asks, with one eyebrow raised, and with those incredibly beautiful eyes piercing into me. She’s so beautiful right now that it hurts. Who knew that pissed off Dana was such a turn-on? I can’t believe that I’m even thinking that right now. This is serious. I know this is serious. But I can’t help it. That firm dominant side of Dana is my second favorite, following closely behind the giggly Dana, that I probably won’t see for quite a while now.

“I—I wasn’t.” I offer lamely, looking down at my feet for a moment.

Dana shifts her weight, nodding. “I’m disappointed with you, Alex.” She quietly says, and my chest constricts. My least favorite is the sad “you’ve failed me” Dana.

I quickly look back up at her and straighten my posture. “I know. It won’t happen again. I promise.” I grumble, crinkling my forehead, and Dana intensely searches my eyes for a long moment.

“You’re right…it won’t.” She says, pursing her lips.

Just then, we both hear Sharon’s voice calling out to Dana, and Dana turns around, heading for the front door.

“Dana?” I quietly say, reaching out to lightly touch her arm.

“What?” She replies, turning back around to face me again.

“Are…are we okay?”

Dana clears her throat and looks away. “I don’t know.” She murmurs, and I pull my hand back.

“Please…” Is all I can say. I blink, and swallow, and then blink again.

Dana sighs, and her face softens a bit. “We’ll talk about this later, okay?” She says, reaching up to grab at my face. She cradles my chin in her hand, turning my head from side to side, and runs her thumb along my bottom lip. “You’ve split open your lip pretty badly. I’ll take a better look at it inside after I tend to Mulder.” I didn’t even realize that Mulder had managed to injure me, but now that she’s said something, I can feel the soreness. I can only imagine what he’s going to look like in a few hours. His left eye was already starting to bruise before I went outside with Dana.

I nod, and Dana turns back around and opens the door. I watch her walk back into the house, but I can’t bring myself to follow her just yet. All I can do is pace back and forth on the front porch for a long time, rubbing at my stubbled jaw, wincing when I graze my swollen lip. I look down at the bite mark on my hand from last night, desperately trying to relive the memory in my mind. Because, for all I know, that could have been the last time.

_Please forgive me, Dana._

And then I heavily sigh, slowly making my way back into the house.

XXX

When I get back into the house, Sharon is helping Mulder sit up, while he rubs at his head and grimaces. I quickly kneel down and begin observing him for a third time, relieved to discover that his injuries are only a little more severe than Alex’s. He will be fine. They both will be. And I know that this won’t happen again. They got their frustrations out of their system, and I believe that the worst is over. At least, I’m hoping that it is. I don’t want the two people I care about most to keep hating each other. Especially when it’s because of me. I’m angry with Alex, but I’m also frustrated with Mulder also. I have no doubt that they were both purposely instigating each other, and I will have to also talk to Mulder about it later. But for now, I need to focus on patching Mulder up.

Daryl and Frank walk back into the kitchen, handing me the little emergency kit that I put together myself. I open up the white box, rummaging through it for Band-Aids, aspirin, and rubbing alcohol. I begin patching Mulder’s face up, while Sharon, Daryl, and Frank watch.

“How you feeling, slugger?” I ask, and Mulder shrugs.

“I’ve been better. But I’ll live.” He grumbles, grabbing at his head again.

A few moments pass in silence, until Mulder unexpectedly pulls away from me. I look down at him with furrowed brows and notice that his eyes are as wide as saucers.

“Mulder, what is it?” I ask, and he leans forward, running a hand through his hair.

“I remember, Scully…” He murmurs, and everyone shares an anxious glance with one another. Sharon clears her throat, suddenly avoiding my questioning glance. I then look over at Daryl and Frank, who are doing the same exact thing. It comes off as a little odd to me.

“Remember what?”

Mulder heavily sighs, as if he’s about to deliver me some really bad news. “Everything. I—I remember what happened to me. Where I was.” He explains.

I just sit there on my knees for a long moment, waiting for him to further explain. But just as Mulder opens his mouth to speak again, he stops, and I realize that Alex is standing behind us. Mulder looks down for a moment, and then back up at me. Alex clears his throat and walks past us and into the living room. Daryl, Frank, and Sharon soon follow.

I look back over at Mulder, and he just stares at me. Why am I getting the sneaking suspicion that everyone knows something that I don’t? I begin to realize, based on everyone’s strange reactions a few moments ago, that I’m probably about to hear some separate confessions from everyone in this house.

**_TO BE CONTINUED…_ **

**A/N: Once again, I cut off a large portion from the end of this chapter and saved it for the next chapter. Things are FINALLY going to be explained now starting in the next segment. I was able to post this within 3 weeks, instead of 6. So, here’s hoping that Chapter 18 will be added even sooner, since my schedule has cleared up quite a bit this month. I can’t make any promises of course, but I will try my very best. ;)**


	18. New Beginnings

**A/N: Just wanted to say thank you to my readers and to my commenters. I really appreciate the positive feedback! And how about that season 11 ending, ay??? >_< **

**P.S. And for all you Skipper fans out there, that want to read another good, recent Krycek/Scully fic, go check out Undivided Attention and Cracking Up by Nightshade44!** **:)**

After everyone left Mulder and I alone in the kitchen, I finished tending to his thankfully minor injuries, and pulled him up into a chair. After a moment of tense silence and frequent side glances, I decide to question his last words to me. I figured, I should probably start with Mulder, and then talk with the others after. But just as I prepare to ask him what he knows, I suddenly lose my nerve, and end up just sitting there staring at him. And the look on his face, is the same look he gave me when I told him I had cancer. He looks scared and stressed. And eerily calm. He hasn’t said anything else to me in about three minutes now, and I’m beginning to get this weird pressure in my chest.

“Mulder…” I begin, but he interrupts me.

“Listen, Scully, I’m sorry about what happened earlier…with---with me and Krycek. It was partly my fault, and it won’t happen again.” He says, while bending forward in his chair, and clasping his hands together between parted knees.

I shift my weight to my other side, and cross my arms, looking down at him. I try to make eye contact, but his eyes are focused on his hands, so I’m now just staring at the top of his head. He’s trying to change the subject, which is extremely unlike Mulder. I fully expected him to spill the beans right away, but he’s doing the complete opposite. Is what he remembers really that out there? Well, probably. Considering the past two year’s events have been above and beyond “out there”. And even though my heart is beating a bit faster now, I’m still not sure that anything else I find out could top what happened two years ago. In fact, I’ve wanted answers for quite a while now. I want to know why all of this has happened to all of us. But at the same time, I’m just not sure that my heart and mind can take any more bizarre truths.

“Mulder…”

“I instigated it, and I take full responsibility. I was purposely trying to piss him off, and things got out of hand. In fact, I don’t think there will be anymore problems between us in the future. I’m ready to let it go---”

“MULDER.” I raise my voice, and Mulder stops babbling and finally looks up at me. We stare at each other for a long moment, and I finally get the courage to ask him what I’ve been inwardly battling with asking him for several minutes now. “What do you know?” I ask, and he blinks and swallows several times, before heavily sighing.

“Scully…God…I don’t even know where to begin.” He says, shaking his head.

I have a feeling that this is going to take a while.

XXX

I can’t fucking sit still, ever since I heard what Mulder said and walked out of the kitchen. It’s been the slowest 20 minutes of my life, and the only reason that I haven’t went in there to find out what Mulder is telling Dana, is because Sharon, Daryl, and Frank begged me not to. I know that Sharon didn’t tell me everything, and I know that it’s probably time that we all get everything out in the open now, since Mulder seems to remember things. But you’d think that Mulder and Dana would have come to talk to us by now. I’m not even sure that I even want to know everything, because that will just ruin the happy little delusional world that we have made for ourselves this past year. Everything was calming down, and now things are going to change once again…and I’m not sure that I can keep up anymore. And God, Dana, moya lyubov', I need you to tell me that everything is going to be okay, because I have a feeling that what we thought was the end, was only the beginning. Whether it ends up being good or bad, I just want to have a normal life. I’ve never had anything even remotely close to a normal life, and GODDAMMIT I want one. I’m done, I’m so fucking done with carrying the weight of the whole world on my shoulders all of the time. I want to settle down and live in a blissfully delusional world with Dana. Is that too much to ask? Will I ever repay my past debts, or has Karma finally found me? And will she show me any mercy?

“That’s it, I’m going in there.” I huff, standing up, and everyone else stands up with me, trying to stop me again.

“Alex…” Sharon begins, but is cut off by Dana and Mulder’s sudden presence, as they enter the living room, FINALLY.

“DANA.” I breathe, and she looks up at me with an unreadable expression on her face, while rubbing at her arms.

I stare into her glacier blue eyes, silently asking her to tell me everything, and she stares back, long and hard, and then heavily sighs. I then look over at Mulder, and we share a brief moment of awkward eye contact. He then clears his throat and looks away. I only know so much, only what Sharon has told me, and I’m getting the impression that there is a shit load more to the whole story. And I’m now suddenly extremely anxious to know what Mulder said, and what he experienced. But at the same time, my stomach is in knots, and I can’t stop running my hand through my hair and across my lightly stubbled jaw. And I realize that I need to shave.

“Well?” I speak up again, and everyone around me looks in different directions, and it’s really starting to slightly piss me off. Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?

“I might as well tell you all what I know…what I remember.” Mulder begins, and I find myself half ignoring him, as I intensely watch Dana fidget with her hands.

“Before you do, Mulder, we—the three of us—” Sharon says, pointing to Daryl and Frank. “—have some things to tell you as well.”

“Sharon…” Frank warns, looking over at her, and then over at Daryl, and Sharon lifts her hand up to silence him.

“It’s time, Frank. They told us that we would know when the right time would be, and this is obviously it.”

“They?” Mulder and Dana say in unison, and I look away, clenching my jaw.

Dana seems to notice my sudden change in demeanor, and furrows her brows at me, asking me a silent question with her eyes. I simply nod at her, confirming that I know a bit of what Sharon is going to say. She doesn’t seem angry with me, and simply just nods back in understanding. But I think she is also remembering that she promised me that night in the van that she trusted me, after I told her that I would only keep certain things from her for valid reasons. And I’m kind of glad that the cat is out of the bag now, because I don’t like keeping things from her. I don’t want to ever keep anything from her ever again. I’m now an open book, with everything. And God, it feels so liberating. I don’t know why I didn’t try this honesty thing sooner. And for the first time since I was a little boy, I actually like myself. Well, I did, until I knocked Mulder’s lights out. But hell, I’m trying.

Sharon exchanges another anxious glance with Daryl and Frank, and then heavily sighs. “It wasn’t just a coincidence that you met us.” She says, staring directly at Dana as she speaks. And her similar words to me the day that I almost left suddenly invade my memory.

Dana looks over at me again, while doing that sensually distracting thing she does with her tongue, as it runs along her bottom lip…which I’ve noticed she always does when she’s deep in thought. And then she looks back at Sharon. “What are you saying?” She asks, pursing her lips.

The six of us all look around at each other for a brief moment, and the silence that drags on for several seconds is tense and pungent. Sharon pauses for a long moment, probably trying to find the right words to say.

“We—we aren’t like you.” Sharon basically quotes the same words she had said to me several weeks ago.

I can tell that Sharon is worried that Dana will feel deceived by all of this, even though I’m fairly certain that that is about to be the farthest thing from her mind, once everything else is revealed at least. Dana is good at seeing the bigger picture with things and she also loves and respects Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. And honestly, I respect and appreciate them as well. They are all the closest things to friends and family that I have ever had, since I was a child. I don’t have anyone else that I can trust. Just this little group. And if anyone knows what job loyalty is, it’s me. So, I can’t really judge them. Especially when I know that their hearts were in the right places. Frank can be a little shit sometimes, but he’s still a good guy…or half-human…thing…whatever. Doesn’t really matter to me what he is. Last year, it probably would have. But Dana has taught me a lot this past year. She’s taught me to care. To care about more than just myself, and to care about more than just her as well. And now I can’t stop caring. It’s all I ever do anymore. And all I can think about lately is, how did this happen? Like, I can’t seem to pinpoint the exact moment that I started caring. It just slowly happened along the way, I suppose. And even though I still have a part of that old rock solid me in there somewhere…the softer side of me is dominating almost everything lately. And I’m not sure how I feel about that, exactly. And I think that’s why I picked a fight with Mulder earlier. Maybe to try to hold onto just a little bit of that old Krycek that seems to be slipping further from my grasp with each passing day. Maybe.

I then realize that everyone is just standing there, and that no one really wants to speak up, and move this conversation forward. So, I guess that’s my cue. I clear my throat, and step forward into the circle a bit. “And before anything else is said, Dana, I need you to know that I knew some of this---”

“But only a tiny bit.” Sharon chimes in, trying to soften the blow, I think. “I only told him some things in order to get him to understand that he needed to come back.  And I made him promise not to tell you.” She softly explains.

Dana nods in understanding, and Mulder runs a hand through his hair.

“So, I think that we should start with what Sharon told me first, and then work our way up.” I suggest, and no one seems to disagree with me.

Sharon nods, heavily sighing. “Okay, um…after the attack on Earth, we were sent down to help gather up the remaining survivors. We were split up into groups and assigned to different areas. We were told to wait for further instructions, and that we would know when the right time would be, to bring everyone to one single location.” Sharon begins.

Dana looks over at me, and then over at Sharon. “So, you’re not human…are you?”

Sharon shakes her head, and then nods, and then heavily sighs. “We were a failed experiment. Our creators were trying to combine alien and human DNA and create a being that could live in both worlds, and shape shift. But everything did not completely take, so although we can survive in both worlds, we cannot change form. But we are pretty much as human as anyone else left on this Earth.”

“Are there others…up there?” Dana slowly asks.

“Other kinds? Yes. Many. Some wanted to help the Earth thrive, and some only wanted to destroy it.”

I look over at Mulder, and I expect to see a self-satisfied expression on his face. I expect to see the look of “Spooky Mulder” finally proving everyone wrong. But, he doesn’t look pleased right now. In fact, the look on his face is beginning to slightly worry me. And now, I need to know what he knows. What everyone knows. We all need to communicate and get it all out in the open. No matter how crazy it all sounds.

“That’s everything you’ve told me to an extent…now, what else is there?” I anxiously ask Sharon.

Sharon pauses, sharing a nervous glance with Frank and Daryl, before looking back at me. “Well, that’s kind of where Mulder comes into the picture, we think…”

“You think?” I ask with furrowed brows.

“Running into him and Skinner at that one place wasn’t a part of the plan. Well, we were supposed to run into Skinner, Dana, and Mulder, until they got separated, and then those other guys veered us off course for a little bit. Then you— “Sharon looks back over at me. “---Alex, you were added into the plan after we thought Mulder was eliminated. Then we were told to make sure you and Dana stayed in our group. That’s when we stopped getting updates, right before Mulder returned.”

I wasn’t even planned to be rescued at first. Well, that’s just lovely. But oddly enough, that doesn’t upset me. I kind of deserved it. I was one of the bad guys at one time. But I guess they saw something good in me. And I hope they always will from here on out.

“And we don’t exactly know where Mulder was, or what he knows. Although, we might have a clue.” Frank adds in.

We then all look over at Mulder and Dana. Dana is rubbing at her arms again and heavily sighing, and Mulder is anxiously shifting his weight and looking at the ground.

“Your turn, Mulder.” My voice comes off as harsh, with a hint of annoyance. But I’m actually just really fucking worried right now. Something is up. And I want to know what he told Dana.

“Well, where do I begin…” Mulder starts, and then pauses.

“How about at the beginning?” I drone, and Dana glares at me. I shrug and crinkle my forehead, mouthing “what” at her, and she folds her arms and purses her lips at me. I roll my eyes like a petulant child and heavily sigh. “Go on…please.” I grumble, and Dana nods her head at me in satisfaction.

“I, uh, well, in a much shorter version than what I just told Scully…uh, well---during that explosion, I saw a bright light above me, and then I--then I woke up in some strange looking metallic room. It looked like some sort of personal living quarters. It was small but had everything a person needed in it. There were several of these small rooms, in this long hallway. And I knew there were other people just like me in this place, somewhere. And at the end of the hallway, there were bigger rooms that were locked. And one with a bright light. That’s where I met— “Mulder pauses, pointing at Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. “Where I met your creators. It was---it was incredible.” He pauses again, to look over at Dana. Dana flashes him a brief smile, urging him to continue. “And they told me that they wanted to save us. To gather up all of the remaining survivors and help us. They told me that they needed my help. That they trusted me to go back to Earth and help with the final gathering. They thought that I could maybe convince people of their honest intentions and keep everything running smoothly. But they needed to prepare me first and tell me of all their plans before I was to return. There were others like me that they also took up into their ships to help. Although, I’m not quite sure why they wiped my memory for a while. I guess to slowly ease everyone into everything, I suppose. But I was told that they were doing it to everyone that was sent back like me.” Mulder pauses, looking over at Dana again.

“And Skinner is alive.” Dana cuts in, smiling at me, and Mulder nods.

“Yeah, he uh, he was saved as well.” Mulder adds.

 _Well I’ll be damned._ I can’t help but inwardly smirk to myself at that.

“Where is he?” I ask with furrowed brows.

“He stayed there, but we will see him again eventually when we all go to our final location.” Mulder says to me.

“Final location? And what exactly are they planning after that?” I ask, and everyone looks away. I try to look at Dana, but she’s now fidgeting with her hands. I used to be the guy that knew a hell of a lot more than everyone else, and now I’m the one out of the loop. And I have to say, I don’t like it all that much. I step forward and look at Dana again. “Dana?” If no one else is going to say anything, then I hope Dana will. At least, I hope she will.

Dana finally looks up at me, and she looks like she is trying to prepare me for something. I don’t like the look she is giving me. Dana opens her mouth to say something, but Sharon cuts in.

“Repopulation.” Sharon says, and Dana looks away.

“Excuse me?” I ask, incredulously. “W-what do you mean repopulation?” I look at Frank and Daryl. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means, that they are putting couples together. To---” Frank begins.

“To what? To bring babies into this fucked up world?” I huff with exasperation. “You—you can’t be serious.” I shake my head.

“That’s not all.” Daryl cuts in finally. In fact, Daryl really doesn’t ever talk that much, so it startles me a bit to hear his voice.

I look over at Dana, and then Mulder. Then Sharon speaks up again.

“Fox and Dana were originally one of the couples on the list.” Sharon says, and I blink my eyes several times, as if I didn’t hear her correctly.

“The hell they are!” I spat. “Besides, Dana can’t---she’s---"

“Alex, calm down.” Sharon says to me, and that seems to upset me even more.

“They can fix that, Alex. They can---they can fix me.” Dana says, with tear-filled eyes.

“Dana, that’s great. Really. But you can’t possibly plan on having a baby with---” I look over at Mulder, and he looks slightly offended.

“It would be with you, Alex.” Sharon says to me, and I find myself laughing at that. Mulder doesn’t seem very happy about that either, but he says nothing.

“You can’t be fucking serious. This is---you all are fucking insane.” I begin to pace, running my hand through my hair.

Sharon walks up to me, touching my prosthetic arm. “They can fix this, too.”

I immediately stop pacing. I look over at Dana again, as she’s now an emotional wreck. Her face is wet with fresh tears, but she’s also smiling.

“What? This is---this is a lot to process.” I say, suddenly falling back into the closest seat I can find on the couch. I lean forward, placing my face in my hand. I then look down at my fake hand for a very long time. I don’t know what to say now. “I---” I groan and run my hand over my face again. “When is this all happening?”

“Well, I suppose we leave in the morning.” Sharon says, and I laugh into my hand.

“T-tomorrow? So, we just pack up, and leave? And everything changes again, just like that?” I raise my voice.

Dana steps closer and sits down next to me. “I thought you wanted to leave this place, Alex.” She softly says to me.

I look over at Dana, heavily sighing. “I did…I do. It’s just that---God, Dana, this is a lot to take in. What if---what if this plan doesn’t turn out the way they hoped? What then? This could just cause more chaos. You don’t know how the other survivors out there will react to this.”

“Well, I’m sure their reactions can’t be any worse than yours was.” Dana teases, but I’m not laughing. Dana grows serious again, heavily sighing. “Alex, we have to at least try. What other choice do we have? We will eventually run out of supplies and have to travel again anyways. This house won’t hold up like this forever.” She tries to explain to me, but my shield is already up. I don’t think I can hear anymore of this right now.

I stand up, and Dana looks up at me, but I now suddenly can’t look at her, or anyone for that matter. “I’m sorry. I---I can’t. I just---I need to---” I don’t even finish my sentence, as I walk out of the room, leaving everyone else just standing there watching me exit.

XXX

We all watch Alex leave the room, and I look over at Mulder, who immediately nods at me to go after him. I mouth him a silent “sorry” and “thank you” and quickly rush after Alex. I find him outside, leaning up against the van, with his head down. He’s just looking down at his prosthetic hand, with a pained expression on his face. He looks like he’s about to cry, and I warmly welcome it. I wish he would. I think that’s what Alex needs right now, is a good cry. He’s been harboring so many emotions and secrets for such a long time, and I think he needs to just let it all out. Please, Alex, don’t shut me out now. Not when I need you the most.

I don’t say anything to him as I get closer. I just lean up against the van with him and bump my arm against his a few times. We both just stand there in silence for a long time, just listening to the wind blowing through the trees. I can almost hear all of his thoughts and can feel his pulse through his right arm. He then lifts up his fake arm, and moves it around a bit, intensely studying it. He heavily sighs and brings up his right arm to lightly touch at it.

“I can still feel it sometimes, like it’s still there, you know?” He says, and I nod.

My heart breaks for him. It really does. I know that the loss of his left arm has been silently eating away at him all these years. He has never admitted it, but I can tell that he’s very self-conscious about it.

“Does it still hurt?” I croak, and he shrugs.

“Sometimes.” He quietly replies, dropping the arm back down to his side.

“Alex…”

“I don’t know if I can do all of this, Dana.” He says, shaking his head. I can feel him physically trembling against me now. “Maybe you are better off having a…maybe Mulder IS better for the job.”

“How can you even say that, Alex? You would be a good father.”

Alex bitterly laughs at that, and finally looks over at me. “Dana, you and I both know that I wouldn’t. I—I don’t know the first thing about babies. I mean, I failed Emily. And I---I don’t think I can go through that again. I don’t want to pass on my fucked-up genes to someone else.”

“Alex, they aren’t going to make you do it. It was just a suggestion.”

Alex pushes himself away from the van, and hovers over me. His eyes are an intense green right now, and the emotions swimming behind them remind me just why I fell in love with him.

“But you want to, don’t you? You want a baby. Dana, this would be a dream come true for you. You would get back what those bastards took away from you years ago.” He grumbles.

“I won’t do it, unless it’s with you. Alex, I love you. I told you, you’re it for me. And if you aren’t comfortable with it, then I’m not either.” I say, shaking my head.

Alex’s eyes begin to water, but he doesn’t cry. He just stands there looking down at me. He swallows, blinks, and swallows again. I take a step forward and wrap my arms around his waist. He wraps his real arm and his fake arm around me and hugs me as tightly as he can without suffocating me.

“You’re amazing, Dana Scully. I don’t deserve you. But I can’t turn back now. You have your hooks in me, and I’ll be yours for as long as you want me to be.” He grumbles into my hair, and I bury my face into his chest.

“So, you’ll come with us?” I whisper, and I feel him slowly nod.

We sway back and forth for a long time, embracing. Then I feel him tense against me, but he doesn’t pull away.

“Vykhodi za menya.” He whispers into the top of my head, and my chest constricts.

I pull him to me tighter, because I don’t want him to see my facial expression. He’s said that a few times already, and I think I’ve figured out what it means now. But I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I will be sometime soon, but just not yet. Maybe if he eventually decides to have a baby with me, then maybe we can talk about that. One thing at a time.

“Ask me again another time. In English.” I say, and he chuckles, burying his face into my neck.

He knows that I know what it means, and he seems to understand what my answer back means, without getting upset about it. We have definitely come a long way. And I’m very proud of who Alex Krycek is now. Even if he did beat the crap out of Mulder earlier.

XXX

 **A/N: Shorter chapter, cause I’m just struggling a bit with how I want to do this next part, so I paused. Also, I came up with new ideas, so I’m not ending this as soon as I thought! ALSO, if any of you are wanting some other good, older Skipper recommendations, if you haven’t read these already, I have provided a list of my favorites below.** **:)  
**

**World Without End by Rachel Anton**

**Cherry Ripe by Rachel Anton and Laura Blaurosen**

**Wicked Game by Mare**

**Lost by Jessica Zyvarek Taylor**

**Forgive Us Our Trespasses by Mia Munro**

**Encounter by Savannah Black**

**Chess Game by Solard**

**Cold Truce by Eva A Enblom**

**There might be a few others, but I lost some of my bookmarked stories recently. Enjoy!**


	19. A New Chapter

**A/N: Today’s everyone’s lucky day…because I’ve got two chapters for you guys today. ;)**

We left three days ago, and we are still on the road. I’m beginning to feel a little agitated and have found myself having to take more frequent rest stops today. I’m tired of being in this van all day and night. And apparently, we still have a whole day and night left. And what has made this trip even worse, is all of the damage we have come across these past three days. We’ve covered more ground than I’ve covered in the past two years, and I guess I just didn’t realize how bad everything had gotten during the invasion. We’ve passed tons of crashed ships, and broken buildings, which have reminded us how much we’re really going to need this supposed plan. I mean, at first, I was not exactly thrilled with all of this. But this little road trip has opened my eyes to the cold hard truth of it all. And Sharon, Daryl, and Frank are right. We really have no other choice. So, I’ve learned to just suck it up, and let someone else take the reigns for now. It would be foolish of me not to. I know that, I do.

And today, I can’t seem to stop thinking about what I was told four days ago. About Dana’s infertile issues being fixed, about the whole reproduction thing…my arm. I still don’t really know how to react to all of it, but I’m trying my best to keep my cool. I really am. And it most definitely helps, having Dana sitting next to me the past three days, holding my hand, and constantly reassuring me that everything is going to be okay. I don’t know how she can have so much faith in life, and in people. But I do know that I need more of her positivity. Always. Forever.

I’ve also been thinking about what’s going to happen when we get to this new place. Sharon has been pretty thorough with explaining the plans, but I still wonder. Apparently, several groups of people have been gathered up like our little group. Some are there already, and some are still being found. And this place is supposed to have everything that we need in it. But I’m a little skeptical still. I guess that I’m just not sure exactly what to expect. Especially with the fact that there will be a monthly schedule of meetings and activities that we have to supposedly attend. I mean, I get that that’s the only way to keep everything running smoothly, is with rules and regulations. But still, I’ve never really been good with rules and regulations. But I will try to make things work, for Dana. I don’t mind being assigned a job, or anything like that. In fact, I warmly welcome it. But I just don’t like the idea of being told what to do all the time. I’m just hoping that I will still have my freedom. Sharon says that I will have my freedom, but I can’t help but still worry about it. I guess that that part of me will never change. I didn’t like having a government before, and I know that I won’t like having a newer government now, even if it’s much smaller, and probably much more ethical.

So here I am, taking my turn driving, as everyone else naps in the van. Mulder is up front with me, snoring loudly in my direction. I’ve been trying my best to ignore it, but after two hours of this, I’m now really tempted to stick a sock in his mouth. But instead, only because I’m trying to keep Dana happy, I decide to gently poke at him, which seems to work. Mulder jerks awake, looking around with brief confusion.

“Are we there yet?” He mumbles, and I can’t help but snort.

“17 more hours, unfortunately. Have a nice nap, sleeping beauty?” I deadpan, and Mulder sits up straighter, yawning and stretching.

“How can I possibly sleep well, all cramped up like this?” He whines, and I only nod in agreement. We are both the same height, so I completely understand.

“Well, the others don’t know it yet, but I’m about to stop and get out for a stretch here soon.” Even though this would be like the sixth time today.

Mulder chuckles and nods, looking over at me. “I can drive after that, if you’d like.” He quietly suggests.

This whole new relationship that Mulder and I have should be freaking me the fuck out. But surprisingly, it’s not. It’s actually quite…refreshing. Yes, I just said that. I know, I know.

“You can, if you want. But I don’t really mind it.” I reply, looking into the rearview mirror.

And what do I see? Dana awake, looking back at me, smiling. She’s shaking her head, and grinning at me. Her eyes saying, “I’m proud of you for getting along with Mulder.” And I smile back, pulling into an empty parking lot. Yeah, this all might just work out. Everything might just be okay.

XXX

The long road trip has now come to an end, and we are finally at our destination. And I have to say, I’m relieved, but I’m also feeling somewhat nervous. I’m not so sure that I was as ready for this big change as I thought I was before. I don’t know any of these people, for one. And two, this place is a lot bigger than Sharon had told us. In fact, there isn’t just one huge building, but more like 7 of them surrounding us. And there seems to be everything that we could ever want or need in these buildings. Well, at least that’s what Sharon has told us. I can already see a small crowd of people coming in and out of the nearest building, as we all get out of the van. And I guess I’m just a little surprised at how many other survivors were found and brought to this place. And how many others are still on their way. It surprises me, but also relieves me, to know that more people had survived than I had originally thought. It will never be enough, considering that an even larger amount of people lost their lives, but I’m still relieved to see this little community, which seems to be thriving successfully. I’ve also been told that I’m only one of four other doctors here. So, I’m sure that I will be quite busy, which will make me feel useful again, thank god.

“You okay?” Alex says, leaning in, and I nod.

“I’m more than okay.” I say with a genuine smile.

And it’s true. Things are okay. It will all take some time getting used to, but things are improving, and I can’t really complain. This all really was a wonderful idea, and I’m glad that their plan is working out so well. There might just be some hope for planet Earth, after-all.

We all grab some of our stuff out of the van, and follow Sharon, Daryl, and Frank inside. In just the first portion of the building, we all pass a lobby, some public bathrooms, a cafeteria, some type of medical station, and then make our way down a long hallway. There are elevators, stairs, and several rooms on each side of the hall, with numbers on the doors. This first building appears to have 6 floors, like a fancy hotel, apartment complex, or some type of college campus. I’m not really sure what this place used to be, but it’s still in pretty good shape surprisingly.

“I’ll find out what rooms are ours, and get everyone a copy of the monthly schedule, and then we can take a tour. Stay right here for a moment.” Sharon says over her shoulder, and then disappears behind a door on the left.

Everyone else begins to curiously peek into rooms close by, as I make my way towards the sounds coming from a door at the end of the hall. Assuming the others are still behind me, I curiously make my way into a large room, and look around to see another small crowd of people walking around the building with supplies in their hands. It makes me happy, to see other survivors, working together. I just might like this place, after-all. People flash me warm smiles as they pass me, and I continue to walk through the room, until a familiar face catches my eye from a distance. I am suddenly frozen in place, as my eyes begin to tear up involuntarily.

_Skinner._

The moment seems to last for an eternity, and entirely engulfs my emotions. In slow motion, I blink, swallow, and blink again. God, it’s so good to see him. To know that he made it, too. To see it with my own eyes. Skinner was always an authoritative figure in my life. But in this very moment, our affiliation is so much more personal than that. He is family. Long lost family, reunited again.

“Walter…” I choke, as I quickly make my way to him.

“Scully…Dana.” He whispers with wide eyes, as we finally connect in a warm embrace.

His long arms envelope my small frame, and we sway back and forth for a long moment. Like a father finally seeing his daughter again after a 10-year absence.

 “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” I say, as we finally pull apart.

“Didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?” He jokes, and I smile up at him.

“No sir.” I say, as he smiles back down at me.

“It’s really good to see you again, Dana.” He says, while pulling me into another embrace.

“You have no idea.” I reply, blinking away the tears of joy.

The tender moment is suddenly squashed by the presence of Alex and the others coming into the room behind me. Skinner’s smile quickly fades, as his eyes widen and then narrow in confusion.

“What’s he doing here?” He grumbles at me, and I look back at Alex.

Alex pulls his eyes from Skinner’s to look at me for brief moment, and I nod, sigh, and then look back at Skinner. Skinner is still staring at Alex, as if something bad will happen if he pulls his eyes away from him for even a second.

“He’s with us.” I quietly say, and Skinner finally focuses his attention back on me.

“What do you mean he’s with you?” He murmurs, furrowing his brows at me.

I anxiously shift my weight from side to side before answering. “It’s a long story.”

Skinner narrows his eyes on me and clears his throat. “I have plenty of time to hear it.” He says, with that familiar authoritative tone.

I nod and fold my arms. “I ran into him a little over a year ago, sir.” I begin, instantly realizing that I am now talking to Skinner like I would have two years ago. And Skinner is looking down at me like he would have in his office. And even though those times are now long gone, I still respect him enough to give him a proper explanation. “He saved my life, more than once. He’s apart of our group now and is not the enemy that I—or you--once knew.” I pause, and Skinner cocks his head to the side. I sigh, close my eyes, lick at my lips, and then look back up at him. “He—he’s with…me.” I say, looking away. I can no longer look him in the eyes and prepare myself for a stern scolding.

Skinner looks at Alex again, and then back down at me. He seems to instantly realize what I’m trying to say. “I see.” He says, and a deafening silence ensues for a long moment. “Dana…” He begins but can’t seem to finish his thought. So instead, he looks back at Mulder, who is just awkwardly standing there next to Alex.

“It’s okay.” Mulder speaks up, and I make a mental note to thank him for this later on.

Skinner pulls off his glasses, rubs at his nose, and then puts them back on his face. “I trust that you know what you’re doing…” He says, leaning in, and lightly touching at my arm.

I force myself to make eye contact again, and this time my eyes remain firmly in place. “Yes, I do.” I say, straightening my posture. And after another long moment, he eventually nods.

_Well, that went better than I expected it to go._

Skinner’s gaze suddenly softens, and he squeezes at my arm before letting go. “Do you mind if have a quick word with—uh---with Krycek?” He quietly asks, and I feel my eyes widen in surprise. _Well, shit._ I think I spoke too soon. Skinner smiles at me in reassurance. “I’m not going to do anything drastic, I promise.” He reassures me, and I hesitantly nod.

And as I step aside, and watch Skinner slowly walk over to Alex, I prepare myself for another brawl. And all I can think to myself is, _God, Alex, please don’t make a scene._

XXX

I have to admit, as I watch Skinner slowly walk up to me, as everyone else backs away to give us a moment, I am a little tiny bit worried. Just a little. Skinner’s eyes are focused on me like a predator going in for the kill. I anxiously shift my weight and try to straighten my posture. But I also have to admit, that I’m just not the same cocky guy that I once was. So, when Skinner finally invades my space, I’m not even sure what to say or do. I most certainly don’t want to piss Dana off, that’s for sure. Whom by the way is looking at me with pity right now. I then look over at Mulder, who’s leaning up against a wall in the distance, with his arms folded, and a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Am I going to die today?

“Krycek.” He says, hovering over me with intimidating authority.

Now, the old me would have said something ridiculously boastful and discourteous in response. But the new me simply just makes eye contact and replies, “Walter. Nice to see you again.” And I wasn’t even being the tiniest bit sarcastic. I am simply trying to stay on his good side right now. If that’s at all possible. But from the unconvinced look he is giving me, I doubt that that’s going to happen today.

Skinner eyes me from head to toe, before finally speaking again. “I don’t know how this happened, but Dana obviously saw something in you that I can’t even personally fathom.” He says, pausing for dramatic affect. “And although I have always trusted her judgement and know that she would never take such a risk unless she was absolutely sure of a positive outcome…you better not harm her in any way, or I will personally kill you before Mulder can get his hands on you himself.” He pauses again, looks back to flash Dana a reassuring smile, and then glares back at me. “Do I make myself clear?”

I keep my eyes trained on Skinner’s, refusing to show even a sliver of fear, and nod in compliance. “Yes, you’ve made yourself perfectly clear. And I would never hurt Dana…again.” I correct myself. “Things are…different, now.”

We intensely stare each other down, until Skinner’s eyes finally soften. His stiff posture begins to relax a bit, and I inwardly sigh in relief.

“Well, then…welcome to the group, Krycek.” He murmurs, before backing away. And then he is finally out of my space and walking away.

I let out the breath that I didn’t know I had been holding, and Dana quickly walks up to me.

“Everything okay?” She asks, and I nod.

“Surprisingly, yes.” My voice wavers a bit, but I manage to quickly regain my composure.

Dana smirks at me, and grabs at my hand. “That went differently than I thought it would.”

“Tell me about it.” I sigh in relief, and I catch Skinner watching us from a distance, while he chats with Mulder.

“Let’s go find out what room we’re in.” She says, pulling on my arm.

“Are---are you sure that we should share a room?” I ask, looking over at Skinner again, and Dana furrows her brows at me, and then chuckles.

“Alex, he’s not going to kill you. Don’t worry.” She says through a giggle and an eye roll, and I nod.

“Let’s hope not.” I sigh and follow her out of the room.

Let’s fricking hope not.

XXX

“Are you sure that we can trust him?” Skinner asks me, and I find myself laughing for some reason. It all just suddenly seems so comical.

Skinner looks at me with furrowed brows, and I find myself also nodding. “I would have said NO two years ago…but…surprisingly, Walter, I think we can…yes.” I can’t believe I’m even fucking saying that. But it’s true.

“Can you at least tell me how the hell those two—how—what---” Skinner stutters, and then closes his mouth in defeat.

“Beats the hell out of me, Skin-Man.” I pause, think it over for a long moment, and then continue. “God knows I was most certainly not pleased either when I found out. I even got a few punches in. But…Scully managed to soften the bastard somehow.” I also find myself shrugging, as if I’ve begun to accept everything. Have I?

“I have to say, Mulder, that at one time, I thought that you two were going to—ya know---”

“Yeah, well---” I am suddenly interrupted by a body shoving into me.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” A female voice says behind me.

Skinner and I both look behind me to investigate, and find a petite blonde woman staring up at me with a box full of supplies in her arms. She’s looks familiar, even though I’m pretty positive that I’ve never met her before. Have I?

“It—It’s okay.” I say with a reassuring smile, and Skinner smirks at me, shaking his head.

Why the hell is he looking at me like that? Am I really that transparent? I mean, I have to admit, the mystery woman is quite attractive. But that doesn’t mean that I’m just going to start flirting with her. Besides, I don’t even know her. But from the looks of it, Skinner does.

“Uhm, Mulder, this is Allison.” He introduces us, and I give her my hand to shake, but then awkwardly realize that her hands are full at the moment.

She flashes me a shy smile with a hesitant “Hi”. I study her for a moment, and a flash of memory invades my mind. A dream I had. Of a blonde woman. This can’t be her. It was just a dream. I shake the thought from my head and pull my hand back.

“Nice to meet you…Allison.” I say, and we make eye contact again.

Skinner clears his throat and places his hands on his hips. “Mulder, why don’t you give Allison a hand, while I go help the others bring in more supplies.” He suggests, smirking at me again.

Look at Walter, playing Mr. Matchmaker. Ha. I’m not stupid. Just because Scully ended up with Krycek, doesn’t mean I need someone too. But nice try Skin-Man.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” I say without hesitation.

And then I find myself grabbing a box from the woman’s arms and following her out of the room.

XXX

**ONE WEEK LATER**

Things have actually gone extremely well the past 7 days. We had a tour the first day, orientation the second day, and a bit of training the third day. Day 4 was a little more laid back, as we waited to be assigned our specific jobs, and got to spend most of the day exploring and relaxing. Alex and I visited the gym, cafeteria, and theater room. There were many more other rooms and buildings that were left unexplored, such as the school for children, medical facility, pool, and many other cool areas. But on day 5, we were finally assigned our jobs, and I went off to the medical facility, while Alex went off to some other building. Mulder ended up in the same building as Alex, but I’m not exactly sure what their actual jobs are yet. All I know, is that I get to see them at 7AM for breakfast, noon for lunch, and then at 5PM for dinner. Then we have our freedom the rest of the night, until 7AM the next morning. We haven’t been assigned our off days yet, but so far, everything is pretty easy. A lot easier than the X-Files and the FBI, that’s for sure. But that’s a given, considering how much smaller civilization is now.

Today is day 7, and we apparently get a free day to do whatever we want. I’ve also been told that in 2 more weeks, Alex and I will be separated from everyone for a whole week, for our personal tests and procedures. I’m pretty nervous, but I can tell that Alex is even more anxious. He has refused to talk about any of it this past week. In fact, we haven’t really talked much today, and we’ve been sitting in the same room together for the past hour. I’m starting to get a little worried, as I watch Alex poke at his lunch with a fork.

“Alex?” No answer. “ALEX.” Still no answer. So, I reach across the table and yank the fork out of his hand and wave it in front of his face. “ALEX!” That seems to get his attention, as he raises his head with furrowed brows.

“Everything alright over there?” I ask, setting the fork back down on his plate.

“Uh, yeah, sorry. I guess I just have a lot on my mind today.” He mumbles, as he pushes his plate to the side.

I sit there for a moment, cocking my head to the side, hoping that he will vent to me like always. But he’s not. He’s still just sitting there staring right past me. I could take off all my clothes, and he probably wouldn’t even notice right now. What has gotten into him?

Then I remember last night. I was entering the supply station and saw Alex and some woman talking from a distance. They had been talking earlier that day also, in the cafeteria. She was pretty, but definitely not his type. But for whatever reason, his demeanor changed when he saw her that morning. So, after he didn’t come back to our room last night, I went looking for him. And I found him alright. With his hand on the woman’s shoulder, smiling, and then grabbing something from her hand. I couldn’t tell what it was, and I didn’t spend another moment watching. And then he still didn’t come back to our room for another two hours after that. It was well past 10PM when I felt him crawling into bed next to me.

_Alex wouldn’t do that to me, would he?_

“Anything you’d like to share?” I ask, waving my hand in front of his face again.

Alex immediately shakes his head and flashes me the phoniest smile that I think I have ever seen. Good God, could he be any more obvious? Well, I guess this is it. He’s leaving me. Another beautiful woman comes along, and vamoose, I’m apparently history now. I loudly clear my throat and begin stabbing at my mystery meat rather viciously.

That seems to get Alex’s attention, finally, and he looks down at my plate, furrowing his brows at me. “Woah there, Dana, take it easy. I think it’s dead enough.” He says, pointing at my food. I pretend to not hear him, and keep stabbing away, until he mimics my earlier actions, and yanks my fork out of my hand. “BABE.”

“Who was that girl you were talking to yesterday morning?” It just slips out. Woops.

Alex opens his mouth, blinks, and then shakes his head at me, as if he hadn’t heard me, but I know that he did. “Uh?” He plays dumb, of course.

“The brunette.” I flatly reply.

“Dana, there are a lot of brunettes here. You’re going to have to be a little more specific.” He says through a chuckle.

“Never mind, it doesn’t matter.” I mumble, standing up with my tray.

“Woah, Dana, wait a minute.” He replies, standing up with me, and grabbing at my arm. I heavily sigh, and my eyes involuntarily roll. _I’m not jealous, am I?_ “Are YOU okay?” He asks, in that sultry deep voice of his, and I almost forget that I’m mad at him. Almost.

“Yup. I guess that I just have a lot on my mind today, too.” It comes out sounding sarcastic, but it’s also true.

“Hey.” He reaches for me again, but I pull away. “HEY.” He grabs at my tray and places it back on the table. Then he is walking around the table, and hovering over me, with his finger hooked under my chin. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Where did you go last night?” Also slips out. Woops again.

“Excuse me?” He furrows his brows at me. I fold my arms, and just stare up at him. I may be a whole foot shorter than him, but I’m pretty sure that I could bring him to his knees, if I had to. “I---I---I was out.”

“Where?”

“Walking.”

“For 4 hours?”

“Yeah. Uh, what’s with all the questions?” He asks, clenching his jaw, and running his hand through his hair.

“Well, sorry, but I’m just trying to figure out why you’ve been acting so weird the past two days.” Damn, why can’t I stop talking, and just walk away? _Walk away, Dana._

Alex begins to laugh, but then realizes that I’m serious. “You’re serious.” I cock my head at him, and he heavily sighs. Then he stands there for a moment in deep thought. Things seems to finally register, and he runs his hand over his face, laughing again. “Dana, does this have anything to do with the brunette that you were just asking me about?”

“NO.”

“You’ve always been the worst liar.” He smirks down at me, shaking his head. I reach for my tray again, but he yanks it far away from me, sliding it across the table. His eyes are now intensely boring into me, and I suddenly feel like a bug under a magnifying glass. “You think I’m cheating on you.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.

“Well, are you?” There goes my mouth again. I’m usually not like this. Like, EVER. In fact, no other man has ever made me feel this jealous before. Well, Mulder did, once. But this may actually be even worse.

“And why the hell would I do a dumbass thing like that, when I have the most beautiful, 5 ft. 2 inches of kickass woman right here?” He says, cupping the side of my face in his hand. I shoot him an unconvinced glare, and he pulls his hand away, heavily sighing and groaning. “We were just talking.” He tries to explain.

“About?”

“You, actually.”

“Uh-huh.”

“It’s the truth.” He says, looking me in the eye. I close my mouth, and just stare up at him. I think I actually believe him. I can always tell when he’s lying. And I don’t think he is. “Her HUSBAND is one of the guys that brings in the supplies every month. I asked her to see if he could get something specific for me that I needed. That was all, Dana. And look, I know that I’ve been weird the past two days. I—I guess that I’m just trying to process all of this. But I promise, everything is fine.” He explains.

“I just wish you would talk to me.” I grumble towards the ground.

“Isn’t that what I’m doing right now?”

“But you weren’t, before. You didn’t even hear me calling your name a moment ago, Alex. I was just worried---.” My words are cut off, as Alex bends down and quickly pulls me into a zealous kiss. What was I saying again?

When he finally pulls back, I can’t help but lean in towards him. _I need more of that right now. Please don’t stop._ He chuckles at my pouty face, and leans in again, tangling his fingers in my hair. We kiss for a long time, and when I don’t have any breath left in me, I pull back.

“How can I make this right?” He whispers against my mouth.

“Just tell me what’s on your mind more. That’s all I ask.”

“Deal.” I quirk an eyebrow at him, and he furrows his at me. “What, now?”

“Why not?”

“You.”

“What?”

“That’s what’s on my mind. All the fucking time.” He smiles at me, and I smile back.

“Meet me in our room in 15 minutes.” I whisper.

And then I am grabbing my tray and walking away, leaving him just standing there. I don’t even have to look back to know that he has a goofy grin plastered to his face as he watches me leave.

XXX

I watch Dana leave, with probably the goofiest grin plastered to my face. I can’t help but smile like a goon, at the thought of that jealous Dana that I just saw. I can’t even believe it. And even though it should upset me that she didn’t trust me, I still can’t help but laugh about it. It just confirms her love for me, and that makes me feel good.

Then I remember last night. I can’t tell her what I was doing, even though I wish that I could. I couldn’t just come out and say, “I was sending somebody out to look for a ring for you.” And I couldn’t admit to her that the reason that I’ve been so distant the past two days, was because I was trying to figure out the best time to propose. I still don’t even know when the right time should be. What if she says no? Then what happens? God, I don’t think my pride could handle that rejection.

No, I can’t even think about it anymore, or I will end up acting all weird again and I don’t want Dana to worry anymore. So, I guess the ring is just going to stay in Sharon and Frank’s room for another couple of weeks, until I can figure this all out.

I pick up my tray and dispose of it, and then make my way up to our room. Room 203. My new favorite number.

XXX

**A/N: Now, go read chapter 20! :P**


	20. Hello, Old Friend

**A/N: I posted this chapter immediately after chapter 19, so make sure you’ve read that one first. Warning to some people: It gets a little sensually explicit with this chapter, although I always try to keep it as tasteful as possible. Doesn’t happen often, so I think it was somewhat overdue. :P**

**THREE WEEKS LATER**

I quickly make my way to mine and Alex’s shared room, not sure exactly what to expect. No one has told me yet if the process was successful. I was simply just told that Alex was awake and wanted to see me right away. I’m a bundle of nerves right now, and my heart is in my throat. What if something went wrong and he’s permanently disfigured? What if it failed? What then? I know how crushed Alex would be, to get his hopes up. Even if he seems fine to everyone else, I know him better than anyone else. Alex Krycek is good at hiding his true feelings. Except with me.

Alex and I haven’t even seen each other at all in a week now. He was taken somewhere else to get his arm worked on, and I was taken to a different place to get treatments done on myself to make me fertile again. I smile to myself just thinking about the moment that I tell Alex that the latest treatment was most likely successful. They said it was too soon to tell yet, but Sharon was very hopeful. God, how do I even bring that situation up to Alex? We’ve been intimate with each other for a year now, and never had to worry about that, but now…now we might just have to have that talk soon, in the next few weeks, about whether we want to start using protection, or keep going without. I’m not exactly sure how he feels about all of that right now. Last time we talked about it, he was calling everyone ‘insane’. I remember in the beginning of it all, I think maybe the very first time Alex and I were physically intimate with each other, and he had given me this weird look, and I simply just said to him, “I’m not ovulating”. But now I know that he had already known that I couldn’t have babies then. He was simply just sparing me the humiliation of having to talk about it. And the worst part of it all, was that I was still having periods, but could not actually ovulate. That was the strangest part of it all. I think I would have rather had both taken from me. But now, soon, I might be back to having both again. And I’m not even sure how I feel about that right now. Do I really want to bring new life into this new world? Maybe Alex was right. Maybe it really is fucking insane.

I shake that thought out of my head, and finally make it to our door. Room 203. I sharply inhale, hold my breath for a long moment, and then slowly exhale. I watch my slightly trembling hand make its way to the doorknob, and then I turn it. Why am I so nervous right now?

I quietly enter the room and shut the door behind me. Alex is propped up against a bunch of pillows in our bed, and his eyes are closed, but I’m not sure if he’s sleeping. He has his left hand tucked under a sheet that is covering most of his body up to his elbows, so I can’t really tell anything yet. I make my way closer, and his eyes open and find mine.

I’m trying desperately to figure out how he is feeling, but I can’t quite tell if he is happy or upset, or a mixture of both. He looks kind of confused, maybe still a little tired from whatever anesthetic they had given him during the procedure. He blinks a few times, swallows, and then slowly pulls the sheet completely off of him with his right hand. My eyes quickly look down for a brief moment, and I can’t help but gasp at the sight. Alex has his left arm back, as if it had never left him. I half expected to see a newer bionic version, but no, it’s a real arm. They were able to fucking grow his arm back. How? This is amazing, and unrealistic, but it’s real. I’m looking at the proof, and as a doctor, I’m a little shook over it. I don’t even know what to say or think right now. I look back up at him, and he just blinks at me again. I step even closer, until my knees hit the side of the bed. Then my legs seem to completely give out, and I try to steady myself, as I sit down at the edge of the bed next to him.

Alex breaks eye contact for a moment and looks down at his new, fully functioning arm again. He flexes his fingers, twists his wrist around, and bends his arm back and forth at the elbow a few times. I then watch him lift his right hand up to rub at his left. He looks at both of his hands and compares the two. I then decide to hesitantly reach out to touch it myself and am slightly caught off guard when his new hand grabs at mine, as he intertwines our fingers together.

“Can you feel that?” I ask with astonishment.

Alex smiles, nods, and then looks back up at me. He’s beaming from ear to ear, and squeezing my hand, and I’m squeezing and smiling back. Then he lets go, and slowly raises his left hand up to touch at my face. I close my eyes for a moment, relishing in the feel of it, as his fingers explore every curve. And when I open my eyes, I can’t help but lightly gasp at the sight before me. Alex’s face is all scrunched up, and he is intensely staring at me with wide, tear-filled eyes.

“Alex…”

“Dana…God…I…” His voice cracks and trails off. He swallows, blinks, and opens his mouth to speak again, but nothing comes out.

I can feel my lip quivering, as my eyes begin to moisten as well, and we just keep staring at each other, breathing extremely heavily. This moment between us is the rawest and most emotionally charged experience that I have ever had with Alex. It’s profoundly quixotic, and extremely sentimental. And I’ve never seen Alex this emotionally animated before. It makes me fall even more in love with him if that is at all possible. I’m seeing another new side of Alex Krycek, and I warmly welcome it with open arms.

I then hear what sounds like a strangled sob emerge from deep within his chest, but barely escapes his lips. He blinks again, and the tears begin to fall.

“Alex. Oh, Alex…” I whimper and sniffle.

Then my hands are in his hair, on his face, and then I’m pressing my forehead against his, shushing and cooing at him. His shoulders are now visibly shaking, and he’s clutching at me with both of his hands, and his sobs are beginning to become more audible now.

 _There it is._ That’s what I’ve been waiting to see from him for as long as I can remember. This is what he’s needed, for so long. A good, cleansing cry. And I can’t help but cry with him, as we rock back and forth while holding each other.

After a long moment, he pulls back, and I look at his beautiful blotchy face with awe. His face is wet, and his nose and eyes are red and puffy. It’s the most stunning Alex Krycek I have ever seen honestly. I can’t help but pull him to me and kiss him like my life depends on it. He groans into my mouth, and slowly runs his left hand up the inside of my thigh, while his right one tangles in my hair.

“Lock the door.” He huskily grumbles against my open mouth, and I pull back just enough to look at him with questioning eyes.

It takes me a moment to realize what he’s implying, and a sudden nervousness overcomes me for some reason. “Here? Now?” I ask incredulously.

It isn’t exactly the most ideal place and time, but at the same time, I don’t really care either. We need this. I understand and accept that. And I’m also feeling intensely spontaneous and audacious right now, and I’m thinking that I shouldn’t really let these rare sensations pass me by. Alex nods at me, and I waste no time getting up to quickly lock the door and return to his side. Plus, I’m pretty sure that everyone knows better than to interrupt us and are probably eating dinner in the cafeteria right now anyways. Maybe it ‘is’ an ideal time and place after all.

Alex reaches out and pulls me by my waist, and next thing I know, I am straddling him, and his hands are groping at my ass. “I want to touch you. I haven’t seen you in over a week, and I can use both of my hands now, and goddammit Dana, I want to show you what I can do with two of them, at the same time.” Alex sensually whispers into my neck.

Oh, dear God. I have a feeling that I’m about to have some sensory overload soon. In fact, I know I am. Because one handed Alex was phenomenal. So, I’m a little scared of what two handed Alex is like. Knowing him in the beginning, years ago, before he lost his arm, is a lot different than knowing him now. I’ve never experienced that part of the old Alex, along with the other parts of the new Alex, together. It makes me pleasantly shudder just thinking about it.

“Oh?” I reply, challenging him with a raised eyebrow.

Alex devilishly smiles at me, laughs, and then slowly runs his tongue along his bottom lip. “You. Have. No. Idea.” He whispers, shaking his head, and pulling my hips closer to his.

And then his teeth are gently nipping at my throat, and I find myself subconsciously grinding against him, eliciting a moan from us both. I grab a fistful of his hair with both of my hands, and tilt his head to the side, running my tongue along the curves and crevices of his right ear.

As sexually charged as I am feeling right now, I am also suddenly feeling an overwhelming amount of love for this man as well. My heart is so full, and for the first time in a very long time, I am unbelievably happy. And I have a feeling that Alex is feeling the same exact thing, because he’s trembling and whimpering like a lost puppy, and whispering my name over and over again…and I can hear the emotion dripping from his voice, every time he moans my name, with each thrust I make against him.

“Promise me…” I whisper into his ear, and he shivers against me.

“Pro-promise you what?” He grunts, while squeezing my thighs with his hands.

“Promise me that we will always love each other…like this. Promise me that we won’t allow things to ruin us. Ever.” I breathe, nibbling at his ear.

I tried to sound seductive, but in reality, I am on the verge of tears again. And I think he can hear it in my voice, without even having to look into my eyes.

And when he replies, his voice is laden with arousal, but also gravelly, as if he’s about to climax and cry at the same time. “Gah-ha-duh…Dana…baby…” He forces himself to pull back and grabs the sides of my face with his hands. “I promise…with my life. God, I didn’t know I could love somebody this fucking much. You consume all of me, and I don’t even care.” He chokes on his words, burying his face between my breasts.

He doesn’t say anything else, as he trails his mouth along my chest, and up my throat, until he reaches my mouth. His tongue seeks entrance, and I open my mouth, swallowing his grunt, as I begin rocking against him again. It doesn’t take long before we are heavily panting, and clumsily groping, and sloppily kissing at every part of each other that we can reach in this position. I’m still straddling him, and we still have way too many clothes on. He’s harder than I have ever felt him, and I am wetter than I think I have ever been before. I almost can’t stand it any longer, and we are just getting started. I guess maybe because we have reached another level in our relationship, and I am now realizing that this is all real. Everything that I am feeling and thinking…it’s real. And I have just now decided that if he ever left me…that I would never be the same again. Everything I ever thought I wanted and needed, just doesn’t matter anymore when I’m with Alex. I’m a new me, and he’s a new him. And together, we are stronger. And we will both never be the way we were before this, ever again. And I’m okay with that. And I hope that one day Mulder finds this, what we have, with someone else.

XXX

I am so whipped, and I don’t even care anymore. Dana reels me in more and more each passing day. She is like the most heavenly succubus that I have ever had the pleasure of being consumed by. And now that I have both of my hands again, I can physically love her properly. Well, “properly” for me. Now I can touch more of her at once, and I feel on top of the fucking world right now. I feel whole again, in more ways than one. It’s not just about my arm. It’s about that empty void being filled, finally. That dark, solitary, nothingness that I had felt for so long, which was worsened by the loss of my left arm, is now completely gone. I guess that I finally did something right, because Karma has chosen to reward me, instead of punishing me any further. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

I suddenly realize that we are still clothed, and that if I don’t turn things up a notch soon, that I might not have the time to do this now. I don’t even know why I decided that it couldn’t wait, and that I just had to touch Dana right this very second. I guess that a part of me was afraid that my arm would fall off or something before I could even get the chance to use it. I know it’s an irrational fear, but hey, stranger things have happened. Like having my arm grown back with alien technology for instance. I still can’t even believe it. And even though I cried, I mean really cried like a baby just a moment ago, I still don’t think it has fully set in yet. I’m not even all that embarrassed, because it was with Dana. And it probably won’t completely sink in, until I have made love to Dana with both of my hands. I don’t think she ever even realized how hard it was for me when trying to be with her with one arm, physically AND emotionally. You’d think that I had grown 5 extra hands with the way I am acting with her right now. I just can’t stop touching her, and it feels so good.

Dana begins taking off her shirt, and I quickly stop her. “No. I want to do it.” I say, with a self-satisfied grin, and Dana puts her hands back down and enthusiastically nods. She seems so giddy and emotional, and we are both so happy right now, and I love it. Alex Krycek has never been this happy in his life. This is definitely new to me.

I tuck my fingers under the hem of Dana’s shirt, and slowly tug it up and over her head, while she lifts her arms up to assist. Our eyes never leave each other as my hands make their way to her pants. Thank God she is wearing those stretchy legging things, because Jeans are harder to get off with even two, or four hands, when you’re this aroused. She raises up off of me for a moment, and I pull her pants down her legs to her knees, and then I compulsively decide to pull my legs out from under her before she can straddle me again and flip her underneath of me. She loudly gasps with surprise, and I laugh and growl at her with carnal desire.

“Mr. Show Off.” She smirks, and I nod.

“I’m just getting started.” I rasp, leaning down to fervently kiss her.

Dana works on unbuttoning my pants, while I quickly rip off my shirt, reveling in the feel of my left arm sliding out smoothly and not getting caught on my sleeve like it used to. Damn, I might just start crying again. I’m just so full of raw passion, and love, and desire, that I can’t even think straight. I want all of her, all at once, and not even twelve arms can accomplish that. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I’m feeling like I’m about to burst. _Dana. Jesus Christ, Dana._ How did I live my whole life without ever feeling like this, until now? How did I survive? Was my life really that dark and pathetic before? The answer is yes…it was. And I think I’m just now realizing that fully.

Dana’s voice suddenly pulls me out of my deep reverie, and I look at her wide eyes looking back at me. “Alex, you’re trembling…” She whispers, while gently running her fingers through my hair.

And then I realize that I am shaking like a leaf, and I don’t even really know why. I lean over her, propped up on both of my hands, and firmly press my forehead against hers. My eyes involuntarily slip shut for a moment, as I try to calm my heavy breathing.

“I can’t explain it. I—I’m just so happy. I’ve never felt like this before, Dana. Not until I unexpectedly ran into you a year ago.” I will my eyes to stay dry, and they obey me, for now.

When I open my eyes again, Dana is intensely studying me, and then she is kissing all over my face, and I notice that her face is wet with tears again. She grabs at my left hand, and I put all my weight on my right hand, as she brings the other hand up to her lips.

“One hand…” Kiss. “Or two hands…” Kiss. “It doesn’t make a difference. It doesn’t change how I feel. How I’ve felt the past 12 months. I’m so proud of you, Alex. You have to know…that I’m just so---so---” And then her bottom lip is quivering again, and now I’m kissing all over ‘her’ face.

My mouth finds hers in a heated frenzy, and we stop talking, and start communicating in other ways. Teeth and tongues clashing, hips grinding, and hands groping. And I can’t help but think to myself, that every single time we make love, it just gets better and better. Most couples have to start working harder to please each other over time, but not us. _Knock on wood._ We don’t have to work harder, because we give it 100% daily. And it’s incredible, how much we learn from each other each day. Dana is always surprising me, and I’m apparently always improving in a lot of areas, according to her. It’s a once in a lifetime experience for me. I know that I will never have this with anyone else. And I wouldn’t want to. I know for a fact that there is no one else out there like Dana Scully. Even before like 70% of Earth’s population was wiped out, she was still one of a kind. I knew from the first time she blew me off when I tried to shake her hand in that autopsy room. I just didn’t know how much she would affect me years later. How much she would change me, and how much I would need her. I don’t think she knew either. I think that at the time, she was so wrapped up in Mulder’s quest for the truth, that she wouldn’t allow herself to explore other possibilities. Just another phase in the 9-5 life, that came and went. But this isn’t that world anymore. And I think that we are all getting so used to this new world that we now live in, that the past just seems like a dream. The X-Files will never be a thing ever again. Agents Mulder and Scully are now just Fox and Dana. And Alex Krycek isn’t the bad guy anymore. In fact, I never even wanted to be. And I’m glad that Dana saw that. And I’m also glad that Mulder is starting to see that.

I push all those deep thoughts aside for now and continue unclasping Dana’s bra. She still holds her breath and watches my eyes devour her body, every single time I take her undergarments off. She catches my eyes, and shyly looks away. And after all this time, it still amazes me to know that I still make Dana Scully squirm and blush.

“Look at me.” I softly demand. And she does. “You’re beautiful.” I say. I always say it, and I will never stop saying it, because it’s the truth. Dana is beautiful, in all the ways that matter. She’s so beautiful, inside and out, that it takes my fucking breath away. Every damn time I think about it. Which is pretty much almost all the time.

I slowly pull the straps of her bra down her arms, never breaking our sensual gaze, and toss the light blue frilly thing aside. Then I bend my head down, and place my lips on each breast, slowly running my tongue around each nipple, and then lightly sucking on the right and then the left. Dana throws her head back, tangling her fingers in my hair, and begins squirming underneath me. Her heavy breathing turns into low-pitched moans, and I can’t help but shudder and groan myself.

I release her left nipple with a loud wet pop, and begin to trail my lips down her stomach, stopping at the top of her panties. I feel her tense and then relax, as I hook my fingers underneath the cotton fabric, and begin to slowly pull them down her legs. She momentarily looks down at me, and then throws her head back against the pillow again, bringing both of her hands up to tangle in her own hair. I haven’t even touched her where she needs it most yet, and she’s already squirming. And I know that I always came off as confident, and as a man that has had a lot of women in the sack. But truthfully, I wasn’t as confident about my “abilities” until I was with Dana. No other woman had ever made me feel like I was really pleasuring her. But with Dana, I can tell that she is being sincere with every moan, every gasp, every shudder. And it makes me feel whole. Even before I received this new arm, Dana made me feel like a whole man. And that’s all any man really wants, is to have a woman appreciate all of them. Even if a part of them is missing or flawed.

The panties end up on the floor with the pile of other clothes, and I begin kissing the inside of her thighs, as her legs begin to tremble. I trail my lips higher, until I reach her right hip, and I can instantly smell her arousal. I run my tongue across her flushed skin, from hip to hip, and she jerks her hips up with a loud groan. I raise my right hand up to cup a breast, as the palm of my left hand runs down her quivering stomach. And then my hand is there, and I’m not sure who moans louder, as my fingers slip between her legs.

“Jesus CHRIST, you’re so wet…” I murmur gruffly, feeling an involuntary shudder run through my body again.

My left hand goes to work, fingers rubbing in tight circles, pumping in and out, and rubbing again, as my right-hand plays with each breast. I look up to see Dana’s eyes tightly squeezed shut, and her mouth wide open. Both of her hands are up over her head, clutching at the pillow underneath of her head. I continue to watch her, as my mouth finds that musky, sweet, yet tangy moisture. My tongue laps at her, as my fingers continue to push in and out, while my other hand continues to rub at her breasts. It’s definitely a more enjoyable experience to be able to use both of my hands, for the both of us.

Dana is continuously gasping and moaning now, and I can’t stop groaning her name every time she makes a noise. Seeing her like this makes me throb and ache for her, and I can’t help the childlike whimpers that escape my mouth, as I quicken the pace. And then I feel her whole body stiffen, and I prepare myself for her climax. But when it comes, I am slightly caught off guard by the intensity of it. And next thing I know, her hips are jerking up off the bed, as her legs begin to violently shake, and she’s literally screaming incoherent babble at me, and I’m pretty sure that everyone probably heard that. And it just keeps coming as her inner muscles tighten and spasm, with wave after wave after wave of contractions.

“GodohGodohGod!” She sobs into her hands.

“OhhhDanaaaOhDana--” I moan against her, as both of my hands grasp at her writhing hips.

I don’t realize that I am crying again, until I taste the salty wet tears on my lips. And as Dana’s body begins to relax, and her hips lower back down onto the bed, I find myself burying my face into her stomach, as her fingers find my hair. She doesn’t say anything, as she gently pulls my head up to look at her. I crawl up her body, tears still flowing, as I kiss her mouth, and caress her hair and face with both of my hands.

“You have no fucking idea how much I’ve wanted to do all of that but couldn’t with just one hand.” I sniffle and wipe at my eyes with my right arm. I’m being a big baby today, and I don’t even care right now. I obviously needed this. And God, it’s such a strange feeling. All these emotions coursing through me right now are so overwhelming yet cleansing. I feel like a completely different person.

Dana pulls my head down and kisses the top of my head. “I know, I know.” She whispers into my hair.

And before I can even react, her tiny hand is in my boxers, and she’s groping and tugging at me. I shudder and groan into her shoulder, as I try to hold myself up so that I don’t suffocate her. She tugs again, and I get the hint. I briefly push myself up off of her so that I can yank my boxers off, and then Dana is yanking me back down on top of her.

“I need more of you. Please, Alex.” She pleads, while running her hands up and down my arms. “God, Alex, you are so damn sexy. Do you know that? I almost can’t stand it.” She whispers into my neck, and I can’t help but chuckle and shake my head at her.

“You obviously need glasses.” I whisper back, and we both laugh.

“Maybe so. But I’m not just talking about physically. You are sexy in so many other ways. You radiate sexuality, and confidence.”

“Only with you.” I murmur, while kissing at her forehead.

“I don’t think you realize what you do to me…what no other man has been able to do.”

“Care to enlighten me, Ms. Scully?” I smile down at her, cocking my head to the side.

Dana smiles up at me and lifts her head up to rub her little nose against mine. “Well, for one, I fell in love with you. I don’t know how you did it, but I’m forever imprisoned by the Alex Krycek curse. You and your smooth moves got to me.” She giggles, and I chuckle.

“Smooth moves, huh? I can show you some smooth moves.” I whisper huskily, while grinding my hips into hers.

“Don’t stop doing that.” She whimpers, and I obey.

“You see, Ms. Scully---” Thrust. “I think you are mistaken. It is I that is under YOUR spell.” Thrust.

“Oh--” Her eyes slip shut, as I reach down to position myself.

And then I am entering her in one swift motion with a grunt. She digs her nails into my biceps, as I begin to move my hips. I start out agonizingly slow, as our eyes connect. Dana reaches up to touch at my face, and I turn my head to kiss at her left palm. I then lift my left hand, and pull her right hand up over her head, intertwining our fingers together. I can already feel that familiar tingle coming, and I try my best to keep the pace slow and steady. But Dana is pulling my head down with her other hand, and sucking at my neck, and nibbling on my earlobe, and I’m already extremely stimulated from a few minutes ago, so I’m beginning to worry that I’m not going to last much longer. And then Dana aggressively kisses me, pulling my bottom lip between her teeth.

“Jesus!” I pant, as my thrusts begin to speed up.

Dana matches each thrust, while digging her nails into my back. And when I look back down at her, I’m relieved to see her scrunched up “I’m close” face. I squeeze her hand tighter and bring my other hand down between us to help her out. It doesn’t take long, before I’m feeling her inner muscles tightening around me, pulling me in deeper. This one isn’t as intense as her last, but she’s still digging her nails into my back and moving with me, even after I remove my hand. I don’t realize that my thrusts have significantly sped up, until I hear the bed begin to squeak. My thrusts become harder, deeper, faster, until I can feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. I don’t even think I have control of my body anymore, as my breathing becomes labored, and my whole body begins to stiffen, as climax nears.

XXX

Alex’s right hand slams against the headboard, as he clings onto it for dear life. His face turns bright red, as his eyes squeeze shut, and his thrusts become sloppy and erratic. I wrap my legs around him tighter, running my fingers through his damp hair, as he buries his face into my neck. He let’s out a loud groan, producing a few more deep thrusts, which pushes my head up against the headboard a bit. Not enough to hurt me, but enough to make a sound. I whisper sweet nothings into his ear, and that’s enough to send him over the edge. Both of his hands hook under my arms, clinging to my shoulders, as he cries out, violently convulsing against me, expanding and filling me with moist warmth.

“Jesus! DANA.” He groans and whimpers into my neck, as his thrusts slow down, and then eventually stop.

And when it’s over, he lifts his head to look down at me while gently pulling strands of hair off my face. He kisses my mouth softly, slowly. Then he pulls back, and his eyes intensely search mine for a long moment. He opens his mouth, then closes it. As if he’s inwardly battling with something that he’s not sure he wants to say out loud. My eyes dare him to say it.

“Dana---”

And then there is a knock on the door. Alex closes his eyes and heavily sighs, then pulls himself off me, sitting at the edge of the bed. He leans forward and runs his hands through his hair and over his face. I can’t help but stare at his muscly naked form with awe. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of doing so.

“Yes?” He calls out with slight agitation. I can tell that it’s Sharon, and that she definitely interrupted something important that he had to say.

“Uhm, sorry to interrupt. But there’s a group meeting in 10 minutes…” Sharon says on the other side of the door.

“Shit.” Alex grumbles into his hands. We both obviously forgot about the meeting today at 5:00.

“We’re coming.” I speak up, and then the sound of Sharon’s footsteps gets further away, and then they are gone completely.

I sit up as Alex reaches down to grab for my clothes. He tosses my clothes at me, and then heads off into the bathroom. He comes back out a moment later with a damp cloth, and hands it to me so that I can clean up. Then we both quickly dress in silence. I can’t help but get the impression that Alex is a little bummed about something. Just a moment ago he was crying tears of joy with me, and making passionate love with me, and now he was slightly moping.

I pull my shirt over my head, and then stop for a moment, watching him do the same. “Alex? Did you want to talk about something?” I quietly ask, as we finish dressing.

He reaches for the doorknob, but then pauses. “Yeah. We can talk later. It can wait.” He leans back to quickly kiss me, and then opens the door.

He waits for me to exit the room first, and as I pass him, I catch a glimpse of his mopey face again. He notices my questioning eyes and smiles to reassure me. I guess we both have something to say to each other later. I need to find the time to tell him that the treatments are working. And as we make our way down the hallway, I wonder if the treatments I’ve been receiving are what’s making me feel different, or if it’s what just happened a moment ago. Either way, something is different with me. I just don’t know what it is, but it’s only slightly noticeable. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will pass, even though I’m feeling pretty good right now. So, I’m not sure I want this feeling to pass. And I’m not sure I nor Alex wants to go to this meeting. But it’s mandatory, in order to keep this large group of survivors thriving.

We walk into the large room and sit down next to Skinner, who looks at the both of us with a strange almost comical facial expression, shaking his head. I don’t think he’s gotten used to the idea of Alex and I together yet. But overall, he seems more amused than anything else. And no one has really noticed Alex’s arm yet, because he decided to wear long sleeves today, but I’m sure he’ll be receiving a lot of unwanted attention when everyone eventually gets a good look at it later. I think that’s why he chose to cover it up for now. Alex Krycek has never been good with strangers touching at him.

I then look over to my left and momentarily notice Mulder two seats down, chatting with a blonde woman. Mulder turns to acknowledge our presence and smiles at me. It’s a warm accepting smile, and it makes me feel like everything is finally starting to calm down and work out for the best. There are no longer any disapproving glances, and there haven’t been any since we arrived at this new place a month ago. I’d have to say that life is pretty good right now. Really good. And I hope that it stays this way.

XXX

**A/N: Not done yet, don’t worry. Almost had 3 chapters to post, but chapter 21 needs a lot of work still. ;)**


	21. The Big News

**A/N: Hello everyone! I am SO SORRY for the 14-week delay. I’ve never posted this late before. 6 weeks is usually my limit, and 3 weeks my norm. But things have been really busy here in my life lately. Had something exciting happen recently…and then something really crappy happen after that…and I went on a long vacation, have been trying to change careers, and my 5-year-old started homeschooling, etc. But I will try to catch up as quickly as possible now. First half is a bit slow, but it gets much better. Enjoy!**

It’s been about two months since we came to this place, maybe more, maybe less. I haven’t really been keeping track lately. Everyone has been extremely busy lately, in fact, I haven’t really seen Scully, Krycek, or any of the others in about two days now. Just a lot of Allison, because we work in the same building right now. Alison. Hmmm. What can I say about her? It’s a long story. I think we are an “item” now. But I’m not really sure. Last night, we hit that physical level. It wasn’t planned, and it hasn’t been talked about since then. It just kind of…happened. And it was really great, too. So, I’m not exactly sure why I feel a little guilty about it right now. A part of me feels like I’m betraying Scully. I mean, I know she’s with Krycek now, and that whatever we had between us long ago is far past over, forever. And I’m pretty much over all of that now, for the most part. But I haven’t exactly told Scully about Allison and I. Not even Krycek. Only Skinner knows, only because he’s the one that pretty much hooked us up. And I guess that I feel like I’ve been keeping Allison a secret this whole time. I didn’t even realize that something was actually happening between us until just last week. I was completely clueless to her advances, until Skinner said something.

But I’m not ashamed of her. Far from it actually. I ‘want’ to show her off. But it’s been so long since I’ve been with anyone, that I’m not sure that I even remember how to have a normal relationship. And I realize now that what Scully and I had was not normal. And I’m not going to lie, at first, I tried to compare Allison to Scully. But she is the complete opposite of her. In every shape and form. For starters, Allison is like Sharon, Daryl, and Frank. She has a percentage of alien DNA in her, and she was one of the beings sent down to gather up her own group of people. And I have to admit, it’s rather exciting to think about. And then I really got to know her a lot better over time, and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked her differences. She appreciates my weird humor, but she also challenges me on a daily basis, and she’s beautiful, and smart…and she’s one of the most genuinely kind people that I have ever known. But she also puts me in my place when it’s needed. And she brings out the best parts of me. So maybe she is somewhat like Scully, but in a different way, if that makes sense. Oh, and she thinks Krycek is an egotistical prick. So, that’s a plus…in a very positive direction. _Even though I’ve actually somehow started to develop a sort of friendship with him. But that’s a different story for a different time._

It’s not even close to love, yet. But it has a lot of potential. And right now, I’m happy. And I’ve also decided that I’m going to tell everyone about her, today.

XXX

Sharon warned me that I would feel a little sick for a few weeks once the treatments started working, but this is insane. This is far worse than I expected to be feeling. The nausea started a week ago. The fatigue started two days after that. And ever since yesterday, I have been feeling like I’m going to start the worst period of my life. But I’m actually two weeks late. Which Sharon also explained would happen during treatments. In fact, Alex and I haven’t been intimate with one another since the day that he got his new arm a month ago. Everything is fine between us besides that. I just haven’t been in the mood to do anything, which Sharon also explained might happen at first. And Alex has been completely understanding with it. Well, for the most part. I’ve sensed a bit of tension with him at times, as if something has been bothering him lately. But for the most part, he’s seemed fine. I’ve just noticed at times, usually only when we are alone, that he gets a bit anxious with me. Almost like a teenager on his first date. But there have been no other warning signs to show that something might be wrong, so I haven’t brought it up. It doesn’t seem to really be a cause for concern. Well, it wasn’t…until today. It’s not even anything that Alex has done. It’s all ‘me’. I woke up rather moody yesterday morning. Probably because I’m finally about to start my period. And these treatments have messed up my hormones a bit. I know that it’s normal, and that it will go away in a few more weeks. But today, God, it’s pretty bad. I’ve been so nauseous today that I almost spewed my breakfast all over Skinner in the supply room this morning. Then he tried to make me take the rest of the day off, and of course I told him no. But now that I’m sitting on the bathroom floor puking up the very little amount of lunch that I ate, I’m not so sure that I will be able to make it to my check-up with Sharon later today. I was actually supposed to have my weekly check-up with her yesterday. But I was feeling so bad, that we decided to reschedule. She was only able to get through my weekly blood test, before we decided to do the rest today.

But as I rinse out my mouth and wash my hands, I decide that it’s best to go see Sharon and maybe try to find a way to lessen these side effects a bit. So, I slowly head over to the medical building, willing myself to not projectile vomit on passerby’s on the way, and then finally make it into the medical facility, where Sharon and I work at most of the time. Sharon quickly walks up to me the moment I enter the room, anxiously clutching at a blue folder in her hands. I immediately notice that she has something important to discuss with me, but I can’t tell if it’s good news or bad news.

“You’re finally here.” She sighs in relief, with slight worry on her face.

“Yeah, uhm, sorry that I’m late. I’m still not feeling very well.” I grumble, as I plop down into the nearest chair.

“I can see that. And, well, that—that’s what I need to talk to you about.” She sharply inhales, looking down at the folder as she begins to pace.

“Yeah, these symptoms are a lot worse than I originally expected. I was told that they would be rather mild and barely noticeable. But I’m sure that we can figure out a way to lessen the negative side effects. Besides, it’s not going to last much longer, right?” I say through a small smile.

“Well…” Sharon says through a nervous laugh.

Sharon’s strange facial expressions immediately catch my attention, and I prepare myself for some bad news. The treatments didn’t work. That’s what she’s going to tell me. She’s going to tell me that there is no hope for me, and that they were not able to fix me. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. Dammit.

I hang my head and heavily sigh, before looking back up at her. “It’s not working, is it…” I quietly ask, as I try to keep my emotions from getting out of control.

Sharon’s eyes narrow and then widen rather quickly. She slaps the folder against her left hand with her right hand and shifts her weight from side to side a few times. “Oh, no, it’s working. It—it’s working better and quicker than we had originally calculated.” She says with a shaky breath.

I furrow my brows at her and look at the folder in her hand. “What do you mean? And what is that?” I ask as I point at it with slight confusion.

Sharon opens the folder, briefly looks at its contents, and then quickly shuts it, as if she’s making sure that what she is reading is correct. “These are your test results from your blood work yesterday.”

“What test results? I thought that we didn’t finish everything yesterday?” I stand up and reach for the folder.

Sharon hesitantly hands me the folder and swallows. “Well, you see, I decided to run some extra tests last night after you told me about the symptoms you had been having. I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t having a negative reaction to some of the procedures.”

“And?” I ask, as I slowly open the folder and look down.

I begin to skim the first part of the first page, but Sharon’s voice pulls my eyes up towards her for a moment.

“And----and you’re…” She trails off, looking back down at the folder in my hand.

I furrow my brows again and look back down at the folder. I quickly skim the first page, and then the second. But I realize that I must be really tired, because I know that I am not reading these results correctly, and I find myself laughing out loud as I begin to re-read the first page more thoroughly this time. But as I look up at Sharon while flipping back to the second page, I notice that she is not laughing. This can’t be right. I can’t be.

“Th---this doesn’t make sense. I—I think my results were mixed up with someone else’s.” I shake my head and finish the second page a second time, before flipping back to the first page a third time.

“It’s all correct, Dana. I did two separate tests, and double checked both results. But if you need more proof, then maybe you should try this also.” Sharon quietly replies, as she hands me a pregnancy test.

I look down at the pregnancy test for a long moment, and then back up at Sharon. Then I shut the folder and toss it onto the counter and reach for the individually wrapped pee-stick in her hand.

“Alright. Fine. But I’m not pregnant. Alex and I haven’t---in a—in a month. And before that, I had my period. And I wasn’t ovulating that day that we--I--I still had another week. So, I can’t be. These results are wrong.” I shake my head and quickly make my way to the nearest bathroom, as I savagely rip at the thing and toss the plastic wrapper in the trash can on my way.

Sharon follows me and stands outside the bathroom door as I sit on the toilet and pee on the damn stick with intense skepticism.

“Well, actually, it seems that the procedures may have changed your ovulation days. There was always a small chance that that would happen. You of all people, as a Doctor yourself, knew that.” Sharon hollers from the other side of the door.

I heavily sigh and jam the top back on the stick and place it on the counter. I can’t even bring myself to look at it as I flush the toilet and wash my hands. Then I’m looking at myself in the mirror for a long moment, as I impatiently wait for the lines to show up on the stick. Sharon knocks on the door and then slowly enters the bathroom, walking up behind me. We make eye contact in the mirror, and I nervously run my tongue along my bottom lip. Sharon reaches for me and places her hand on my shoulder.

“Do you want to look, or do you want me to do it?” She asks through a sigh.

“I can’t be, Sharon. It—it’s too soon. I—I would be like 3 weeks pregnant, and morning sickness usually doesn’t begin until 6 weeks into pregnancy. You yourself said that I would experience all these symptoms. Maybe even a false positive.”

“Yes, I did say that.” Sharon says, as she reaches over me and grabs at the stick and looks down at it. I find myself looking away, as my heart begins to race. I can’t look at it yet. I can’t even look at Sharon at the moment. But when I hear the emotions in her voice, I already know the answer. “But we both knew that these procedures were unorthodox and alien, and after everything that has happened the past two years, you of all people should know now that almost anything is possible.” She says, as she hands me the test. “Besides, blood tests are a lot more accurate than urine tests. And I doubt that two blood tests and a urine test would all show a false result, along with the symptoms you’ve been having, Dana.”

We both look down at the stick in my hand, and I suddenly feel like I’m going to throw up again. A plus sign in both little windows. Pregnant. I’m pregnant. With Alex Krycek’s baby. Oh my god.

“Get a second pregnancy test, please. NOW.”

XXX

A whole fucking month later, and I still haven’t been able to do it. I am such a wuss. I don’t even know what’s stopping me. Not the right time and place? Maybe. But it could also be because I have never proposed to anyone. I was never the type to settle down, or even have a steady girlfriend. I never wanted to be married before all of this shit. All this…this wonderful shit, that I know I don’t really deserve. I don’t deserve Dana. I don’t even deserve to be alive right now. Or have my arm back. I know that, and always have. And maybe ‘that’ is why I can’t do it. Because I know. I know that I’m scum. Or that I used to be, whatever. And even though I have changed, A LOT, I still can’t stop thinking about how pure and kind Dana is. How opposite we are. How I don’t measure up to her standards, and never will. I don’t even know why she loves me. She was supposed to be Mulder’s. I know that also. I don’t like to admit it, but I always knew. But here we are, together. And each day is better than the last. And, GOD, I don’t even know why I’m thinking about proposing. What if she says no? What if she responds with, “Why?” What if she tells me that there’s no reason to marry these days? I mean, I know that she’s already told me that she would still consider it with the right person. But what if she’s changed her mind, and has decided that I’m not the right person? We haven’t even been intimate in a month now. I mean, I understand, because Sharon said that the procedures that Dana was having would mess up her hormones for a little while. Oh, and that’s another thing that I’m kind of freaking out about right now. What if the procedures work, and Dana asks me to give her a child in the future? I mean, I know that she has told me that she didn’t actually want a baby, that she just wanted the option. But what if she changes her mind on that also? I can’t be a father. I can’t bring a baby into this new world, that’s half me. God, that could end very badly. Right? I mean, I can’t lie, I’ve entertained the idea of giving Dana a baby. But in reality, it’s just not a good idea. At least not for a long while. I would need some more time to think about it and prepare. And yes, I would do anything for Dana. I really would. I just feel like I would greatly disappoint her in that department. I would try my damnedest to be a good father, of course. But in reality, we all know how that would turn out. I would probably turn out like my own father. And that’s what scares me the most.

I am suddenly pulled out of my deep reverie by a voice behind me. I quickly turn around and realize that Skinner is standing behind me with his arms crossed in front of him.

“Krycek, what are you doing in the janitorial closet?” He asks with furrowed brows.

“I, uh, I needed some tools.” I clear my throat and reach for the tool box to my right.

“Right.” He pauses, raising an eyebrow at me. “Well, I watched you enter this room 15 minutes ago, and you’re still here. Why?” He firmly asks with slight skepticism.

I look back up at Skinner and heavily sigh. I know that he still doesn’t trust me. I get it. After everything I had done to him and everyone else, I understand. And honestly, he’s adjusted to the idea of Dana and I better than I thought he would. Except for the glares and threats under his breath every time he passes me…on a daily basis.

And then I find myself thinking, _If I did propose to Dana, and she said yes, would he be the one walking her down the aisle?_ God, that would be weird.

I shake my head and put the tool box back down on the floor, using that same hand to rub over my face. I guess I’m still not used to being able to use my left arm again, so I’ve still been mainly using my right. “I don’t really know.” I sigh again.

Skinner’s hard eyes skim over my face for a long moment, and then his face begins to soften. Then he is heavily sighing, and I catch him rolling his eyes out of the corner of my eye. I don’t know why, but it makes me want to laugh a little. I can’t deny that I sometimes still get some pleasure out of annoying Skinner and Mulder.

“Something the matter, Krycek?” He says with slight annoyance. I bet that was hard for him to ask. I bet he is only being nice to me for Dana. But hey, I’ll take it right now.

“No.” I lie. I don’t exactly want to be standing in a closet with Skinner right now, telling him my secret feelings. In fact, he’s the last person I’d gush to, right behind Mulder.

“Bullshit.” He says, slightly catching me off guard.

I look up at him with wide eyes, and we both stare at each other for a long moment. Then I find myself chuckling a bit, and also nodding my head at him.

“Are we really going to do this right now, Walter? Because I highly doubt that you are even the least bit interested in how I’m feeling.” I say with another chuckle.

I see the hints of a smile on Skinner’s lips, but he still holds his cool exterior as he stares at me again. We are the same height, but right now he seems to tower over me with authority.

“You’re right. But Dana seems to trust you, and Mulder seems to have accepted things, and they are like family to me, so it would make ME the bastard if I didn’t at least pretend to care.” He says with sarcasm, and I nod in agreement.

“Do you really want to know?” I’m trying to give him a way out of this, but he’s still not taking my rather generous offer.

“No. But why don’t you tell me anyway.” He grunts and sighs, leaning up against the wall.

“Ah---I think I’ll pass.” I try to make it past him, completely forgetting about the toolbox, but he stops me with his hand.

“Look, Krycek, I’ve been keeping a close eye on you since you got here, and---”

“I noticed.” I interrupt, but he ignores my comment and keeps talking.

“And I can see that you do care for Dana, and that maybe some things have changed. But the moment you fuck up and lie to me, or keep anything from me, I will not hesitate to remove you from the premises…even if it does upset Dana. I promised to protect everyone…and protect everyone I’m going to do…at all costs.” He warns me. But I don’t sense any hatred in his words.

It’s simply just a warning, because he cares. But what he needs to realize is that I care too. Maybe it’s time to show him how much I do care. I think I’m pretty much done pretending that I don’t.

“I’ve been trying to propose.” I blurt out.

Skinner blinks several times as if he doesn’t believe what he just heard. I force myself to look him in the eye, and he looks back with suspicion. But I know that he sees truth in my eyes, and hears emotion in my voice, and he can only step back and run his hand over his bald head several times for several moments.

“I have to admit---that is---that is not what I was expecting you to say.” He pauses, and I shrug lamely. “Krycek---”

“I fell in love with her. And it---it’s frustrating as hell sometimes. Because it’s changing me, too much, too fast. I’m a fucking mess.” I blurt again. My voice now even thicker with emotion.

I then find myself sitting down on the toolbox, and Skinner sits down next to me on a crate. We both sit there in silence for several moments, until Skinner finally speaks again.

“Wow.” He clears his throat.

“Yeah.” I sigh again, running my hands through my hair.

“That’s---that is---” He pauses, shaking his head.

“Yeah.” I say again. That’s all I’m able to say right now. And I know I’ve already said too much.

“I, uh, I didn’t know it was ‘that’ serious.” He admits, and I find myself quietly groaning into my hands.

“Yeah, it’s been like that for quite a while now.” I pause, and Skinner seems to actually be interested in what I’m saying right now. Either that, or he’s good at pretending. And now I can’t stop talking. I try, but it’s all spilling out of me like word vomit. “But it wasn’t like that at first. We couldn’t stand to be around each other. She—she literally wanted to kill me. And GOD she was a pain in the ass. I mean, I know I’ve always been one, and I really don’t know what she sees in me honestly, but we both pretty much fought all the time at first.” I pause again, and Skinner chuckles, shaking his head. “And then, uh, then something just happened between us. And one day, I realized that I couldn’t live without her. And it just pretty much blind-sided me, and before I knew it, I wasn’t “Krycek” anymore. Just---just Alex.” I finish, and when I turn to look at Skinner, he looks rather stunned.

Skinner grunts and leans forward, clasping his hands together between parted knees. “Well, uh, if she really has softened you, and you both really love each other, then I can’t stop you. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving you my blessing or anything.” He hesitantly says over his shoulder.

I can’t help but smirk at him as we both stand up and head over to the door. “I’ll take what I can get.” I say with slight sarcasm, and Skinner reaches for the doorknob.

But then he stops for a moment and briefly turns around to face me. “Oh, uh, I was going to ask you if you wanted to go with Mulder to search for some more supplies. Some of our regular monthly supply guys came down with the flu, and we are really limited right now.”

I shrug and nod. “Yeah, I’ll do it. How long will we be gone, and when do we leave?”

“About a week, and tomorrow. It shouldn’t be too difficult. I mean, our guys will occasionally run into some gangs, but it’s been pretty quiet out there lately.” He explains while turning back around, and I nod. “And, uhm, Kry---Alex…glad you got your arm back.” He says over his shoulder, and then clears his throat and opens the door.

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, desperately trying to hide the smile that is threatening to take over my lips, and I slowly follow him out, toolbox in my left hand. We both reach the hallway, and who do we see just standing there in front of us like a deer caught in headlights? Frickin Mulder.

“Oh, uhhhhh, why---” Mulder pauses, eyeing us both with confusion. “You know what, never mind.” He stutters, shaking his head.

Skinner and I awkwardly eye each other and begin to walk in different directions.

“Get to work.” Skinner hollers at me over his shoulder.

“Yeah, sure.” I holler back, leaving Mulder just standing there with a box in his hands.

I don’t know what just happened in that janitorial closet, but I have to admit, it kind of helped calm my nerves a tiny bit. And it made me realize…that I have to propose today. I have to do it before I leave tomorrow. It’s going to happen. Oh shit, I’m really doing this.

XXX

It’s been 6 hours, and I have been purposely avoiding Alex all day. I can’t bring myself to tell him. Not yet. First of all, I have absolutely no idea how he will react. I mean, I didn’t exactly display a positive reaction this morning, so I can only imagine how he’s going to take it. What if he decides he doesn’t want it and he wants to leave? What will I do then? Have Mulder, Skinner, Sharon, and everyone else help me raise it? I know that they would help me out, but that’s not the point. The point is, I’m not even sure that ‘I’ can do this. So why would I expect Alex to want any part? And why am I even worried about him running off? I know he loves me. I do. But Alex Krycek isn’t exactly the fatherly type. Then again, I never thought he was the long-term relationship type either, but he proved everyone wrong there. And this could just be my hormones talking, but I’m scared. I always secretly wanted a baby, someday. But the world is a very different place now, and I am a somewhat different person these days. I simply just wanted the option to have kids. I hadn’t actually planned on having any anytime soon. My God, what do I do now? I’m pregnant, with Alex Krycek’s baby. If someone would have told me two years ago that I would be in this position two years later, I would have cuffed them and called the nearest mental institution. And here comes the nausea again. It has been coming in waves all night and day. But I think that right now, it’s mainly because of my nerves. What do I do? Alex is the one that I almost always go to these days when I need to talk. But I just can’t do that right now. And Sharon was just stressing me out more, pacing back and forth and asking me a bunch of questions. Who can I vent to? Mulder. I need to talk to Mulder. I don’t even know why we don’t talk anymore like we used to. I need to fix that. Mulder is still my best friend, and I trust him.

And just like magic, Mulder appears in the doorway with a box in his hands, causing me to jump a bit. For a moment there I thought it was Alex, and my heart skipped a beat or two.

“Heya Scully, Sharon said you needed some more supplies in here.” He cheerfully says as he sets down the box on the counter next to me.

I nod and begin grabbing things out of the box. For some reason, I can’t look Mulder in the eye, and I’m not sure that I’m going to be able to talk to him about this either. But Mulder seems to immediately notice that something is off with me, and he begins to intensely observe me with his hands on his hips.

“Hey, you alright? You seem a bit pale today. And Skinner said he tried to send you back to your room this morning.”

“Uhm, yeah, I’m fine. It’s just---it’s just these tests. I’m just a little tired.” And that’s not a lie. It does have to do with the tests, and I AM tired. But this isn’t like me, to keep things from Mulder.

“Yeah, Sharon said this would happen, huh. I just didn’t think it would be this bad. I mean, you look REALLY tired today.” He begins babbling, and I find myself only half listening, as I begin to get more and more anxious. And now I’m pulling things out of the boxes even faster and find myself slamming them down on the counter with loud thumps. But Mulder doesn’t seem to notice. He just continues talking, looking as chipper as ever. “---and you really have to make sure you’re drinking a lot of fluids with these tests, because---”

“Mulder.” I heavily sigh, but Mulder keeps yapping.

“---Sharon said that you could get easily dehydrated or nauseous. I mean, I’m not the Doctor, you two are, so I’m sure you know what’s best for your own body. I’m just---”

“MULDER.” I turn to face him, but he’s still going. Why the hell is he so happy lately?

“---saying, it would suck if you got sick and---”

“I’m pregnant.” I blurt, closing my eyes.

“---you ended up having a negative reaction to everything and---” He pauses, looking down at me with furrowed brows. “What did you just say?” He cocks his head to the side. I heavily sigh again and run a hand over my forehead. I’m not sure that I have the energy to repeat it. Mulder chuckles and shakes his head at me. “It sounded like you said you were---” He bends over at the waist with silent laughter, slamming his hand down on the counter. “I’ll tell you what, I’ve been having the weirdest day. First, I thought I saw Skinner and Krycek walking out of a janitorial closet together earlier, and now I’m hearing things.”

“You heard correctly.” I say with a shaky voice, as the nausea begins to intensify.

Mulder furrows his brows again and takes a step back. “Uhhhh, what are you saying?”

God Mulder, do I really have to repeat it for you? “I…am…pregnant.” I say just above a whisper.

Mulder looks at me for a moment, and then begins to laugh again, as if I’m joking. Oh no, I need a toilet. I don’t even think I’m going to make it to one right now, so I push past Mulder and bend over the nearest trashcan behind him. I didn’t have much in my stomach to begin with, so not much comes up at this point. And when I’m finished, I force myself to look up at Mulder, with my hands still tightly clutching the sides of the tall trashcan. He is looking down at me in horror, and I’m pretty sure that he is paler than I am right now, as he tumbles back a few steps, knocking a box of gloves off the counter.

“Holyyyyyy SHIT.” He says with a swallow. “Are you sure? Does---does Krycek know? HOLY SHIT.” He runs his fingers through his hair, swallowing again. “Is it---I mean I know it’s his, but do you think he---” And there he goes babbling again. God, he’s worse than Sharon was.

“Yes, I’m sure. And no, he doesn’t know. I just found out this morning. Only you and Sharon know right now.” I weakly reply, as Mulder hands me a paper towel.

I wipe my mouth and tie up the trash bag, and then I walk over to the sink to rinse my mouth out and wash my hands, while Mulder follows me with a concerned look on his face.

“How did this happen?”

“Well, Mulder, when two people love each other very much…” I begin with sarcasm, and Mulder waves me off.

“That’s not what I meant. I mean, I know how it happened, and I don’t need that image in my head right now thank you very much. But I meant---how did it happen so quickly? What are you going to do? If he runs off, so help me God---”

“Mulder, please.” I put my hand up to stop him, and he shuts his mouth, surprisingly. “We don’t exactly know how it happened so quickly. But it was never an impossible possibility. I just---we just never thought it would happen so fast. And it wasn’t planned, if that’s what you’re wondering. And I have no idea what I’m going to do. I don’t know how Alex is going to react…” I say through a sharp breath.

“He’s going to freak----” Mulder begins to say, but I shoot him a dirty look. “Sorry.” He apologetically sighs. “He---he will be okay, once he has time to let it sink in. I’m sure of it, Scully.” He reassures me with a friendly pat on the shoulder. I want to believe him. I really do.

“I’m not so sure of that, Mulder…” I’m desperately trying to stop my lip from quivering.

“This is---this is great news, Scully. Caught me a little off guard, and it’s crazy to think that you and Krycek are having a baby together, but this is what you always wanted, isn’t it?” He is now trying to reassure me with a smile, but I see the uncertainty in his eyes.

“How did all of this happen, Mulder? How did things change so much?”

“Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…” He jokes.

“Mulder shut up.” I slap him on the arm, rolling my eyes.

“But on a serious note, I’m wondering the same thing. It all almost seems like just a dream.” He sighs and leans against the counter. And I have to admit, he is taking this a lot better than I thought he would. Maybe it just hasn’t sunk in for him yet. “I’m happy for you, Scully.” He adds with a warm smile, as he pulls me into a big bear hug. “Not so thrilled with who the father is, but Skinner and I will make sure he doesn’t fuck anything up.” He also adds, rocking me back and forth.

I can’t help but chuckle at that, even though this is a serious matter. “Mulder, so help me God, you better let me--” I begin to pull back, but Mulder pulls me to him again.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell him.”

“Thank you.” I whisper into his shirt.

“But if I were you, I’d tell him today.”

“God, Mulder, I don’t know if I can tell him today. I might need a few days. I’ve only just found out 6 hours ago.”

“Well, Krycek and I are leaving for a week-long supply run tomorrow.”

“What? Why?” I pull back and look up at him with furrowed brows.

“Skinner asked us to because a bunch of the supply guys came down with the flu over the weekend.”

“Shit.” I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment. “Well, maybe this is a good thing. It gives me some time to think about what I want to say.”

“Yeah, but man, this is going to be an awkward trip for me.” Mulder sighs again.

“Mulder, you won’t tell him, right?”

“Scully, I gave you my word. My lips are sealed.”

I nod and relax a bit. “I’m not the only one with big news though, am I right?” I ask with a smirk. I’m not stupid, and I’m not blind. I’ve seen Mulder hanging around that blonde woman Allison a lot lately. And I know that he’s been wanting to talk to me about it. And I’m happy for Mulder, I really am. I’m glad that he has someone now. It takes the lingering tension off of Alex and I.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” He nervously says while looking down at his feet.

“Her name is Allison, right?” I cross my arms and smile up at him.

“H-how did you know about----” He stutters. And I have to say, I’m a little shocked that he really thought no one knew.

“She seems really nice.” I add, while patting him on the forearm.

Mulder heavily sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “It’s not going to be weird now, is it?”

“Mulder, there is absolutely no reason for it to be weird. This is a different world now, and we are not the same people we once were. If anything, it helps things to NOT be weird.”

Mulder nods in agreement, and the uncertainty slowly dissolves from his eyes. I sense a little bit of brief sadness between us, with a silent “What if things were different?” lingering in the air. But it is quickly squashed by the both of us, since we both have now realized that things are how they were meant to be. We both know that, and it is no longer an issue with us. I can see that Mulder has finally let that part of me go. “She IS really nice.” He smiles down at me. “But it’s nothing serious. It’s just----”

“I’m happy for you, Mulder.” We hug again, both sighing in relief. “Tell me more about her.”

XXX

I haven’t been able to find Dana anywhere today. Every time I check her working area, she’s not there. Skinner doesn’t know where she is, I haven’t seen Mulder since that awkward encounter in the hallway this morning, and Sharon acts really weird around me every time I see her. Something is going on that I don’t know about, and I’m going to find out what it is. Plus, I really need to see Dana. I need to do this before I chicken out again. But the more time that passes, the more irritated I get, and less sure about things I’m becoming. Dana isn’t avoiding me for some reason, is she? She didn’t find out about my intentions, and freak out and----alright, I need to cool it. I’m getting ahead of myself right now. God, where the hell is she?

And just as I’m turning the corner, back into Dana’s work area for the tenth time today, I almost run right into her. Her eyes immediately widen and her face pales. Alright, what the hell is going on?

“Shit, Dana, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” I rasp with exasperation.

“Oh…well I’ve been right here. All day.” She quietly says, while obviously avoiding eye contact with me. She tries to pass me, but I firmly grab at both of her arms.

“W-Where are you going? Didn’t you just hear what I said? I—I need to talk to you.” I realize that I am coming off as a little demanding, but now I’m a little worried with how Dana is acting with me today.

“Alex, can we talk later? I’m really super busy today.”

I clench my jaw and tighten my grip on her when she tries to escape me again. “Hey, you okay? What’s going on?” I quietly ask, as I reach up to touch at Dana’s cheek. She noticeably flinches at my touch.

“I—I’m just tired. The---these procedures are just wearing me out lately. I’m fine.” She says while looking down at my chest.

 _Bullshit, woman._ I pull her into the room she works in and shut the door. “Tell me what’s really going on.” I softly demand.

“I just told you, Alex.” She snaps at me a bit, and I immediately tense up. What’s with the attitude today? Did I do something wrong?

“Are you on your period or something?” Crap, I need to remember to stop saying that every time Dana seems upset. From previous experiences, it usually ends up leading to an argument.

Dana’s eyes widen, and she tightens her lips into a thin line. “NO, I am NOT on my period if you must know.” She raises her voice a bit.

“Then what’s the problem?” I ask with a heavy sigh.

“Alex, why can’t you just believe me when I tell you that I’m just tired.” She lifts her hands up with exasperation, and I notice that she is still not completely making eye contact with me.

“Because I know that that’s not the truth.” I huff.

“Oh, so now I’m a liar?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You basically just did.”

I find myself rolling my eyes at her as I run a hand through my hair and shift my weight. This seems to upset her more. “Are we really going to start an argument right now over stupid shit?”

“Stupid shit?” Dana huffs back, crossing her arms. Her eyes are beginning to moisten, as if she’s about to start crying.

“Goddammit Dana, why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying!”

“This is ridiculous. And this makes it a lot harder for me to say what I was going to say now, when you’re being—when you’re being like this.” I motion my hands at her.

“Being like what, Alex? Huh? Tell me, what am I being like?” She purses her lips at me, arms crossed in front of her again.

“You’re being---you’re being---a—a woman, God!” My hands fly up in the air again.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean? There you go stereotyping females again. I can’t---I can’t do this right now Alex.”

“Oh my GAWD, are you for real right now?” I shout. Now I’m angry, and things are ruined, and Dana is being a…well, she’s being a bitch right now. What the actual fuck?

“I need to get back to work.” She says, but I stand in front of the door and block her from leaving.

“You’re not leaving this room until you talk to me.” I firmly demand.

“ALEX, let me pass.” She barks at me.

“FUCK no.” I growl back through clenched teeth. Why does this feel like we’ve somehow spiraled backwards in time?

 “If you don’t let me out of this room, I’m going to scream.” She threatens me. Since when did Dana Scully act so immature? That was usually mine and Mulder’s area of expertise.

“So help me God, Dana, if you even try to---”

“LET ME OUT OF HERE, ALEX!” She shouts, just like she said she would.

Next thing I know, I’m firmly grabbing her and pushing her up against the door and punching my fist through the wall right next to her head. Her eyes widen in fear, but quickly narrow in fury, and then begin to well up with tears.

“I see that some things have not changed.” She says through gritted teeth, as a tear slips down her cheek.

“You’re one to talk.” I hiss back, and finally back away to let her leave.

I stand there with a red-hot face, breathing heavily, as I watch Dana open the door and slam it shut as she storms out of the medical room.

“What the fuck just happened?” I say into the empty room, as I look down at my bloody knuckle.

This was NOT how I thought that was going to go…at all.

XXX

**A/N: I decided to split up this very long chapter into two chapters. So hopefully the next chapter will be up within the next 24 hours, and much more interesting than this one. It’s almost finished, and all I really need to do is read through it a few times and check for any errors, then I will post it shortly after this chapter. Oh, and send me lots of love, and you might even get Chapter 22 sooner than 24 hours!!! ; )**


	22. The Holiest Of Shits

**A/N: I posted this chapter 39 hours after Chapter 21, so make sure you’ve read that one first.**

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. And yes, I am aware that it’s all my fault that we argued yesterday evening. But the very moment I turned that corner and saw Alex’s beautiful face staring at me with concern, I couldn’t tell him, nor could I spend another moment in his presence. I had to get as far away as possible from him, as quickly as possible. I was so sure that he could see right through me. And I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand there and deliver such big news like that to him, right then and there. Not when I was feeling so ill, and still feeling so confused about it all myself. But I’ve had about 24 full hours to think about it now, and I’ve decided that I will tell Alex next week, when he returns from his trip with Mulder. I figured that it’s for the best, because the last thing I want to do his drop a bomb shell like that on him, and then send him off for a whole week to worry about everything. This is for the best. It’s all going to be okay. That is, if I could find Alex and apologize before he leaves. He leaves in an hour, and I haven’t seen him since yesterday evening when we fought. He didn’t come back to our room last night. My best guess is that he bunked with Daryl or Frank or one of his other buddies last night. And no one seems to have seen him all night or morning. I had a short chat with Mulder about an hour ago, but he claimed that he hadn’t seen Alex yet. I didn’t go into detail about what happened, but Mulder pretty much knew that something had happened with Alex and I last night. He didn’t pry much, and I didn’t vent much. And now I’m worried that I’m not going to get to at least see Alex before he leaves for 7 days. God, what have I done? If this is how my whole first trimester is going to be, then I’m a bit worried about that also. I don’t like being this moody. It isn’t like me to pick immature fights like that. And I know that I must have really pissed Alex off, for him to punch a hole through the wall, and then not come back to our room last night. The fact that he’s avoiding me tells me that maybe I might have ruined any chances of him wanting a future or baby with me. I need to find him.

I find Skinner in the cafeteria and slip into the seat across from him. “Have you seen Alex this morning?” I just get straight to the point. I don’t have any time to waste.

“Uhhh, yes, I briefly talked to him about 30 minutes ago, why?” He replies with a mouthful of food.

“Do you know where he is now?” I ask with desperation.

Skinner swallows his food and then sets his fork down on his tray. “He—he left about 15 minutes ago with Mulder.” He eyes me with concern and curiosity, as my heart sinks into my stomach.

“Shit.” I place my face in my hands and sigh.

“Is something the matter, Dana?” He reaches out for me and lightly touches my wrist.

I run my tongue along my bottom lip and sigh again. “I—I was hoping to talk to him before he left.” I hang my head for a moment.

“What do you mean? Didn’t you see him this morning, or last night?” Skinner’s voice is full of worry now.

“Uhh, not exactly.” I quietly reply, and Skinner stiffens in his seat. I can tell that alarm bells are going off in his head now, and he seems a little pissed off now. “You see, we—we kind of had a little argument last night.” I try to explain.

Skinner pulls back and uses that same hand to rub at his face. “What did the little prick do now?” He grunts into his hand.

“Oh, no, sir, it was my fault. All me.”

Skinner eyes me with skepticism. “Right…”

“I was upset about something yesterday, and I kind of took it out on him, that’s all. And well, I was hoping to apologize to him before he left.” I explain.

Skinner eyes me for a long moment, and then nods. “I’m sorry, Dana. If I would have known that, I would have stopped him from leaving.” He sighs, picking his fork back up.

“It’s okay. I’m sure things will cool off and be back to normal when he and Mulder come back.” I lie.

Goddammit. This is not happening right now. Alex is going to be many miles away, pissed off at me. And I’m going to have to deal with the guilt of it for a whole week. Knowing that it was my fault and knowing that I still haven’t told him about the pregnancy. God, could things possibly get any worse?

“He---uh---this doesn’t have anything to do with----he didn’t ask you anything yesterday, did he?” I can tell that Skinner is fishing for information now, and it’s really confusing me. Just what is he implying?

“Uhh, no, sir?” I reply with furrowed brows. I open my mouth again to ask him what he means, but he quickly waves me off.

“Never mind then.” He anxiously shifts in his seat, as if he’s already said too much.

“Was Alex supposed to “ask me something” yesterday?” I carefully ask. What could Alex have possibly wanted to ask me yesterday? Oh God, maybe he found out about my pregnancy. Oh, no.

“Oh, uh, nothing. It was just about the supply run today.” He says while shoving a huge forkful of pancakes into his mouth. I can tell that he is lying. Walter Skinner has never been a very good liar.

I find myself reaching across the table and pulling the tray of food away from Skinner. He looks down at me in shock and swallows his food.

“Walter, if there is something that you know about why Alex was frantically looking for me yesterday, you would tell me, right?”

Skinner immediately begins to fidget with his fork, and I intensely eye him. “Even if there was, Dana, it is none of my business.” He narrows his eyes on me and pulls his tray back towards him.

“Sir, please, I need to know if he ‘heard’ anything yesterday.”

Skinner plops his fork down onto his tray with intense curiosity and clasps his hands together in front of him. “It seems that we both have some secrets, now doesn’t it?” He cocks his head to the side.

I quickly look away and nervously shift in my seat. “It’s—uh, it’s nothing. I was just wondering if Alex told you anything that he may have found out about me.”

“Like what?” He softly demands, now more curious than ever.

I swallow, heavily sigh, and look back up at Skinner. “Just about the procedures that I have been having.”

“Oh, well then, no. He has not said anything about that to me.”

I notice that he sighs in relief. And I think he is right. We are both keeping something from each other. And I’m quickly trying to figure out if it’s worth spilling the beans over. I desperately rack my brain for a solution to this problem. Would I really be willing to trick Skinner into telling me what he knows? Is it really that important that I know?

“Alright, I can’t keep pretending that I don’t know what you’re talking about. The truth is, I do know. Alex talked to me about it yesterday, and a fight ensued because of it.” I hold my breath, hoping that Skinner doesn’t see through my bullshit.

Skinners eyes immediately widen in surprise. “So, he did ask you?”

I desperately try to hold eye contact and squelch the new guilt that has overcome me. I can’t believe I’m really doing this right now. What have I become?

“Uhh, yes. He did.” My eyes nervously shift to the left and then the right. God, what am I doing?

“So, I’m guessing you told him no.” Skinner visibly grimaces.

I nod and then immediately shake my head. “Not exactly?” I really wish I knew what the hell he was even talking about.

“What do you mean, not exactly? Either you’re going to marry him, or you’re not. You know, I don’t even understand why he wanted to propose in the first place. I’ve never pegged Krycek as the marrying type. Especially with how the world is now.”

I feel the color quickly drain from my face, as my mouth drops open in shock. “Pro-pro—propose?” I stutter.

Skinner furrows his brows at me in confusion, intensely eyes my shocked face, and then slowly begins to realize what I have done to him. Then a look of shame comes over his face, followed by a look of betrayal.

“Dana Scully, I cannot believe that you just did that to me.” He scolds me. But I can tell that he is somewhat impressed with the fact that I was even able to do it to him.

I’m still too shocked to even be ashamed about it right now, honestly. Alex was going to propose yesterday? That was what he was going to talk to me about? Oh my God. What have I done? This makes things a hundred times worse.

“I—I’m sorry, sir.” I half ass an apology, still trying to desperately wrap my head around everything. God, I feel like shit. Alex was going to propose? The shame and the joy of this revelation both duel for first place.

“And now I think that’s it’s only fair that you tell me whatever it is that you’re hiding.” He quietly demands.

I nod in agreement and heavily sigh. He’s right. It’s only fair. Here goes nothing.

“I’m pregnant.” It comes out easier than I thought it would. I guess that telling 3 people have made it somewhat easier to say out loud now.

It’s now Skinner’s turn to lose the color in his face, as he begins choking on his food. I can only nod and sigh at him. And I have to be honest…I never thought that I could ever shock Walter Skinner into reacting the same way that Mulder had yesterday. I expected him to be a lot more reserved about the news.

“Holy shit.” Is what comes out of his mouth next.

All I can do is continue to nod in agreement. ‘Holy shit’ is right.

XXX

**12 HOURS LATER**

I am still so mad about yesterday, that I can’t think about anything else. Mulder and I took turns driving every hour, and found a few supplies along the way, but not much yet. Everything was pretty much empty for about 500 miles from our facility. Two other guys went the opposite way of us, and I’m wondering if they are having better luck than we are right now. I don’t know how the normal supply guys handle this job at the beginning of every month. It’s exhausting, and boring. And it gives me too much quiet time to think about yesterday evening.

Mulder has been talking my ear off for the past hour, and I have decided that it’s time to pull over for the night. We are in a big van, so there’s quite a bit of room to sleep in it. But I don’t think I’m going to be doing much sleeping tonight, again. I ended up not coming back to my room last night and bunked in an empty room on the third floor. I just couldn’t face Dana, after I punched my hand through a wall. I couldn’t even bring myself to say goodbye to her this morning before I left. I was afraid that we would fight again and make things even worse. So, I lied to Mulder and told him that I had said goodbye her, and he didn’t question me. And so, we left a little early, and I don’t feel an ounce of guilt about it. Dana was being a bitch last night, and I have no idea why. And now she’s going to have to sit there for a whole week and think about it, and that gives me a bit of satisfaction. But at the same time, it’s beginning to eat away at me. Why am I sort of feeling guilty about not finding Dana before I left? I’m not the one who started it, for once. And to think that I was going to propose. If that’s not fate telling me that I shouldn’t do it, then I don’t know what is. But we are both obviously not on that level like I thought we were. And my pride may be a little bruised, but at least I dodged the humiliation of us fighting ‘after’ a proposal. God, that would have sucked. I really don’t think my pride could have handled that. Yeah, I’ll admit it. I’m a prideful man sometimes. That’s not news to anyone who knows me.

I turn off the van and heavily sigh. Mulder stops talking and turns to face me.

“You know, Krycek, as much as it inconveniences me to ask this…are you okay today?”

“What?” I snap out of my deep reverie and turn to face him.

“Yoo-hoo, Earth to Krycek.” Mulder whistles and waves his hand in front of my face.

I slap his hand away and sigh again. “I’m fine.” Now I sound like Dana yesterday. Mulder clears his throat and anxiously shifts in his seat. I immediately notice his change in demeanor and have quickly figured out that he knows something that I don’t. “Why do you ask?” I ask with suspicion.

Mulder begins tapping his fingers on the window and looks away for a moment. “Did you---uh, did you and Scully have a disagreement about something yesterday?” I can tell that he is fishing for information. What is going on here?

“Why…do you ask?” I ask again.

I know the little shit is hiding something from me. And he’s going to tell me what it is. Right now.

Mulder shakes his head and shrugs, now fidgeting with a loose string on his shirt. “No reason. You’re just---you’re just acting like something has happened.” He says to me while looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

For heavens sakes. I am not about to play these little stupid ass mind games with Mulder. “Cut the crap, Mulder. I’ll tell you what happened, and you tell me why the hell you want to know so badly.” I firmly demand.

“What makes you think I know anything?”

“Because I fucking know you. Now spill.”

“I told you, I don’t know anything. You’re just acting really---really weird…is…all. Just curious.” He is so lying. It’s so fucking obvious it’s pathetic.

“If you really must know, Dana and I got into a really nasty fight last night. And I---and I avoided her all night and didn’t say goodbye to her before I left this morning.”

Mulder immediately straightens in his seat. “What, why? What did you---uh—what exactly happened?”

I intensely observe Mulder’s weird ass behavior for a long moment, and then finally decide to just go ahead and tell him everything.

“If your nosy ass really must know, I was going to propose yesterday. But when I—when I finally found Dana, after searching for her all frickin day, she immediately blew up at me before I could even say anything. I honestly don’t even know where the hell it came from. And next thing I knew, I was punching my fist through a wall, and Dana was storming off in tears.” I explain with a grimace.

I look over at Mulder and notice that he is practically crawling in his skin. He doesn’t even seem surprised about the fact that I had planned to propose to Dana. “Oh, shit. And that’s all that happened?”

“What do you mean ‘all’?” I ask with furrowed brows, and Mulder tries to hide the noticeable wince on his guilty ass face. “Mulder, what are you not telling me?” I demand to know, but he just keeps shifting in his seat. “Do you know why Dana was acting so weird yesterday?”

Mulder immediately shakes his head and chews on his bottom lip as if he was about to bite a huge hole right through the damn thing. “I told you, I was just curious.” He swallows.

“Uh-huh.” I lean back to get a better look at Mulder. Motherfucker is still lying to me. “Okay, then. Fine. If that’s all you really know, then fine. But I guess I should probably go ahead and tell you that I know exactly what you know, but I just wanted to see if you’d say it before I did.”

Mulder eyes widen in surprise and then quickly narrow in suspicion. “Nice try, Krycek.” Dammit. I surely thought that would work on Mulder. It always used to in the past. I’m not even ashamed to admit that I’m guilty of tricking people into telling me stuff all of the time. Something that Dana always hated and has probably never done herself. God I sometimes wish I was as pure as her.

“Goddammit Mulder. You—you---you know what? FINE. Don’t tell me. See if I care. I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” I huff and sigh and crawl to the back seats to pull them down into a bed.

It takes a good 20 minutes for Mulder to follow and crawl into the back to lay down next to me. God, why did I agree to go on this trip with him? This is the closest we have ever been to each other for longer than a few minutes at a time, alone. I turn away from him on my side and heavily sigh. I can basically hear Mulder thinking, and am pretty sure that he is going to break any moment now. He won’t stop tossing and turning next to me, and it’s beginning to annoy me a little bit. A few more minutes pass in silence, and for a moment I think that maybe Mulder has actually fallen asleep instead. But just as I close my eyes, I feel him sit up and hear him heavily sigh and groan.

“Guhhh, I can’t do this. I told her I wouldn’t say anything. But I can’t----I don’t know how she expected me to not say anything, when I’m alone with you for a whole week. Especially after what you just told me. It’s too much, IT’S TOO MUCH---” He begins to babble, as he runs his fingers through his hair several times.

I sit up and firmly grab at his arm. “Say what, Mulder, SAY WHAT???” I desperately demand.

“That Scully is pregnant! That—that you two are going to have a baby!” He hollers at me as he runs his hands over his face in shame and relief.

I immediately begin laughing. I don’t even know why I’m laughing, because I know that Mulder isn’t joking. I can tell. But I’m laughing anyways.

“Yeah, okay.” I laugh some more, but Mulder isn’t laughing with me. In fact, he’s staring at me with sympathy, and I hate it. I hate people feeling sorry for me. And I hate that Dana told Mulder that she was pregnant before she told me. I wonder who else knows. And…oh my God. Dana is pregnant? “HOLY SHIT.” I’m pretty sure Mulder probably said the same thing when he found it too. Which brings me back to the fact that everyone probably fucking knew before me. And that I left Dana alone and pregnant and upset. What have I done? “Oh fuck.” I swallow, as the van begins to suffocate me. “Oh my God.” I open the door and jump out of the van, slamming the door shut with blunt force. Then I am kicking at a tire and slamming my hand on the van and practically hyperventilating as I begin to pace. “Oh my GOD.” I say again, as Mulder opens the door back up and exits the van also. I bend over at the waist and breathe in deeply a few times. I’m freaking out. For so many different reasons right now. And I have so many questions. “Holy shit.” I straighten back up and groan into my hands. “How—how long has she known?” I quietly ask over my shoulder as I close my eyes.

Mulder heavily sighs and leans up against the van with his arms crossed. “She just found out yesterday morning.”

“Why? Why didn’t she want to tell me?”

“It—it’s complicated.”

“Damn right it’s complicated! How did this happen…so fast?”

“Sharon doesn’t exactly know.” Great, Sharon knew before me too.

I walk up to Mulder and grab at his shirt. “Why didn’t she want to tell me, Mulder?” I demand to know.

Mulder shakes his head and shrugs. “She was afraid of how you would react…”

“What, did she think I wouldn’t want it or something?” Mulder’s shifty eyes answer my question for me. “Is that what she thought? That I wouldn’t want to be a part of its life? That I would just abandon my own child? And—and her?” Mulder looks down at his feet at my questions. Ouch. That one really does hurt. How could Dana even think that? Of course, I’m a little stunned. And totally unprepared for that responsibility. But I would never leave my child, or Dana. I would suck it up and learn to adjust, just like I fucking told myself I would yesterday. But God it all makes so much sense now. Why Dana was so upset. I need to go back and talk to her. “I need to go back.”

Mulder furrows his brows at me. “What?”

“I—I need to go back. Right now.”

“Krycek---”

“We’re going back. I have to see her. I---”

“Krycek, we’re 12 hours away right now, and it’s night time. I think you should just let things cool down for a few days first. Give yourselves time to figure out what to do and say.”

“Get in the van Mulder.” I demand, as I open the door for him.

Mulder pushes the door shut and shakes his head at me. “No, Krycek. You need to calm down and give yourself some time.”

“Then I’m leaving without you. I swear to God, Mulder, I will leave your ass here.” I shove my finger into his chest and then walk around the van to enter the driver’s seat.

Mulder opens the passenger’s door and peeks in. “And what exactly do you expect to say or do, huh?”

“I don’t know.”

“Give it a few days to calm down, Krycek. Trust me. I’m doing you a favor right now.”

I heavily sigh and groan, because I know Mulder’s right. I don’t want him to be right. But he’s right. I have no idea what I should say or do yet. I haven’t even let it fully sink in yet. But the last thing I want is to be 12 hours away from Dana right now. Knowing what I know now. After I did what I did. Goddammit.

“48 hours Mulder. Two days, and we’re going back, you hear me?” Mulder nods at me and sighs. “I mean it. I don’t care if Skinner gets pissed off or it throws the supply guys behind schedule. I’m not going to wait a whole fucking week.”

Mulder nods at me again and sits down in his seat. There is a long moment of tense silence, as we both try to sort our thoughts out.

“Scully is so going to kill me for telling you.” Mulder groans into the darkness. The moonlight is illuminating half of his face, so I can tell that he is also grimacing at the realization.

“I’ll make sure to tell her I beat it out of you, okay?” I shove at his arm.

“Uhm, yeah, no.” Mulder glares at me. “I’d rather face Scully’s wrath, then have people thinking you beat me up…again.” He awkwardly clears his throat, and I can’t help but wickedly chuckle at that.

“Mulder…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m having a baby.” I swallow and blink, my voice slightly cracking.

“Yeah.” Mulder nods into the darkness. There is another long moment of silence, as we both just sit there looking out the windshield into the darkness. “Krycek…”

“Yeah?”

“Scully would have said yes. I mean, she still will. You just have to give her some time is all.” I bet that was hard for him to say. To admit that his old “Scully” is having a baby with his former enemy, and everything else.

“Thank you for saying that. Even if it’s not true.” I sigh, placing my head up against my window.

“I just can’t believe that you want to---that you were planning to----”

“Propose?”

“It was just unexpected from you.”

I turn to look at Mulder, who is now looking down at his hands.

“Do you not want me to?” I quietly ask.

“Well, honestly, Krycek, at one time I would have said no. I would have been absolutely furious at the idea.”

“And now?”

“Now…” Mulder heavily sighs, looking up at me. “Now I can’t find any reason not to say yes.” Are we having a bonding moment right now?

“Well, good. Because I was going to do it whether you wanted me to or not.” I half joke. But we both know I’m actually serious.

We both chuckle as Mulder shakes his head at me.

“You’re such a bastard.” He says to me through another chuckle.

“Says the shithead over here.” I roll my eyes while also still laughing.

“You better not hurt her, or I’ll fucking kill you.” Mulder warns me with a smile.

“I wouldn’t expect any less from you.” I smile back.

And I actually do give it 48 hours to simmer down. And I have to admit that we were both pretty surprised that I was actually able to wait that long, but it isn’t a shock to Mulder nor does he protest when I tell him that we are heading back home as that 48-hour mark hits.

XXX

**THREE DAYS LATER**

The first 36 hours or so, I felt like I was literally crawling out of my skin. I barely slept or ate because of morning sickness and worry. And with Mulder and Alex both being gone, I only really had Sharon and Skinner to talk to about it. And no offense to either of them, but it just wasn’t enough. I still had 4 more fucking days to pace around my working area and sleep in a bed with an empty spot next to me. And I have to say, I got really used to sharing a bed with Alex, and now I can’t sleep without him. And I can’t stop thinking about him proposing. And me upsetting him. And our baby. It’s so much all at once. I still don’t think I’ve processed it all yet.

I am pulled out of my deep thoughts by a voice next to me. I turn my head, and see Allison standing next to me.

“Is this seat taken?” She asks with a tray of food in her hands.

“No, go ahead.” I motion for her to sit down across from me.

Allison and I have never really spoken to each other without someone else around before, so I’m not really sure how to act around her. I mean, she’s kind of Mulder’s girlfriend. So, I’m sure she’s really great, if he likes her.

“Thanks.” She says to me as she sits down.

“I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Dana…Scully.” I flash her a warm smile and extend my hand across the table.

Allison shakes my hand and smiles back. “I’m Allison. And Mulder has told me a lot about you.”

“Same here.” I reply with a nod.

“Uhm, I guess you’re probably wondering why I’m over here right now.” Allison shyly says.

I shrug and smile at her again. “I’m guessing Mulder has told you about our past.”

Allison nods at me and sighs. “I guess I’m just making sure that I’m not treading on territory that I shouldn’t be treading on.” She quietly admits. There’s a lot of ‘guessing’ going on here right now. Hmm.

I shake my head and chuckle. “I can promise you that everyone knows about you and Mulder, and everyone is happy about it, including me.” I reply.

Allison sighs in relief and nods at me. “Okay, good. That’s good.” I nod and take a small bite of my now cold food. Allison eyes me for a long moment and then speaks again. “And I also just wanted to say, that whatever is bothering you lately…It will all eventually work itself out. It always does.” She reassuringly smiles at me again.

I sigh and smile back with another nod. I hope she is right. And I have decided that I really like Allison a lot.

XXX

It was Mulder’s idea to stop at this creepy old building on the way back home. We are literally only about two hours away now, and we’ve gathered up quite a few supplies. Well, quite a few for only doing half of the trip. But I cannot lie, I have been on edge the whole time. I just want to get back to Dana and sort everything out. I need her to know that I’ve decided that I’m ready for all of this. The anger has greatly dissipated, and the fog has cleared, because I have had a lot of time to think about everything. And Mulder has actually given me a lot of pretty good advice, since he seems to know Dana better than anyone else, except for me of course. But I know that there is still a lot that Dana and I can learn from each other, and it’s been eating away at me, knowing that she thinks I don’t want to have a baby with her. I mean, I originally didn’t want a mini me running around. But the idea has begun to grow on me, and I think I’m ready to start this new chapter in my life. Am I scared? Hell yes, I’m terrified. I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby. Just two years ago, I was almost always living on the streets and hiding in the shadows, and constantly running from Cancer Man’s minions. I was lying and stealing and betraying everyone that I came into contact with. I was on the wrong side, and I was no better than the rats in the sewers. But I was also always scared for my life. That was all I ever knew. That’s what I was taught, from a young age. And I was also always being lied to and stolen from and betrayed, so I never thought that I could use my powers for good instead of Evil. I didn’t realize that I now had a choice to make a positive difference, until I ran into Dana. I didn’t know that I was capable of good until her. So, I guess that I have the alien colonization attempt to thank for my redemption. And as awful as that all was, that also plays a big part in that lightbulb finally clicking on in my head. I just hate that like 70% of the world had to suffer at my expense. Not that I could have stopped any of that from happening, nor did it really have anything to do with me for a change. But I can do something about things now. I can keep the people that are still thriving on this Earth alive. I can help make a new government. A better one. And I can make sure my child has a better life than I did. I do believe that I’m still alive for a reason. That I was spared because there is a larger purpose for me. And God, I don’t know why I’m feeling so sentimental right now, and emotional. It’s like something new has changed in me again. And things just keep changing. And I’m going to be a father. Holy fuck. There’s going to be a mini Krycek or Scully running around in like 9 months. Jesus Christ. I can’t decide if I’m petrified or elated. It just constantly keeps going back and forth. Maybe I’m experiencing an overwhelming mixture of both. But I’m feeling something. You’d think I was the pregnant one right now. One moment there is a lump in my throat and a smile on my face, and the next moment I’m breaking out in sweats and hyperventilating. I’m sure I’m beginning to get on Mulder’s nerves now. Which is probably why he begged me to stop and check out this building, because he was sick of hearing me talk about it. The several deteriorating pieces of crashed ships that we have passed on this trip hasn’t even phased me. Not like it used to. Not when I have so many other things on my mind right now.

But the moment we pull up to this building, something just feels strange about the atmosphere. I immediately want to get back in the van and keep driving, and that’s unlike me to feel unnerved like this. I can tell that Mulder is feeling the same thing, because he keeps looking over at me. But we decide to enter the building anyways. And even though this nagging feeling in my gut keeps telling me to leave, something else keeps pulling me in further and further into the dark building.

From the looks of it, the building used to be a factory of some sort. There are bags and boxes of food still sitting on conveyer belts, which is good for us. But something still feels off about this place. Almost like someone or something is watching us. I really hope it’s not another gang of thugs wanting to start trouble. I’ve had my fair share of encounters, and frankly, I think I’ve had just about enough of that bullshit. But as we keep walking around, the air gets stuffier, and the building gets spookier. Something is not right here. Something is living here. Something not human. I can feel it. And just as I turn to say something to Mulder, I realize that he is no longer standing next to me.

“Mulder?” I quietly call out for him, but I get no answer. “Mulder, where the hell are you?” I call a bit louder, and still don’t get an answer. What the hell?

I continue walking into rooms, but there is still no sign of Mulder. And as I make my way to the back of the building, I hear something scurry behind me. It was probably just an animal, but I’m not willing to stick around and find out. I turn around and begin to exit the building. That’s when I hear Mulder shouting for me. I can’t figure out where he is, so I just begin running around the factory. I knew this was a bad idea.

“Krycek!”

“Mulder, where are you? MULDER!!!”

“In here!” His voice gets closer.

I finally find Mulder, just standing in a doorway with his flashlight pointed in front of him.

“What the hell, Mulder?” I furrow my brows, because he is obviously not in any danger.

Mulder points at something in front of him, and I turn my head to get a better look. And what I see is something from a horror movie. There are human bones laying on the ground everywhere, along with piles of ash and some weird looking pod thing in the middle of the room. I had heard stories from other people that had survived the very beginning of the alien colonization, who had witnessed a lot more than I ever did, mainly because I was safely underground for many months. But now seeing it with my own eyes puts things into perspective for me. It makes me realize how disastrous everything really was two years ago. And I’m also beginning to realize that whatever alien creature was in this building might still be here, or at least some type of alien-human hybrid, and that maybe some of those bastards had actually survived and have been in hiding this whole time. At least, that’s what it looks like to me. To me, it looks like these things were trying to colonize the human race, and that they succeeded in some places of the world. At least for a little while. I don’t even know how the hell we hadn’t run into anything like this before. Then again, we’ve all tried to stay away from certain areas. There are some places in the world that Sharon, Daryl, and Frank call the RedZone areas. Meaning they are off limits, because the damage was so disastrous. And I think that Mulder and I have unknowingly stumbled upon one of those areas. Honestly, I didn’t even bother to look at the map that the supply guys had made for us. We were supposed to follow a certain route, but I was too preoccupied with other shit to even follow the rules and guidelines.

“We need to get the hell out of here. NOW.” Mulder whispers to me, and I nod in agreement.

We both begin to back out of the room, but it’s too late. Something screeches behind us, and next thing we know, there is some type of small half alien half humanoid looking thing charging at Mulder. It knocks him over, and he begins kicking and punching at the thing. I immediately spring into action and pull out my gun, but the damn thing is moving so much that I can’t get a good shot without accidentally shooting Mulder also.

“Krycek!”

“I’m trying! I’m trying!” I hiss, as I fire a few rounds into the darkness.

But of course, I miss, and it seems to piss the thing off even more. I decide to just keep shooting and lunge at the thing, because if I came back home without Mulder, Dana and Skinner would both kill me. Plus, I kind of like having him around. Not that I would willingly say that out loud to anyone.

“Son of a bitch!” I growl, as I knock the thing over and off of Mulder.

Mulder quickly pulls himself to his feet and begins shooting his gun at the thing as well. And the ugly ass looking creature begins charging towards the both of us again. But we both are able to move out of the way, and just as it passes us, I am able to fire a round into it. I hear the bullet make contact, but I immediately realize that the loud clinking sound the bullet makes is not normal. I don’t hear it enter any flesh, as if this thing has some sort of shield on its body. Instead, the bullet bounces off this things chest and spirals back towards me. I try to duck, but I’m not quick enough. It takes me several seconds to realize that the bullet has grazed my head and that I am gushing blood down my face. That’s when the pain hits me, and Mulder’s face becomes fuzzy looking. He shouts my name, but his voice seems a million miles away. I can feel myself slowly falling to the ground, and I am pretty sure that I’m about to lose consciousness.

“Krycek!” Mulder shouts, as I hit the ground.

I’m now just laying there, watching the creature run around the room, and Mulder is trying to shoot at a spot that isn’t covered in that weird armor material. It seems that he succeeds, because from the ground, I see some black liquid splatter from the creature’s head, and it flies back into the wall. I hear Mulder shoot once more, and then I see his feet running towards me.

“Krycek! Krycek, stay with me.” Mulder says to me, as he falls to his knees and begins applying pressure to my head.

“I—I think I’m dying, Mulder.” I manage to mumble, as everything begins to get darker and darker.

“The hell you are. You’re going to be okay. Just don’t close your eyes, you hear me?” Mulder huffs.

But I can’t help it. I do close my eyes. And the blackness pulls me in, further and further. And then…

XXX

I knew something was off the moment I entered my work building. There were people whispering to each other as I walked by, and I could hear a lot of commotion in the medical facility. And I have to admit, the first thing I thought was that everyone had found out about my pregnancy. Silly, I know. But from the way that people were staring at me, it was giving me the impression that they were eyeing me with sympathy or something.

“Dana! There you are.” Sharon calls out for me as I enter our work area.

She is looking at me with concern, and I immediately realize that it’s something more serious than what I had originally thought.

“What’s the matter, Sharon?” I furrow my brows at her.

“Okay, don’t freak out just yet, okay?” She says to me as she grabs at my hands.

“Excuse me?”

Sharon heavily sighs and pulls back, running a hand over her forehead. “There’s been an accident.”

“What? What kind of accident?” I shake my head at her.

“Mulder and Krycek are back.”

“What? So soon? Where are they?” I ask with curiosity and concern.

“Mulder----Fox is in the waiting room. He’s fine. But---uh---Alex is---he’s---”

“He’s what, Sharon. Spit it out.” I demand, as my heart begins to race.

“Now I don’t know exactly what happened yet, but---”

“WHERE IS ALEX, SHARON?” I grab at her arms with desperation and give her a good shake.

“You can’t see him yet. They’ve just rushed him into emergency surgery.”

“WHAT???” I begin to hyperventilate. “WHY?”

“Alex was—uh---Alex was shot…in the head.”

“Oh my god.” I stumble backwards but Sharon steadies me. “Is he---is he okay?”

“Well, we don’t know yet. He’s in a coma.”

“Oh my god.” I begin to pace. “Where’s Mulder? I need to speak to Mulder.” I plead, as I run out of the room and head towards the waiting room.

I find Mulder sitting in a chair with blood stained hands, just staring down at them.

“Mulder?” I croak, as I sit down next to him.

“I’m sorry, Scully. I didn’t know this would happen. I swear. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head at me.

“Mulder, what happened?” I reach out for him and grab at his hand.

“He told me it was a bad idea to go into that building. But I did it anyway.”

“What are you talking about?” I furrow my brows at him, as my eyes begin to water.

“One of those things was in there. And Krycek---he saved me. He saved my life, Scully. But I couldn’t do the same for him. It was too late.”

“What do you mean?” My lip begins to quiver.

“That thing had some sort of protective shield on it, or something. But we both didn’t know that when we began shooting at it. And---and then Krycek hit it with a bullet. But the bullet---it bounced off and hit him in the head. But I killed that motherfucker, Scully. I found a way. But it was too late. And Krycek might die because of me.” Mulder babbles, as I pull him into an embrace.

“Oh, Mulder, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know.” I whisper into his ear as we rock back and forth.

“And I told him, Scully. I told him about the baby. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” He chokes.

I’m not even mad. How can I be? I knew it was wrong of me to tell Mulder and expect him to keep it a secret from the very person that he would be alone with for a whole week.

“It—it’s okay, Mulder. I’m not---I’m not mad.” I stutter, as the tears begin to fall.

I said that things couldn’t get any worse than they already were. But I was wrong. Things just got so much worse.

XXX

**_TO BE CONTINUED…_ **

**A/N: I’m now at 145k and about 300 pages at 11pt font, almost 18 months later, and STILL going. WOW. :D**


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